1st story of Flower Dictionary
Title: Yarrow
Summary: Byakuya is badly hurt while separated from his division during a mission and no one knows what happened to him. Renji, in denial and shock unconsciously does his best to find atonement. When the scheduled return to duty for the captain is postponed he demands answers. But what happens when he coaxes Byakuya into explaining?
Pairing: Byakuya x Renji
Warnings: Near death experience, psychological, male x male/yaoi, descriptive lemon, dark, alcohol, crazy shit
Author warning: Author was stressed and then went bonkers.
Genre: Drama/Romance/slight Humor/slightly Dark fic
Rating: M

A/N: I hope you enjoy this story and leave a review when you are done! Ideas for future couples and flower themes are welcome! Author note continues at the end if you are interested (or want an explanation…), but go on and read the story now!

[Italics in the beginning = Past self-centered Byakuya pow]

Thunder rolled overhead and for a moment the sky was lit with white. Then the rain came. It felt like thousands of needles dipped in ice rained down on my battered body and their coldness turned the throbbing pain of my wounds into blazing fires. Struggling to stay conscious as signals of pain explode from every nerve in my body I claw at the darkness at the edge of my vision. I try to move, but as I do I feel warm liquid stream up my throat from my insides. I cough and swallow as blood tries to flood my mouth, forcing it down to whence it came from. Flashing overhead is another bolt of lightning and when the rumble comes I can't tell if it's the thunder I hear or my own breath rattling in my chest. My fingers are growing numb even as I struggle to move my arm to reach for the small communication device in my pocket. I know I need to get help, but I can't help but hesitate as the thought of letting anyone see me in this disheveled and broken state enters my mind. But if I don't, I know I will die. The thought chills me and I shiver, tearing at my injuries and feeling blood spill anew. The world tilts around me as I roll my head to the side, not caring how mud instantly stains my face as getting the new puddle of blood out of my mouth is the only concern I can muster enough energy to accomplish.

"What a pathetic sight" A voice says and I try to pinpoint the owner of it. Unable to muster enough energy to move my head I close my eyes and focus on my breathing that has become erratic from my struggles.

"Are you ignoring me?" The voice asks then with a slight quirk of mirth to it and I can't help but find it familiar. But my thoughts are clouded and as my eyes are closed I feel myself slipping away. Sternly pulling myself back to awareness I find the person crouched in front of me, my communicator dangling in a pale hand.

"Your friends should be on their way here now." At my quizzical look I receive a small chuckle falling from narrow lips.

"It wouldn't be any fun if you died now, would it? Much better you die when you're all alone in this world, your life scattered in pieces around you and all you can do is begging for it all to end." I feel my eyes go wider in realization and for a moment the face before me clears. Suppressing my initial impulse to pull back I squeeze shut my eyes as fear pierces me, seeping past my guards and paralyzing my thoughts.

I do not know how long I lay there; paralyzed by the fear instilled in me and trapped in a body that slowly grew cold and unresponsive, waiting for death to claim me. All I know is that your voice pierced the dark and called me back.

"Captain!" Forcing my heavy eyelids open I see nothing but a clouded mist. My vision is failing me, but I can sense that you are near. And then I hear you and feel mud splash unto my already stained face and clothing as you land beside me. I want to rebuke you, but I can't find the words. I at least want to call your name and finds that it falls easily from my bloodied lips.

"Renji…" Then darkness rises around me and I can no longer struggle for my body is broken, my eyes blind and my voice is as silent as the darkness that claims me.

Renji sat by his desk in the 6th division and furiously worked at his paperwork. He attacked every new report with a vengeance and cursed as he knocked a heap down while reaching for some new ink. He hurried and started to gather the papers from the floor and putting them in an unstable pile that eventually toppled over and spread the offending papers across the area he had been cleaning once more. He scratched his head with both hands and made a frustrated sound.
Ever since they had returned from their latest mission the office had been flooded by reports and other paperwork needing attention. It wouldn't have been any trouble if his captain was there, but the captain of the 6th had yet to return from the 4th division. It was already the fifth day since the squad had brought back the grievously injured captain, and though he was going to be released for home rest once his vitals stabilized he was still to be on leave for rehabilitation for a month after his release. This left the Renji in a hard spot. Not only had he been asked what had happened several times and each time been unable to answer, but he had also asked himself repeatedly why he hadn't been there. The frustration and guilt had built to an unmanageable size and he had eventually tried to drown his frustration by doing paperwork, but now found himself drowning more literally in the paperwork than what he had imagined at first.

