Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. I own bleach, but not Bleach. You get what I'm saying? You don't? Well then, forget you.
I've forgotten how many stories I have started. Out of all of them, I know I have finished two. Well, not much to say here besides the fact that this is my first story about Rukia. It's a Rukia/Ichigo story. I'm not much of a romance writer. I find it kind of awkward. This story is based of the song Broken by 12 Stones. I thought it would fit. It's set in the time she's trying to leave, but Renji and Byakuya find her. It's mainly about her thoughts. Oh, and she's not really at the scene during these thoughts. She's in her cell right before Ganju and Hanataro break her out and she meets up with Ichigo again. It's also in first person point of view. Oh goodie, a vocabulary word! Well, tell me what you think.
I ran along the calm river as fast as I could. I really wished that my gigai could fly. What I really wished was that I could have stayed with Ichigo. Even though I was sleeping in his closet and at the time, completely unknown to the rest of his family, I liked it there, and never intended to leave so early. Ichigo probably hadn't found the note I left him yet, but that was okay. He would find it eventually. He'd most likely look at it and immediately take it for a joke and instult my drawing like he always did. And by the time he realized it wasn't a joke, it would be too late and I'd be long gone.
I secretly wished that he'd find it sooner and try to bring me back. Why I wanted that to happen, I had no idea. Nonetheless, I could easily be considered gone now. He wouldn't see me again. I only made his young life more difficult. I had just barged into his life and forced him to become a shinigami. I had no real reason to want to stay though. I couldn't even count the people I'd met as friends. I had only been there for a few months, not nearly long enough to form a real friendship.
But for reason's unknown to myself, I was hurting inside. A tightness in my chest. I knew it was wrong to just get up and leave them all like this, but as long as they didn't try to save me, I was content. My thoughts shifted to Ichigo again. Would he find the note and run into the Seireitei recklessly to get me back to the living world? I didn't know why he would. Why did I want him to do so? I couldn't possibly love him, could she? Even if I did, he wouldn't love me back. He didn't know me well enough. I'd only been an aquantance for a few months.
Every night, when I was trying to sleep in that tiny closet of his, I hoped that I wouldn't be in too much trouble when I got back to the Seireitei. And when I was sleeping, I would dream that I was able to stay with them all for as long as I wanted to and without being kept secret from the rest of Ichigo's family. I would never admit it out loud though. Just because I had hopes and dreams, like everyone else, it didn't mean that I had to tell anyone about them. My pride wouldn't let me. But everything I wanted and needed lied in Ichigo.
Despite what I kept telling myself, I was breaking in half in attempt to get rid of these cursed feelings. Again, I'd never admit it, but in order to be as happy as I dreamed, I needed Ichigo and whatever love he could've had for me. Even if it were only in my dreams. If he saw the way I lived, he'd know that I'd never be able to stay though. He had the easy life. He went to school, socialized with his friends, went home, and dealed with a family he acted like he was annoyed with, but loved more than anything.
If I knew he'd come after me and risk everything to save me, I'd never have gone. When he found that note, his heart would be broken and there would be nothing I could do to change it. Not one single thing would be able to ease the pain he was feeling. First he lost his mother and now he'd lost me. But somehow, despite all I'd put him through, I managed to turn away. Now that I think of it, I needed to be broken. It would take away all the pain that I had been trying to burn away from my mind.
I wondered why he'd chosen to risk everything to become a shinigami despite all the mistakes I made when I first met him. For all he knew, he could have turned down the offer after saving his family and at least tried to transfer the powers back to myself. Even if I knew the truth, I'd probably deny it. I remembered the last time he looked at me directly in the face. It was with so much annoyance, but with concern and something else as well. I continued running and tears streamed down my face and onto the cold concrete below my feet, quickly disappearing. I'd had faith that I wouldn't have to do this to them, but faith is blind and never completely works out.
Out of all the hate I had boiling in the pit of my heart, I couldn't spare any for Ichigo at all. No matter how much he screwed up, it just wouldn't work. I think and think and think of anything that would cause me to hate him and want to leave, but nothing came to mind or heart. I tried to hide the light in my eyes everytime I saw him, but some always leaked out, and he'd immediately catch it and smile, as if he knew what was going through my mind at that exact moment. I've hidden so much from Ichigo, but I've shown him so much as well.
I continued running as fast as I could. After about five more minutes (it's a pretty long river), I felt a large amount of reiatsu. I recognized them immediately, but still couldn't believe that they were there in the living world looking for me. I looked up and fear overtook my heart and I slowly backed away. It was my best friend and my older brother, Renji and Byakuya. Byakuya was the captain of squad six in the Gotei 13 and Renji was his lieutenant. They led the most powerful squad, next to squad one, which the head captain Yamamoto led. I knew that I'd never be able to escape them, but it was worth a shot.
"It's time to bring you home Rukia," Renji said as he and Byakuya plopped down in front of me. After a moment's hesitation, my heart turned cold and I knew that nothing was going to change within myself while I knew Ichigo was in danger. I stood at attention and got ready to fight the most powerful people in the Seireitei. Finally, as if by magic, I was broken, free of my guilt and fear, if only for a moment.
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Even now as I sit in my large, lonely cell, I know I should have just gone with them. Now Ichigo was in more trouble than ever with the Gotei 13 and it was all my fault. I looked out my window and slightly felt Ichigo's reiatsu, as if it were approaching me. I closed my eyes and savored that feeling, as I knew that it wouldn't happen again. I was going to be executed and would never see Ichigo or any of the others again. There is no room for grief in my heart now. No room for anything. I am done feeling sorry for what I've done. I helped Ichigo save his family from a terrible fate.
I see Ganju Shiba and Hanataro running down the narrow bridge that led to my cell and thought of how much trouble they'd gone through just to get here. Then with a sudden feeling of shock and sorrow, I see Ichigo flying over in the distance with some weird machine I'd never seen before.
"Fool, you should have stayed home," I said softly, even though I knew I was smiling.
A/N: Yeah, like I said, it's about her thoughts; not what she does. I was really tired when I wrote this, so it's only a little over a thousant words. First person is so weird. Not my favorite point of view, but I had to try it, even if it was just once. If you think I should do more in first person point of view, like this, only with movement and not just thoughts, just tell me. Tell me if you like it.