Author's Note: This is in response to a prompt from SpamMonsters Watchmen Kinkmeme on livejournal.
The original prompt was: Dan took the Roche case. How does it affect him? I want to see Walter desperately trying to hold his partner together in the aftermath and show him that there's still something worth caring about in the world.
This is actually the sequel to someone elses reponse to the prompt - I couldn't cope with a completely sad ending so I wrote a nicer one to the original (which I will link on my profile for anyone who is interested - BEWARE ITS SAD but most likely needed to understand this) Do R&R :)
***
Rorschach was roaring, writhing against shadows pulling him apart cell by cell. Holding him in hell, watching Nite Owl slip away into darkness. And he wasn't even fighting! Night Owl was just falling back out of the light like a man with nothing left in him. It was wrong it was all wrong; Rorschach should be able to get to him, to save him. But he couldn't, he wasn't strong enough.
Walter's head snapped back against the headboard as fingers found his scalp. The groan he emitted was strangled as he jarred the body laying heavy against his chest. It took him a lot longer than it normally should to notice the fingers hovering where his head had been buried into the crook of Daniel's neck. His eyes clouded with sleep he stared at the hand as it traced the damp collar bone.
"Y...You're crying." The voice was broken, unused and stuttering.
Walter choked, no he sobbed – but no one else had to know that. His fingers pulled at his tear stained cheeks. His partner's hand did not fall back to the bed, but traced the space where his hair had been.
Hallucination. It had to be. Daniel had not spoken in months. It had to be in his head, his own shadows punishing him for crying when he had promised himself he wouldn't. So pressing himself into Dan's back he tries to fall asleep and forget the horrible gash in his heart screaming in his ears.
"Why?" The voice came again, quieter than before, but the body at his chest vibrated with the effort.
This was cruel. He ground his teeth. His nose grating over the base of Daniel's neck. Trying to decide whether he should ride out this particularly horrid nightmare, or ignore it. His desperation to hear Daniel speak won out over the pain he was sure to feel, as he placed his head back on his partners shoulder, tears streaming without hindrance anymore. He would die inside, in the morning.
"Nightmare." Walter whispers back, something neither of them are strangers to anymore, "Was losing you to the demons. Couldn't save you. Needed to save you. Wasn't strong enough."
Just admitting it caused him to whimper in pain as his hands gripped at flesh, clenching to bruise. If the dead man in his arms felt it, he did nothing to make it stop, as Walter cried and Rorschach screamed.
"You just fell and I had to watch. You didn't even fight. And I couldn't save you." Rorschach was breaking his body apart in anger at his own pathetic weaknesses.
He was angry at Walter for being weak to this pain. Furious at Daniel for leaving him alone. Dying because he was not good enough to save the one person he cared about, from his own nightmares. And heartbroken that his pure, loving Daniel had died and left him to be the conscience instead of the cure.
"You... you left me in the dark." Were the last words he managed before his mouth clamped shut.
Blood oozed from his tongue, trying to block out the sobs his throat begged to emit.
***
He felt rather than saw his partner twist to look at him. His eyes having closed against the red of anger, not quite sure when. Opening them, he was met with hollow brown ones. He still had not gotten used to that. The absence of anything remotely Daniel. He couldn't look into them for long, so he turned his face to look intently at a shoulder.
"Don't cry." The words were almost silent, just a breath against his cheek.
"Not doing it by choice, Daniel." He growled out.
"Please don't cry." The voice was high, cracking with strain as fingers touched at Walter's cheek.
"Daniel –"
Walter would take hollow over this. He would gladly spend another year with an empty shell than have to see Daniel's face tearing at the seams. He was screaming, silently screaming, he wasn't even breathing. His body shook so violently it hurt.
Pulling away, Daniel's nails dug into his face, and all Walter could do was watch in horrified shock. This was worse than the demons. This was worse than watching a hero die. This was 7 months of agony bubbling to the surface. He shouldn't have cried.
Reaching forward Walter felt the muscles tense beneath his fingers.
"I'm here." He whispered, using all his strength to pull Daniel back into the safety of his chest.
It was still all he had to offer, and he just hoped this time it would be enough. Daniel sobbed against his throat. It was as though every drop from his soul was draining out onto his skin. And this time Walter- no Rorschach - was close enough to hold him steady.
"I'm here, Daniel."
