Trammel, an once upon a time fanfic

A/N: The idea of introducing a possible love interest for Belle in the form of Doctor Dolittle entered my mind back when the second season of Once Upon a Time first aired. I wanted Belle to have had options, other chances at love, since Rumpelstiltskin was given Cora and other potential interests later. I wanted to make Belle's decision to be with Rumple all the more important because she was given options other than Gaston. This, you'll understand, was before Will Scarlett entered the picture.

It's taken the threat of Once Upon a Time's cancellation and the mention of Dolittle's name by Regina for me to finally do something about the idea. Written very quickly so as to have it published prior to the airing of the season finale on Sunday. Please forgive errors.

Lori is based on the character of the same name from The Nine Lives of Thomasina. Some elements are borrowed from Jane Eyre, mainly the A&E televised adaptation, wherein Jane wanders the moors after leaving Thornfield Hall and is taken in by a man and his sister.

I am one for romance. I don't see allowing yourself to feel devastation as weakness. It is strength.

~oOo~

A Hutch to Trammel Some Wild Thing In - The Lord of the Rings

After being expelled from the Dark Castle, Belle came to be near collapse. It was while in such a state that consciousness eased from her being, slipped through the cracks in her soul, and out through the torn fabric of her heart. She was found by another as though no longer living.

She awoke not in the forest but inside a stone tower, one lit from high windows and scattered candles level with a raised hand. Candles that dotted every other step framing the tower walls. She quickly realized she was in what had once been a lighthouse. Though the structure appeared to have for long periods of time been absent of life, it exuded a strange warmth, that of the living. The life she detected was beyond that of the various plants and grasses that had grown so as to make the tower the same as an enclosed garden.

The gray stone walls of the structure, those visible beneath great sections of ivy, were dull with age and wear. The wooden floorboards were overcome by moss and grass dotted with small white flowers. The kingsfoil Belle had read about. There were in places chairs and tables covered with the same moss as the floor, an oval looking-glass suspended from a wire, and cluttered bookshelves. Belle was directly beneath the heart of the tower, its light, situated on a chaise lounge. Her body covered by a burgundy throw. Though she perhaps should have, she felt no fear, and she found herself not surprised, but longing to hear a voice as it filled the room.

"You're awake." Belle could not at first see the person as it spoke, but in turning she watched as a young woman entered the room. She stepped into the light near Belle, the friction of her long skirts a point of focus in the silence. Her face was one of portraits and stars. Kind and beautiful, her cinnamon toned skin framed by ebony curls.

"How are you feeling?" She asked Belle, her voice had the cadence of one used to caring for others.

"I'm fine. Where am I?"

The woman smiled and seemed to consider her words before speaking. "You're in the house I share with my brother Avery. He was the one who found you."

Belle made to sit up. "Then I am very thankful to him... Blacking out like that, I feel so foolish. I guess I haven't been eating as I should." This was only a partial truth, but Belle wasn't at the moment ready to share more.

"You must join us for dinner, then. At first I was going to ask, now I insist. I'll inform Avery you're awake. He's outside, working in his animal practice."

"An animal practice?" Belle repeated, apt to change the subject. "A hospital?"

"Of sorts. My brother has a way with animals. He always has, for as long as I can remember." Recalling why she had come in the tower, she the same as awoke and looked toward a desk, wishing to search its drawers. She understood that Belle had sensed her distraction and took the opportunity to extend her hand to her guest. "My name's Ruth. Ruth Dolittle."

"Ruth, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Belle."

"Belle. We were very worried about you. My brother especially." She laughed softly to herself in recollection. "It was quite a predicament for him. He knows what others can only guess, every spot of harm on the soul of an animal, but he could not discover your ailment, being human."

Belle was given permission to explore the tower, being told the area at the very top was the doctor's bedchambers. She was implored to look from where once there had been a working beacon, and out over the grounds, the sea, the distant woods and lake. She felt herself become swept up in the beauty of it, in the future outside the door, for she had yet to step foot outside the tower.

She turned from the window and leaned against the stone wall at its side, strangely maudlin while facing the doctor's bed. Rumplestiltskin's laughter echoed through her mind, dropped and shattered. She could feel his hands under hers, their feel to her there like a ghost's, present but untouchable.

Shutting the tower door behind her, she became aware of the buildings surrounding the lighthouse, those isolated from the world by a low stone wall. There were two thatched-roof cottages, a stable, a chicken coop and a storage shed.

