Finite Loss
by Remi Craeg
P5X-113
1753 Zulu
"Carter?"
"Sir?"
"This may seem like a dumb question…"
Daniel looked up from his perch on the entryway stairs. His expression seemed to say, "Really? Dumb, Jack?"
"Daniel," he warned, "Not in the mood."
"Hey, I didn't say a word!"
"Yeah, but I could tell what you were thinking," he explained, wagging a finger in Daniel's direction.
"Really, so now you're a mind reader?"
"DanielJackson," Teal'c spoke from behind the men in an attempt to dispel the exchange. "I believe you requested my assistance unloading your equipment." Daniel nodded and followed the Jaffa back through the woods and the few hundred feet to the gate.
"Sir?" Carter asked drawing Jack's attention back into the room.
"Hm?"
Sam's eyebrows raised and a hand motioned, palms up, to get him back on track.
"Oh, right..."
She nodded, doing her best to hide the smile that crept to her lips. Kneeling, she began to unpack her gear while he gathered his thoughts.
"Why is it that in every alternate reality we encounter we're either," he paused unsure if he should finish. "Why are we always engaged or married…or expecting?"
This caused her to stop mid-motion, "Sir?" For a moment she wasn't sure what to say, but ultimately decided on a distraction, "Is that what you were really going to ask?"
"Yeah, why?"
"You were going to ask me why we're always married in alternate realities while Daniel and Teal'c were in the room?"
"They went back to the gate!" he cried, thinking she maybe lost her mind.
"Yes, sir, but you didn't know they were going to leave when you started."
"Aht, Carter. Does that mean you don't have an answer?"
"No, sir. Just wondering."
"Well, stop."
"Yes, sir."
"Well?"
"Well, what, sir?"
"Alternate realities?"
His voice was raised, she could tell he was frustrated with her evasions. "There are an infinite number of realities, sir."
He stared at her blankly, "…And?"
"And infinity is a lot."
He didn't react.
"And it was bound to happen in one of them?" It was the best she could do.
"I see."
A minute passed as she repacked her various sensory gadgets and fished for a bigger flash light. Jack was temporarily unoccupied and kicked rocks through the doorway to an inner chamber, occasionally producing a phantom crowd to cheer him on. "Goal!" he'd whisper loudly.
"Not just one reality, Carter, all. And you were never married to Daniel. Or Teal'c for that matter." Apparently he wasn't satisfied with her answer.
Sam sighed. She wasn't sure if he was messing with her—trying to goad an interesting response from her—or if he just wanted to see her squirm.
"Well, sir, maybe we're soul mates and belong together in every reality."
Jack suddenly stiffened. He held his breath and turned to face her. When he saw her smiling wickedly, he exhaled.
"A joke, sir," she explained quickly with a shrug. She wasn't sure how much he'd let her get away with.
"A joke, right." Jack wasn't upset, truth be told, he wished he'd thought of it first. Better her squirming than him.
Sam decided she was finished temping fate and got back to her instruments' outputs.
"Do you want me to come up with a plausible explanation or were you making conversation?"
He wondered what made her think she could drop the 'sir' just because they were kidding around. It surprised him more than upset him.
Sam seemed to sense his concern and added a belated, "Sir."
"Would this 'plausible explanation' involve technobabble?"
"It's likely."
"Never mind then."
"You're sure, sir, because it could be an interesting thought experiment."
'Experiment' rang warning bells in his mind. He shook his head and waved a hand, "No, no. I'm sorry I asked."
"Asked what?" Daniel caught the tail-end of their conversation as he and Teal'c returned.
"The Colonel was wondering why—"
"Why you two packed so much junk for a recon mission."
Sam smirked, guess he didn't want to share with the class after all.
"Exactly. Recon, Jack. As in reconnaissance, French for reconnaissance. Investigation, exploration—"
"Alright, alright, Daniel. My mood still hasn't changed."
Teal'c again stepped in, "Colonel O'Neill, should we not investigate the immediate vicinity of this structure?"
Jack glanced at Teal'c, "Is he making fun of me?"
"I was not O'Neill. I believe it to be wise to determine the safety of the structure we will use as shelter for the night."
"Good idea. We'll be back kids. Major, don't make a mess."
"Yes, sir," came her automated reply.
P5X-113
2039 Zulu
"Carter, what do you say we put the toys away and set up camp?"
"Just a second, sir. I almost finished calibrating the naqahdah sensors."
"Those things need to be calibrated?" he asked and immediately wished he hadn't.
"Actually, sir, they do. Each planet has a number of other elements that can disrupt or even mask the correct functioning of the device."
"Wow, you'd think I would've picked that up before now."
"Easy to miss, sir."
"Major, any time today would be nice."
"Yes, sir."
"Daniel."
"Yes, Jack," his voice was sing-song just the way Jack hated.
"Find any scribbles or finger paintings?"
"If you mean ancient texts or cave drawings…"
O'Neill nodded.
"Then yes. I think this building was a church of sorts."
"Not a snake shrine?"
"It's a bit—"
"Sparse?" Jack supplied.
"I was going to say modest—for the Goa'uld."
"Well, that's good news."
"Indeed," Teal'c interjected.
"If not for the Goa'uld, then…?"
"It's hard to say."
"Even for a linguist? Why do we drag you along?"
