A/N: Some of the opening is very similar to another story I wrote, but this is a very different plot, please read beyond the beginning to really see what the stories like. Please R&R.

He sat there mulling over the piece of paper in his hands. He played with the edges of the paper in his hand. He continued to sip his scotch letting the liquid burn the back of his throat before turning into water, no longer affecting him. It was the second time that a small piece of paper burned his hands as he played with, shredded his heart as he read it over and over again. The first was for Peggy's funeral, and the second was this.

She had chosen Banner, and he had helped them get together, he had pushed Banner to take this chance, the chance that he had clearly missed. Despite everything Banner had done to her, she was still off limits. Banner was a friend right? He couldn't move in on Natasha while he was gone, right?

Steve tried whenever possible, between training the new avengers, to help her, comfort her. She was stoic at times, a hard shell, and she pushed him away. He was there, with a warm shoulder, when she just needed to stare out the window and cry. He still wanted her desperately. Yes that was selfish, but it was the whole truth. Ever since the fall of Shield fiasco a little over a year ago, he felt something more for the redhead spy. Of course immediately when we met her he was attracted to her, what guy wasn't? But now it wasn't just a physical attraction it was more than that. He loved her, and he had been dancing around his feelings for her.

In the graveyard he wanted to say 'stay'. The words were caught in his throat and he didn't utter them in time. He respected her need for space, so she could figure out who she was. He knew who she was: a strong, independent, beautiful, loyal, attractive, intelligent woman, but most importantly a hero, not a monster. He could have told her all of that, but what are the chances she would have believed him. She just needed to find that all out on her own first.

When they met again a year later to help hunt down hydra and the scepter, he couldn't help but marvel at her beauty. But he was also observant to her clear attraction to Banner. He saw the way she flirted with him. He couldn't destroy her happiness, when that's all he wanted. Of course he wanted to be the cause of her happiness, the man of her affection, but he wouldn't destroy it. Seeing that he missed his chance, he pushed Banner to not miss his.

Steve distanced himself from her; it was the only way to remain a coworker without bursting at the seams. 'Romanoff' became the only way for his fragile heart to address her. He didn't continue his lingering glances, he didn't constantly give her his charming smile, only soft nods of acknowledgement.

Nat knew. She could sense Steve being distant. He didn't look at her the same way, like he did a year ago. His glow seemingly faded when he looked at her. He looked aged, pale, and exhausted. He kept up their friendly relationship as coworkers, but nothing more. Their conversations never went beyond 'what's today's training plan' and 'that was a day, they still need work'. He never called her Nat or Tasha or Natasha, just Romanoff or Black Widow or Widow. She missed one of her best friends in the entire world besides Clint. It felt like that year apart wiped away any connection or shared bonds. Oh god how she missed him and his radiance.

After everything with Ultron, Banner disappeared. He broke her heart; that she easily handed over to him. She thought that they had something. They both were afraid of the monsters that they could easily become. They bonded over that and they had all of these intimate moments together. She shared memories and feelings with him that neither Steve nor Clint had been privy too. She begged him to come back, and all for naught.

She shut off her emotions to the outside world. But there were times when she couldn't hold it in anymore. She just needed to cry to let out the hurt that she constantly tried burying. Steve, Steve was always there in a purely leadership capacity. He saw her hurt and need, and he was there with a shoulder for her to cry on. He, like the other team members, stopped asking her questions and trying to comfort her, they gave her the space she requested.

Then Banner came knocking one day. He showed up at the new Avengers facility one day. She tried not to rush back into his arms and forgo any resolve she had built up. But it was all for naught. It took one long look and his rambling apology to cause an eruption of emotions, a flood, to wash over her. She collapsed into his arms. Over the days they rekindled what they had and started to repair their romantic and platonic relationship.

Now he was staring at her wedding invitation. She was going to marry Banner in a few weeks time. He had seen it coming, despite everything in him that had denied it over and over again. He wanted nothing more that to have her for himself. But he couldn't do that to Banner, and more importantly to her. As he continued to look at the invitation he saw the boxes that he could check, not attending or attending and how many people.

He looked it over a few more times before taking a pen and checking 'not attending'. Closet friend or not he couldn't bear seeing her marrying another man. It broke his heart to see her and Banner get back together, and this was the final straw for him. He got the next morning and posted the letter. He knew he would hurt her by not showing up to the wedding, but this, going there would kill him with pain. He felt okay but distressed about not going. Oh god how he loved her.

Then two weeks passed, and now he was back at home drinking more scotch thinking about the past few weeks. Natasha's wedding was being planned accordingly, and everything was going according to plan. Then he heard a banging at his door. He didn't have the energy to get up and answer the door. He figured eventually whoever it was, would give up and go away. Nope he had been wrong, because after ten minutes his door flung open. And there was Natasha, as beautiful as ever but also as mad as ever. This could not be good.

"What the Hell Rogers? You think that I wouldn't have seen this? That Bruce would have just taken care of it and that I wouldn't find out. What is wrong with you? This is supposed to be the most important, and happiest day of my life and you weren't going to show up? Let alone tell me to my face."

"Romanoff, it's not like that."

"Then enlighten me, tell me what it's like."

"I just don't…"

"Don't what? Want to be apart of my special day? The whole team is going, pepper and Jane as well and you weren't going to show up. That's a real dick move Rogers."