The site was on a grass-covered cliff overlooking the sea. Belle had not visited a place like it, outside of books, and was anxious to explore. On her way to the cottages, she passed a young woman sitting beside a cauldron reading from an open book. A few of the symbols on the pages she read from were identical to those from a scroll in Rumplestiltskin's library, Belle noticed. Just as a question was poised on her lips, she heard her name as it was called.

Ruth quickly approached, a gentleman struggling to keep in step was at her side. They had just escaped the larger of the two stone structures. Belle noticed that the man, like his sister, seemed to radiate from him a kindness, though within she could detect a great sadness. Encased, it was at his core. A gem of ice and decay beneath layers of sun warmed stone.

"We were just on our way to see you," said Ruth. She lovingly glanced to her brother as she clutched his hand. "As I knew he would be, Avery is most anxious to speak with you."

Avery, who was dressed in a dark waistcoat and trousers, his black hair short and in waves, stepped closer and bowed dramatically and somewhat awkwardly. "It is good to see you well."

"Thank you. Your sister tells me you were the one who brought me here?"

"Yes. I was out combing the woods for wounded animals. A man in the nearby village is prone to set traps in the area where I found you. I brought you here instead of the village because I believed you could be placed in no better hands than those of our friend, Lori," He nodded to the woman tending the cauldron. "She is very knowledgeable when it comes to herbs and other medicines. Right now she and Ruth are working on something to heal one so badly injured he is near death." A tremor of worry seized the warmth from his dark eyes. "Forgive me for going on. I haven't allowed you to speak."

"No. I-I'd like to learn more about what you do here."

"Would you? Then please, follow me. I'll give you a tour if you'd like. If you feel up to it. And perhaps you'll honor us with more about yourself."

Belle followed the man and his sister and shared with them some of her story; that she was a former maid who was traveling for want to see and know more of the world, and that she had taken ill due to the reason she had already stated. She did not mention Rumplestiltskin, her father or her ties to Avonlea.

The stables were shown to her, the storage room and its cellar, and finally the two cottages. The cottages were last as they acted as Doctor Dolittle's practice and were a great source of pride. Inside them were a great many animals. Some were resting or walking about freely. Others were separated by wooden cages. Avery explained that he did not enjoy caging the animals, but it was a necessary precaution. One made just as much for the animals as for the humans.

With Belle's entrance, she saw looking back at her the faces of foxes, rabbits, squirrels and badgers. Toads, turtles, large beetles, kittens. There were those with casts on their limbs. Some limped, but none of the creatures seemed low in spirits. Birds flew overhead, sent in flight by the opening of the door.

Avery bent over a cage and withdrew a seagull for Belle's benefit. "This time two weeks ago she was unable to move. Now look at her." The gull's wings moved rapidly as she steadied herself in his hands. "All it took was medicine and a little faith." Setting the gull back to her bed, he moved to another patient, this time a young wild cat. "This unlucky fellow was caught in one of the traps I told you about. His lower legs were very badly hurt, but now, as you can see, he's quickly on the mend."

"They're so tame," Belle marveled as the wild cat behaved as a domesticated in his arms.

"It's as I said, he has a way with animals," Ruth whispered over Belle's shoulder. "Not even Lori can get them to behave as he can, and she's able to calm some very wild creatures indeed. People come from all over the land to have him look at their animals. He is able to perform miracles."

Avery, who had not heard Ruth, continued to move from one cage to the next, checking on a snake with a wounded tail, an opossum.

Ruth took Belle aside as the doctor became lost in his work. "You're welcome to stay with us, if you'd like. We could easily move a bed into the practice or the storage building ... That is if you don't have to be elsewhere."

"I don't. Not at the moment. I would love to stay for a little while, if I can help out."

Belle, in her newfound contentment, came to look forward to the beginning of each day. Ruth and Avery were likable. The hours spent caring for animals passed quickly. Some days she would accompany either Ruth or her brother into the woods in search of wounded creatures. Others were spent helping procure the herbs necessary for medicines. Ruth was slowly making progress teaching Belle what she could about the creation of different salves and balms. Belle was a fast learner, but Ruth found herself constantly called away by some other duty, making her instructions infrequent.

Lori MacGregor, the reclusive healer, had made her presence known more often than not. One night when she couldn't sleep, Belle saw the young woman knock at the door of Ruth's cottage and be admitted. Though the figure was cloaked, her face obscured by a hood, Belle knew somehow that it was Lori. There was a certain feeling that accompanied her, the same as with areas of abandonment. She didn't know what to make of the pair, only that there was something between them they did not wish to share. It was not shrouded in danger, only secrecy. A plan at work perhaps.

