A/N: Kink meme fill. The prompt was a play on the whole "hit by a car" thing, asking for it to escalate to Phoenix being completely indestructable while Kristoph attempts to kill him by increasingly outlandish means.

Plan #1

Phoenix was surprised when an armed maniac accosted him in an alley. Luckily, Gumshoe happened to be chasing him with a forgotten piece of evidence (having forgotten that Phoenix was no longer an attorney). He barrelled into the assailant and arrested him on the spot.

Plan #2

Phoenix sniffed the milk suspiciously - he'd gotten sick from bad milk once as a child and now was, according to Maya, "a giant fuss-pot" about it. Deciding it smelled funny, he emptied the carton into the potted rose he'd bought to keep Charley company.

When the plant died a week later, Phoenix decided that he wasn't a fit keeper of living things and offered to find Trucy a Daddy that wasn't entirely hopeless at keeping things alive.

She told him, "Don't be silly," kissed him on the cheek and ran off to play.

Plan #3

Phoenix had just bought new milk; this time it didn't smell bad. Unfortunately, Phoenix tripped over Trucy's giant stuffed rabbit and dropped the carton.

Trucy found Phoenix sitting on the floor, looking at the white puddle and crying. "Don't cry over spilt milk," she told him seriously. He decided it was probably best to take her advice.

Plan #4

Phoenix was about to step onto the road; then he saw a flash of pink (sorry, magenta). He turned quickly to find its source and was momentarily disappointed when he realised it was just a poster for the Pink Princess. He felt a breeze as a car rushed past, close to the curb. He didn't even think that if he'd taken that step, it would have hit him.

Plan #5

Phoenix was walking down the street, whistling. He had no musical ability when it came to playing the piano, so he tried to make up for that in any way he could. He saw a magic hat complete with stuffed rabbit in the window from the corner of his eye, and turned abruptly into the store - he knew right away he had to buy it for Trucy. He heard a loud noise (something like a 'bang' then a 'clunk') and turned abruptly. It was strange, there was a tiny hole, only an inch or so wide and perfectly round, in the garbage big he'd been about to walk past. He would have sworn it wasn't there before.

Plan #6

The next day, when Phoenix was walking home from work, he was hit on the head by a piano, which had fallen from a tenth-story building. It actually knocked him to the ground.

Phoenix shakily forced himself to his feet and kept walking. He walked home sadly - surely his playing wasn't bad enough to warrant this sort of protest.

Plan #7

When Trucy brought home a pitbull she'd befriended the park, Phoenix had initially been dubious - after all, he remembered the potted rose he'd somehow killed. But he'd relented, because Trucy was his daughter.

He turned out to be right; the creature, upon seeing Phoenix, hurled itself at him. Phoenix dodged, and the poor dog had careened through a third story window and fallen to the pavement. Trucy had been very upset. Phoenix had been forced to buy her a pet rabbit to cheer her up.

Plan #8

Phoenix wasn't sure how Trucy's rabbit had gotten into his bed; what he did know was that its teeth were sharp. He knew they were sharp, because the creature had bitten him ten times already. Mostly on the hands, because he'd been using them to shove the small creature away from his face - for some reason it seemed intent on climbing up his pillow.

That was when Phoenix decided he had no luck with animals. When he explained the matter to Trucy, she nodded understandingly as the rabbit was taken back to the pet shop. Then she guilted Phoenix into buying her a pair of magic panties.

Plan #9

Phoenix had been having a very odd week. First, he'd come across a ladder (not a step-ladder) leaning in front of the door to his apartment in such a way that he couldn't avoid walking under it. Then a mirror had fallen off someone's roof and landed on his head, shattering. Then a black cat had run out of someone's apartment, circled around him twice and run back in. Then he'd been sent a calender which seemed to have every day marked as Friday and the 13th. Then, when he'd tried to empty cocopops into his cereal bowl, the box had turned out to inexplicably be filled with dice, each with all six sides labelled '13'. When he left the office the next day, a box which had been placed against the door was knocked over, spilling salt everywhere.

