A/N: We don't own any part of charmed.
Cole bashing badwagon
Co-authored by Piperleoforever21 and some parts by phantom creedy lover
There is some Piper/Leo fluff in here
So here is a modern day when some girls meet the cast of their favorite show and movie:
Summary: here is when you don't like Cole very much and you feel like torturing him. Cole isn't exactly on the top of my list for hurting Phoebe.
Piper: where did you come from?
Sam: I dunno
Sarah: one minute we were watching charmed and then we were here
Sam: oh well where's Cole? I wanna wreak havoc
Piper: Um… he's in there with phoebe. Pulling the stalking thing. Go and give it Ur best shot
Sarah: okay Pat
Piper:……….
Sam: ignore that
Piper: okay back to kicking Cole's butt
Sam: yeah lets go. I was thinking we could set a wendigo to eat him
Piper: okay well we'll do both. The more pain the more happy I am
Sam: yay Cole hunting! Cole hunting! Ohhhh I hate that demon
Cole: (appears out of no where) I AM NOT A DEMON
Sam: (takes out easy button) " that was easy"
Cole: what was easy?
Sam: Cole hunting'!
Cole: Cole huntinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggg (Sam, Piper and Sarah chase him and Piper is trying to blow him up with her blowing up power) ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I AM NOT A DEMON ANYMORE (points to an appeared obi-wan kenobi) HE IS!
Piper: That's obi-wan kenobi moron! He's not a demon
Cole: Okay (points to an appeared Frodo) Ok HE IS
Piper: we can stand here all day buster blaming demon on these innocent people but I am still gonna vanquish you or hurt you which ever first
Cole: (makes an unknown to him character appear)(they are really Zeus and Apollo) how about these guuuuuuuuuuyyyyyssss ahhhhhhhhhhhh nice doggies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh (runs around in circles as the Dobermans are biting his butt) are you guys sure that one of these isn't Prue?
(Harry Potter appears)
Harry: anyone interested in beating someone up?
Piper: yeah yeah yeah (like a puppy dog Sam follows)
Harry: how about Voldemort
Piper: that wimp? No problem,
(Sam and Piper disappear)
(Back in 1 hour with voldemort by his ear)
Piper: AND YOU WILL BE NICE FROM NOW ON RIGHT?
Voldemort: Yes now please don't blow me up Pepper…or was it Peeper… Popper…Piper? No that's not it…Pier?"
Leo: ( winces)
Piper (blows him up) ITS PIPER GET IT RIGHT!
Harry: yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ginny he's dead! Now we can be in love like we want to.
Ginny: thank you kind one!
Piper: just doing my job. He actually bowed down to me in the process. We could have actually sent a Wendigo on him and that would have been funnier.
Cole: heyyyyyyy the Dobermans are attacking me and this girl here… from what I get her name is Sarah is attacking me with a frying pan. There is nothing worse than a frying pan.
Sam: Yeah? Wanna bet? Oh heather!
(Heather appears with a hammer)
Sam: go for it
Heather: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA COLE HUNTING
Cole: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (screams like a girl)
Paige:(comes in) he screams like a girl
Sam: and I will add come on Bffls it's frying pan- hammer-baseball bat time!
Cole: not a baseball bat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sam: how about a chain saw?
Cole: ill take the baseball bat
Sam: Johnny tell him what hes won!
Johnny: you've won a frying pan-hammer-baseball bat-chainsaw-and added bonus a baseball and Catherine and her rocker launcher
Sam: drum roll please
Phoebe: (comes out) sure (beats on an appeared drum)
Sam: and GO (they chase Cole with a frying pan, hammer, and a baseball bat)
Cole: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Piper: music to my ears
Sam: wait why aren't I laughing? Muahhaaahahahahahahahaha
Sarah: (whips out her frying pan's companion) spatula time!
Cole: spatulas don't hurt
Sarah: how about a weed waker?
Catherine: or my rocket launcher?