Some days, at the coaxing of others, Belle would break from work by searching the seashore for shells. Later, she would read in a driftwood shelter erected many years before. Over time Belle added to the fort-like enclosure, lifting planks of driftwood to its sides and roof, until there was only one way in and out. At the door she'd placed wind chimes that she'd made of discovered shells, all twists and turns, a water-sprite's arrowheads. Hearing the chimes, along with the waves, made Belle feel as though she were worlds away. This, and this alone, she found was truly her own in her new life.

Avery came to be someone high in her favor. His outlook on the world was so much like her own. He was kindhearted and intelligent. He valued her input, her intellect and most often made her feel wonderful. Some nights the three of them would gather in the lighthouse, and in the glow of the many lit candles, Belle would read aloud from their library. With her hair away from her face, styled in victory rolls, the rest restrained by a yellow snood, her blue eyes were unobstructed from view. Ruth loaned Belle some of her clothes, plain pastel floral dresses, and in them she seemed to take on another color, as if she were lit from within, the same as the candles around her.

Avery lost himself in her beauty, in her voice; the way she was able to bring to life any tale, any bit of information. She was so animated, wise, full of passion and life. He was entirely arrested by her and wondered how it was that he happened to find her so long ago in the woods. He owed a considerable debt to whatever spirit had led him to Belle.

The times when Ruth excused herself early, when it was just he and Belle in the night, when about her there were a kaleidoscope of crystals of varying shades, he knew in those moments that he had fallen in love with her.

As time continued to pass, Belle began to think of the two Dolittles as extended family. However, she missed the life she'd known before. She felt accepted but not whole. At night, in the building that was her current home, her thoughts strayed to the man she wasn't sure she'd ever see again. She was beside him at his spinning wheel, with him in ways beyond any she ever lived. She went over the days she'd spent inside, thought of scenarios in which she would have acted on her feelings and experienced what she'd fantasied so often of doing instead of acting only at the end.

If only she'd understood the Evil Queen's plan.

One day, as she was helping Avery tend to some recent hatchlings, his hand accidentally grazed over hers, and she felt something inside her leap as it hadn't for such a long time. It was a curious feeling, one that made her oddly elated but at the same time sad, mournful of the past.

She didn't want to begin to feel for another. It was a betrayal to Rumplestiltskin, though she had been cast out. Freed from her love, as it were. Despite the circumstances, her feelings hadn't changed. She didn't think they ever would. She could never imagine herself not in love with him.

Avery said nothing, though she knew he acknowledged their brief exchange as he looked at her, something new in his eyes. Hope along with the mischief and warmth. Belle found herself unable to look away, not knowing how he'd react if she did. Not knowing what it was she wanted.

It was then that Ruth entered the building, with the two of them standing so close. "Lori's here again. She's brought the ..." She stopped mid-sentence, noticing the way her brother and friend were looking at each other.

"What is it, Ruth?" He queried, as if half-asleep.

"Lori's going to require my assistance with a new potion. I'll be outside if you need me."

"Alright. Thank you."

Once the door was closed, and they were sealed again in a room without sunlight, Belle cautiously asked, "Lori makes potions?"

"Oh yes. She's quite a talented witch. Self-taught."

"Really? A witch?"

"I know what you're thinking, Belle. But you should know there's not a bad bone in her body."

"But you jump to conclusions," she rebuffed happily in her defense. "I'm not one who is quick to judge or assume. I've learned that kindness can be found in the most unlikely people and places."

He seemed to nod his approval. "Then you are very wise. Forgive me. Lori, she's a bit of an eccentric, prefers to be to herself. Very independent. But she is a kind woman. Fierce, loyal. Very good with animals and people."

"Like yourself."

He laughed. "I can't say that I have her abilities, especially when it comes to mankind."

"Well, being a human, I find you very agreeable."

Where before she had not sensed danger she sensed something akin to it now in his eyes. Want. It was there for a second and then gone. She had recognized it in the eyes of another, and instantly she was taken back to The Dark One's castle. Belle looked down, not wanting Avery to see any of the pain she imagined might be displayed on her face. There was a silence between them. She could feel him face her and imagined his eyes searching a corner until he knew what to do with the next moment. "Belle, may I show you something?"