"It never ends!" He whined out loud and fell onto his back on the floor. Staring up at the ceiling he could almost hear his captain's calm rebuke at his behavior. The room felt so much bigger without the noble there to fill the space. He sat up quickly and shook his head in denial. He was definitely not saying the captain was fat or anything! His presence was big, that was all!
… Byakuya would most likely scowl at him if he'd heard that. Remembering that he was sitting all alone in the office with paperwork scattered all over the floor he groaned and rose to dust of his clothes. As he did, he realized that it wasn't just the noble's presence that was missing; the room missed its usual spartan tidiness. Dust had started to gather on the floor which was evident as a small cloud of dust followed his hands movements. Looking at the room in a new light he realized how much had changed in the few days since his return. The room looked like it hadn't been cleaned since then and when he thought about it he realized he'd spent so much time here the past few days that it probably hadn't gotten the time to get cleaned. He had even slept here just yesterday. Following that train of thought, Renji realized he hadn't gotten the time to get cleaned either. It was definitely time to leave the office for a bit.
After putting the office somewhat in order again he left for his own quarters where he took a nice shower before eating followed by a nap. This was much better, he mused before he fell asleep.

The next day he had the office cleaned and went to the lieutenants meeting before he had the usual training with the squad. Only after a new shower and a good meal after the training did he return to the office and started to work on the ever growing piles. He was determined to keep the paperwork for when the captain returned to a minimum. Maybe it was a sort of self punishment, or maybe he simply wanted the noble to tell him he had done a good job when he returned. He didn't waste time thinking about that crap though, instead focusing on doing the paperwork and inventing new and more vulgar swearwords in the process.

The days crept on until eventually he received the message that Byakuya had finally been released from the 4th. That meant it was only a month left until he was coming back. Renji sighed before he let his head fall unto the desks hard surface.

"I'll be dead by then" He groaned, upsetting a new pile of paperwork that fell to the floor. Kira who had been there at the time to deliver yet another stack of paperwork that needed signing gave a sympathetic smile and put his hands together in an apologizing manner before excusing himself.

The next month was filled with paperwork falling to the floor, flying out the window by a gust of wind, falling onto of an unsuspecting redhead and getting ruined by ink stains. It was also filled with outbursts of dismay, frustrating arguments with himself that lead to not a few doubting his sanity and occasionally a shout of triumph as he conquered a new heap.
Rukia would drop by once in a while to drag him out of the office to eat with her and even tried to make him visit her brother a few times. He did visit the noble before he went on home rest, but hadn't seen the man since. He had expected to see him quite soon after leaving the 4th actually and had been surprised when it was almost time for his scheduled return and he had yet to set foot in the division. He told Rukia that one day and she looked away with a complicated look on her face.

"Nii-sama isn't at all like himself. He barely speaks and he has started to eat alone in his quarters instead of at the dinner table. I rarely ever see him anymore, and when I do he's so distant and quiet…" Her voice was laced with worry and Renji was surprised at her description of the noble's behavior. She suddenly turned to look at him again.

"Renji, won't you please come and visit him? Maybe he'll speak to you…" Her eyes were pleading and he couldn't possibly say no when she asked him like that. Scratching the back of his head awkwardly, he accepted.

"But I can't promise it'll change anything…" He muttered as she thanked him. She ignored it though and hurried back to the estate to inform her brother of the good news.

And so it came to be that Abarai Renji, lieutenant of the 6th division walked the steps to the Kuchiki estate entrance later that day. Rukia was already waiting for him when he arrived and she led him through the halls to one of the many grand rooms. She knocked and quietly announced their presence before she slid the door open. The room was lit by small kido lamps in the corners and the door leading to a terrace overlooking one of the many gardens. Clothed in a pale yukata by the sliding doors sat Byakuya. His hair was down and though his expression was as calm and collected as it usually was, there was a sort of emptiness to it. The noble didn't look up as they entered, instead focusing on the scenery of the moon bathed garden. Rukia went over and seated herself on a small pillow and Renji soon followed her example.

And then there was silence.

No one in the room said anything; Rukia seeming to be at a loss for words and expecting Renji to say something, Renji uncertain and feeling really out of place in the scarcely but expensively furnished room and Byakuya who simply didn't acknowledge them or didn't feel the need for words. Time crept by and still the silence reigned in the room. Renji was starting to get fidgety under the heavy silence and just when he was about to breach it if so just to get it over with, Byakuya beat him to it.

"Rukia, could you get us some tea?" His voice was low and there was a slightly hoarse tone to it that instantly caught Renji's attention.

"Of course" Rukia answered and seemed relieved to be able to leave for a moment. As her brother continued to look out at the garden she gave Renji a pleading look and mouthed the words 'speak to him' before she left. Glancing at the noble he sighed.

"Uhm…Captain, how have you been?" He asked feebly and Byakuya stayed silent so long that Renji was starting to doubt that the noble would even grace him with an answer.

"My body is fine" Byakuya eventually answers and Renji waits for a continuation to the sentence as the word 'but' seems to hang heavily in the air unsaid.