Cole: nope
Sarah: Wanna try it out (hands it to Sam) do your best and make sure he gets hurt
Sam: oh hes going to be a lot more than hurt. I have plans for him! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA cough cough
(Gives chase as Cole runs stupidly in circles.)
Sam: this should be easy
Piper: can I help?
Sam: yeah try to blow him up…. It may not work…. but it hurts…the more pain…. the more satisfying
Cole: so you'll leave me alone after this?
Sam: I never said that
Cole: well you can't defeat me
Sam: oh and why is that?
Cole: cause I am the almighty Belthazar!
Sam: (rolls eyes) yeah yeah yeah
Catherine: and I'm the wife of Orlando Bloom. Mighty? HA!
Cole: and I will not get hurt and I will not loose focus on keeping my eyes on you. I will not move from this spot…(ice-cream man song comes from outside) Ice cream man! (Runs out the door) Fudgey Buddy here I come!
Sam: that's an idea! He can get sucked into the Nothing!
Piper: and the ice cream man can do that. I like the way you think
Cole: (comes back twenty minutes later) That was cold! I shoulda brought my skis!
Heather: who wants to play school?
Cole: not me! I flunked the first time. Wearing a tutu.
Piper: a tutu?
Sam: meet your teacher Miss Lizzy
Lizzy: (comes in with a wooden ruler taping it against her hand with a tight bun in her hair.) Who wants to LEARN?
Cole: ummm…
Lizzy: okay I have a riddle Cole. An electric train is going north at 20 mph the wind is blowing east at 5mph which way is the trains smoke blowing?
Cole: um lets see 20 miles north then east so northeast?
Little Wyatt: (whispers to Piper) mommy don't ewetric twains have no smoke?
Lizzy: no Cole not northeast!
Cole: (goes through all directions and Lizzy shakes her head no each time. Finally she hits him over the head with her ruler)
Wyatt: it's an electric train stupid! No smoke!
Piper: he's five and he knew that. You must be really stupid!
Cole: I am not stupid!
Piper: Chris, honey which way would the smoke blow?
Chris: no smoke ewectric twain!
Piper: and he's only three!
Cole: Still I am not stupid!
Piper: yeah okay tutu boy!
Cole: I do not wear tutus!
Sam: yeah then why are you wearing one now?
Cole: (looks down) what the?
Wyatt: Cole funny in a tutu! I'm a genius! I put tutu on Cole!
Sam: smart kid you got there Piper
Piper: thanks so back to hurting Cole! How about a banshee or a witch doctor.
Sam: a banshee
Lizzy: no how about a fury that hurts way worse!
Sarah: (bangs head against wall)
Chris: (adult) your gonna get a headache that way kid
Lizzy: is that who I think it is?
Sam: wha? Oh yeah you're obsessed
Chris: whose she?
Sam: Lizzy
Chris: hi Lizzy
Lizzy: oh my gosh he knows my name!
Sam: I still say Banshee
Sarah: (bangs head against wall again)
Sam: Banshee
Lizzy: Fury
Sam: Banshee
Lizzy: Fury
Sam: Banshee
Lizzy: Fury
Sam: Banshee
Lizzy: Fury
(Five hours later)
Sam: Banshee
Lizzy: Fury
Sam: Banshee
Lizzy: Fury
Chris: (bangs head against wall) how about both!
Sam: good idea!
Lizzy: YEAH! You're a genius heee
Piper: (wakes up) what'd I miss?
Sam: we're going after Cole with a Banshee and a Fury!
Piper: Cool I can tag along and try to blow him up
Cole: what's going on?
Phoebe: (smirks) he he he's a moron
Sam: alright Johnny tell him what he's won
Johnny: you've won…
Phoebe: wait where is that voice coming from? (Looks around)
Sam: shut up
Johnny: may I continue?
Sam and Piper: go on
Johnny: a shiny new sports car.
Cole: really?
