Go it Alone

Disclaimer: I do not own SVU or any of the characters therein, that illustrious honor belongs to Dick Wolf.

Warning: This is a work of fiction involving a somewhat graphic depiction - description of consensual acts between two woman. If that isn't your thing then re-tweak your search engine and back away slowly from the fanfic.

This is somewhat fluffy and hopefully not too OOC… this is set after Savior

Broken. That was how she felt as she held the still one pound life in her arms. The baby had breathed its last breath only moments before but Olivia couldn't bear to let her go. For an instant, a moment, she had been a mother - her life long desire granted for a moment only to be taken away just as quickly. She knew, deep down, that she had made the right decision, but it did not make her feel any better. She had played God and now this baby's death was her responsibility. Once again she felt the tears welling up in her eyes and once again she beat them down.

She watched, numb, as the doctor slowly relieved her of her light burden, speaking softly asking what she wanted them to do with the body. Olivia wasn't aware of what she said but the doctor seemed to get the gist of it. She watched as they took away her daughter for the moment and felt the grief inside her slowly bubbling to the surface. She was shaken from her reverie by the feel of a soft hand resting on her shoulder.

"Olivia?"

She turned to see Alex looking at her, her beautiful face lined with worry. Olivia squared her shoulders and pulled away from the light touch and turned away from the piercing blue of the ADA's eyes. She shook her head and looked towards the operating room, her voice husky and breaking even to her own ears.

"I killed her Alex. I had the option, the choice to give her a chance and… I told them… I let them stop."

She wrapped her arms around herself and lowered her head dejectedly, "Elliot was right, nobody should play God. I deserve what I am feeling, and this just furthers the belief that I have no right to be a mother to…"

Her words stuck in her throat as she felt slender arms encircle her, pulling her against a slender warm body. The scent that was purely Alex - floral, clean, slightly spicy and fruity all at the same time - surrounded her and Olivia felt her breath catch in her throat as she felt soft breath and lips caressing her neck as Alex spoke.

"That's where you are wrong Olivia. You always would have and will one day be a wonderful mother. This was not your burden to bear, it was that young woman's who walked away from it. But not you. You took it on like you do the rest of the world - that baby girl had no chance at living a normal life and what kind of monster would you have been to make her live a life of ridicule and pain. You did the right thing."

Alex knew she was crossing the unspoken boundaries between her and the older woman but in this instance she didn't care. She had never seen Olivia look so broken, her beautiful eyes watery with unshed tears and her posture broken under the weight of self imposed grief. She pulled the solid body tighter to hers and rested her cheek against Olivia's still whispering.

"Lets get you home."

Olivia felt herself pulled under Alex's spell. She had long since given up denying her feelings for this woman. This woman who had come barreling into her life, arguing passionately at every turn, whose drive and stubbornness matched her own. This woman, so beautiful and untouchable, had touched her in a way nobody had been able to and she found herself mesmerized by her very presence. She had pushed those feelings down because of work and then buried them once she and Alex had begun their friendship - not wanting to complicate matters, not wanting to ruin what they had.

They never touched, except the occasional brush against one another in a narrow hallway, a congratulatory pat on the back, but never like this. It had been an unspoken rule between the two - even on the occasional dinner or drinks outside of work they had kept those same strict professional rules.

What was happening was too much for Olivia to handle and she pulled out of the warm and welcome embrace, shaking her head, "No Alex. I need to stay here and handle the paperwork and then there are the funeral arrangements."

Alex had felt Olivia stiffen in her arms and knew the small hidden spark she had noticed in the detectives eyes every now and then had not been imagined. She took a step back, not to back down but to give the detective her space.

"Olivia you can do that tomorrow. You need to leave, breathe, refresh, recoup… you need to allow yourself to grieve and let yourself cry so you can move on."

She apparently had said the wrong thing. She watched warm brown eyes cool and darken with hostility and felt the breath knocked out of her as the older, stronger woman shoved her back, her voice fierce as she raised her voice.