But Byakuya stays silent and when Rukia returns to the room he had yet to say anything else. Rukia shot Renji a questioning look and the redhead shrugged helplessly. Once the tea was served the silence stretched until the time Byakuya sighed and seemed to force himself back to awareness. He rose and smoothed the folds out of his pale garments before he excused himself, leaving the two alone in the room.

Rukia sat with her head lowered so Renji couldn't see her expression but the slight slump in her shoulders told him that she was sad. He instantly thought she was disappointed since he hadn't been able to do something for her brother and protested.

"I tried! I barely thought he would answer… But I really did try!" Rukia looked at him and shook her head.

"I know, Renji. I just hoped…" She didn't finish the sentence, leaving it open for Renji to fill it in for himself. A knock was heard on the door and two servants came in, the female saying that it was time for Rukia-sama to prepare for bed and the male that he was to follow Abarai-dono to the door. Renji nodded and walked over to the waiting servant. Wishing Rukia a good night over his shoulder he walked away.

On the way past a garden he stopped slightly as he caught sight of someone standing on the other side of a pond. He furrowed his brows as he saw the midnight black hair of his captain and intense silver eyes. He locked into those eyes and realized that the captain was actually looking at him. During his stay in the manor, the noble hadn't graced either of them with so much as a glance, but now he was looking straight at him. Renji felt a slight shiver trace up his spine when Byakuya suddenly turned and walked away, the shadows swallowing his form. There was just something ominous in the way the man disappeared without a sound like that.

The servant urged him on and he reluctantly followed the man. The streets were dark as he walked back towards his quarters and he found that he was longing to simply lie down and fall asleep. The day had been tiring and he had to get up early tomorrow for training with the squad followed by more paperwork... He laughed as a sudden thought hit him. How ironic, when the captain was there he had to struggle to be on time but when he wasn't there to remind him and rebuke him when he still didn't manage it, he got there early and managed his duties nearly faultlessly! He wasn't as useless as the captain made him feel!

"OOF!" Just as he thought that, he tripped and ended up sprawled on the ground.

"That's just not funny…" He groaned to no one in particular as he sat up, rubbing a growing bump over his left brow. Grumbling about lack of sleep he went back to his quarters and promptly forced himself asleep.

"WHAT?" The question piercing the morning and making several persons turn towards it in surprise came from the redheaded lieutenant of the 6th division. He had just received a note signed by Unohana-taichou as well as the soutaichou, and he was beyond surprised.

"What do you mean he's not coming back today?" He roared at the paper that, obviously, didn't do anything back. He glared at the text that informed him that due to "certain complications with the rehabilitation, the return of Kuchiki Byakuya have been postponed to an undecided date." What was this shit? Crumpling the paper in his hand he headed over towards the 4th division. There must be something wrong with this! Kuchiki Byakuya would never extend his leave! Never!

But when he finally after much trouble got to speak to the 4th division captain she told him plainly that it wasn't his business. When he protested she cut him off.

"Without the consent of the person in question I have no right to give out personal information in my possession. I am certain you know this and as such all you need to know is that he will be back in service when I deem him ready for it." She wasn't telling him this to be cruel but it still stung. He felt anger continue to simmer inside him at her refusal to tell him anything and she saw through the redhead's flimsy attempt at hiding it.

"Abarai" She said and he looked at her. When the captain used this tone, there was no way you were going to ignore her.

"You should take a day's leave yourself, you look practically worn out. I'll inform your division, so go back to your quarters and rest for a while. Maybe when your head cools your thoughts will clear with it." Her last words were cryptic but before he could ask what she meant by that she gave him that disarming smile that clearly said 'now go do as I told you'. He left with a sour look on his face and wondered if he should ignore her "advice" of taking the day off. He considered it but came to the conclusion that he wasn't ready to feel the woman's wrath. He never would.

Letting out an irritated huff he went back to his quarters and dressed into more slacking-friendly clothes. He dressed in a pale beige and red yukata and then flopped down on his futon with his hair down. After what felt like eternity he finally sighed and felt how his anger dissipated. It was too tiring to keep it up and he didn't really have any reason to feel angry… And he really wasn't, he realized. It had just been easier to handle than the disappointment and underlying concern he really felt.
Realizing that, he felt stupid. He'd certainly made a fool out of himself. He took that thought with him as he dozed off into sleep a while later.

When he woke up it was nearly evening and his stomach growled unhappily. He looked through his cabinets to see what he had and grimaced when he found nothing worth eating. Sighing, he decided to eat out for once and went to dress. Dressing in a comfortable red yukata for outside-working-hours-only, he put up his hair again and headed out after making sure to have his money with him.

He walked slowly down the road when Rukia suddenly flash stepped up to him. Renji took a step back in surprise and staggered when she grabbed his arm and started to drag him off in the opposite direction.

"H-Hey!" He exclaimed.

