A blonde haired, blue eyed child trudged despondently through the woods just outside the village of Konoha. He kicked a stone along the path in front of him, trying to ignore the aching loneliness that ate away at his heart, a crushing need for someone, anyone to reach out to him and be there for him.
The route through the woods was far from a shortcut back to the apartment block where the child lived alone; he should in fact have been at the Shinobi Academy at that very moment. However, Naruto never stayed for the whole day now – firstly because he knew the teachers didn't care what he did with his time; they had never tried to teach him anything anyway, and secondly so that he wouldn't have to suffer pangs of jealousy as he saw other children picked up by loving relatives, given smiles and asked how their day at school was. He wandered the woods because on the streets of Konoha he would always be subject to the glares and hateful mutterings of Konoha's civilians.
"Kid…" A low, hissing voice made the boy's head jerk around, eyes wide. "Shouldn't you be in school?"
A man dressed in the clothing of a Konoha Jounin leaned against a thick tree trunk just off the path that Naruto had been following. He had a pale, beautiful face, with long black hair and golden, almost glowing eyes with slit, snake-like pupils. He was smiling slightly but it didn't make him look friendly. Naruto gulped and took a step back.
"I-I don't go to school", said Naruto, head turning left and right, wanting a way to escape the scary looking ninja.
His golden eyes narrowed. "Don't lie to me, brat. Where are you supposed to be, the Academy?"
Naruto grit his teeth, then spat out his reply angrily. "They don't care if I'm there or not. They never try to teach me anyway, just pretend like I'm not there. If I ask a question I just get glared at, the Sensei hates me just like everyone else." Normally he would just say nothing, having realised a while ago that telling adults his problems just brought him more dirty looks or even laughter, or in the case of the old man, a sad smile and some empty words, but this man wasn't looking at him like he was dirt – maybe he wasn't like the rest of the village.
The ninja frowned. "What's your name, kid?"
Naruto's heart sank. The scary ninja had only been civil because he didn't know who he had been talking to. "Uzumaki Naruto," he said, glumly, readying himself as much as he ever could for the hateful glare. It never came. The man just looked him up and down thoughtfully, and gave a creepy laugh.
"Uzumaki, huh? The Hokage tell you that?"
Naruto had been surprised by the man's lack of a reaction to the name, but now he was just confused. "Wh-what do you mean?"
The ninja didn't say anything, just kept staring at Naruto with a calculating look in his eye. The boy shifted his feet, made uncomfortable by the enduring gaze. Then the man spoke.
"I didn't like the Academy either, brat, but I didn't spend my time kicking rocks around in the woods, I went and taught myself. Are you lazy or just stupid?"
Naruto was pissed. The Academy teachers were always calling him stupid, on those occasions where they paid any attention to him at all, but he wasn't. If they refused to teach him anything then how was he supposed to learn? "I'm not stupid! Old man Hokage said I learned to read really fast, even if he doesn't have time to teach me anymore!" he shouted. "And I'm not lazy either! I try hard but nothing works for me - whenever I try to channel my chakra in class I fail and the teachers won't help, they just say I'm worthless and should quit, and I tried asking the old man but just says he too busy and I have to give it time. I even tried going to the shinobi library but they just threw me out as soon as they saw me!" He ignored the shinobi, and kicked out at the rock he had abandoned at the beginning of their conversation, trying to work off some of his frustration.
Naruto looked up when he saw the ninja push off the tree trunk and walk towards him, an interested look on his face.
"Stop moaning and show me, brat. Don't try any techniques, just try and channel your chakra through your body."
Naruto looked at the man like he was an idiot. "I just told you, stupid, I can't."
A pale, long fingered hand shot out faster than Naruto could see and wrapped around his throat.
"You don't tell me anything, brat. Just do what I tell you." He let go of Naruto's throat, and the boy stumbled back a pace, shaking with fear, tears welling in his eyes. "Shit," said the dark haired ninja, looking at the eight year old's tear-streaked face. "Look, kid, I'm trying to help you here, so just do what I tell you, alright?" His voice was a little softer, and his smile looked pained, but Naruto nodded and wiped his eyes, sniffing, then stood in a stance, short legs firmly planted about six inches apart on the dry dirt of the track, hands clasped together in a seal with his first two fingers on each hand pointed upwards. He closed his eyes and concentrated. Nothing came, but he kept it up, not moving. When he felt the creepy man hike up the front of his t-shirt above his stomach he opened his eyes. The man looked up, annoyed.
