AN: Prompt 71 - "Obsession". Still not my characters, unfortunately. Drink and drugs are bad, ok kids?
I remember, very clearly, the first time I saw her. It was in a bar, downtown. Seventh Heaven, I think the name was. Not that it's important. It was a real seedy place, you couldn't see properly from all the smoke in the air. Anyway, I was there because it was cheap and I wanted to get drink. I'd just ordered my first drink when she hopped up onto the bar stool next to mine, lit a cigarette and blew the smoke straight into my face.
"You're looking kind of down." I didn't answer, just threw back my drink (double vodka, if you're interested), and called for another. The bartender gave me a filthy look and plonked the entire bottle down in front of me. "Must be woman trouble," she continued.
"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop prying into my business."
"What was the matter with her? Wouldn't sleep with you?"
I turned to look at her properly, and was somewhat taken aback by her appearance. Short blonde hair, black leather jacket, skirt that was only just longer than a belt, and boots with ridiculously high heels. She smiled at me, blowing another stream of smoke into my face. I coughed, then realised it wasn't tobacco, but cannabis.
"As a matter of fact, no. She wouldn't." To this day, I don't know how the words slipped out. I'd opened my mouth to tell the woman to bugger off.
"Thought so. Well, that's easy to sort out. I'm Larxene."
"Axel."
She helped herself to my vodka, swigging it straight from the bottle. Again, I was about to say something, but didn't. Next thing I knew, we were on the dancefloor, her arms around my neck, her hips grinding insistently against mine. From this position, I could look straight down her zipped-up jacket, and saw that all she had on under it was a lacy red bra. My hands moved to her hips of their own accord, pulling her body against mine. My trousers were getting tighter, and I knew from the smile on her face that she could feel it too.
"Someone's happy to see me."
I wasn't thinking. I couldn't have been. But heaven help me, I wanted her. I tried to kiss her, but she put one hand over my mouth. Long nails, painted dark red, scratched my skin. "Uh uh. No kissing. It's just a rule I have." She smiled that seductive smile she had, and leaned close so she could whisper in my ear. "I have an apartment close to here."
I should have said no, should have pushed her away, anything other than follow her to the apartment. If I'd refused, none of what happened next could have occurred. Fool that I am, I went with her. She was right, the place was close to the bar. It couldn't have taken more than five minutes to walk there. As soon as the door closed behind us, I found myself pressed against it, those long nails flicking open the buttons of my shirt. I think that was the first clue I had that she was by far the more experienced of the two of us. People have these terrible opinions of me now, but I really was quite innocent back then. My shirt discarded on the floor, she started on my trousers, pushing them and my boxers off in one smooth motion. Before I could react, she was kneeling in front of me, her mouth engulfing me, hot and wet. I think I just let her do whatever she wanted, that first night, I was so far out of it. She used and abused my body like it was a toy, and I let her.
Afterwards, she opened two bottles of beer, handed one to me, and lit another spliff. She took a deep drag of it, then offered it to me. "Go on, it won't hurt you."
Something else I should have refused. She laughed at my inexpert attempts, but I didn't care. Clumsy I may have been, but I could feel the drug working, entering my system, doing whatever it does to get you high.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.
A week or two later, I thought absolutely nothing of doing this every single night. I still managed to go to university during the day, though I wasn't exactly awake for much of the time. I barely even raised an eyebrow when Larxene appeared one evening with cocaine. By that time, I'd have done just about anything she suggested. Looking back, I can see how dependent I was on both her and the drugs. Sex, drugs and rock'n'roll, that was my life.
No matter how much time we spent together, no matter what we did (and we did a lot, believe me), I was never allowed to kiss her. That had always bothered me. I never asked her, though, never questioned her about that or anything else. Perhaps I should have done. Either way, it doesn't matter now - what's past is past, and I can't change it.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.
I'll spare you all the grisly details. We fucked, we drank, we took drugs and we fucked some more. As time went on, I practically moved into Larxene's apartment, acquired my own set of keys and so on. One afternoon, a few months after we met, I got back early after a lecture was cancelled. When I opened the door, I couldn't hear Larxene moving around - she was generally a noisy sort of person. I went looking for her; found her on the bedroom floor, skin a funny shade of blue, a needle in her arm. I'd known, but hadn't fully accepted, the fact that she was on harder drugs than I was. I had enough of a grasp on reality to phone for an ambulance, which whisked the two of us straight to hospital. I sat in the waiting room, feeling like this couldn't be real. The doctor told me she was dead, had died of a massive heroin overdose. I blacked out, must have done. The next thing I remember was waking up to see a familiar face hovering over me.
"What are you doing here?"
"I work here, remember? We didn't break up that long ago."
"I'm so sorry, Kairi."
Kairi just shrugged. She didn't believe me, and I don't blame her. The doctors kept me in overnight, for observation, they said. Kairi, the nurse in charge of that ward, and my ex-girlfriend, obviously wasn't impressed, but she kept quiet. She hated me, then, for what I'd done to her. Not that she let her feelings prevent her from doing her job. In the middle of the night, I started shaking, and broke out into a cold sweat. I managed to hit the call button, and when she appeared, she couldn't have been more efficient.
"Cocaine..." I managed to choke out. She nodded, continued whatever it was she was doing to help. It did help, but I think her soothing voice did more.
.-.-.-.-.-.
"I can get you onto a drug rehabilitation programme, Axel. I think you need it."
"No." I shook my head. "I can do this without any of that stupid counselling stuff. No more drugs, not now, not ever."
She looked at me doubtfully. "I may not like you very much right now, but I don't want to see the same thing happen to you. Your girlfriend was in a dreadful mess."
"She was never my girlfriend, Kairi, not like you were." I could admit it, now that Larxene was dead. "There was no... emotion there, it was just..."
"Sexual urges." Kairi finished my sentence, since I was fumbling for the words.
"I suppose so." I looked into those bright blue eyes. "Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?"
"Do you want the truth, Axel?" I nodded, expecting the worst, but needing to know, for some reason. "I don't know. But I can try."
.-.-.-.-.-.
If Kairi hadn't said those words, I would never have managed to give up the drugs. I knew I could call her at three in the morning, and she'd be there within minutes. I could talk to her, and I did. I told her everything, how it all began, what I did, the whole story. I have Kairi to thank for giving me my life back, I simply could not have done it without her. She did forgive me, in the end.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.
Time has distanced me from the person I was then. I wouldn't want to go back to those days. While I'll never forget it, those events are not constantly on my mind any longer. I quit the drugs, the drink, the "everything to excess" lifestyle I'd fallen into. Tomorrow is my first wedding anniversary, and marks five drug-free years. I'm taking Kairi out somewhere special; she deserves it for putting up with me for all this time.
AN: Click the review button, go on.