Because of You, a fullmetal alchemist fanfic

Riza: Okay, okay, I know I'm pissing people off by not writing chapters of my other stuff, but flamers have been getting to me on those stories so here's a little oneshot so shut up flamers and let me write

I love all my readers (except the flamers) so here's a song fic…it's about Riza having a reflection about her father. I hope you like it…

Song: Because of You

Artist: Kelly Clarkson (FT. Reba McEntire)

As the sun peeked into my bedroom this morning and woke me from the deep slumber which my sniper training forbade, I rose from my bed and looked at Black Hayate who still lay drowsily on my blanketed bed. My maroon eyes traveled across the room to the navy blue military uniform jacket which would stay there for the day despite the fact that it was a Wednesday. I knew it wasn't just any Wednesday though…it was a special one…and as I moved to take a shower, his face just wouldn't leave my mind…

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery

I slipped into the tiled room and stripped my body of its protective cloth, dumping the blue pajamas in the laundry basket. I caught a glimpse of the black tattoo on my back as I step toward the tub. I bite my lip and turn my eyes from the unforgiving mirror and turn on the warm water.

I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

My usual morning routine: shower, dress, feed Hayate, eat, and head off to work…today it was all the same save the last thing…today there would be no work. Today would just be a lot of driving…no trains…he did hate trains with a passion, said they were loud and noisy, not safe to travel in. I never had a problem with them, but today is his day.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt

I bid a gentle goodbye to Braha who I know will find some enjoyment in sleeping curled up in a fuzzy ball until my return. I left food for him in case I take longer than expected before exiting my home and heading out to the car. As I climb in and adjust the rear-view mirror, I notice a woman and her child looking at me from the sidewalk. I look at them for a moment before the woman mutters something to the little one and the two continue walking…I had never liked people…probably because of him…he never liked people either…

"They're far too nosey, Riza, you'd be best to live alone…" He had said when someone looked at her funny as though she were a dangerous creature. They had never looked at him…only her. She never knew why, but he always had some soft of explaination.

Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

"Riza?"

"Yes, Papa?" She called back, her little voice only carrying so far, but somehow he caught the words.

"You got a 'B minus' on your report card!" He bellowed. She shuddered and bounced to the top of the stairs, her blonde hair laying in her face.

"Sorry, Papa…"

"Sorry? You need to do better, Riza, I know you can do better than this!" He replied.

I shook my head, flashbacks are bothersome. There's no need to dwell on childhood memories. They only bring pain, I think. I just drove and kept driving. It was a far was, Eastern. It would take some time to get there…by car anyway.

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life

It only got worse when Roy arrived…he didn't help at least…Papa spent even more time dabbling in that wretched alchemy when he had a little pupil begging to be taught like a dog begging for a bone. It couldn't have surprised father when Roy ran off to join the military…and I followed, his little puppy. We're both dogs now…father would despise us…though…I can hardly feel sorry for what I've done with my life. Even if father would disapprove…I'd follow the Colonel for the rest of my life if I could…

My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I just kept driving. Only a couple stops could be allowed or else I'd never make it back home in time. I needed to be back at a decent hour since work will be waiting for me tomorrow morning. If I were tired, Roy would take advantage and do nothing all day…

"Come on, Riza! Can't you just convince your dad to let me spend the day playing with you?" Roy asked, his voice whining and annoying in quality.

"No! We'll both get in trouble!" She replied, knowing his sorts of games…football, soccer, leaping from trees, every possibly harmful game known to man, that darn Mustang boy played…

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

Then the horrible memories begin to float back…

Riza jolted up in bed as a wave of rough, loud coughs ripped through the silence of her bedroom. She shivered as she realized it was her father and hugged a pillow. Tears rolling down her cheeks as she prayed he wouldn't check up on her as she was crying.

Roy returned and stood on the doorstep. She glared at him before opening the door to allow him entrance. He walked to her father's study. After some time, he heard Roy scream and rushed to the door, opening it in time to see her father coughing up more blood than usual.

"I'm sorry…Riza." He muttered.

"IS ANYONE…" Roy moved to yell out the door… "Riza…" He muttered. The blonde stood there in absolute horror.

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep

Pain undulated through the 8-year-old's body as the tattooing needle ran across the pale, soft skin of her back. She cried out in pain, but it did not stop its movement. It moved easily around her skin, burying the black ink deep within her. Tears trickled down her cheeks, her teeth gritted together, her arms were wrapped around her to hide the tears as blood pooled around her black wounds.

"Don't move, Riza…it's almost over." His harsh words said. She stopped shuddering and bit her lip to keep herself from squirming with pain.

I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me

"Riza…your mother is gone." He had told her, crying. She had broken down crying and he had held her for the night…then he had delved deep into the recesses of his dark, cruel, foreboding office. She hadn't seen much of him since that…

You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For that same damn thing

I wiped my face from tears as I realized I was couldn't see because of the tears welled up in my eyes. I blink till they are gone and continue my steady drive on the long, abandoned road. There was a road coming up on my right which I knew was a short cut, but I also knew that bandits liked that particular lane since it was a short cut after all. I stay on the main road, my eyes gleaming with tears. My heart yearned to just reach my destination.

"Riza…I'm sorry." Her father muttered as blood dripped from his mouth.

I parked and walked along the wet grass. Clouds, gray and heavy-looking loom over head as I moved. A light gray headstone is perched in the same spot as always in the local cemetery. It lay away from the others since no one wants their loved one to lay next to him. I fell to my knees before the cold, gray marble and press my forehead to it as the rain descended from the opened heavens. Tears trickle down my cheeks as it feels as though my heart is being squeezed in someone's icy grip.

Because of you
Because of you

Rain stops hitting me and I look up to see a black umbrella held by a familiar, raven-haired man. He leans down and holds me gently.

"Roy…"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't here sooner…I'm sorry, Riza…"

Riza: Okay, yeah, it's depressing, but come on, you have to be used to my sad one-shots by now! Respond with niceness and constructive criticism ONLY!!