Johnny: no! I was just kidding! I like to add humor to my announcements. But you Cole have won a Banshee and a Fury!
Phoebe: still don't know where that voice is coming from
Catherine: it'll be coming from my rocket launcher if you don't shut up!
Cole: uhh a Banshee and a Fury…. to kill them?( points to everyone else)
Johnny: oh my god is he blonde?
Piper: actually I think he is. Cole is known for his stupidity. Actually as of post-phoebe love relationship.
Leo: seems to be
Phoebe: I agree
Paige: me too.
Lizzy: hey that's insulting I'm a blonde and I'm the smartest person in my class. There are two types of blonde's dumb blonde and natural blonde I'm a natural blonde Cole here (gestures towards Cole) is a dumb blonde. So shut the fuck up and if i hear anyone saying anything like that again and i swear i'll kick their ass.
Chris: okay they're sorry they probably didn't know sometimes they are dumb blondes too. Right guys
All: yeah, uhh we're sorry (as if not really meaning it.)
Chris: feel better?
Lizzy: yeah thanks
Johnny: guys just go!
(The banshee and furies appear and chase Cole. Piper follows and tries to blow him up.)
Cole: Ahhhhh
Piper: Muahhhahahahahah
Sam: why aren't I laughing? Muahahhahahahahahahaha!
Paige: nice evil laugh
Sam: (smirks) thanks, I'm flattered.
Sarah: (bangs head against wall)
Sam: okay lets see what's going on here (investigates scene) ooh Cole is cringing. Banshee's yelling. Piper flicking her finger (winces) Cole runs into tree.
Phoebe: who cares? A car just hit him! A shiny new sports car! (Smiles)
Lizzy: shiny
Sam: proving once again Cole is stupid, cause that's a parked car!
Phoebe: but that would mean he just ran into it.
Sam: whose side are you on?
Phoebe: Yours master
Sam: good! (Turns to Piper) crazy!
Piper: (heard distantly) yeah! Head! Ten points! (Frowns as she sees banshee hitting Cole over the head) hey banshee that's my job!
Catherine: ohh I like that game can I play?
Banshee: (screams)
Lizzy: you call that a scream? That was pathetic! Check this. ( Screams so loud a window cracks)
Piper: watch the windows. We're not made of money in this house, even though the demons think otherwise.
Banshee: (screams)
Lizzy: (screams louder)
(This goes on for a while, until quite weirdly, the banshee looses her voice and runs off.)
Lizzy: Ha! Wimp. My throat isn't even soar!
Sam: Lizzy! You broke my banshee! No fair!
Lizzy: she was weak. My fury is much better.
Piper: what are we in Kindergarten here?
Fury: (does what she does to stop arguing, and torture Cole.)
Cole: but that wasn't me! That was well…. okay it was me. But Brian told everyone I wear a tutu.
Everyone: YOU DO!
Cole: oh yeah! (Cringes) oh no I didn't do that! Zankou did it!
Piper: we got him so you get blamed for it, you were there! So you get damaged!
See we all win?
Catherine: its like winning a million bucks.
Cole: haven't I been damaged enough? Haven't I been (puppy dog eyes) in the past two hours?
Catherine: oh yes you have…but its fun to watch you hurt!
Lizzy: (glares at her with a smile) 1st puppy dog eyes only work for certain people like Chris
Cole: darn it!
Chris: really? It works for me? (Gives Lizzy puppy dog eyes.) Lizzy how about some of your homemade chocolate chip cookies. Pleeeaaase
Lizzy: oh okay. Orb them from my house
Piper: show off
Chris: cookies! (They appear)
Paige: Lizzy that's personal gain!
Lizzy: screw personal gain. Chris wanted cookies.
Cole: can I have some?