"Did I tell you to stop?" he said, looking back down to stare intently at Naruto's midriff. "Keep going," he hissed, and Naruto closed his eyes again, face scrunching up as he tried as hard as he ever had to channel his chakra.
The Jounin's mutterings threatened to break through his concentration, but he blocked them out – they made no sense to him anyway, and it seemed like the man was just talking to himself.
"Ha… I always knew I was better than you, Arashi-kun. Not surprising that someone who was taught seals by my toad-faced moron of a team mate could fuck up like this really. What a loser."
Naruto's skin prickled when he felt chakra start to leak out of the Jounin, but he held his eyes tightly closed and kept on trying, feeling his own energy swirling inside his body, just outside his mental grasp. The Jounin's hand hit Naruto's stomach like a sledgehammer, burning fingers branding young flesh, and he blacked out from the blinding pain it brought, falling backwards onto the ground in front of the Jounin, who made no effort to catch him, standing there unconcerned, before shaking his head, his earrings flashing in the midday sun, and sinking into the ground without a sound.
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When Naruto woke he was alone, and woods were rapidly darkening, shadows lengthening as the sun sank below the horizon. He sat up groggily, the pain in his stomach hadn't lingered and when he looked at it he could see no mark to show that he had been hit there. He pulled down his shirt, shivering a little as it was growing cold, and got to his feet looking around though he didn't think the ninja would have stuck around – he must have been out for hours. Ruffling his spiky blonde hair to dislodge some of the dirt that had settled in it, Naruto started on his way home, wondering what the creepy looking man had done, and where he had gone.
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"Uzumaki, you're up next," called his Academy teacher, a middle-aged Chuunin named Minoji. Naruto stood out in front of the class, trying to prepare for the laughter again. "Everyone else in the class has managed the Kawarimi no jutsu except you, Uzumaki. Lets see if you're any closer to success yet?" the man sneered at him, knowing that Naruto still hadn't managed to channel any chakra at all, and had no chance of performing even the simplest jutsu taught at the Academy.
Naruto concentrated. Even though he had never succeeded, he knew the theory perfectly, and always tried his hardest whenever he was called, still hoping for some sort of miracle. He put his hands together and closed his eyes, both to help his concentration and to block out the faces of his classmates, some of whom were sniggering already, having witnessed his failure more times than they could count.
Naruto relaxed, reaching out with his mind, trying to find his chakra, the energy that he knew pulsed through his body all the time, but somehow always eluded his grasp, blocked off from him by an invisible force. Suddenly he felt it, flooding through his body and into his mind, energizing him, seizing him with a rush of power. He felt incredible, like he could do anything, and he just stood dumbly, his mouth hanging slightly open as he revelled in the feeling of his own chakra.
"UZUMAKI!" Naruto's eyes snapped open, and he jumped backwards in fright at the sight of Minoji-sensei's face pressed right up against his, red from shouting. The class were laughing uproariously behind him. "I said, go back to your seat. We can't spend the whole day sitting around watching you fail."
'Oops', thought Naruto. He had been so caught up in the feeling of finally touching his chakra that he had forgotten to actually do the technique.
"No, wait! I can do it this time! Seriously!" he said, wanting to finally show that he could do it. Minoji just glared at him.
"Uzumaki, you're worthless as a ninja. You'll never be able to do this technique in a million years of trying. Just go and sit down so I can teach those that actually have some talent."
Naruto wilted slightly under the glare, and went and took his seat at the back of the class, ignoring the laughing students and the teacher when he began lecturing again. The incident with the golden eyed man yesterday had felt like a dream to him once he had woken up, and he had almost forgotten about it. Now the memory was back in full force, and Naruto knew that whatever the mysterious ninja had done must have fixed his problem. Naruto wanted to see him again – that man who didn't seem to hate him – maybe he would be willing to teach him properly, without glaring at him or telling him he was a loser.