"Just come with me." She answers shortly and he does just that until he recognizes the way leading to the Kuchiki estate.

"Oi, Rukia! Where are we going?" He asked, hoping he wasn't right.

"We're going to visit Nii-sama." She said and all protests he may have were meaningless as she dragged him to the entrance and gave him a pointed look before she let him go and walked briskly inside. Not knowing what else to do, Renji followed.

The room they went to this time could as well have been the same as last time, but with the doors at the end of the room closed he couldn't be certain. Byakuya was sitting in the middle of the room by a small table with food and a cup of sake on it. The food was mostly untouched but by the number of bottles he could easily assume that the man had been drinking more than just one cup. In all the years Renji had known the noble, he had never seen him drink, not even once. Sure, he knew that the man would drink on celebrations and stuff, though he'd never seen it, but not nearly enough to get drunk. And if the man had drained those two bottles and started on the third…
No wonder Rukia was concerned.

This time, instead of sitting down, she pushed the stunned redhead inside the room and then excused herself, leaving the two men alone. Blinking in confusion at the quick turn of events, Renji remained standing until Byakuya looked up at him.

"You may sit, Renji." He pointed out and Renji nodded and made an agreeing sound before he moved closer and sat down. Silence stretched between them while Byakuya poked at his food absentmindedly. Though the noble seemed to be uninterested, the sight of the well prepared food made Renji's mouth water. He watched with hungry eyes as Byakuya finally picked up a piece of perfectly cooked fish and put it inside his mouth as narrow lips opened to accept it. He continued to stare as the noble slowly chewed the food and saw the skin of his slim throat flex as he swallowed.

"Is there something wrong?" Byakuya's quiet query awoke him to reality and he opened his mouth even as he desperately searched for a good excuse for staring at his captain's lips and neck and… Okay, those thoughts are heading into dangerous territory. He nearly face palmed but resisted it only to flush as his stomach suddenly let out a rumbling protest. Silence followed the sound and Renji flushed a bright crimson in embarrassment.

"Ah" Renji looked up at his captain and blushed harder at the raised brow and considering look he was receiving.

"Should I tell the servants to bring you something?" The noble asked politely and Renji was about to decline when his stomach once more rumbled. Groaning softly and tossing whatever pride he had left at that moment out the window he nodded. Byakuya tapped a bowl before him and a servant came inside just a few seconds later. He spoke quietly to the servant before he picked up his sake and took a small sip of it. The servant bowed before hurrying out again.

"Are the servants hiding behind the walls or something?" He muttered it quietly, more to himself but Byakuya answered him calmly.

"They are situated nearby in all occupied rooms except the private quarters. Only the attendants are allowed there without specified orders." Renji blinked and found a picture of people hiding and spying on everything being said popping into his mind. He dismissed the thought quickly as he was certain that the noble hadn't meant it to make him feel paranoid, and though it had, he forced the feeling away as it was stupid. Most likely.

Byakuya filled his sake cup again and it was only then that Renji realized the captain had downed the previous one. He furrowed his brow slightly and then discreetly looked for any signs that the man might be drunk. His hand was steady and though his eyes were clouded, Renji actually thought it was more from him being absentminded than from the alcohol. His posture was relaxed and he hadn't slurred when he spoke. He didn't seem drunk, so hopefully he had a high tolerance…

The servant came back and Renji dropped his musings in favor of admiring the food. It was all he could do to keep from wolfing it down the moment it was placed before him. The servant left and he thanked for the food before he started to eat. It was heavenly. Simply delicious. He spent the next few minutes forcing himself to eat calmly, savoring every piece. When he was about done he looked up and saw something very odd. The captain was smiling.

"I see the food was to your liking" Byakuya said and the faint smile still graced his lips. Renji swallowed before he answered.

"It's amazing. Wouldn't expect any less from the Kuchiki kitchen" He answered with a hint of a joking tone on the last. Byakuya gave a slight nod.

"No one does." He said and then drank some. "No one ever does." Renji looked carefully at the dark-haired man and saw that perhaps he'd been wrong in his assumptions that the man wasn't drunk. He may be able to hide it well, but a sober Byakuya would never say something like that. Drinking may loosen his tongue.
Deciding to try out his theory, he spoke a little more freely, hoping to coax the captain into speaking.

"Well, the Kuchiki's are the highest noble family in soul society; of course the expectations are high!" Renji said loudly and leaned back while he watched to see the man's reaction.

"You have no idea…" Byakuya answered and gave a breathy sigh.

"You are damn right I don't" Renji answered honestly, hoping to get a response. Byakuya cast a halfhearted glare his way.

"Watch your language." The rebuke was spoiled by a slight slur in the middle and Renji was now certain of it. His captain had been drinking a bit more than what was "proper".