Entering the lighthouse, she matched his stride as slowly they ascended the stairs. Belle hadn't been near his room since the day she'd been introduced to the Dolittles. The thought that she would soon be alone beside him in that space made her apprehensive.

When they reached the top of the stairs, she stopped a distance behind him, not knowing his design. Where once there was glass framing the peak of the tower, there was now tarpaulin, a make-shift cover for rain. It colored the room light red, colored him, painted the bed as roses. Pigeons stood along the edges of the open window.

Avery crept to the massive opening, extending his hand to the birds. One climbed on his index finger as he drew back the tarpaulin, and the room was flooded with the sun. It highlighted the brown in his eyes. She felt herself drawn to him.

He moved along the shadows of the wall, searching for something behind a table. Soon he withdrew a wooden box. Opening it, he came to stand beside Belle. Before he spoke, she glanced over its contents, seeing a braid of hair, letters with broken seals, and she knew these items were private and full of meaning. As connected to him as his soul. These pieces were torn from him, a link to each calling out from his being at all times. A thread.

Carefully, he removed the braid, setting it on his bed, and with two fingers sought what was hidden beneath the letters. A drawing on a heavy sheet of paper. "I wish it was more to her likeness," he said, his voice changed. "Her name's Ada." He passed the drawing into Belle's hands, allowing her to see the portrait. Instantly she felt the weight of its importance.

"She's very pretty." Belle's eyes darted over every detail of the woman's face; she meant what she said. The drawing was not very detailed, but there was no denying the woman, Ada, was beautiful. Her round face was set with large widely spaced eyes, full lips, her hair was loose and about her shoulders.

"We were to be married."

"What happened?"

"She died. She was very ill." He looked to her with a sadness she had never before known him to display, and it hurt her to know that he lived with such a great depth of pain. Belle did not wish to press for more information.

"I want you to know I am no stranger to loss. Knowing it myself I can see it in others. Belle, I've never wanted to ask questions about your past, but I can see that you carry with you sorrow. I want you, while you're with us, to be happy. To understand that you needn't be the sole bearer of any burden. If you ever desire to speak, I would be honored to listen and keep what I have heard in confidence."

Belle ruminated on his words. Breathing in, she stepped away, turning her back to him; finding it easier to look upon the sea as she readied herself. There was no sense in keeping her past from him any longer. She needed to confess, she had for some time. "The man who used to employ me as his maid ... He ... We fell in love ... I listened to the advice of a woman I encountered going into town, after he sent me to market. Advice that she gave in malice, though I didn't know it. When I acted on her instructions, the man I love saw reason to doubt my feelings. No matter how much I tried to tell him that he was mistaken, that I did love him - very much - he wouldn't listen. Eventually, he released me from his employment, forced me from his home, and I have not seen him since."

"But you still love him?"

"Yes."

Avery was by her side now, looking out over the sea, the forest. Feeling as though his heart was breaking, hearing of her love for another. "Is there nothing you can do?"

She bit her lip, her blue eyes narrowing. "I hold on to hope."

Avery paused, attempting to find strength to say what she needed to hear, what he knew to be the truth, but what was the most difficult to say. "Then that's all you need. Belle, he would be a fool to not act on your love, were he to see you again. Time heals most wounds."

"But not all?"

His mouth was an even line before it was disturbed by speech. "No. Not all."

As the days passed Avery came to be in more pain. Seeing Belle, being so close to her every day but being unable to be with her as he wished became unbearable. Ruth guessed as to the cause of his sudden change in mood, knowing the way he had in the past looked at Belle, the way his hands were slow to withdraw from hers when an item was passed between them. It was a small relief when, as the days grew warmer, Belle decided she would begin sleeping in the make-shift house on the beach. The shoreline required an almost thirty-minute walk to reach. Avery, his sister knew, needed the separation. His mind hadn't been on his work.

When Belle walked from the beach to the practice one morning, the wind sending her hair to her face, her shoulders, she found Ruth waiting for her outside the stone wall.

"Do you feel like going for a long walk?"

"I suppose. Where are we off to?"

"Lori's. She's not up to visiting us this week. We need to go to her. Avery already knows. He'll be fine for a few hours by himself. In his element, I'd say."

They walked the forest for almost an hour, making their way through the heavy summer growth. By the time they reached Lori's small house, which turned out to be a cave, Belle was very tired. She watched as Ruth, who she relied on to make the required transaction, paused a moment to wipe the perspiration from her brow, sort her hair, and adjust her clothes, which had been made faintly askew on their journey. She turned to Belle, not certain if she was watching, and blushed when she met her gaze. She stooped to enter the cave, which gave the appearance of being uninhabited, and entered calling Lori's name.