A stream of words echoed in the dark. Self loathing and horror. Inadequacy and sorrow. Daniel was falling apart, barely held together by shaking hands. Walter felt like he was listening to himself, to Rorschach. He felt weak, useless, stupid and worthless. He was not strong enough, fast enough or good enough. Hearing them from Daniel, though, was like driving a blunt knife through his chest.
None of it was true. Daniel was perfect. Compassionate and alive. Daniel had always tried his best. Rorschach had taken it upon himself, blamed his feeble humanity. Rorschach was proud to be Nite Owl's partner, because even after all they had seen, all they had done, when he had failed he still took it this hard.
Walter was cruelly aware that nothing he could say would make this better. There was nothing. So he just held on for dear life as Daniel imploded.
"I'm here."
***
It felt like days, but really it had only been a few hours. Daniel had cried himself into a comatose state. Walter had cried with him, and Rorschach had roared with him. It was all he could offer, his own pain and understanding. Perhaps if he had been a better man he would have been able to offer enlightening words. But he was not a better man; he was a walking monster – holding another.
His eyes drifted shut around dawn, unwilling to loosen his grip around the vitally alive chest beneath him. It was all he would have when he awoke. Daniel would be hollow once more, and he would spend another day filling a silence that once meant safety, but now meant pain. Glad the dream was done. He would never have to feel the pain of another human beings soul. He could just go back to living with his own.
***
Opening his eyes to the midday sun. Walter's knuckles were white from gripping his own wrists. There was a nose against his cheek, breathing softly, nuzzling into the warmth the sun was leaving on skin. Sleeping Daniel. No nightmares behind his flickering eyelashes. Walter had learnt the difference. There were no tears waiting on the little black strands, 47 on the left – 56 on the right. Running a thumb over lids, he knew it hadn't been a dream as dry tears cracked under the touch. Daniel had woken up last night. He would be asleep again when he opened his eyes.
It was unbearable to keep a promise when all his bones urged him to run. Run until his heart stopped beating. But he had promised to stay forever. He would stay, alone, because without Daniel that's all he ever was. Without his Daniel.
***
He touched his lips to Daniel's, his own tears coming again. At least this time Daniel was asleep and wouldn't see them. He would have time to stop them flowing and be strong for him again. Right now though, watching the sun shine on his partners darker skin, seeing the streaks of tears he blamed himself for, he was fine with being a little weak.
The kiss he received back, though, was more than his life's worth of miracles. In this moment, God existed.
Fingers on his cheeks, Walter buckled. It was better than a miracle, though he wasn't sure if those kinds of things existed. Looking into confused brown eyes, still deep and pained, he could live with trying to fix that. Lips met his again as his arms fell limp in his partners lap. He tasted new tears, and even though he hated it, he loved it more. Because Daniel was alive again.
He pressed himself too strongly against the mouth caressing his. He almost wanted to be swallowed by it. He wanted Daniel to feel it. To feel all of it, every single bit of relief coursing through his veins. To taste his tears, and know the difference between heartbreak and happiness. To know that this was fine, that he was here and was not going to run away like he would have before. That whatever Daniel needed now, he would get. No arguments. No anger. No confusion. Just Walter's lips against his in a life saving embrace.
***
Daniel was so close it seemed impossible. He was under skin. He was fire consuming his whole being. Gentle again. No fight left in him, as he lets Walter work his way inside. Their lips hadn't parted once; they couldn't bring themselves to look away from each other. Even now, as Daniel worked his way up and down, slowly, he watched the blue eyes roll then come back to him. Breathing into each other they clutched hands and tried to feel every last bit of what they were doing. The numbness chipping away with each little whimper.
He'd never understood what it meant before. Rorschach had hated the idea, and Walter just never understood. That this was what it was like to make love. It felt like pulling a person together, not tearing them apart.
Bringing the hands of his partner onto his chest, foreheads sweaty but together, he pushed his hips higher. Daniel's bucked, he'd moaned with Walter inside him, tipping over whatever edge he'd come to. And Walter had thought it impossible for Daniel to get closer, but somehow he had. His whole body encasing him in warmth as Walter followed him into a darkness not as painful as before.
"I'm sorry." Daniel whispered, "I'm sorry I made you wait so long."
Nothing was fixed. It probably never would be. Daniel still cried, and so did Walter. They fought, with fists and mouths. No mercy for anyone but each other anymore. But they could live like this. They would live like this.