Lizzy: no… now where was I? Oh yeah… and second we're not even ¼ a way there…
Cole: (sighs sadly)
Lizzy: and third…I am having way too much fun! Chronicles
Sam: it is fun right? (Smiles and giggles) hey! His hands are unusable right now! (Looks at Lizzy)
Lizzy: (smiles evilly and grabs all of her make up from her pocket)
Sam: this'll be fun! (Starts to put green eye shadow, mascara, eyeliners, purple lipstick on his top lip, red on the bottom, and blush. They finished off with earrings and hair accessories and a fashionable necklace)
Cole: hey! I hope no one can see this!
Sarah: don't worry! (Shows him camera and video camera)(Southern accent) I got pictures and I am recording it!
Sam: (gives Sarah a high five)
Catherine: that's my girl!
Piper: so Cole how long you been wearing tutus?
Cole: Brian put it on me when I fell asleep in class
Piper: (cackles) what grade?
Cole: umm…1st grade
Piper: hmmm (smiles) I know something funnier!
Cole: what?
Sam: Heather lighting your butt on fire!
Cole: what? (Looks behind him) ahhhh! I am on fire!
Sam: good job Heather!
Sarah: I have to say that was funny!
Piper: how about the headless horseman now?
Catherine: YEAH!
Sam: Bloody!
Catherine: YAH
Piper: exactly
Sam: and it won't kill him so ….why not!
Catherine: you're my new bestest buddy! (Hugs her)
Sam: (looks strangely at her but then smiles) Okay I'll take it.
Piper: okay the horseman is outside!
Catherine: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Laughs as Cole gets his head chopped off, but frowns as his head reconfigures with his body.)
Piper: that didn't work! It didn't hurt him enough!
Sam: yeah but at least we're doing a good job torturing him.
Piper: quips later hurting Cole torturing now!
Catherine: how about my rocket launcher
Sam: okay.
Catherine: lets go make some soup with my rocket launcer
All in room: (stare blankly at her)
Catherine: I was just being creative!
Harry: you might want a therapist to check that out
Catherine: watch it scar boy
Sam: (shocked) since when does Catherine read to know that?
Catherine: I love reading
Sam: MOMMY!
Catherine: I was just kidding!
Sam: how do I know you're not just saying that?
Catherine: (glares at her) Sam since when do I like to read? Reading is really weird Ahhhhh reading (runs around room stupidly)
Sam: (looks at Chris (adult)) are there any therapists in the future?
Catherine: heyy
Chris: yeah there is….
Sam: I GOT AN IDEA
Piper: what?
Sam: Cole can get eaten by a pack of wildebeests!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Piper: I like the way this girl thinks! I think we could be best friends!
Sam: okay well you are my new best friend then!
Catherine: and can I tag along behind the wildebeests with my rocket launcher?
Sam: yeah…why not
Catherine: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY wow too much sugar
Sarah: I'll say! I never get sugar rush!
Sam: except on Christmas when you run into walls
Sarah: hey that's only once a year!
Sam: yeah yeah yeah…
Piper: any way any ideas buddy?
Sam: I HAVE A GREAT idea! PRUJO!
Piper: I am sure we can summon Prue now and turn her into a dog again and then Cole will most likely say something offensive and she'll go after him!
Piper: Okay so we bring out the wildebeests then they get joined in with Prujo.
Sam: great!
Lizzy: on a scale from one to ten, how hurts will he be?
Sam: 20
Lizzy: AWESOME
Sam: okay so you guys go and get Prujo and get wildebeests somehow.
Piper: sounds like a plan
Cole: (comes in out of breath and scathed) Can you guys stop with this?
Sam: Okay Johnny tell him what he's won
Johnny: Cole Turner, you have won Prujo and a pack of wildebeests
Phoebe: (looks around) I still don't know where that voice is coming from
Cole: I am going to get hurt again aren't I
Sam: that is the smartest thing you have said
Cole: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Prujo: (makes her appearance and barks)
Cole: nice wait what's hr name?
Piper: That's Prue
Cole: Prue? She's a pretty dog
Paige: what did you expect?
Cole: A pit bull?