Belle steadied herself and followed her friend into the shelter. Like the interior of the lighthouse, there were candles throughout the cave, in shades of yellow and white and glowing. Belle had the inclination they were used for protection - being enchanted - as well as illumination. Ruth and Belle followed their path in the otherwise gloom. Suddenly the cave widened, and Belle could see signs of human life, other than the candles. The ceiling of the cave was covered with strung flowers and herbs, dried sprigs and sprays, along with the bats the lodger called her friends. There were various pieces of furniture placed throughout the space, a table, some chairs, and finally a straw mattress which held Lori. "Ruth, you startled me. I didn't expect you till later," she said, moving to get up.

"Lori," she said quickly, nervously, "I hope you don't mind that I brought Belle along."

"No. Not at all," she said, though it seemed far from the truth. "Please, sit down."

Belle, who was anxious, claimed the nearest chair, looking out over the empty space of the cave to her sides. It was as if they were suspended on a balcony of sorts, one that overlooked a great, deep cavern. The onyx walls below glistened in spots.

Lori, who was unused to visitors other than Ruth, watched Belle, wanting to know how another person took in her life. "The crystals are full of Fae magic."

"They're beautiful," Belle remarked. The beauty of the cave was impossible to accurately describe. She easily understood how Lori could want to be near such a cave, now that she had seen its heart. It fit with the young witch; stern and rather cold on the outside but within there was a profound grace. As Belle looked away and back to the two women, wanting to gain what she could from their reactions, to know what to say, she saw that Ruth had seated herself beside Lori and was holding her hand. There was such a level of intimacy in the moment, Belle decided it would be polite to look away.

"Is there anything I can do?" Ruth asked Lori in a low whisper.

"No. It's as it always is."

"What's wrong?" Belle asked, reminding them she was in the room.

The two women looked at Belle. "It's an old wound, one that wasn't looked to as it should have been," Ruth explained, feeling she should guard her words.

"A wound by my own hand. When I was first experimenting with magic," Lori confessed. Ruth cast a concerned glance to Lori, wondering why she'd relayed so much information.

"I've known that you were a witch for some time," Belle said, sensing the unease.

"Have you?"

"It's of little consequence to me. Though I am sorry to learn that you are in pain."

"Thank you, but It's only every once in a while now ... It's because of the change in the tide. Not everyone is as accepting as you, Belle. I'm grateful." Speaking to an audience of more than one, she quickly became self-conscious. "But, you've not come to hear about my injuries. I take it you want the powder, Ruth?"

"Yes."

"It's at the top, in the blue bottle."

Ruth rummaged through a shelf at the side of the bed, one Belle had previously not seen for the shadows. It required little time for Ruth to locate the powder in question.

"You remember, no more than two teaspoons."

"Yes, yes. I know. Are you sure there's nothing you need in the meantime?"

"No. Just peace and quiet," she replied, sinking back beneath the covers.

Ruth crept to her bed, and lowering herself to its mattress, kissed first Lori's forehead then her lips.

As she escaped the cave, Ruth's face was positively aglow. All of her teeth seemed to be displayed as she rocked back on her heels, laughing over something Belle had said. Something she knew hadn't been that funny. Belle hadn't noticed until then that Ruth was wearing new beige boots, off-white socks. Her fingers were to her lips, as if to silence Belle. "Avery doesn't know. We're waiting for the right time to tell him about our relationship."

"Your secret is safe with me." And for once, Belle was perfectly happy to keep a secret. Ruth's happiness was her own. In that moment it was transferred into her body, as Belle was made to recall the night she'd witnessed Lori sneaking into Ruth's cottage.

It wasn't long before their secrecy became too much for them to withstand and they confessed to Avery their love. He was glad for them and accepting; happy to finally understand why they had been secretive for such an extended period of time. Their confession was made shortly before Ruth's birthday. Avery wanted her party to be special, as this would be the first birthday she would openly share with Lori by her side.

On the morning of Ruth's birthday, Belle woke early to decorate the area with strands of flowers and to set out their best china. A small feast was almost ready; its crowning glory was a beautiful cake made by thankful client who happened to be a proficient baker. The morning was humid, and Belle's hair was a mess, rolled into a make-shift bun at the top of her head and tied in spots with tiny ribbons. She was wearing a white sleeveless dress and corset with white stockings, articles borrowed.