The blonde boy jumped out of his seat and ran for the door, and Minoji-sensei didn't even call after him, used to his behaviour and not wanting him to stay anyway. Within minutes Naruto was standing in the exact spot that he had met the ninja yesterday, breathing a little heavier than usual from the exertion. He looked around him at the quiet, peaceful forest, and realised what a fool he had been. Why would the man be back here again anyway? It was just an empty bit of forest where he liked to walk, and meeting him could only have been a coincidence. Naruto sat down heavily at the foot of a tree, wondering how he would find the ninja again – he didn't even know the man's name, when an amused voice came from above him.
"Back again, kid?" Naruto jumped up, stepping backwards from the tree and looking up it to where the ninja from yesterday crouched on a branch.
"I, er… Thank you very much for yesterday, sir," said Naruto, bowing deeply.
"Ha, ha, ha. Touched your chakra, did you kid?" Naruto nodded. "Well, don't mention it. I don't usually do charity cases, but I was having a good day." Then his eyes narrowed. "But you didn't just come here to thank me, did you kid?"
Naruto swallowed. "No sir… I wanted to ask if you would train me."
The ninja jumped down from the branch, and stood in front of Naruto, looming over him. "I have better things to do than train a brat. Besides, I thought I told you to train yourself. If you want to excel you can't rely on other people to help you all the time."
Naruto wanted to take a step backwards, but held his ground, bright blue yes staring fiercely up at the pale ninja. "You said you trained yourself but I bet you had scrolls to learn from! I don't even have that. And how am I supposed to learn taijutsu without anyone to spar with me? All adults tell the other kids to stay away from me, I bet that didn't happen to you, huh?" as his rant continued the man began to smile.
"You don't back down, huh kid? That's pretty stupid. However, maybe I will train you… if you pass a little test."
Naruto gasped in shock. "Really? You will? Why?" he said, unable to fathom that someone would give up their time for him, who was hated by everybody.
"Hmm… for a number of reasons… because nobody else wants you, and because it amuses me to think of what certain people's reactions would be."
"What?" said Naruto, thoroughly confused by his sensei's (as he already thought of him) cryptic explanation.
"Enough questions, brat. You have to pass my test, first, and I guarantee it won't be easy. I don't train losers no matter how many people I think it would piss off." The man reached into his flak vest, withdrawing a small scroll wrapped in a black ribbon. "You have until tomorrow to learn this technique, brat. I already know you have potential with chakra and physical skills from just looking at you; now you need to prove to me that you really aren't stupid by understanding exactly how to use the jutsu by sundown tomorrow in order to pass. I'll even give you a free demonstration." The man sank into the ground before Naruto's astonished eyes, leaving the scroll lying on apparently undisturbed earth. He inched forward cautiously and picked it up, then sat down under the tree and reverently undid the ribbon that bound it, unrolling it to study the words within.
Doton: Doryu Zen
The first step to mastering this branch of Doton techniques is to be able to travel through the earth using your chakra. Mould it into the correct form using the boar and hare seals, then allow your chakra to make contact with the earth beneath you through your feet. Fill the earth you wish to travel through with a constant flow of your chakra and slide down into it, adding to the flow of chakra from your feet with the rest of your body as it enters the earth. Become one with the earth.
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Orochimaru watched from a nearby tree, laughing to himself. He knew it had been cruel of him to get the brat's hopes up and then set him a near impossible test, but if he really managed to pass it, developing that level of control and understanding of his chakra within a day, despite having only touched his chakra for the first time in his life that very morning, then he really would be a worthy student.
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By the time the sun went down that day, Naruto had made considerable progress. He had followed the diagrams for the seals he needed, and slowly grappled with the new concept of shaping chakra through two seals, and holding it there. It was an epiphany for him – once the chakra had been moulded as the scroll had instructed him, it felt like the earth. The energy swirling inside his body reminded him so much of the element it represented that he could almost taste it. Taking off his sandals, he let the energy flow from the soles of his feet into the earth beneath them, then felt bitter defeat as it dissipated almost immediately. Gritting his teeth, Naruto forced the chakra out faster and cried out in pain as he burned his feet.
He took a short break, bathing his sore feet in a nearby stream, and not for the first time felt grateful for his fast healing – the light burns mysteriously faded away after only a few minutes. Returning to what he thought of as his personal training ground, Naruto tried once more, and tried again to force a constant flow of chakra – enough that it stayed in the earth, but not so much that it burned his feet or disturbed the soil – into the ground below him.