"Please Romanoff, don't start."

"Just call me Natasha for god sakes and tell me what the hell happened. What made Steve so gusty that he decided to just not show up at my wedding? His friends wedding."

"Romanoff, it's my personal business and I don't want to show up so please leave it at that. That's why you send those cards so that people have the chance to deny coming."

"No that's for everyone else, not my best friend."

"Please Romanoff." He looked long and hard at her and saw her face soften slightly and this is exactly what he feared. She would come asking and he would melt at her feet, do whatever she asked him to. "Look I finally have plans and they conflict."

"No you don't Rogers, stop bullshitting me."

"Stop Romanoff."

"No Rogers, don't do this to me. It's going to be a special day and I want my friends there, I want you there Steve." He wanted to be there to, but he wanted to be the one standing there, in the alter with her.

"Fine."

"Yes?"

"Yes, I'll come."

"And what of your plans?"

"I'll cancel them, your are right, this is more important."

The weeks seemed to pass even quicker and Steve was getting ready to head to the ceremony. He took his bike and arrived right on time. He took his seat in the front row for the ceremony; he stood and marveled at Natasha's beauty as she walked down the isle with a beautiful white dress that made her emerald green eyes and fiery red head stand out more. He ogled at her beauty and the serenity of the moment.

Natasha walked down the isle and when she saw Steve and her friends she smiled at them, happy that they were here, and apart of her special day. The ceremony progressed and Natasha was more than elated to finally say 'I do'.

When the priest said "All those wishing to object, speak now or forever hold your peace" Steve wanted nothing more than to say 'I object', he wanted Natasha to know what he really felt for her before she married Banner. In his mind the scene played out in his head and he choose not to ruin their special moment. As they said I do, Steve clapped and was ready to get to the reception where he could disappear into the background.

When the reception finally did come, the Avengers were sitting together and talking. They were all so happy for their fellow Avengers. Steve tried to keep up a happy face but it was so hard when he was dying on the inside. The rest of the Avengers they had their partners in life and well here he was alone again. 'Captain America pretending as if he could live without a war to fight, pathetic.' -Ultron's words were spinning in his head stuck on a loop. The sad part was that they were true. He went to the bar and got himself a drink, that's when Barton approached him.

"Steve."

"Clint."

"You okay man?"

"Yeah, it's been a long day is all."

"It's hard, I couldn't imagine Laurie marrying another man, let alone a friend of mine." Steve looked hard and long at the archer, and he knew Barton knew.

"Its rough, but it doesn't matter now, I mean its not like we shared anything, she always saw me as a friend, so this heartbreak is unwarranted."

"No its not unwarranted, she may not have acknowledged what you felt for her, but that doesn't mean that your heart can't feel pain."

"Its just so hard Barton because I love her, and I missed my chance for the second time." Barton patted him on the back. He felt bad for Steve, secretly he had hopped that the spy and solider would get together but fate had been cruel to Steve.

"I know Steve." Barton and Steve starred to the dance floor where Banner and Natasha were now dancing among other couples. "Listen you'll move on eventually, but for now Laurie wants me to come dance with her, see you later buddy."

"Yeah." Steve sipped his drink, then got another one and went back to the table to drink more. He added a little Asgardian mead, to make it a little stronger; at least it started to really burn. The song ended and another one came on.

"Hey solider, care to dance with me? Bruce went to greet some guests."

"Sure, Romanoff anything for you." The sick part was that he had gotten dancing lessons in hopes of finally asking her out before Banner returned.

They started to sway to the song and Steve kept wishing that it were their wedding. They flowed with the music and Steve looked like a pro, and like they were the couple at the center of everyone's attention.

"Steve I thought you said you didn't know how to dance."

"I learned, but never got to use the new skills. I waited to long to ask her out."

"Steve it's never too late to take a chance."

"Yeah it is, especially now."

"Oh come on, any girl would say yes, and swoon over you if you just put your self out there."

"Even if it were you?" This had caught Natasha off guard but she recovered quickly.

"Yes." She had never told anyone that she harbored feelings for the solider, but now that she was married it wouldn't make a difference, so why not. Steve had pulled back from her embrace slightly and looked at her, half shocked at what she had just said.

"Natasha, I'm happy for you."

"Thank you Steve, but my job is not yet done, I still have to find you someone."

"You know I thought I found her for a while."

"That's perfect Steve, and what happened?"

"She got married to my friend." What he had said destroyed even ounce of resolve she had left. He couldn't mean her could he? Oh god, what did she do to him. Every wall that had been holding back the tidal wave of emotions crumbled. She couldn't bear to see him here anymore. She pulled back from him and saw the hurt and angst on his face.

"Please leave Steve."

"I…I didn't mean to hurt you, I just, I just finally needed to say it."

"And you choose today, the day of my marriage to tell me?"

"I'm sorry Nat." He looked so sad and lost like a little puppy, especially with those sea blue eyes.

"Steve I want you to leave, please go."

"Fine Nat." And with that Steve let go of her and went to the table grabbing his drink, downing it before leaving. He grabbed his leather over coat and left. He rode his motorcycle out of the place, but not before the rest of the Avengers saw the interaction between the two. Nat rushed to the bathroom, grabbing Pepper and Maria. She needed help and she needed to be out of sight before she ruined her makeup.