Trigger Happy Gundam Pilots.
This is just a quick comedy fic to cheer everyone up a little. I don't own Gundam or Trigger Happy TV. 3+4 shounen-ai (of course) bashing of just about everyone.
In the aftermath of the war, the ex-Gundam pilots found themselves at a loss, with nothing to do. Used to the heady lifestyle of war criminals, the peace that they strived so hard to attain was boring them. So, as a means of payment for protecting the colony citizens, they began a series of bizarre and mean pranks on the general public.
* * * * *
In a quiet little restaurant on Colony L2, people were peacefully chatting and enjoying the ambience. The serenity of the moment was suddenly shattered by one of those annoying mobile phone tones, the kind you have to download. A young man with a long braid in the corner of the restaurant picked up a ridiculously oversized mobile phone and yelled into it loud enough to bring everyone's actions to a halt.
" HELLO?…………NO, I'M IN A RESTAURANT!……… NAH, THE FOOD'S RUBBISH!…….. TOT-AL RUBBISH!……….I CAN'T HEAR YOU, MATE! I'LL HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE!
* * * * *
Meanwhile, on Colony L1, Heero Yuy was trying to conduct an interview with Vice-Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft. For some reason he chose to do it on the street.
" Miss Peacecraft, could you tell the world again about your ideas for a totally pacifist nation? And maybe you'll actually have a point this time?"
" Well, Heero, I may call you Heero, can't I?"
" No."
" Well, Heero, I think that war is just wrong. And a war leads to people having weapons and stuff and…"
She broke off for a minute while Heero yawned loudly. Then she continued talking about why wars are bad and peace is good. Heero made gagging motions at the camera, which Relena tried valiently to ignore, but she had to stop again when he mimicked tying a noose around his neck and hanging himself. After ten minutes, Heero stopped her.
"Could you excuse me for a moment, Relena?"
" Um, sure."
He handed her the mike, and in full view of the camera walked over to a lamppost and started banging his head up against it. When he came back, there was a large purple bruise on his head and he motioned for her to continue. Flustered, poor Relena did so. At least until Heero shoved the mike into her hand again and ran away screaming.
* * * * *
In a crowded café on the L3 colony, people were going about their normal business. Nobody paid any attention to the two young men seated at the very back of the room, away from the light. Up until one of them stood up and started shouting.
" I just can't do this anymore! You never take me seriously!"
A lover's tiff? Maybe. The thing was that the person shouting was dressed as a clown. The tall guy in the clown costume grabbed the smaller blonde's shoulders and gave him a shake.
" Why can't you ever take me seriously?"
With that, he stomped out of the café, glowering at the bemused onlookers.
* * * * *
On colony L2, Duo Maxwell was interviewing the other Peacecraft, Zechs Marquise.
" So, Milliardo, or Zechs, or Lightning Count or destroyer of his own men or whatever the hell you're calling yourself nowadays, what have you been up to since the war ended?"
While what's-his-name regaled the cameraman and Duo of his new hobby of scouring the phone directory for interesting names, behind them some kid with a violin started playing folk music VERY loudly. Duo paused the interview for a moment.
" Hold on a minute, Zechs. Excuse me?"
The kid looked up with a 'who, me?' expression.
" Yeah, you. I'm trying to interview someone here. Could you *beep* off please?"
The kid started walking away.
" Sorry, man, where were we?"
They continued the interview, but apparently Duo didn't notice the kid with the violin inching closer and closer to him. Suddenly, the kid brought the bow down on the strings with a loud screech, right in Duo's ear. Duo dropped the mike and started chasing the fleeing kid. When he caught him, he grabbed the violin and smashed it to pieces off the pavement.
" HA! That's what I think of your *beeeeeep* violin! Now *beep* off!"
Just as Duo turned around to resume the interview, the kid pulled his braid. With more obscenities, Duo and the kid disappeared around the corner. What's-his-name was left standing like an idiot.
" Are we going to finish the interview?"
* * * * *
On Colony L3 again, Trowa Barton was cleaning the apparently unoccupied cage of one of the circus animals, while a few people peered into the other cages around him. Out of nowhere, a gorilla (or possibly someone in a gorilla suit) ran out to him waving a stick and gave him a vigorous beating, to the horror of the hapless onlookers.
Poor Trowa tried to crawl to safety, only to have the enraged animal pour a bucket of water over his head and then start pelting him with bananas. Finally he managed to pull himself out of the cage, and amazed the bystanders by walking away unperturbed.
* * * * *
Only a little while after the gorilla incident, Trowa was in his best suit on the street interviewing Lady Une.
" So, Lady Une, you are well known for having split personalities. Now that the war is over, which personalities have you no use for? More importantly, have you been formally diagnosed as schizophrenic?"
Lady Une fought a strange internal battle with herself as each personality tried to answer the question, Trowa looked bored stiff. Suddenly, Quatre emerged disguised as a blonde teenybopper in a cheerleader's costume. Excited looking, 'she' tapped Trowa's shoulder.
" Excuse me, are you the tightrope-walking clown from the circus down the road?"
" Why, yes, yes I am."
" Wow! Can I have your autograph?"
Smiling, Trowa excused himself to Lady Une and wrote his autograph on a piece of paper and handed it to the awed blonde.
" Cool! Um, can I ask another favour?"
" Ask away."
" Could you give me a kiss?"
Trowa didn't bother excusing himself to Lady Une this time, just gave the cheerleader a good seeing-to in full view of the camera for ten minutes. He withdrew his tongue from the blonde's throat after Lady Une tapped his shoulder.
" How was that?"
" Well, that was…wow! But, if you want to do this properly, you'll have to chase me!"
With that, Quatre ran off down the road. Trowa tried to continue the interview, but gave up and ran after him, leaving Lady Une staring after them both.
* * * * *
I'll do more tomorrow.