Many tries, and hours later, a tired Naruto sank down to the ground, exhausted and more confused than he had ever been. The sun was rising and he had finally mastered the flow of chakra needed through his feet and could hold it for nearly thirty seconds – more than enough time to perform the technique – but he couldn't work out how to actually get into the earth. He had infused the earth fully with his earth element-moulded chakra, but he still just stood there, failing the technique. The scroll was obviously missing something. Naruto sat and tried to think of what it, was recalling the one demonstration he had seen of the technique. It certainly wasn't brute force – his sensei had not pushed off anything, but simply sunk unaided into the ground. He thought about what the scroll said at the end – become one with the earth. Perhaps that was the missing link in his technique – he was putting the chakra into the earth but he wasn't putting the same chakra into his own body – just forcing it out through his feet.
Naruto stood, determination etched on his young, whisker-marked face, and moulded his chakra with the two seals. He felt the chakra flowing in his hands, and pushed it through his whole body at the same time as he forced it steadily into the ground. As the chakra flowed between his own tired body and the earth, he felt them become the same earth-element entity; becoming one with the earth. Concentrating hard, Naruto slowly sank into the ground, grinding up the soil around him slightly with his imperfect technique. He forced chakra through his ankles and legs as he sank further, trying to maintain the jutsu as far as possible, and finally collapsed, exhausted, and fell into unconsciousness, buried up to the waist in the ground.
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Orochimaru laughed softly at the sight of the young boy sleeping peacefully halfway under the earth below him. It was clear that the child had – amazingly – succeeded, and the Sannin was torn. On the one hand, the brat obviously had a lot of talent and would make a good student in the shinobi arts. On the other hand, Orochimaru didn't really need another student taking up all his precious time, and the boy hadn't actually shown him the technique. The sun was fast sinking below the horizon, and if the kid didn't wake up soon, well, that was just too bad. Just then though, he stirred, woke and began trying to extricate himself from his hole.
"Heh, heh, heh. Kid, you didn't really think I would fall for that, did you? Digging a hole and burying yourself in it is not the same as learning a complex shinobi art."
Naruto looked up in shock. "WHAT! I didn't dig a hole! I really did it, I'm serious!" he shouted.
Orochimaru looked at the skyline deliberately. "Brat, the sun is going down, and if you don't show me that technique soon, you're going to fail." He looked down at the struggling child, smirking.
Suddenly, Naruto stopped struggling, and smiled. "Okay then, sensei." Standing straight, though half buried, he formed the boar and hare seals, and let the chakra flow into the earth around him from his legs and feet. It was far harder than just his feet, but, gritting his teeth, he kept up the flow long enough to equalise the chakra inside his body with the chakra in the earth, and began to sink lower and lower, until he was up to his armpits, before breaking the jutsu and panting in exhaustion. A slow clapping made him look up to the Jounin, who was smiling slightly.
"Good work, Naruto-kun… I did not expect you to succeed. I shall take you as my student, as promised."
Naruto nodded his head in a little bow. "Thank you, uh… sensei? What is your name?"
Orochimaru smiled at the embarrassed blush on his student's face. "I was wondering when you would finally ask me that question, Naruto-kun. My name is Orochimaru, and I want you to be here tomorrow morning at eight am. No excuses."
Naruto gave a little head bow again, and his stomach rumbled loudly. "Um… Orochi-sensei, could you help me out please?"
The ninja grinned widely. "Naruto-kun," he chided, "I thought I told you that if you wanted to excel you couldn't rely on others to help you out all the time? That isn't really what you're doing if I have to save you from your own jutsu, is it?"
Naruto sighed, and struggled a bit in his earthen prison, before looking up again. "You also said that I only had to understand the technique, not actually master it," he argued.
"Very good, Naruto-kun. I did indeed say that." Orochimaru jumped down from his tree branch and grabbed Naruto's left arm, tearing him bodily out of the earth and setting him on his feet.
"Thank you, sensei," said Naruto, bowing formally.
Orochimaru smiled again. "Ah, Naruto, good manners will get you far in life."
Naruto smiled at the praise, unused to receiving it from anyone. "Orochimaru-sensei… If I'm going to be here at eight tomorrow, does that mean I'm leaving the Academy?"
