So, I haven't written a canon OS in a while, mostly because I stopped watching SPN halfway through season 6. But after much convincing, and some time off work, I've decided to try and get back into things in time for the new (hopefully...different) season 8. I was watching the season 6 finale, and got an idea I just meant to write down. It ended up turning into a very short story. I'll be editing within the next few days, but until then, enjoy!

Reviews are welcomed, as per usual.

Also as per usual, these lovely boys are not mine. *heavysigh*

CA

I should be angry.

Two years ago, I would have been. Hell, one month ago, I'd have gone on rampage, ripping off angel wings like a demented little kid with a handful of butterflies.

I should be angry. I want to be angry. At least the anger would give me something to focus on, something to do. Something besides staring at Sammy, hopeless and clueless, while he thrashes on this cot that's not good enough, was never good enough, and where he always somehow ended up. Something besides swallowing the sweet burn of whiskey in my throat, waiting for that pain to drown out the other, larger pain, the one roaring like an angry ocean just behind my eyes. Something besides waiting for Bobby to come back, and Sammy to wake up, and Cas to give in.

When did waiting become my fight?

So, yes, I should be angry. I want to be angry. I try to be angry. And for a while, it works. I'm angry, so angry, at myself, for everything and nothing all at once. Angry at Bobby for being the rational one, for focusing on the war raging between heaven and hell, instead of my comatose little brother. I'm angry at every damn demon, monster, and angel who ever walked, swam, or flew the earth. Every last one.

Except for Cas.

Cas, who put Sammy here, writhing on a crumby mattress, where he's six feet under, all over again.

Cas, who jumped ship and started working for demons, and lying to his friends, and getting people killed.

Cas, who was my rock, my best friend, when Sam couldn't be.

I should be angry at him. I want to be angry at him.

But I can't.

Because even buried under 30 tons of not-Cas, even when he's gone off the reservation in a damn rocket ship, leaving only dust and ash behind him, even when all I can see that's left of what he used to be is his face, and that's not even really his…he knew. Cas knew. He always knew.

He knew just how to tear me down, how to put me out of commission. He knew if he broke Sammy, he'd break me, too.

Two years ago, it would have bugged me. It would have pissed me off. Last month, I'd have gone after him for it.

But now? When everything I knew about him is undone? It's nice to know the Cas that knew me is still there somewhere.

So, yes, I should be angry.

But I'm not.

Because I know that mean Cas will come back eventually.