Not So Sweet Emotion

I have yet to decide which pains me more,

The thought of not being able to be with you before,

Perhaps falling in love with you now,

But still somehow,

I find myself doubting the reality,

Wondering if you can really feel my needs.

This hurt is not as it was,

Where I would put up a fuss,

And my stomach would clench,

More like my heart is being wrenched.

I look at relationships not our own,

Where people end up broken and alone,

I wonder how long it will take for one of us to break,

Because with doubt this cannot make.

It hurts me to think of a life without you,

But down the road if I were to discover you were someone knew,

Where would that leave me?

Maybe I'm just naïve and cannot see,

Perhaps this truly is love.

Still somehow I worry I will give you the shove,

From paranoia, pain or shame,

I can't imagine you'd every be the one to blame.

That could be my problem though,

Cause without being psychic how can I know?

I'm not looking for a proposal or to send you on a quest,

I don't want to give you a test.

It's something I hoped you would know how to do,

Prove to me your love or at least give me a clue.

I keep being told to follow my heart,

But I am unsure of where to start,

My body and mind are split in half,

I'm so manic all I can do is laugh,

Following are floods of tears,

This agony my mind and heart it seers,

I can't allow these feelings last,

We are moving way to fast.

I long for the days when we were innocent and fresh,

Where just seeing you would cause a red in my flesh,

When hugs and kisses were our only dreams,

Since then we want more it seems.

I understand and appreciate being intimate,

But we are both still so young yet.

And if you plan on being with me for a time to come,

Then there is no reason for us to have to run.

If we can slow down and find a pace,

We may find ours is a different case.

Not similar to my parents and friends,

Whose' love and intimacy come's to an end.

I do love you very much,

And want to prove it to you as such.

However we need to wait,

A year and a half to consummate.

I care too much for us to let this ruin,

Please help me change our situation soon!

I miss you and hope I haven't caused a commotion,

But what am I to do with this not so sweet emotion?

I hope you understand and that we can talk,

And will leave you now with the key to my hearts lock.