Love and Other Bruises
A random stupidity put together by cannabilising bits from a much longer fic that I have in progress. (sorry Night!).
Thanks go to Star, Night and Shenzi for their attempts at keeping me from slipping further into insanity while I write.
Chapter 1
Kaidan was in the middle of yet another argument with Shepard, and he was becoming increasingly frustrated. He wanted her to take a couple of day's shore leave to rest and Dr Chakwas had backed him up. She had been pushing herself way too hard lately and had received a fairly hard hit on the head on their recently completed mission.
"You are the one who insisted on making me your XO, Shepard, so I'm taking charge for a couple of days. At the moment I'm fighting the urge to put you over my knee and spank some sense into you. If you don't stop being so damned stubborn I will incapacitate you." He was trying to keep a lid on the anger her stubbornness and refusal to listen to reason was causing.
She started heading to the door confident that he was bluffing. "It's just a little bump on the head for God's sake. I survived headbutting a Krogan, I can survive this. I'm going to see Miranda."
"Damn it, Shepard! Don't say you weren't warned." He accompanied his words with a stasis field that locked her in place.
Dropping the stasis field a few minutes later, he knew he would pay for it when she was back to full strength if the anger on her face was any indication, but right at this moment he didn't care. "It won't hurt you to have a couple of days break and get some rest, you're not a hundred percent fit."
"But it's sure as hell going to hurt you. I'll get some rest after I call Joker and tell him to send Grunt up here to have a nice little talk with you!"
"Calling Joker is not going to happen. I've tinkered with the comm so you can't make any outgoing calls, and jury rigged the door. It will only open on a command from my omnitool."
"Forget Grunt. I'll kick your ass myself and I won't need my biotics to do it either!" She stood ramrod straight, her hands clenching into fists as she tried to rein in her temper.
"You can either go to bed and rest like Dr Chakwas told you to do, or I swear I will tie you up and dump you there. If you won't think of yourself, at least think of the crew. We could all do with a break."
At the mention of the crew some of the fire went out of her eyes. "Oh, Joker would love that footage to hold over us. Besides, I'm sure the good doctor would love another chance to rub some medigel onto your wounded ass once I'm done kicking it."
"Can we have a conversation that doesn't always come back to my ass?"
She leaned to the left and made a show of inspecting his ass. "No Kaidan, I really don't think we can. It is one of your best features after all."
"Please just for once do as I ask. I need to go and speak to Joker and Miss Lawson, and I want to know that you are going to be here, resting, when I get back."
"It's not like I'm going to get in a firefight on the ship Kaidan." She grinned at him suddenly, "Well not unless someone makes a grab at your ass anyway."
He'd had enough of this, and didn't trust her sudden change of mood. He walked to the door of the cabin and opened it. "Get some rest. I'll be back soon." He left the cabin and waited a few moments outside the now locked door. He was rewarded by the sound of her fiddling with the door then her booted foot kicking it.
After checking the galaxy map he headed to the bridge. "Joker, head to Illium. I think it's about time we had a bit of shore leave before we all go stir crazy. Keep an eye on Shepard for me and let me know if she gets in any trouble."
"Aye Aye Commander." Joker didn't bother to question the orders. It was about time Alenko grew some balls and started acting like the Commander his rank proclaimed him to be. "It's going to suck to be you in a couple of day's time. Do me a favour, and make sure you're not standing near me when Shepard decides to exact her pound of flesh. It's a bitch trying to get blood out of these uniforms."
Kaidan didn't hurry to return to the cabin, knowing that Joker or EDI would be monitoring Shepard and would alert him in the event of an emergency. He was relieved to see that she was asleep when he returned as he set about undoing the modifications he'd made to the comm and the door. He couldn't help wondering how long it would be before she exacted retribution for the stasis field as he undressed and slid into bed beside her.
He awoke to find her staring angrily at him. "Don't think I'm going to forget about that stasis field you threw at me or that you locked me in the cabin either. What if there had been an emergency?"
He couldn't help grinning even though he knew she was quite serious. "Joker would have let me know if there'd been an emergency. I asked him to keep an eye on you."
"Joker? I thought you would have known by now not to encourage him. You and I are going toe to toe. And I hope you like cold showers because you'll be having them for quite a while after that little stunt."
He sat up and stretched. "You really think you can take me one on one? You know that when I beat you it will destroy your legend status. And knowing you as I do, I don't really think I'll be taking too many cold showers, Mary Sue."
"You really have a death wish don't you? How many times have I told you not tocall me that? We'll see whose legend status is destroyed. As for the other, you're not as irresistable as you think you are, Alenko."
He was about to respond to her when Joker interrupted. "Hey Commander, I hope you are going to let me know when that match is on. That's definitely one I don't want to miss. Although, my money is on you, Shepard."
"God damn it Joker. How many times have I told you not to listen in to my cabin? I'm still more than a match for you, despite certain people thinking that I'm feeble and in need of a rest, so unless you have something important to say you'd better get your butt to the cargo bay and I'll prove it."
"Hey I'm not stupid enough to go up against you, in any condition Shepard. Just letting you two Commander's know we'll be at Illium in an hour."
She looked at Kaidan, one eyebrow raised. "This is mutiny you know, and another reason for me to kick your ass, which I will do once these few days of shore leave that you've imposed on me are over."
"I seem to recall a certain commander that was willing to mutiny once before."
"That was different and you know it. That was necessary. This is just you trying to prove to Joker that you're not under my thumb."
He avoided further argument by rolling out of bed and heading for the shower. Whether she agreed or not, they definitely needed some time off the ship. It might at least take her mind off kicking my ass.