Prujo: (barks and runs and chases him as he runs in circles. She finally gets a hold of his rear end and bites it.)
Cole: (running in circles with Prue biting his butt) ahhhhh this hurts worse than the Dobermans!
Piper: good idea! Oh Zeus! Apollo!
Dobermans: (come to Piper)
Cole: Hi guys
Piper: sick him
Dobermans: (run to Cole and do the same as Prujo.)
Piper: this is real entertainment!
Sam: yeah it's better than any comedy!
Cole: THIS IS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Piper: I know that's what makes it so good.
Cole: okay so you've had your fun, now let me have peace.
Piper: NOPE (like in Lost and Bound).
Cole: but WHY?
Piper: Well backs to the stupidity again…wait what am I talking about…you were never smart.
Leo: Cole has never been smart since we met him.
Piper: ya have a point there.
Leo: and I have an idea to what we can have Billie do.
Piper: what?
Leo: Billie can turn him invisible so that when people come through the door it can hit him just like it fell on me when she turned me invisible.
Piper: I don't think that will hurt quite enough.
Leo: okay then, what about…instead of Billie we get…Catherine…yeah yeah…
Piper: she already hurt him…what ever it is she has to add to.
Leo: grams!
Piper: what about her?
Leo: remember she created the 'Nicolas must die spell'?
Piper: yeah…and?
Leo: well we can summon her and she can create a ' Cole must be tortured' spell!
Piper: you are smart
Sam: Leo has always been smart.
Piper: so I'll summon Grams now. (Begins to chant).
Hear these words
Hear my cry
Spirit from the other sideCome to me
I summon thee
Cross now the great divide
Grams: (white lights and wind appear with Grams): hello dears
Piper: hi grams. Do you remember the 'Nicolas must die' spell?
Sarah: ANDREW!
Everyone: SHUT UP!
Sarah: What? He was nice! Well… seemed it… his face was funny
Everyone: (groan)
Grams: of coarse.
Piper: well now we need a 'Cole must be tortured' spell
Grams: yes that demon is a lot of trouble. (Wags finger at him)
Piper: so can you do it?
Grams: (thinks) Spirits of air, forest, and sea
Set us of this demon free
Beast of hoof and beast of shell
Give this demon your full hell
Cole: (whimpers in pain as sparks fly around him). OOOOOOOOO
Piper: thanks Grams. (Turns to Leo and kisses him) thanks Leo. (Kisses him again.)
Phoebe: Get a Room!
Piper: No!!! I love Leo and I can kiss him where ever and whenever I want! (Kisses him again).
Phoebe: okay but….
Paige: (warningly) Phoebe! Do I need to orb and apple into your mouth again?
Phoebe: (shakes her head)
Paige: well another slip of the mouth and I yell 'apple'! And the apple comes and then flies into your mouth!
Piper: that was quite funny when you did that the first time.
Leo: can ya do it again?
Paige: you really want me to?
Leo: yes
Paige: 'apple' (she orbs the apple into Phoebe's mouth)
Phoebe: hewyyyy (muffled because of the apple)
Leo: that was funny
Phoebe: hewyyyyy
Leo: and that's even funnier. How about we try a monkey.
Paige: I can do that! 'Monkey' (monkey orbs into Phoebe's mouth.)
Phoebe: hweeyyyyy
Piper: hey Paige if you can do that to Phoebe do you think you could do that to Cole?
Leo: how about King Kong…that'll hurt him lots!
Piper: we do that later no back to demons hurting him…how about Bloody Mary and The slasher
Phoebe: sounds like a rock band
Catherine: (death glare) shut up.
Phoebe: (summons courage and it is noticeable) I am not afraid of you!
Catherine: (bobs her head at her) (like Phoebe did to the Kazi in " Sense and Sense ability)
Phoebe: (whimpers)
Sam: laughs. Nice try Phoebes
Phoebe: I had a little piece of dust in my throat!