"Yes, Naruto-kun," said the Sannin, turning to face the setting sun. "I have always considered the Academy a waste of time, something which the most talented shinobi – people like myself and young Itachi-kun – spend little time in or bypass altogether." He looked back at his blonde pupil. "In fact, I've just decided. We will leave this village; it is eight years since I last had a proper holiday. Go home and collect anything you cannot bear to leave behind, and eat dinner, then return and spend the night here. I will make the proper arrangements – we will not be returning for quite a few years, I think."
Naruto stood, shocked. Leaving the village for years? It was like a dream come true for him, but those ninja who left the village were harshly punished - who was his sensei that he could arrange such a thing at all, let alone in a single night? He was broken from his thoughts with a light slap to the back of his head.
"Go, Naruto-kun. I don't have all night." He ran off towards home, mind alight with happy thoughts of freedom and adventure, his life changed beyond recognition in just a few days.
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Orochimaru stood in the fading light, an – uncharacteristically – almost altruistic plan forming in his mind. He began walking slowly, taking the shortest path towards the village gate. As he drew closer to the gate, the two guards did a double take and gasped in shock. They quickly conferred and one jumped the gate, running to inform the Hokage of the return of Konoha's prodigal son, the other staying to offer the Sannin a crisp salute and a loud 'Welcome home, Orochimaru-sama' as he stepped through the gate. Orochimaru laughed quietly to himself. It wouldn't be news to Sarutobi – Orochimaru had been living just outside the village in the patch of forest where he had met Naruto for years now, sneaking into Konoha to accept missions from the Hokage every once in a while – making enough money to support his quiet lifestyle and private jutsu development. He had avoided the village proper for just the reason the two gate Chuunin had just displayed – he hated the excessive awe his village treated him with. He liked to be properly respected, sure – he was, to his knowledge, the strongest ninja in the world after all – but the way people fell over themselves to bow to him just pissed him off. He stalked through the streets, ignoring the worshipful stares of the pitifully weak masses who stopped to gawk at him as he passed. Gritting his teeth at the whispers of 'wow, it's Orochimaru-sama' and the like, he was starting to wish he had just snuck in like usual. In a way, it was his own fault for staying away so long. If they saw him more often, the villagers might be less surprised when he showed up.
Walking through the main doors of the Hokage's tower, Orochimaru didn't stop as he passed shocked ninja after shocked ninja, wondering to himself whether the Hidden Cloud knew they would be able to sneak into the heart of Konoha and meet with only dumbstruck sitting targets if they only used the Henge no jutsu to assume his form, then struck that thought from his mind, annoyed, as a pair of Jounin actually tried to dispel an imaginary genjutsu – really not believing that he could truly be there.
"Sarutobi-sensei," he said genially as he stepped through the ANBU guarded doors into his teacher's office.
The old man looked up from his crystal ball, where he had mostly likely been observing the reactions of his ninja. "Orochimaru, this is something of a surprise."
"Heh, heh… yes, well, I just came to say I'm leaving, sensei," said the Sannin, smirking.
The Sandaime looked stern. "Leaving, my student? I hope you don't mean permanently…" there was a note of warning in the man's eyes – Orochimaru knew he hadn't really been trusted since he had been passed over as Yondaime in favour of Arashi-kun; and indeed for a time he had wanted nothing but vengeance against his teacher and village, but time healed all wounds.
"Indeed no, Hokage-sama," he said respectfully. "Just an extended leave of absence, and I wish to take a student."
Sarutobi took out his pipe, and lit it, puffing slowly. "Yes, well, if Anko wishes to go with you, of course she may."
"I meant besides Anko, Sarutobi-sensei," said Orochimaru, walking towards the window and looking out of it. "I have taken a new student, just this morning."
The old ninja caught his pipe as it fell from with mouth, eyes wide. "You have? Who?" he said, unable to keep the worry from his voice.
Orochimaru said nothing, but put his right hand on the frame of the wide, glassless window, and formed his left hand into a seal. A small green snake shot from his right sleeve, slithering silently over the window ledge. A few seconds later a scream was heard, and the golden eyed ninja turned back to face his teacher, smiling slightly.
"Uzumaki Naruto will die tonight," he said quietly. Sarutobi frowned, and raised an arm in what looked like the beginning of a jutsu. "Just listen. Uzumaki Naruto will die tonight. The villagers will get what they want, and the council will stop trying to undermine your authority so frequently. He will be forgotten. I will leave the village with Anko and my new apprentice, and in a few years time we will return, and my apprentice will be someone unknown to anyone in the village. He will have a name – perhaps even the one that he should have taken from his father – that is not reviled by civilian and comrade alike, and I assure you he will not be recognised. Do you understand now?"