"Sorry, but I really can't know anything of it since you don't speak about it." The redhead pointed out. Byakuya seemed to mull the words over before he answered.

"True… 's not something you need to know… just bothersome…" He paused at several times in the sentence and his voice became lower at the end of it.

"Do you mind if I ask a question, captain?" Byakuya looked at Renji before he shook his head.

"Go ahead." Renji ignored the increasingly casual way the man acted and went on with his questioning.

"Something happened during that mission. Can you tell me?" Renji hadn't expected what the captain did then. He winced at the sound of the cup hitting the floor and breaking before he looked in shock at his captain. Byakuya had thrown the cup at the floor before he rose and headed towards the door. Renji almost thought he was going to get thrown out, but then Byakuya stopped before the door and looked back at the redhead with a dark look on his face.

"Follow me" It wasn't a request. It was an order from a captain to his lieutenant. Renji rose fluently and followed the noble. He didn't bother to close the door after them as he noticed several servants waiting to head inside to clean up. Byakuya walked ahead with steady and flowing steps that contradicted the earlier signs of his intoxication. Renji didn't recognize the halls they were passing but by their decorations guessed that they were heading towards the more private areas of the estate.
After several twists and turns they arrived at their destination. Byakuya opened a door to the left and stepped inside, quickly crossing the floor and opening one of the sliding doors leading to a private garden. The sheer beauty of the garden stunned Renji for a moment and he walked closer to it without really thinking about it. The fresh air was filled with a soft scent of cherry blossoms and when he came to the door he realized why. The biggest sakura tree he had ever seen before graced the garden and its pale flowers were lit by the gentle light of the moon. He stared in awe at it for several moments until he remembered his reasons for being there and turned in search of his captain.

While Renji had been mesmerized by the view, Byakuya had put a pair of sitting pillows and thin plaids on the floor and claimed one of each for himself. He had put the thin fabric over his shoulders against the slight chill of the evening breeze and as Renji turned to him he tucked his dark silken hair behind his ears. He then made a movement inviting the redhead to take a seat. Renji did so and looked warily but expectantly at his captain.

"A lot happened on that mission. You know some of it already. So the answer to your question depends on what you want to know." The captain gave him a considering look.

"Uhm… I guess I want to know how you got so hurt." Renji said hesitantly and he drew back slightly in surprise when Byakuya chuckled darkly.

"Is that what you want to hear? Ah, but that is a good story. I was careless and underestimated the enemy. Now isn't that a sight? The great Kuchiki Byakuya, beaten half to death with only his pride to blame. Pathetic" He gave a short laugh again and Renji swallowed thickly. Was this truly what the man thought? He was almost frightened by the uncharacteristic laugh and general behavior of the man before him. He had to force himself to continue speaking and not to excuse himself and run away.

"There must have been something else. I can't believe something like that could come from simply being careless…" Renji soon realized that was the wrong thing to say as the man before him quickly turned quiet and gave him a hard look.

"No one believes it. It's unthinkable for me to make mistakes so there must be something else." He nearly spat the words out and Renji winced.

"I didn't mean it like that…" Renji tried but Byakuya turned away and let out an irritated huff. Uncertain of what to say to pacify the disgruntled noble, he tried to press past the nobles avoiding answers.

"So you made a mistake. Fine. It may be hard but you can't just hide in the manor forever due to it." These words struck harder than he had intended. He saw how the anger seemed to drain of Byakuya's form along with his energy. He turned tired eyes at the lieutenant who stared back.

"You are right. But I can't return like this." Byakuya made a vague gesture at himself. He wore a slightly lost expression and Renji was unnerved by the sudden mood swings his captain was going through. He seemed to change by the minute!

"Before, I couldn't return because my injuries needed time to heal. Then I needed time to sort out what happened. But now I just don't know anymore." Byakuya continued and Renji listened quietly. This was why Rukia had asked him to come; to try and make the man release whatever feelings were bottled up inside.

"Until you came to speak to me, I feared I had lost all ability to feel, but now I feel anger and disgust, mostly at myself, coursing through me. I truly thought I was dead, Renji." This confession was so sudden that Renji didn't know how to answer it. As he sat speechless he saw how Byakuya slowly gathered himself up inside his barricades again. If he didn't do anything now, he'd most likely be told to leave and everything up to now would be for naught. He couldn't turn back now!

"Captain, have you spoken about this to anyone else?" Renji asked and Byakuya shook his head silently.

"As if they'd believe me. I'm not even certain you will." He said and wrapped the plaid more tightly around himself.

"This may be hard to understand, but I would never look down on something coming directly from the heart." Renji said quietly and hoped his captain would understand and not take it the wrong way and use it as an excuse to push him away.

"You believe me?" The question sounded almost incredulous.

"I do believe you." Renji answered seriously. Byakuya stared into his eyes silently but the redhead refused to look away.

