Grandpa Goes to Mars

by Tom Ladd

My uncle, Comrade Major Aleksander Zukhov, was born in the Soviet Union, and was a great people's hero. He fought the Nazis all the way to Berlin in the Great Patriotic War, and later became a test pilot for the experimental aircraft of the Soviet state. It was in this capacity that he became involved in the space program, and became a Hero Cosmonaut of the Soviet Union.

He was very concerned that I be a good citizen and comrade, and also that I live happily. "Nadya," he would say, "in life you must do your duty for the people and the state, but you must also have a goal. You must set it and keep it." He was conscientious about showing us the little things that make life better, even in hard times. He took us to the park to watch the people fly kites ("The Chinese invented them," he would say, "but the imperialists market them throughout the West as though they did." He taught us how to make tea in a real samovar using hot coals, not the modern electric kind that so many people complain about.

So when he went missing 1991 we grew quite concerned. We talked to everyone who might have seen him last, even the grocer. It was the baker who finally shed some light on his fate. "Nadyenka," he said, "your father has been called to Baikonur to serve in the space program once again. He is flying one of their new craft right into space!" He was referring to Baikonur Cosmodrome in Kazakhstan. He made her promise not to repeat the story, because, of course, it was a national secret.

I knew the Cosmodrome director, Comrade Flight Director Alexei Kosygin, so I called him up and asked where Uncle Sasha was. Though he wasn't my father's brother, we called him "uncle" anyway.

"Nadyenka, it's so good to hear from you. Yes, of course I remember your Sasha. Come on down at once and maybe we can straighten this matter out."

That was very like our uncle Alyosha. Telling us he knew the answer without admitting to anything.

I was on the train to Kazakhstan the next day.

I was feeling nauseous and tense. Sasha was a rock in our family, and his absence was upsetting us because we missed him. Usually I was quite confident, but now I felt the world had suddenly turned upside down and the future, which seemed so bright a week ago, was now filled with chaos and doubt.

I hadn't felt this bad since we heard from a cousin in New York that her 16-year-old daughter, Lena, had also gone missing for a weekend. We empathized and worried with her over the phone. When Lena returned , her eyes red and swollen and her face grey, saying she had just gotten an abortion, we nearly collapsed with pity.

And now Sasha was missing too. Where had he gone? Was he alright?

Poor Lena. Poor Sasha. Poor everybody.

***

"Hello, Nadyenka," said Comrade Uncle Flight Director Alyosha, offering me a chair in his office. "Please sit down."

I did so. "Please, uncle, we want to know where Sasha is. Do you know where he's gone?"

Uncle Alyosha gazed at me from under his thick grey eyebrows. "I believe I can tell you," he said, "but you must promise to keep it absolutely secret. It is a matter of Soviet national security. Will you promise?"

"I promise."

"He was reactivated 4 weeks ago to become the co-pilot for a special mission of the Soviet space program. Since then, a difficulty has a risen."

My jaw slackened as I heard this, and I began to feel dizzy. I swallowed. "What kind of difficulty?"

"You have heard of the American Space Shuttle?"

"Yes."

"Well, it may not surprise you to know that we have our own shuttle too. And Sasha agreed to come out of retirement to help test fly it and co-pilot its first mission, a single trip to the moon and back. They lifted off in the space vehicle two weeks ago."

He was silent. My hands were cold and I could barely stay upright."What happened to them?"

"The news of President Yeltsin's planned disintegration of the Soviet Union reached your uncle and his comrades after they took off on the maiden flight of the Soviet space shuttle. This did not go very well with most of them, nor with your uncle, as you might imagine."

"What happened to them?"

"Your uncle and his comrades comandeered the shuttle, and have declared that they are in revolt against the criminal renegade Yeltsin. They refuse to return the shuttle until Yeltsin is overthrown and Soviet sovereignty is restored."

"But...but how did this happen?"

"Well, it seems they took a vote, and...."

"No, uncle Alyosha, I mean how could they take over the shuttle and not return it?"

"We included enough supplies, food, and fuel for more than one lunar journey, in case there was failure in any of the essential systems. They not only can remain in space for quite some time, but they can also choose any destination they wish."

I was speechless, and dizzy again. "But where else would they go?"

Uncle Alyosha prepared his words carefully. "To the Red Planet, Nadyenka," he said softly. "They're going to Mars."

And with that I finally fainted.

To be continued.