"Fuck you Alex. It is so easy for you to stand here and say these things - rest Olivia, grieve Olivia, let it go Olivia… well you know what I didn't say that to you when you killed Sam Cavanaugh! Did I Alex? No I simply stood by your side and supported you and listened to you…. I didn't get in your personal space and try to cajole you into getting over it. You are still not over it so don't talk to me about moving on!"

Alex watched as Olivia shrugged away from the security guard that had been called to stop the potential brawl and looked on as the only person she could truly call a friend stomped away. She followed the retreating form as it disappeared into the restroom. She waved away the guard's concern that she was ok and found herself following Olivia to the ladies room.

Olivia bent over the counter and looked into the mirror. She took in her red eyes and shaky breaking and hung her head in disbelief that she had attacked Alex. She knew why it had happened but Alex had not deserved that. She turned at the sound of the door opening, not completely surprised to see the tall blonde form of her ADA. She sighed and turned towards the other woman, "Alex I…."

Her words were silenced by the slim finger bring pressed against her lips, Alex spoke next - her voice deeper than usual, blue eyes foggy.

"Do you really believe that I killed Sam Cavanaugh Olivia?"

Of all the things she could have said, that was the last thing Olivia had expected. She had been out of line saying what she had said because she knew Alex still felt horribly responsible for what had happened to the young man. Olivia stepped forward and stood face to face with her friend, at least she hoped she was still her friend.

"Alex, I was out of line. I wasn't thinking about what I was saying, I just wanted someone else to hurt the way I was hurting… and before you say anything I know you didn't mean it the way it sounded. I appreciate the fact that you came, the fact that you out of all the people who know me showed up means something… it means a lot… and what do I do… I attack you. Some friend huh?"

Alex watched Olivia's lips curl into their trademark crooked smile, but the smile didn't reach her eyes and Alex found herself reaching forward brushing a lock of hair away from her detectives face, her hand brushing the smooth olive skin of her cheek before dropping to rest at her side. Was it her imagination or had Olivia leaned into the touch. Her curiosity rose and Alex felt a sense of bravery that had in the past escaped her. She stepped forward, her eyes locked on Olivia's and then lower to lips she had always fantasized about tasting. Slowly she pressed forward and against Olivia's lips, kissing her softly.

Olivia felt the heat rolling through her as Alexandra Cabot kissed her. It was brief, indescribable, and over before it had begun. She looked into heated blue eyes and without thinking she grabbed the ADA and pulled her hard against her body. Their lips crashed together, pressing, tasting, nipping… tongues grappled for dominance and mouths slanted in an attempt to taste deeper, kiss more completely. Olivia slowly gentled the ferocity in her oral attack and pulled back breathlessly. Not ready to speak and not ready to completely end it she leaned forward, her hands cupping the smooth angled cheeks of the attorney - thumbs sliding back and forth across the defined jaw before she closed the distance. She rubbed her lips back and forth slowly against the blonde's, kissing her lower lip and then her upper slowly before pressing against both as she slid the tip of her tongue against the crease seeking permission and delighted in the ease in which Alex allowed her to invade. She swirled her tongue against the ADAs loving the way the blonde gripped her body, the way she gave herself to the kiss, the way she moaned deep in her throat. Olivia knew she was falling, her emotions were coming free and she was falling hard with just a kiss.

She pulled back and looked at the face that had haunted her for the better part of 6 years. Alex was flushed, her eyes closed and her face relaxed. Olivia watched as those eyes opened and found herself staring into a torch like blue heat. She watched the full, slightly bruised and thoroughly kissed lips curve into a small smile.

Alex drew a shaky breath, "That was a long time coming detective."

Olivia shook her head, "How did you know?"

Alex smiled and felt her lips parting in a grin, "The Babs case? You performance in the interrogation room… it was like seeing the real you… and I was mesmerized by my not having seen it before."