"How can you say that when you don't know me?" Byakuya asked and his voice was slightly deeper than before.

"I know you as a captain." Renji offered and Byakuya nodded.

"You do…" The noble sighed. Then he chuckled causing the redhead to frown.

"What is it, captain?" Renji asked but Byakuya just shook his head, his shoulders trembling slightly as occasional chuckles broke loose from his form.

"Is this really real? I can't tell if I'm just imagining this moment to make myself feel better or if you are actually here speaking to me." There was a slightly hysterical note to his voice and when he looked up at Renji, said redhead gasped in shock. Streams of silver wetness graced the nobles face and though his eyes were bright and lucid, it also contained a small streak of madness. Byakuya shook his head before he rose and turned away.

"Maybe its better I stay locked up here in the mansion. I can stay here until I wither away and…" Renji rose quickly and went over to his captain. He could hardly believe what he did then. The sound of his hand making contact with the nobles face seemed to echo in the space around them. A red mark instantly started to form on the man's pale skin and Renji's breath hitched in his throat as he realized what he'd done.
Byakuya blinked slowly and raised a hand to the angry red mark on his cheek. His expression was a strange mix of confusion and, of all things, curiosity.

"Renji" He said and Renji flinched.

"I-I'm sorry…" He mumbled and looked away. He shouldn't have snapped at the man! He wasn't himself at this moment and needed him there as support, not to freaking hit him!

"Why is it that you can say just a few words and still convey so much? How are you able to wake me from my living nightmare by a simple touch?" Byakuya said and Renji made a surprised sound and stepped back when the man suddenly moved closer to him.

"W-What are you…?" He stuttered and held his hands up as if to ward the noble off, but Byakuya slapped his hands away and grabbed him by the front and continued to walk, pressing the redhead backwards. They came to a sudden halt as Renji's back made contact to the wall behind him. He gulped and felt how sweat broke out on his forehead and back.
Byakuya was staring at him with an intense look in his eyes. Those silver orbs seemed to be the only light available in the unlit part of the room they stood in. One of his hands was fisted in Renji's shirtfront and the other moved to touch the sore spot on his cheek again.

"It burns…" The noble's voice was low and Renji shuddered as the man's breath, reeking of alcohol, brushed past his face. He found that it was hard to breathe as the noble kept him in place against the wall with one hand on his chest and the weight of his gaze alone. The aura surrounding the captain was normally very intimidating, but this was completely different! His movements were slower and his voice low and almost sultry! Oh god, why did he have to turn from an ice block to a sex god? 'Stop changing behavior, you, you damn bi-polar noble!' Renji's mind shrieked.

"Why did you hit me, Renji?" Byakuya asked in that sinfully low voice and Renji gulped loudly as he tried to think of a way out of this situation.

"Well?" The noble pressed and then captured the redheads chin when said man tried to turn away.

"Look at me" He demanded and Renji did so reluctantly. Dark eyes met silver and Renji found his resistance growing weaker. Maybe he didn't want to get out of this situation quite yet… As he struggled less he managed to find his voice again.

"You were speaking nonsense and I had to snap you out of it." Renji answered shakily and the noble looked confused for a moment.

"What was this nonsense I spoke of? I can't remember anything I've said that should be worth a slap" The way the noble said the word 'slap' brought something else into the mind of a certain embarrassed redhead. Ignoring his rising lust, he answered the captain.

"You spoke about how you should stay in the manor until you wither away and stuff…" The noble cocked his head to the side in thought before shaking his head.

"That is of no concern for either of us. I have never had any inclination to lock myself up. And to wither away, it would be a waste, really." He let out a dramatic sigh and Renji's eyebrow twitched as a thought his him.
'C-Closet narcissist?' The thought was totally irrelevant for the situation but his mind decided to start chanting 'Narci-narci-narcissist~!' for some insane reason and he found that he wanted to cry. His thoughts calmed when he felt the cool skin of Byakuya's forehead against his... Wait, what? When and how and why did that happen?

"Are you running a fever?" Byakuya asked him and Renji felt like screaming, protesting and crying. All at once. This man was all over the place! Not only did his moods swing worse than a pregnant woman out of cake, his hands and head and chest and practically all other body parts were invading his personal space and his damn drunken behavior was turning him on!

"My, I don't know if that is supposed to be a compliment or not…" Byakuya said and it was only then that Renji realized he'd practically screamed it in the nobles face. His face flushed and he hid his face in his hands so he wouldn't have to look at his captain anymore. 'Why did he have to say that out loud? Why god, why?'

"Renji?" Renji refused to look up at the query. He was already so embarrassed he could die from it. He might as well go and die; he'd already dug his own grave.

"Renji, if you don't look at me this very second…" Byakuya left the threat uncompleted and Renji actually looked up at the noble. Only to feel narrow lips pressed hard against his own. He tensed and let his hands drop down to his sides. When Byakuya pulled back he stared into his eyes and found lust reflected there.

