Not as worthless as you think
Logan clutched at his side as the four boys from Big Time Rush walked into dance rehearsal. He stopped in the doorway, knit his brows together and bent over in pain. His side had been bothering him all day.
"Logie," Carlos said in a worried tone. "Are you okay?" Logan smiled and stood up, taking his boyfriend's hand.
"Don't worry about me Carlitos. I'll be fine." Logan wasn't stupid. He had read all the books and could recite hundreds of medical diagnoses from memory, including their symptoms. He was almost one hundred percent sure what was wrong with him, but that didn't mean anything to him. They had a concert in three days, so he could not miss this dance practice. Everyone already thought he was worthless, he didn't want to encourage there thinking.
Carlos still looked a little weary, but smiled and said "Okay. I trust you." With a squeeze of his hand, Carlos let go and continued into the room. Logan took a deep breath and walked in after him, holding back a wince of pain with every step.
Logan finished the routine gasping, bent over with his hands on his knees. He straightened up and struggled to control his breathing as Gustavo walked.
Gustavo walked over and stopped in front of Logan, eyes peering at him behind his usual glasses. "Logan, Logan, Logan," he chanted, pausing afterwards. "That- has to be the best you have ever done. Goo- Good- Good job," he stuttered out.
Logan couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. That was the first time Gustavo had ever complimented him on anything, especially his dancing. He was damn proud of himself, and he deserved to be. But he couldn't ignore the pain that spread from his right hip, up his side, and into his ribs. He couldn't breathe, his chest was getting tighter and tighter with each breath, and his head was starting to spin.
"As for the rest of you dogs," Gustavo started waving his hand in an arc encompassing James, Carlos, and Kendal. "Terrible! I have never seen anything that bad in my life. I don't know what has gotten into you boys but we have a concert in three days. Get your ass's-" Gustavo was cut off as a loud crash resounded through the room.
Logan grabbed the set of drums beside him, trying to stop himself from crashing to the ground. It didn't help though and he still ended up crashing to the floor, landing hard on his side. His vision went in and out of focus, his breathing was labored and his side exploded in pain. He screamed, clutching at his side desperately.
Carlos collapsed next to his screaming boyfriend. "Logan, Logan what's wrong?" When he didn't get an answer he shook the boy, screaming and crying his name. Logan vaguely thought that maybe, just maybe, he had gone too far this time. He heard someone scream, "Call an ambulance!" as his vision blurred and he lost consciousness.
Images blurred across his mind, mixing together and combining until he couldn't make sense of what was real or not. His eyelids were heavy and no matter what he did, he could not get them to open. He could hear beeping, the strong steady sound of beeping. And the distinct smell of antiseptic clouded his nose, making it hard to breath.
"Kenny, is Logan going to die?" Logan was startled when he heard the quivering voice of his boyfriend, Carlos. But his almost unconscious body didn't move. It was a known fact to anyone who paid attention that when Carlos was sick, scared, sad, or vulnerable; he resulted to calling everyone by nicknames. Everyone also knew that Carlos was the only one who Kendall let call him Kenny.
"No Carlos, I promise. Logan just had a serious surgery, he's only sleeping because of the anesthetic they used during the surgery. He's gonna wake up soon, you'll see." Now Logan was fighting his hardest to open his eyes, he had to prove to Carlos that everything was fine. That he was fine, and okay.
"He almost died. He- he was so close to dying, I was so close to losing him. I love him too much to lose him," Carlos said as broke down into sobs. Logan couldn't stand to hear him cry and slowly opened his eyes, wincing as the bright light of the hospital room blinded him.
Carlos and Kendall sat by his bed. Carlos was crying into Kendall's neck, whose eyes were closed. Neither one saw him open his eyes and they had no idea that he was awake.
"Car-" Logan started but stopped when the word caught in his throat. Logan wasn't loud enough for the two boys to hear him. His throat was parched, which made it hard to speak. Logan cleared his throat and tried again, only louder this time. "Carlos, I'm fine baby."