Avery walked by with a piglet trailing close behind him, in his arms was a basket of fruit. "Morning. Today's the big day."

"Yes. She'll be out any minute."

"What do you want me to do?"

"There is little left to be done, other than wait. I wanted to have the place decorated early, so she would know, upon stepping outside, that her birthday is foremost in our thoughts, regardless of the fact that it will have to wait until later to be celebrated in full."

"Well." His empty hands collided with the flanks of his suit. "You are most efficient, Belle."

When evening fell, the events of the day mentally finalized, the celebration commenced. They were blessed by the arrival of a few uninvited guests mixed with those asked; namely the elderly Ms. Beatrix Livingston and her brother Paul, the siblings' adopted aunt and uncle, who had traveled a long distance to see their niece and nephew. Belle was introduced to them by Ruth as a friend and volunteer at the practice. She did not fail to notice that Avery remained silent when the time came to describe what Belle meant to the pair.

As the party continued, Belle was made more aware then ever of the tension between herself and the doctor. Aware of the hole into which she'd allowed herself to fall, with Avery following quickly behind. Each with their own descent. Their own rabbit hole.

All she wanted in that moment was to run, to be anywhere but where she would have to remain for the time being. She'd sensed a glimmer of something between them for so long, known faintly of its existence within Avery at least, but denied it. Now she knew that had been the wrong thing to do. She'd only made things worse.

This week would have to be her last with the Dolittles. Perhaps if she could manage to leave that very night, it would be for the best. She couldn't stand to be a source of pain. She resolved to pretend, for Ruth's sake, that there was no change in her mood. No change at all for the future. Belle would find a way to tell them, even if it were only by letter, but for now she refused to show any of the sadness she was feeling. She wouldn't allow herself to be that selfish.

Ruth's gifts were given, the feast presented. Afterwards, Paul Dolittle played the fiddle and soon all members of the small group were on their feet. It was at this moment Belle chose to steal away from the scene, to the beach. Glancing over her shoulder, she took in what could possibly be her last look at the faces of her friends; Ruth and Lori were dancing with one another, their love, their happiness, evident. Standing to the side, by his aunt and uncle, Avery watched as the others danced. Belle did not see that his gaze followed her as she disappeared between trees.

It was while Belle was in the shade of her driftwood shelter that she saw the doctor step across the sand and to her. His pant-legs were cuffed, his feet bare. The wind rippled across his dress shirt. Belle rose from completing her letters of farewell, after having fit her scant belongings in her travel bag. Her hair remained in its messy bun.

She stepped out of the shelter, her long dress flowing behind her. "What, what is it?" He was moving in such an urgent way, as one driven by abnormal means. Belle feared for the safety of those she'd left behind.

He staggered in the sand, a foot falling further than he intended. Straightening, his hands came to rest on Belle's shoulders, then her arms, gripping them lightly, as if he were afraid she might fly from him. "Belle, I know you're leaving. I could see it in your face as you left the party. Despite how much I want to have you stay with us, I know I have no right to ask such a thing. If you want to go, it is your choice. But I have to say something to you. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't."

With his words she had some idea of what was about to happen. Without her wanting them to, his actions played out before her prior to his completing them. "Avery ..."

One of his hands flew to her mouth, cupping the air near her as though framing the words she'd let escape. "You've never said my given name before."

She looked away, seeing the future she had no control over, the pain.

"Belle, please. Know my heart, feel it." He gently took a hand and placed its palm to his heart.

Feeling him as such, she was able to imagine her hand searching further over his body, clutching him to her.

"I love you, Belle. Stay with me ... as my wife."

"I can't."

"You don't have to go."

"I do."

"To find the man from your past? The man you love?"

"I'm leaving to find myself."

Her tone and the thought of her leaving forever rendered him speechless. She came to him and held him close, knowing how badly he was hurting. "It's not that I could not find it in myself to love you," she said through tears, kissing his hair. "It is very much the contrary. You are everything I could have asked for ..." she couldn't continue.

"I'm just not him."

She couldn't acknowledge that. Couldn't say any more than she had already. He already knew how she felt. With his weight against her, she allowed herself to sink to the sand until she was covered by him, his face close to her, his breath warm over her closed eyes. She imagined what it could have been like to have known him this way forever, and it made it so much more difficult to know she would have to walk away from him. Him and this moment.

She kissed him once, a kiss that grew until she was forced to part from him.

~oOo~