"If you kiss me again captain, I think I'll want more" Renji said in a lame attempt at warning the captain, but still hoping he would come back for more.

"Oh really now?" Byakuya said before crushing their lips together again, this time being met furiously by his lieutenant. Not caring anymore what tomorrow would bring, Renji pressed back against the firm body before him.

Slipping a hand up to Byakuya's waist he gave teasing touches until he found a sensitive spot. Byakuya gasped and Renji didn't miss his chance to bring their tongues into the kiss. Feeling his hair being let down and then being fisted in a strong callused sword hand, he fought against Byakuya for dominance but the man refused to give ground. Renji made a surprised sound when Byakuya gained the upper hand in the kiss and then he admitted defeat to the noble. Renji enjoyed the feel of Byakuya dominating the kiss, mapping out his mouth and then coming back to invite him into play again. But he didn't have any inclination of simply letting the noble dominate everything.

Without warning he moved both hands to the noble's legs and hoisted him up. Byakuya reflexively gave a small sound of surprise before he locked his legs around the redhead's waist to support himself. His pale yukata was pushed up and Renji moved his hands underneath it to grab hold of the tempting flesh hidden there. Byakuya had to move his arms around the redhead's upper body to keep himself balanced and did so, but then he forced Renji's tongue to submit once more with a vengeance.

Renji growled into the kiss and then moved them from the wall. He was a bit unsteady on his feet at first but managed to steady himself before anything went horribly wrong. He moved across the room towards the adjoining room, hoping it would be the bedroom.

"The bedroom is too far away" Byakuya broke the kiss to inform the redhead of this before he had a chance to open the door he had headed towards, which obviously wouldn't contain what he wanted. If the bedroom was too far away, he'd have to manage with something else then. He slammed the noble against the hard surface of the door and heard how the man gave a surprised gasp. Pressing him into the wood he hoisted him up a little further.

"We'll simply have to do with what we've got then" He stated with a smirk before attaching his mouth to the nobles tempting neck. Byakuya groaned as Renji put more of his weight against him and then buried his face in the red locks and impatiently squeezed with his legs, letting the redhead know he wasn't going to tolerate any laziness on his part. Renji slipped his hands up and undid the noble's fundoshi in response to the action and let it fall to the floor before he pressed a finger inside him. He pressed past the first ring of muscle and was pleased at the slightly wet warmth that he met past it. Wiggling his finger experimentally he searched the noble's insides. When he pulled the finger out it was slightly wet and wanted to slide in easier than the second finger he added when next he pressed against that puckered entrance. He met more resistance when he tried to move the fingers now but he ignored the constricting feeling. More than anything he just wanted to sate the lust he felt and Byakuya's body was perfect for his needs.

"I can't wait anymore" Renji informed the captain before he removed his fingers from the partially prepared entrance. He removed his own undergarments and then moved both of their clothes so he could position himself properly. When feeling Renji press slowly past the first ring of muscle, Byakuya hissed at the burning feeling erupting where his skin stretched to let the redheads engorged member inside. Wanting the feeling to go away he forced himself flat against the redhead, taking the redhead inside in one swift but slightly jerky motion.

Renji groaned as he felt his cock forced its way inside, painfully pushing past the reluctant muscles. He nearly missed the hiss of pain coming from the noble as his vision hazed over for a minute. When he recovered he wondered for a brief moment if his captain was okay. When he voiced his concern Byakuya dug his nails into his back through the red yukata and gave an annoyed hiss.

"No more words!" He growled and then bit down on the redhead's ear. Renji growled in response and then started thrusting. He snapped his hips sharply and his hands clamped down roughly on the flesh of the pale thighs spread for him. He loved the feeling of holding Byakuya. The noble's scent was a mix of alcohol, sweat and something spicy that he couldn't quite place in the sex induced high he was on. Byakuya's skin was soft and slick and the intimidating growl he let out when Renji bit down on his shoulder only drove him on.
Soon the dark haired noble panted heavily and threw back his head to get more oxygen down his lungs. Hair stuck to his sweaty face and when Renji slammed extra hard against a certain spot he hissed, baring his teeth in an attempt to hold back a scream. Renji continued to aim for that spot but the noble refused to scream out his pleasure, instead settling for letting out throaty moans that rumbled through his chest.

Renji felt that he was getting closer but he didn't want to come before his captain. He let go of his grip on the man's thigh in order to start stroking the weeping arousal instead. He saw how Byakuya grit his teeth before giving a labored groan that sent a shiver through his body. He caught sight of a victorious smirk on the nobles face and knew he had no intention of coming before him. His competitive spirit bared its teeth and he forced himself to hold out even as Byakuya clenched repeatedly around him. He stroked the noble's arousal and thrust fast and hard into him. It was all a matter of time before one of them would give in.