Carlos' head snapped up and he turned to see Logan sitting up in his hospital bed. "Oh my god, Logan." He was on his feet in a second, standing as close as he could get to Logan's bed. "I was so worried, I thought you were gonna die, I thought you were dead!" Carlos said breaking down into sobs.
Logan struggled to lift his hand and realized there was a blue cast on it. He must have broken it when he fell. He lifted his good hand and placed it on Carlos', stroking the tender flesh gently. "But I'm not Carlos. I'm fine, I'm gonna be fine. I swear."
Kendall was strangely quiet and Logan looked up, only to see Kendall giving him a weird look. It unnerved him because he had never seen that look on anyone's face before, especially not Kendall's.
"Did you know?" Kendall asked. Logan was confused and didn't know what he was talking about. Kendall saw the confused look on Logan's face and continued, "Did you know? That you had appendicitis. I mean, you must have. You've studied every medical diagnosis there is."
Logan didn't say anything, all he did was look down at the white hospital blanket that covered him. So he didn't see Carlos' expression go from perplexed, disbelief, to angry, to sad in less than 5 seconds. "Logie, you knew?"
All Logan could do was nod softly. He hadn't wanted anyone to know that he knew what was wrong with him, that he had known for a few days what was wrong with him.
"You knew! Logan! How could you. The doctors said that if we hadn't had brought you in when we did that you would have died. How could you be so stupid?" Carlos said, upset. To know that the pain Logan was in for days could have been stopped if he would have just told someone about it, broke his heart.
"How was I supposed to tell anyone? Everyone already thinks that I'm the weakest in the band. I'm the worst singer, the worst dancer, and the ugliest band member. Plus we have a concert in three days, I needed to wait. I didn't want to be hospitalized and you guys have to cancel the show because of me," Logan said as tears leaked down his face. He turned on his side and buried his face in the pillow, trying to hide from everyone in the room.
To say Carlos and Kendall were shocked would be the understatement of the century. They had no idea that Logan felt like this, everyone thought that Logan knew how important he was to the band. Carlos felt like the world's worst boyfriend in the world at that moment. He walked over to the empty spot in the bed and sat; gripping Logan's chin he gently lifted it up so he was looking him in the eyes.
Kendall was going to jump in but Carlos beat him to it, and he figured he'd let Carlos handle this one. "Is that how you really feel?" Carlos asked softly. When Logan averted his eyes and didn't answer Carlos knew he was right. "Why would you ever feel like that? You are so so beautiful. Girls all over the world are swooning over the posters of you they have on their walls. You are an amazing singer, and the only one of us who can actually rap." Carlos saw Logan smile and knew he was on the right track.
"People all over the world pay hundreds of dollars to hear you sing and watch you dance in person. Baby let's face it, your amazing. My boyfriend has the body of a god, a voice like an angel, and moves like Jagger," Carlos said with a wink as Logan laughed. "And, I won't let anyone tell him otherwise, not even himself."
Logan smiled and his eyes lit up. Carlos wiped the tears from his cheeks, and gripped Logan's hand tightly. "There he is. My confident boyfriend, I thought I lost him for a second there. But he's back, beautiful as ever."
"Thanks Carlitos. I love you," Logan said leaning up and kissing Carlos gently.
Carlos smiled and kissed him back. "I love you to, Logie." Kendall was surprised that Carlos knew just what to say to make Logan feel better again, but then again Carlos was Logan's boyfriend and it was his job to know how to make him feel better. Just then Gustavo, Kelly, James, Mrs. Knight, and Katie entered the room carrying various bags of fast food.
Katie saw the way Logan and Carlos were looking at each other, and how Kendall was sitting shocked in his seat. "Are we missing something," she asked perplexed.
Kendall snapped out of it and jumped up to help set down bags. "Nope, nothing besides Logan waking up." He smiled at the grateful look Logan shot his way. Kendall knew there would be other times that Logan felt insecure, but Carlos would always be there to set him straight.