"Itadakimasu!" Shigure chirped, in his annoying little happy voice. He stared down at the meal Tohru had prepared for us, beaming. "Oh, Tohru-kun, I don't know where we'd be without you!"

"Our wallets would disown us for the amount of take-away that we'd have to order. Either that or we live off rice balls…" I muttered, slouching forward with my elbows on the table.

"Kyo-kun, you're so serious," Shigure whined at me. "Lighten up!"

"Who's to say I'm not lightening up?" I scowled in his direction.

Shigure sighed. Yuki shook his head in what seemed like disappointment. Conceited bastards.

"U-Um… I hope you all enjoy the food!" Tohru bowed, trying to change the subject. I chuckled once. Same old Tohru…

Yuki began to eat his bowl of rice. "You're a wonderful cook, Tohru."

I felt some weird feeling in my stomach when I saw a blush creep over Tohru's cheeks. She smiled and said, "I try my best!"

And she just stayed that way for what seemed to me like an eternity; she smiled at him, he smiled back. What the hell? Why am I getting ticked off with that? Why should I? It's not like she could ever feel that way about me, so why even bother hoping in the first place?

She's much better off with a 'princely' figure like him. That guy does not know how lucky he is. He has everything, and I hate that. I hate it that he doesn't even acknowledge her that way. I do, but it's my duty, if you will, not to show it. It's obvious she loves him.

Despite my trying to convince myself that I was being stuck-up and arrogant, I still got more and more pissed at him. That damn rat.

The angrier I got, the less I felt like eating the meal that Tohru had worked so hard over. I felt the guilt wash over me, but I really just couldn't stomach it. I could feel myself glaring at Yuki, and when I got his attention, he shot me a questioning look and looked back to his food.

"K-Kyo-kun… Are you okay? You're not eating anything… Don't you like it? I could fix something else for you?" Tohru looked at me with genuine concern in her eyes.

I pushed myself up from the table with my palms and got to my feet. "I'm just not hungry. Sorry, Tohru…" I headed toward the stairs. It's not like my leaving was a rare occurrence when I was stuck in a house with a lazy, perverted novelist and a damn rat. Tohru would understand… Right?

She smiled at me. "That's all right, Kyo-kun. I'll save some for you, if you'd like?"

I glanced back at her with my hand on the banister. Her smile made me return one. "Sure, thanks," and I disappeared to my room.

-x-

When I slid the door open, I collapsed onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. Thoughts concerning Tohru filled my mind. Would it be right to just let go of my emotions and just move on? Who cares if I die alone?

But she…

No. There is no way she'd think like that. I mean, it's Tohru we're talking about here. It's obvious when she likes someone. And that someone happens to be one of the people I hate most.

Sure, he's better than me. Sure, he has her exactly where I would want her. Sure, he's not blind enough not to realize that she likes him. But does he even act like he cares? Huh, like hell he does.

The desire for her wouldn't leave me alone. Maybe I should just hide my feelings and look the other way. She'd be happier with him. He wouldn't be able to hurt her like I could. If I were to take off these beads… Oh, God. "I don't want to even think about that," I muttered as I stared at the black-and-white bracelet clinging to my wrist.

I put my hands behind my head, closed my eyes and let my mind wander.

Strangely, thought I knew it would never exist in reality, my mind took me to thinking how it would be like if she did love me.

I'd come home after a long day, to a smiling Tohru. "Welcome home, Kyo-kun!" She'd call to me, happily. I'd smile back and hold her in my arms, whispering, "I'm back… I love you,"

"I love you too."

WAIT. When did I start to get sappy?! I grimaced. That is so not my cup of tea…

But Tohru…

Argh! Shut up already! It WON'T happen!

Besides, if that were true, then when I hugged her I would have turned into a god damn orange kitty… Not a pretty sight, I can tell ya…

-x-

After thinking about various subjects for a long expanse of time, I finally decided to keep my eyes shut and sleep earlier than usual. I hadn't eaten dinner but I wasn't hungry so it didn't seem to matter any more.

It took me a while to drift into sleep, but when I finally did, I wished I hadn't.

I didn't have a dream. I had a nightmare. Probably the worst I've ever had. Why?

Because it involved hurting the one I loved the most.

-x-

Somehow, I'd lost my juzu beads. Well, not lost exactly… I just wasn't wearing them. I guess you could call it lost if I didn't exactly know where they were.

But I was running as fast as I could, away from her. Then she was there behind me, chasing after me. She looked hurt and had were open wounds that I probably created… I was wondering whether, at this point, if I'd ever be able to wake again. It already seemed too much to bear to see her like that.

Little did I know, the nightmare only got worse.

Why?

Why did it have to be her?

Why was she chasing after me?

I looked back at her. She was crying.

And then she stopped running.

She collapsed on the floor.

I ran back to her. And when I held her, my clawed hands… I didn't mean to, but I… She… She wasn't breathing anymore…

-x-

I shot upright, panting into the darkness. I could feel the beads of sweat sliding down my forehead.

My door slid open as the light from the hallway flooded into my dark room. A worried Tohru peered at me with concern from the doorframe. "K-Kyo-kun… Are you okay? I heard…" She trailed off as her troubled eyes were drawn to me. She walked over to the edge of my bed and pressed the back of her hand to my forehead.

"D-Do you have a fever, Kyo-kun?"

I sighed and pulled her close to me. I felt myself turn into the spirit of the Cat. Damn that stupid Zodiac Curse. But Tohru still clung to me all the same.

"T-Tohru… I'm so sorry… I thought I'd…" I couldn't finish the sentence. She sighed and held me tighter, as if she knew what I'd thought I'd done to her.

"It's all right, Kyo-kun," she whispered to me, like a mother would.

I relaxed a little in her arms. Maybe she was right. Maybe it would be all right. Maybe, just maybe…