Catherine: (darts fakely at her again)
Phoebe: (whimpers and jumps back)
Sam: how do you do that?
Catherine: I have my ways (smiles evilly)
Sam: hey look at Cole! He still has the make up on Sarah you still getting this?
Sarah: (gestures to her video camera) Yep!
Sam: great!
Sarah: I even got when he ran into the tree a minute ago. That was great footage. Very good footage. Footage that will haunt him for the rest of his looooong demon life.
Sam: yeah well what do we do now? I mean what do we have go after him now?
Piper: how about we have the witch doctor go after him!
Sam: good plan.
Cole: (runs in) hey I am getting beaten up out there! Does any one care?
Everyone: NO!
Piper: (chants the spell that is used to summon the witch doctor. He appears)
W.D: how may I be of service to you?
Piper: yeah we found big mamma and we want you to get rid of him.
W.D: where?
Piper: (points to Cole) over there.
W.D: Big Mamma! We meet at last.
Piper: (shrieks with glee)
Cole: I am not big mamma do I look like big mamma to you?
W.D: yeah (charges at him)
Cole: (jumps into Leo's arms) ahh
Leo: (drops him)
Cole: OUCH!
Piper: oh come on Cole you have to be used to that. I mean you have been dropped on your head as a baby multiple times.
Cole: how do you know that?
Piper: women's intuition…. common sense…. (Laughs)
Cole: what are you laughing at now?
Piper: well are you impervious to the fact that you now have a princess crown on your head…and a pretty purple and pink fuzzy wand in your hand…. in addition to the tutu?
Cole: what the hell
Wyatt: teeheehee
Cole: why is the kid always picking on me?
Piper: take a wild guess (like in Happily Ever After when Piper is dressed as little red riding hood and she says to the evil witch " take a wild guess")
Cole: (raises hand)
Lizzy: yes Cole
Cole: may I take a tooty?
Lizzy: how bad do you have to go?
Cole: badly
Lizzy: well we're not done torturing you so hold it in.
Cole: (whimpers.) but its number two!
Lizzy: hold it in.
Cole: Its number 1!
Lizzy: (getting irritated) hold it in!
Paige: I have an idea! (Whispers into Piper's ear) maybe we can get him to lick a socket.
Piper: (smiles and nods)
Paige: hey Cole guess what?
Cole: (like a little kid on Christmas) what?
Paige: I hear if you wet your tongue and then lick a socket you get a present.
Cole: yay! (Grabs a water bottle from the side table and drinks it, then licks the socket next to the TV's socket. He gets electrocuted)
Piper: Cool.
Cole: (still being electrocuted.)
Sam: This is fun
Cole: issssss ssooommme ooonneee goooinnnggg tooo heelllppp meeee?
Piper: no
Leo: who wants popcorn?
Piper: he's getting stupider by the minute!
Leo: soon he's going to have his but out of the door.
Cole: you guys suck
Leo: one butt cheek
Cole: on ice
Leo: two butt cheeks….
Cole: suck!
Leo: my god he's got three butt cheeks!
Sarah: didn't BRC say that? (Shrugs)
Sarah: … it only works with feet…
Piper: leave my husband alone…. and honey it only works with feet.
Leo: thank you muffin.
Piper: awww he's using a pet name! How sweet.
Phoebe: its gross so stop
Catherine: (glares at her)
Phoebe: I mean…by all means…keep going….
Sarah: (sigh) Here's some names for you: cockroaches. As Captain Englehorn says (fakes a German accent) that's the thing about cockroaches. No matter how many times you flush them down the toilet, they always crawl back up the bowl
Everyone: UGH!
Sam: this is charmed/ Harry potter at some points…. not King Kong. I have to say it was a good quote.
Harry: thanks
Sam: no problem
Piper: when did we get off the subject of Cole?
Sam: I really don't know now that you mention it…I mean…he's still getting electrocuted.