Olivia flushed, "But Alex I'm not… I mean I have never… "

She blushed and looked away, "I have only ever felt that for one person."

Alex smiled, "Anyone I know?"

Olivia turned and walked behind the tall woman, guiding her to the mirror. She leaned over and whispered in the ADA's ear, inhaling the soft scent of the blonde's shampoo.

":Its always been you Alex."

Alex looked into and at the dark features of her lead detective and turned slowly, "Lets get out of here…"

Olivia read the unspoken request and nodded. She fell back and opened the door for this woman who had already made and continued to make an impact on her. She felt desire shake her as Alex walked past her and on impulse Olivia grabbed her back again, pinning her to the door for another core shaking kiss, seeking to illicit just one more hot groan.

Alex felt insistent hands on her hips as she slid and fisted her hands in dark long hair, letting herself be ravaged again. It was soft, unrelenting, fervent and unlike any kiss she had previously received. The give and take was tender and powerful at the same time. She felt heat pooling between her thighs as her stomach clenched as desire for the woman against her spread through her body. She moaned deeply as she felt strong hands sliding up the back of her thighs to grip her ass through the tight power skirt she still had on from court. She broke away, her voice unsteady, "God Liv… this… you.. I can't think."

Olivia felt a smile part her lips, "Now that is saying something counselor."

Alex turned and blushed slightly and shoved the detective back, "Watch it Benson, I do have friends in high places and I could have charges drawn up for bribing a public official."

Olivia cocked her head to the side slightly, enjoying their familiar banter, "Ok Alexandra I will bite, just what have I bribed you with?"

Alex leaned forward kissing smooth lips softly as she whispered, " You have bribed me by promising what I think will be the most passionate encounter of my life - and I don't think I can say no."

Olivia swallowed and locked eyes with Alex, "You are wrong consol our."

Alex felt her brow furrow at the unexpected answer and leaned back slightly, "What exactly am I wrong about Olivia?"

Olivia smiled, "thinking that it will be the most passionate encounter. I can assure you counselor, it will be memorable."

Alex smiled and leaned in for one more kiss before growing serious.

"Olivia about earlier…"

Olivia shook her head, "Thank you for coming, This isn't something I will get over anytime soon. What you said back their did resonate… this wasn't my burden by choice and I didn't have to accept it - but I did and I have to take the good with the bad."

Alex grabbed the older woman's hand and held it for a moment, "You gave everything that you could, like you always do to everyone who needs you." She held up her hand when the brunette attempted to protest and shook her head. "No Olivia, at least that poor baby didn't have to die alone… you gave yourself and held her until she left - that is a gift… your gift. You didn't take a life, you let a life go that was meant for more than what here could offer."

Olivia nodded slowly and pulled the attorney into her arms, hugging her slender frame, enjoying the feeling of not being alone.

"Wait for me, I want to sign the papers… and make the arrangements… I want her to have a proper funeral… a proper name."

She looked into vivid eyes, lost herself in the color, the shape and all that they conveyed, "Will you attend it with me Alex?"

Alex nodded solemnly, "You know I will Liv."

Olivia nodded and made a move to leave the restroom. She felt the tug at her hand as Alexandra Cabot laced their fingers and watched as the blonde gave another one of her rare beautiful smiles…

"We will go together."

Olivia felt her lips curve again as she smiled back, "I tend to try and do it all alone all the time don't I?"

Alex nodded and pulled the detective towards the door as she opened it, "but now you don't have to."

Olivia paused considering the words and what they implied and offered. Impossibly she had found happiness in grief. Daringly she leaned forward and planted a quick kiss against Alex's smooth cheek, "No, now I have you."

A/N: Yeah that was really fluffy and maybe a little OOC - its hard to say with what little we get to see of their characters in the show - they are both multi-layered and complex characters. Reviews are welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read, hope it was enjoyed.