I sat in the lair reading my Johnny Tremain book for homework. Though, I am thirteen the turtles love having me over, and I love having them in my life.
But Mikey knows something that only he knows. He had seen me with the glass. It was pressed against my arm, and blood had dripped from the wound. The wound that I had created. He took the glass from my hand and immediately threw it at the wall.
He had cradled me in his arms until my crying had subsided. He told me to never do it again, but I never promised.
So instead of cutting myself I tried turning to writing and poetry. Turns out, I'm pretty good at writing. My journal was on the couch next to me with various poems that I had written. A few were FMEO. For my eyes only.
Mikey walked over to me with that goofy mischevious grin of his. He glanced at my notebook next to me,
but I didn't notice being too engrossed in my book.
"Oo, how about I read Fang's poem What If?" Mikey asked. I gasped and looked at Mikey from my book.
And sure enough he had my flashy zebra notebook with pink on the back in hand. I throw my book and reach for my notebook only to have him move it back.
"Give it back, Mikey!" I plead. I didn't want him to read it. But soon it was no longer worth fighting for and I watched as his eyes glided down the paper. I knew exactly what words he was on. I knew the poem by heart.
Look back there
But please try not to stare
Do you see the bubbly girl
The one with no curls
How do you think she feels
Would it startle you if I told you she doesn't eat any meals
What if I told you she has a knife
Would you believe me if I told you she loathes her life
What if I told you she thinks her dad hates her
Would you still think so little of her
What if I told you she feels like she's drowning
Would you believe me if I told you inside she is frowning
What if I told you she has a rope
How do you think she is going to cope
She doesn't just have a rope, but also a gun
All because she thinks she isn't fun
I know you know her, everyone does
But you need to talk to her cause
What if I told you tonight she would use the rope and gun
And turn into an angel and fly towards the sun
I hope you'd help her and become her friend
And make her stop trying to pretend
Because what if I told you she's reaching for her gun
And that you can save her if you run
Mikey stood speechless. I didn't know whether it was from the fact he loved the poem, or from the emotion. He motioned me towards my room that I had and we shut the door. He sat on my bed and motioned me to sit on his lap. I did so and he wrapped his arms around me.
"Fang, is that actually how you feel?" I shrunk into his chest. How was I supposed to tell him that everytime I woke up, I wanted to go back to sleep, knowing I didn't deserve life? How could I tell him that I hated myself? How could I tell him that every kid at school tells me to kill myself time and time again?
"Yes." I finally say. I feel his grip tighten. I know he thinks of me as a little sister, but I have to go back to my rightful state for I don't live in New York. Yet somehow miraculously I found a shortcut here.
"Why? Why do you feel like that? Don't leave out one single detail."
I sigh. Might as well. He's already got a death grip on me. "Everyone at school hates me. They tell me to kill myself. They call me useless, worthless, a failure, weak, stupid, ugly. And those are some of the nicer names. They make me feel like I'm not needed. Like I'm a waste of space."
He cuddles me close. "Don't believe them, Fang. It's not worth it. Nor true. Don't get upset about it. If you need to talk, I'm always here. Don't hide your problems from me." I felt a few tears roll down my face as I nuzzled his neck.
He leans forward and whispers in my ear. "You're never leaving the lair again."
I know that this is short, but don't look at the length, look at the poem. This story is true...well if you doc the turtles. This is how I feel. I just thought that I should make a fic with me and Mikey explaining how I feel. This subject is extremely heavy. I have tried suicide and if you guys want I'll make a fic with the Turtles and I explaining what I had tried. Just review me telling if you want that type of fic. Did you like it, love it, hate it? Let me know. Your opinion matters. :)