Cole: YOU GUYS SUCK ON ICE
Sam: Hit him Endo
Endo: yes, mam (sticks electric cords to Cole and Cole is electrocuted 10x worse)
Sarah: that's not Endo…that's Mr. Kershawitz from down the street.
Sam: it worked on family guy
Piper: Family Guy?
Sam: animated funny show like you have a show, but its different and comical…in a weird sort of way…
Sarah: still that's Mr. Kershowitz…. how did he get here?
Endo/Mr. K.: I like charmed.
Sarah: go home Mr. Kershowitz
Endo/ Mr. K: bye (disappears)
Piper: that was very strange
Sarah: well that's Mr. Kershowitz for you
Sam: one time he knocked at my door like he was being tortured…yelling and all…and when I opened the door he said 'hi' so casually and ran.
Sarah: he did the same to me.
Piper: some people are crazy like that
Lizzy: two guys came to my house in a hula girl outfit, knocked, I answered, and he did the hula, and ran. I think one of them was Brandon.
Sam: (turns to Sarah) do you think Mr. Kershowitz could get all the way to Lindenhurst?
Sarah: I don't know, probably
Lizzy: I think he did cause when he left he got into a little clown car, and then looked like he was constipated.
Sam: did you ask why?
Lizzy: yeah, he said he was trying to orb. He then presumed to yell ' DAMN MY POWERS ARE GONE!
Paige: that's my job to orb!
Lizzy: I know, but I think he may be obsessed
Sam: yeah but I am not obsessed…. I am passionate
Sarah: (look of glee)
Sam: Oh no I am quoting National Treasure! What has this world come to?
Piper: back to hurting Cole
Sam: yes, yes…. Maybe we could send a hungry wildebeest after him
Piper: too subtle
Sam: your right, BARBAS!!!!!
Piper: That may just work! Turn his worst fears against him
Barbas: (appears) what may I do for you?
Sam: this barbas is scary! He is being way too nice.
Piper: turn his worst fears against him.
Barbas: easy squeeze lemon easy.
Sam: huh?
Barbas: character flaw of mine
Sam: just get on with it.
Babas: easy squeeze…
Piper: yeah we know 'lemon easy' get going now.
Barbas: may I point out that…?
Piper: (death glare)
Barbas: (looks at Cole and raises hand like he does on show)
Cole: (suddenly sees himself in a tutu.) (Everyone else does too) thank god none of you can see this.
Wyatt: tee hee hee
Piper: good job Wyatt! That's my boy!
Cole: you mean you can see this?
Barbas: I didn't do it. It was the kid
(Suddenly Barbas is dressed up as a fairy)
Barbas: the little!
(He gets an added bonus of a wand and make up)
Piper: don't piss the kid off, pal. He can do soooo much worse.
Barbas: like what? He's a kid
Wyatt: (orbs him to Timbuktu)
Barbas: (comes back with a tutu, fairy wings, and a wand. He has a burrito in his hand)
The kid sent me to Mexico too. Wow these burritos are good. (Winces) okay well with a price. (He runs to the bathroom)
Piper: that a boy Wyatt…. (Barbas comes back) but I think there's something missing.
Wyatt: (makes a crown orb onto Barbas' head and adds fairy pink lip gloss)
Piper: that's better…but there's still something missing from this picture.
Wyatt: (blinks and suddenly Barbas is wearing a leotard, a tutu, fairy wings, and tights. In his hand is a fairy wand, on his head is a tooth fairy crown, and his lips shine with fairy pink lip-gloss)
Piper: wonderful
Chris: mommy look it's the tooth fairy!!!!
Barbas: I AM NOT THE TOOTH FAIRY!
Wyatt: okay (blinks)
Barbas: (turns into Santa Clause) huh
Wyatt: Yay Santa!
Barbas: argh
Wyatt: (blinks again)
Cole: (turns into the Easter bunny)
Piper: Its like all holidays party! This can't get any better!
