A/N: A very short prologue to start things with. Not really a prologue - Chapter 1 is actually in 1918. But all will be revealed - promise! Would love to know your thoughts - I've been planning this for ages, and feedback would be great! Thanks Terrie for editing!
Disclaimer: I don't own Downton Abbey.
Our Gentle Sin
Prologue
October 1921
The door was heavy against his hands, and he pushed it open; amidst his tormented thoughts, he had forgotten his cane at home. The storm outside can still be heard within these confined, thick walls, and his steps left a trace on the floor. The church was silent; he vaguely realised just how far he must have walked to get here. He had never been to this church before; rather, he couldn't remember the last time he had been to a Catholic Church.
John took a deep breath. He still knew how to pray. He was never much of a man of faith, but she changed him. And for Anna, he would do anything. If there was nothing he could do for her at home, then this wouldn't be for naught. He was desperate. Religion had never given him reason to believe, but now he desperately wanted to. He needed to. For her. For them.
There were some candles lit up as he walked to a nearby bench. He sat and watched, though his mind wasn't registering anything. He prayed for her. He couldn't shake off the image of her tears, of her cries. More than ever, he wanted her to be happy and to be at peace. She had stood by him through everything, and he was desperate to do the same for her now. Except that now he didn't know if he would ever have the chance to do it.
Perhaps his words didn't make much sense, but it was all he could do now. A few minutes later, movement from the corridor on the left caught his attention as he saw a young woman leaving. Then he saw it - the confessional. His throat felt tight and dry as he remembered Anna's suffering. He hadn't confessed since he was a boy.
He had sinned. He had sinned endless times since he last confessed, he knew of that. And recently, even more endless times. He remembered Anna's words; how their love for each other was greater than any religion. He let her become his, numerous times, again and again, and he gave himself to her in return. Perhaps that was his biggest sin to date - perhaps it would always be.
But he couldn't regret it. He couldn't regret loving her as he did - no man would regret loving as he had loved her. And perhaps that wasn't enough for a confession. Perhaps that wasn't enough for some guidance. But in a foreign country, with their friends across the ocean and only counting on each other, he needed to try. He would try anything until she was safe and happy. Even if it meant distancing himself from her.
He entered the booth quietly, stepping hard on his right leg, but he paid no attention to it. The priest greeted him, and he took a deep breath. He made the Sign of the Cross and spoke in a low whisper.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."