That's when Byakuya cheated.

He gave out a sensual mewl and arched his back lovely, squeezing Renji's buried arousal just right and the redhead felt how he exploded inside that tight passage. Just a moment too soon as the dark haired noble came just a few strokes of the redheads hand later.

They both spent a moment to catch their breath; Renji leaning heavily on Byakuya who held on to the redhead and in turn leaned against the door. Byakuya recovered slightly faster and tapped his lieutenant on the shoulder as a signal to let him down and Renji steadied him as he let him down on his own two feet again. Both of their immediate lusts quenched they stood for a time, waiting for the world to come knocking with reality in tow. As they slowly settled within their separate rolls again they pulled away from each other and righted their clothes the best they could.
It wasn't awkward, the silence that filled the space between them. It was like they had just come back from a mission and was on their way back into routine. Like whatever happened during the dreadful mission and the time after never actually happened. Or like it was forgotten as a long passed yesterday.

"You can stay the night here. I do not want my subordinate to run around outside in the middle of the night." Byakuya said and his voice was almost back to what it used to be.

"Thank you, captain" Renji answered and followed the noble's example of pushing their sexual encounter out of the present. It didn't have anything with feelings to do; it had been a mutual decision for a pleasant if temporal solution. He didn't think his captain was completely back to how he used to be, but perhaps he had gotten out enough of his bottled up feelings to get a new start. He hoped their talk had done at least something good, and as he watched the noble straighten his obi and push his hair out of his face he actually thought he'd succeeded. Though if Rukia learned of how he'd done it or what it had led to… He would most likely not survive that moment. Better not tell her any details.

"Are you coming, Renji?" Byakuya asked and he turned to follow the noble. He was shown to a scarcely furnished room with a futon laid out on the floor. The room had a rich but homely feeling to it and he was grateful for it. He thanked Byakuya who told him there was a few change of clothes in the dresser and that he could pick any that fit him for the night. His own clothes would be cleaned if he put them outside his door and a bath would be available in the morning. He nodded and thanked the noble again.

"You are welcome Renji, know that you are. And, thank you" Byakuya dropped his mask for a moment and showed a shadow of the man Renji had seen earlier that night before he closed up again and bid his subordinate good night. Renji changed his clothes into a dark blue yukata he found in the dresser and put his own sweaty clothes outside the door like Byakuya had told him to. He noticed a similar, if neater pile further down the corridor and assumed Byakuya had went to sleep there. This meant they were in Byakuya's private quarters… Where was Rukia's room placed now again? Hopefully not close by…

Dropping that train of thoughts he went inside his assigned room again and flopped down on the clean bedding. He yawned tiredly and soon found himself wrapped in deep sleep.

When morning came Renji prepared himself for work like usual. Though the bath was different, the food was definitely different and he spent the meal together with his captain and Rukia, it didn't feel out of place. Byakuya answered every once in a while when Rukia spoke to him and Renji saw how his answers made her smile brightly. It didn't matter what he answered, it only mattered that he did.

When it was time for him to leave, Rukia followed him and Byakuya actually saw them off. In the light of day, Renji saw a reddish mark on his captains cheek and when he raised his arm to wave slowly at his sister, his sleeve went down to display newly healed scars. Everything had its course, and just like those wounds had healed over, so would the man's emotional wounds. He just needed time, and Renji knew he could expect his captain to be back before he knew it. Kuchiki Byakuya was never one to extend his leave longer than was necessary after all. Never.

Yarrow – Healing

"Given time even the deepest of wounds close. Though never the same as the origin, the pain is gone leaving only a scar to remind us of our moment of weakness."

A/N: Well oh my god… How the hell I managed to keep this story intact to the end is beyond me. First it was going pretty smoothly and in the same style as my other works, but then it turned dark by stress and then I practically went bonkers and all kind of crack spewed out!
I found this story quite hard to write, it felt like their emotions were eluding me and I was lost somewhere along the way of portraying them. And once lost, the story took a hold of me and this was the result.
I beg the great Byakuya-sama and Renji-sama for forgiveness! It wasn't my intention to turn this fic into crack!
And I hope people (mostly Byakuya fans) don't get angry at me for turning Byakuya into something of a drunk raving lunatic.
The story turned out to be very hard to get an end to and I'm sorry that it looks sloppy and rushed, but I have national exams tomorrow ( the 8th of February) and wanted to get this done before I drown in home works, birthdays and exams.
I would really get happy if you could leave a review and tell me what you think! Although I'm not really happy about the result, I want to know what you think before I go and shoot myself for failing.
And If you are still reading this far down (not likely) I do want to once more tell you that I would be glad to hear of any ideas for future pairings and flower themes! Stay tuned!

And now the little author is going to catch some sleep before she does something stupid…