Author's Note: I don't know what to think of this fanfic. It is based on things that have actually happened to me. It is very personal so I would appreciate it if you had bad comments, keep them to yourself. Enjoy.
*UPDATE*
I have changed one of the characters because Shino fits a lot better than Neji. I hope that you don't mind.
Three years. It has been three years since I last saw him and I can still hear his laugh. Just the sound of it made me fall in love with him, even when I knew that it was wrong. Even when I knew that he couldn't feel the same way. I contented myself with just being close to him. When I finally told him how I felt, I got mixed responses.
My name is Shikamaru Nara. The person that I fell in love with is a guy named Shino Aburame. If I am going to tell this story, I might as well tell it right and start it from the beginning. It started about three and a half years ago. The first time that I had ever heard him truly laugh.
I sat down at the lunch table and waited for my friends. I didn't consider myself popular, but I did think that I wasn't too bad off. I knew that I liked guys, but I didn't think anything would come of it. I thought that it might have just been a phase. That train of thought ended when a guy that sat at our table suddenly laughed. I could tell that it was a heartfelt laugh and I didn't think that I had ever heard something so pure in my entire life.
When I heard the sound, my head whipped around to find the source. When my gaze landed on a tall man with a grey trench coat, glasses, and spiky hair, I felt myself start to grin like a fool. I quickly regained composure and tried my hardest not to think about him. I knew that his name was Shino. I said the name softly, testing the feel of it. I found out that I liked it. A lot.
The next few days were torture. I had to go to school with him and we had a lot of classes together. He even sat next to me in one of them. I did my hardest not to notice him, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. I found myself starting to stare at him. I didn't know how much more I could take. I finally told my best friend, Temari, about it.
"Hey Temari? I need advice." I said uncertainly. I rarely asked for advice seeing as how everyone considered me a genius.
"What is it Shika?" She asked carefully. I had never told anyone that I had thought of guys in a sexual way, but she seemed like the safest choice at the moment.
"I think that I am bisexual." I said rather bluntly, albeit with a huge blush covering my face. I saw her eyes widen briefly in surprise.
"What makes you say that?" She asked.
"I have a huge crush on this guy that is in a lot of my classes." I said.
"What do you need help with?" She asked.
"I need to know if I should tell him how I feel, or if I should just let things be for the moment." I said.
"Hmm. That is a dilemma. In my opinion, I think that you should tell him, just so that you can have some peace. You won't ever forgive yourself if you don't let it out." She said. I knew that she was right, but I was terrified every time I thought of him rejecting me. I resolved to tell him regardless of the outcome.
It took me another week before I finally got up the courage to tell him that I liked him. I passed him a note that said the words and waited for a response. When I didn't get one, I started to feel better. At least he wasn't disgusted with me for liking another guy. I sat back and breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't know that he didn't feel disgusted with me, but I had a good feeling. I was rarely wrong with these things. I felt like he didn't know how to take it.
After a few days of no response whatsoever, I started to feel uneasy. I thought that I might have pushed him away with my declaration. After all, I rarely spoke to him and I knew next to nothing about him. I finally got so tired of waiting for a response that I just took matters into my own hands. I sent him another note, asking if he would go out with me. He wrote something down really quick before sliding it back to me. I held back my curiosity. I decided that I would read it in the last period before that day ended.
When I got down to the gym, I quickly got dressed in the appropriate clothes. I fished out the note from my pocket. I quickly read it and feel my heart sink. In capital letters, was one, distinct word.
'NO'
I felt crushed. I felt like my heart had been ripped out. I knew that I shouldn't have been having such strong emotions to a guy that I barely knew, but I couldn't help it. I didn't know what to do. I knew that I had to cheer up before I met up with my family because they would certainly see through any false pretenses that I could conjure up. I sighed, knowing that it would be a fruitless effort, but I still tried.
That night, I cried myself to sleep for the first time in as long as I could remember. When I finally drifted off into sleep, it was a restless one.
I woke up to the sound of an alarm and I immediately stopped the annoying ringing. I sighed and tried not to cry as memories of the day before caught up with me. I knew that I needed to go to school, but I didn't want to face him so soon. I knew that I would end up feeling depressed. However, I couldn't see a way around it. I groaned in frustration and got ready for school.
All that day, I managed to avoid getting close to him. I thought that he would want his space. As time got closer to the period that I had to spend with him, I grew more and more restless. I even thought about faking sickness so that I could leave, but then I would be a coward. I knew that it would just get worse the more and more that I put it off. I sighed and forced myself to calm down.
Just as the bell rang, signaling the end of the period and the start of the period where I had to sit next to him, I was grabbed and pulled towards an empty classroom. All I saw of this mysterious person was a grey trench coat. I knew that it was Shino, but I couldn't fight against the hold that he had on me. Even if I wanted to, which I didn't.
"You've been avoiding me." Shino said. I knew that I had to get out of there before I did something that I would regret, but his question caught me off guard. My silence was apparently the only answer he needed because he continued.
"Why have you been avoiding me?" He asked. Something in his voice had me looking up at him. I saw a sad smile on his face and it had my heart squeeze painfully. I found myself answering as I tried to see past his glasses to his eyes.
"Because I thought that you might want to be alone after I asked you out." I said. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the entire truth, either.
"Is that the only reason?" He asked seriously. I knew that he had seen through my guise. I sighed in defeat.
"I'm also avoiding you for my own safety. I don't know if I have it in me to take what I want by force, and I don't want to find out." I said slowly. I knew that I was close to breaking down, but I managed to hold it together. I didn't want to seem weak in his eyes.
"Who says that you have to do it by force? It wouldn't be by force if I consented, would it?" Shino said. I blinked... and blinked again. I could hardly believe that he had uttered those words, but I knew that I hadn't misheard.
While I was still struggling internally, Shino bent down. When his lips brushed mine, I immediately wanted more. However, it seemed like the more I got into the kiss, the less real it felt. Finally, I just gave up and tried to use my tongue.
I bolted upright in bed. I quickly went over what had happened. When I realized that is was just a dream, I broke down sobbing.
"It was all just a dream." I whispered to myself.
I guess that some things are just too good to be true.
Author's Note: I know that this was a weird place to leave off the fanfic, but this is as much as I am willing to do. If you think that the flow of the story is choppy, then that is a good thing. I tried to make it somewhat like what my emotions were at the time, which were choppy and hard to follow at times. I hope that you liked the fic and that you could relate to it in some way.