At the end of the week, Phoenix was hit by a car and thrown through the air into a street pole. He only recieved a sprained ankle.

"You're lucky, mate," said Gumshoe, who'd been sent to get his statement. Phoenix couldn't help but agree.

Plan #10

Phoenix was getting ready to have a bath. He turned on the water and left the room to get clean clothes while the bath filled. He returned to find that it was full, alright, but with hundreds of spiders instead of water.

"Huh," he said, and left the room to call an exterminator.

Plan #11

During the night, Phoenix had heard strange noises and seen a suspicious looking character trying to attach a suspicious looking object to the footpath in front of his apartment. He'd called the police. The next day, he was congratulated for his anti-terror efforts - apparently the man had been trying to plant a bomb.

Phoenix called all his friends - Maya, Edgeworth, Larry, Gumshoe - and they all talked about it excitedly for a while. Eventually the incident was forgotten.

Plan 12

At the supermarket, Phoenix heard a rumble, then dropped to the ground as a shelf fell over. Apparently someone had pushed a shelf at the other end over, which had sent the rest toppling like dominos. If Phoenix had been in any other aisle he could have been seriously injured by falling goods, but he was in the bread aisle, and was only hit by light loafs of bread. Luckily Phoenix went to the supermarket late at night, when he finished work, and the store was almost empty. Sadly, that wasn't enough for anyone to capture the perpetrator.

Plan #13

Phoenix woke up to see a muscled man with a machete waiting outside his appartment. Conscious of keeping Trucy from improper influences, he decided to keep her home from school, and call in sick at work.

The next day, it was a man with a handgun. Then a machine gun. Then a rocket launcher. Then a tank. Then a fighter plane. Then a battleship (the road had somehow been turned into a canal). Then a submarine. Then a strange spider-machine device that looked like it was from a sci-fi movie (though Trucy identified it as a neotank unit from Advance Wars). Then a nuclear weapons silo.

Phoenix and Trucy quite enjoyed the experience - they took the opportunity to research all sorts of military weaponry on the internet. Eventually, there came a morning that nothing remotely dangerous was waiting outside. Phoenix decided that the military exhibition must have run out of money and moved on.

Plan #14

When Phoenix left the building for work early one July morning, he noticed a thin sheet of ice on a step. Lucky, he thought, that he'd noticed it - he could have slipped and broken his neck. Strange, though, that there was ice in the middle of summer.

Plan #15

Phoenix felt heartbroken when his favourite new TV show ('The Invasion of the Super-Mega-Ultra Ninja-Robots From Mars and The Subsequent Destruction of the Planet Earth and Life in the Following Dystopic Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland') was cancelled after only fifteen episodes. As he said to Trucy, the grief would have killed a lesser man. Luckily he lived through pain before, and was able to go on.

Plan #16

When Phoenix discovered that Kristoph was responsible for Trucy's father's murder, that killed him inside, just a little bit. Discovering he was responsible for Phoenix's disbarment, that killed him just a little more. Discovering that he'd committed another murder, that he'd tried to kill an innocent girl not that much older than his own Trucy, that killed him inside again.

What was worst of all, though, was Kristoph's execution. Phoenix had gone to watch - he'd had to go to watch. He was responsible, after all. Kristoph had been Phoenix's friend, once upon a time, and now Phoenix had killed him. At the last moment, Kristoph had looked up to the observation room, somehow staring straight into Phoenix's eyes despite the one-way-mirrored glass.

Kristoph had said something, and although the room was soundproofed and Phoenix couldn't hear the words, he'd been taught to read lips (by Kristoph) many years ago. He'd said, "I wanted to kill you."

Phoenix would have said, "You already have," but he never got a chance, because that was when the attendant injected the needle, and Kristoph died. Another piece of Phoenix died with him.

Phoenix walked out to his life, his daughter, his friends and family. After that day, less strange occurences happened. Phoenix never realised why.