"I understand," said the Hokage tiredly, relighting his pipe and settling back in his chair. "But I can't allow you to take the Kyuubi out of the village. It's too dangerous."
Orochimaru's eyes flashed, and he laid his palms flat on the table, leaning in close to his teacher. "Too dangerous? Too dangerous?" he hissed, "Too dangerous is allowing him to grow up hated and hating in return. Too dangerous is allowing his talents to be squandered by petty, unskilled teachers when he may one day need to be able to protect what he carries from enemy ninja as strong as myself. I will take him away from here, and I will make him into a powerful shinobi, and I will return him to a life here where he will be accepted by his comrades as one of them – which is far more than you can ever hope to offer him. And you will give me your permission or I will simply take him without it. I assure you that right now, given the choice to leave with me or stay with you, he will happily choose me in an instant."
Sarutobi broke eye contact first, sighing heavily, and Orochimaru straightened up, and went back to lean against the window ledge, facing inward. "Very well, Orochi-kun… I will place my trust in you once more. Please do not disappoint me again." The Sannin straightened up again, smiling slightly. "However, in return, you will do something for me."
Orochimaru's eyes narrowed to slits. "You're acting like you have a choice here, Hokage-kun. Why should I do anything for you, after Arashi?"
Sarutobi suddenly looked very old and tired. He sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead with the back of a hand. "A favour then, Orochi-kun, for old times' sake. It doesn't cost you anything to help out your old sensei just this once." His pupil turned away again, walking but to the window but saying nothing, and the old man took this as his cue to continue. "I'm sure you know my feelings on child prodigies gaining shinobi ranks too quickly… that the stress is harmful to them. I have proposed a change to the rules – to stop young ninja graduating too quickly, there would be age requirements for promotion: twelve for Genin, fifteen for Chuunin and ANBU, eighteen for Jounin and ANBU Captain."
"The motion will fail," said Orochimaru, laughing nastily. "The old families will almost all be against you, especially the Uchiha, and they command the most respect. They will sway the other council-members who like the prestige that comes with child prodigies."
"Yes," said the Hokage shortly. "So I am asking you to come and support me. I have no doubt that with you behind me, enough of the council will see the wisdom in my proposal. So, will you do this for me?"
"Fine, I'll do it," Orochimaru muttered, walking back to Sarutobi's desk. "The money for my last mission, old man?"
Sarutobi opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a fat bag that clinked with the sound of coins as he handed it, smiling all the while, to his former student, who pocketed it without a word of gratitude. "I'm glad you agree with me that doing all we can to prevent any more young ninja turning out like you is necessary, Orochi-kun," he said, still smiling genially.
Orochimaru scowled, and slammed his fist down on the little bell that the Hokage kept on his desk, smashing it through the wood but also succeeding in summoning one of the guards from outside.
"Get me Mitarashi Anko," said Orochimaru, not turning.
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That's all (for now) for my little Naruto effort. Please don't talk to me about Jappish; I have no interest in getting it right, I wont be using it much and the only bit in this chapter that I didn't rip straight out of 'ruto is the name of the technique he has to learn, and I assume most people will be able to guess the intent behind what I wrote without getting out their pocket dictionaries and informing me that it's complete gibberish (or maybe I got lucky and it isn't, who knows).
Ah, also, I tried to make it fairly clear what I've changed but for anyone who needs clarification -
Time: shortly before the Uchiha massacre (will the Hokage's proposal passing be enough to stop it or not, or will something else happen?)
Differences: although Orochimaru was still passed over as Yondaime, and was very pissed off, he didn't turn traitor and he didn't do human experimentation (well, not on konoha ninja, anyway).
Anyway, the point is 1: he still has his own body, 2: he's never been part of the akatsuki, 3: he hasn't founded the sound village, 4: he hasn't developed the cursed seal, and 5: he's still welcome in konoha. Doesn't appear to have done much, does he?
Go ahead and check out 'my' profile and the other stories there (one Naruto, two Potter, all without a great deal written as yet). Go on… it wont kill you.
