[A/N: So, I think this might be the most cracked-up story I've ever put up (more than In Which Deidara, even) but I'm super stressed and it's kind of therapeutic.]

1.

Sakura glared at the words of the mission description, as if hoping her furious gaze would scare them into moving into a more acceptable order.

It didn't.

"Tsunade-sama…" she began, but the Hokage cut her off.

"I'm afraid you were our only option for this," she stated.

"What, one of the boys couldn't do it?" Sakura demanded.

Tsunade sighed. "Neji's too busy, Shikamaru's too lazy, Chouji is, well, Chouji, Shino has those bugs all the time, and Kiba's too unpredictable. Need I go on?"

"What about Naruto?"

"I'm sure you can understand why we wouldn't want our jinchuuriki to have hordes of raving fangirls."

"But...but...a boy band!?" Sakura wailed.

"I'm sorry," Tsunade said, "but it came down to you and Tenten and, well, Tenten cannot dance. At all. Besides, you know Naruto's Oiroke no Jutsu, don't you?"

"Um...he did show it to me once," Sakura admitted, now that it was clear there was no way of escaping her fate. "Hang on, I'll try it...Oiroke no Jutsu!"

Fortunately her attempt at a clothed version was successful, otherwise Sakura was sure she would have died of embarrassment on the spot. As it was, she blushed hot as Tsunade looked her over.

"That's pretty good," Tsunade said finally. "Maybe try to make your hair a little more red, rather than pink. Anyway, off you go! And remember to keep this quiet."

Oh believe me, I don't want anyone but us knowing about this, Sakura thought as she left the office.

…

"Gaara, what…?" Kankura squinted at the mission description, not sure if he was reading it correctly.

"We have to get into the music festival somehow," Gaara explained. "You're the best choice since so few people have seen you without your makeup."

"So you want me to join a boy band."

Gaara nodded. Kankuro took a deep breath. "Does Temari know about this?"

"No. Why?"

"Because if you don't want a repeat of the Sons of Suna incident, you'd better keep it that way."

"Sons of Suna...I don't remember this," Gaara stated.

"Oh, right. I guess it was while you were…" Kankura didn't finish the sentence—he hadn't realized how short a time it had been before he began taking his little brother's sanity for granted. "Anyway. Maybe it's better you don't know about it. Just don't let her get involved."

…

"Leader-sama, please don't make me do this!" Deidara begged. "I don't want to join a boy band, un!" He would just die if any of his sisters found out!

"Tough," Pein declared. "It was you or Itachi, and we need Itachi for more important things."

"Please, Leader-sama! There has to be some other way!" Deidara was practically on his knees by now.

"If it makes you feel any better, there isn't," Pein stated, still not sounding in the least sympathetic. "One of the only times the building we need to get into will be accessible is during the music festival, and if you're backstage it should be a simple matter to take what we want and get out."

"But…" Deidara sighed and gave up. "Fine. Just please keep the others from finding out."

…

"So…" Karui wanted to be sure she was reading the mission description right. "All I have to do is sneak off and steal the scroll during the music festival, and I get to be surrounded by a harem of hot guys?"

"In a manner of speaking...yes."

"Sweet, this is the best mission ever!" Karui cheered. "When do I start?"

"Now, you have to remember that, since you'll be using the technique we gave you, the others will think you are also a, erm, 'super hot guy'," Samui pointed out.

"No worries, I'll work something out. Seriously, best mission ever. Right here."

"Well, just don't get carried away," Samui chided. "I don't see why they picked you…" she added in an undertone.

"What, me get carried away? Never. I'll go get ready now. Karui out."