(Zankou appears)
Piper: hmm…. we don't have Cupid yet.
Wyatt: (blinks once more)
Zankou (turns into a short person with yellow hair, a white tunic, wings, and a harp) what the hell?!
Sarah: ZANKOU! (tackles him) I love you!
Piper: (ignores Sarah) very good Wyatt
Zankou: wasn't the pig enough? GET OFF!
Sarah: No!
Piper: not really…. I mean we didn't even get to see that….
Chris: (looks at Piper) please mommy
Piper: no problem! (Joins hands with Phoebe and Paige and chants the spell)
Zankou: (turns into half pig, half man)
Chris: Hehehehe thank you mommy.
Piper: my pleasure!
Wyatt: (turns Zankou back into Cupid)
Zankou: why the hell did I come here?
Piper: cause you love to dig your own grave?
Zankou: (snarls)
Phoebe: don't you just love it when he snarls?
Sarah: I do!
Zankou: (looks up) (yells) can one of you elders get me out of here?
(Gets zapped and his whole body is burnt) I take that as a no. Can't you ever be nice to me? (Gets zapped again) Ever? (Zap) Okay now I might as well be a chicken, cause I'm fried. ( gets zapped again)
Wyatt: (turns Zankou into a chicken)
Leo: I wish I had someone's ass to kick
(Dan appears out of nowhere)
Leo: ask and you shall receive.
Dan: where am I? (Looks around wildly)
Leo: (punches him)
Dan: oh no not you again.
Leo: yes me again… (Punches him again)
Dan: Piper? Where is Piper?
Piper: what do you want?
Dan: (looks at Piper) look at you, you are so beautiful.
Leo: (punches him) that's for saying that!
Dan: what did I ever do to you?!?!
Leo: A lot
Dan: welllllll exuuuuuuseeee me (all girl like)
Leo: well you seem to be hitting on my wife
Dan: you two are married now? (Looks at Leo)
Leo: (gives him a death glare)
Dan: (runs away)
Leo: ha! I took care of him!
Sam: okay, as much as I hate that slimy son of a witch, I really think Cole needs to be beaten up some more. I mean he doesn't look that hurt to me.
Cole: (whimpers) I am hurt!
Piper: not enough.
Sam: Cole what did we talk about being stupid?
Cole: (hangs his head) not to be
Piper: and what happens when we're stupid.
Cole: not my buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!
Piper: There's that stupidity again.
Cole: I didn't think it was stupid, I thought it was funny. I mean shrek, come on funny!
Piper: (rolls her eyes) Well lets get this over with, so that I can have fun hurting you.
Dan: I guess you can't hurt me, because I am not stupid, and well no one hates me (glares at Leo) except him! But he's crazy!
Leo: (glares at him, and then looks at Piper. She nods)
Sam: correction. The whole Charmed fan community hates you.
Wyatt: (blinks) Dan: (is now wearing a tutu) what the hell!
Sam: see even he hates you!
Wyatt: (blinks)
(Dan is now in a tutu, and looks like a fairy, wand, crown, and everything. Added bonus of his cleft chin having red all over it with a mixture of purple and yellow)
Leo: see I told you that cleft chin were horrible. That a boy Wyatt!
Cole: ( to babas and dan) did i mention i was the leader of the underworld? you two are wimps compared to me. Piper: goody goody gum drops. I don't care who the hell you are, all three of you are wimps!
Cole: (being smart) mirror mirror on the wall whose the biggest wimp of all?
Piper: Well Cole you're in the running then dan then barbas
Cole: (smiles)
Piper: I didn't say it was anything to be proud of!
( Magic Mirror appears)
Cole: I think I'm smart!
( Mirror glows, and Cole is sucked into a big hole)
Piper: he he that was a magic mirror, where if you lie you get sucked into it
Cole: ( reaapears) DAMN THAT MIRROR!
A/N: Review. Thanks
-piperleoforever21 and Chrisfanatic3-