"Because I've translated more of this text in the hour we've been here than any other person on Earth could do their whole career."
"Look who's modest now."
"Ready, sir," Sam announced approaching her teammates.
"'Bout damn time."
P5X-113
2304 Zulu
"Psst, Carter!" Jack whispered with a hand cupped to his mouth hoping the call would reach only her. "You asleep?"
"I'm on watch, sir," she said by way of explanation.
"Good. Just checking. I know how much you like first watch."
"Never said that, sir. It's the one you like the least." She figured it was safe to tempt again.
"Easy Major," came his half-hearted warning. He rolled onto his side to face her.
"Sorry, sir."
"You aren't a night owl, Carter?"
"No. I prefer to watch the sun rise."
"Suns. It's a binary star system." He adjusted his pack and recrossed his arms.
She stared at him for a moment. Should she be more amazed by the words he'd used or the fact that he'd used them correctly?
"What?"
"Sir, you read my brief!"
"Shh, will ya keep it down for cryin' out loud!"
Even in the darkness he could see her smile and he knew it had been worth it, no matter what she could possibly say next.
"Did you read the part about how easy it was to determine their mass? Normally we have much more complex equations set up for single star systems but can extrapolate—"
He growled and pulled his cap over his eyes. Maybe not so worth it. "You wanna switch shifts?" he offered hoping it'd at least stop the crazy-talk.
She grinned again, "Really?"
"Sure, Carter. I prefer the stars."
"Thank you, sir."
Even as her head hit her pack the smile remained. It amazed him, the things that excited her.
"I want the highlights at lunch," he whispered when he thought she'd succumbed to sleep.
"Yessir." And it was his turn to smile.
P5X-113
0343 Zulu
As Jack awoke, his hearing was the first sense to return to him. About a foot to his right he heard the rustling of standard issue BDU's, followed by a sharp hiss.
"Carter?" he whispered, his eyes still closed.
"Yes, sir. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
Jack cracked one eye to see her pulling her thumb into her mouth.
"I reached for my flashlight. It was close to the fire all night. A minor discomfort."
He nodded and propped himself up against one of the crates that encircled their sleeping area. "What time is it?"
"Still a few hours before local dawn."
"Good, I haven't missed the show."
"Sir?"
"Sunrise—or would it be suns-rise?" he shrugged.
She gave him an apologetic smile and returned to her mat. "Are we leaving first thing this morning, sir?"
"If you and Daniel are finished with your tinkering and gathering. Didn't seem to be much on this planet."
"Yeah, it's strange. This mission was almost…"
"Routine?" he offered.
"Yes, sir."
"Well, it's nice to get through an entire mission without being shot at."
"Mission's not over yet, sir," she reminded him. He nodded in agreement.
The crackling fire and two soft snores were the only sounds in the room, until Sam spoke in such a quiet voice Jack wasn't sure she was actually talking. "You know you could've sat this mission out. I mentioned it to General Hammond."
"And I appreciate that, but I didn't need time away."
"Sir," she spoke in opposition without actually stating her argument. He knew what she was going to say.
"Carter, you and I both know it's better to be at work—"
"I don't think so. You need time to yourself, sir. Time to mourn—"
"The last thing I needed was to be sitting on my couch, piss drunk, thinking of all the ways I messed up that day." Jack's voice was measured, soft, despite the weight of his admission.
Sam nodded acquiescently. Maybe he was right, she thought.
Silence followed like a jet stream.
"Sir?"
"Yeah," he mumbled to his shoulder. She thought he was possibly on the verge of falling back to asleep.
"Do you ever wonder what he'd be like today if…" she asked. She couldn't bring herself to finish when he suddenly looked up, fire burning hot against their faces. She was afraid she'd upset him, but he gave her a sad smile.
"Everyday." This made her want to close her eyes, incredibly struck by his disclosure. For a brief moment they shared a bittersweet silence. Sam could appreciate the rarity of that side of Jack and she knew it will be gone soon. "Try to rest, Carter. We have a long hike out of here in a few hours."
"Yes, sir."
"Carter," he whispered back a moment later.
"Yeah," she kept her eyes closed, unaware of his gaze upon her, but reopened them when he didn't speak. It worried her to find such intensity in-between the firelight and his eyes, "Sir?"
"I miss him, too. Everyday."
Sam never realized her heart could break with a single look, but it did and in an instant she felt his pain as if it's her own, because right then it was her own. "I know," was all she could say. She touched his sleeve trying to pass the unspoken thoughts through osmosis.
"You'd think with all the infinite realities we could run across just one…" Jack couldn't finish the thought.
What an agonizing notion, she thought. Sam wished she could say the right thing. The one thing that would make it better, but genius or not, she knew that thing did not exist. Her hand returned to his arm, this time she gripped his wrist.
Jack waited for the solace he knew her words could offer, but nothing came.
"You should try to get more sleep, sir. I'll wake you up when it's suns-rise."
He found a smile for that last part. "Yeah. 'Night, Sam."
"Goodnight, sir."
A/N: So this started as a playful piece, as you can probably tell, right up to the last exchange. I really didn't intend on such an angst-fest, sorry! If anyone had a hard time figuring it out, this particular mission fell on the anniversary of Charlie's death. Anyway, let me know if you hated the digression, the fact that it came from left field, or perhaps you loved it?
Have a great weekend, guys!
-RGC