Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck. This is simply a parody. Also, I have only read up to the point where John leaves his computer with WV, so this is probably somewhat inaccurate, but I did try and make this EAS good as it's own thing.
Author's Note: A dub of this is completely fine, just give me credit and add a disclaimer stating it is not to be used to prank, scare, or cause civil unrest. Also, this was inspired by 'Our Official Apocalypse Video' by Good Mythical Morning.
Plus, this one is actually narrated by my Homestuck OC (pictured in cover), Restive Elocutionist, who runs a Prospit radio station before the planet crashes, and later manages to survive (somehow) and take refuge with some friends on Derse, who are either secretly on Prospit's side, or just sick of the fighting.
As it's narrated by a 'real' character as opposed to an automatic message, it's a bit more… unprofessional? Rough? Normally she wouldn't be so emotional, but this is a rather big announcement.
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DATE: Sometime in April, 2009 (Human Years)
TIME: ?
LOCATION: Prospit
…
Hello everyone, I certainly hate to interrupt the music, but I have some rather grave news.
The White Queen has just ordered me to announce that our planet is going to be destroyed in a manner of hours, possibly even minutes.
As you all know, a lunatic and powerful demon from Derse has taken the Black King's ring. He has been raving our cities and killing people. Some sources say his name is 'Jack Noir,' but these can not be verified… not like it matters anymore.
The chains connecting the moon are coming loose, and if Jack hasn't killed us all by then, the impact certainly will destroy this planet.
The White Queen assures me she is placing counter measures to ensure we, or at least our legacy, will survive in some form. She has an ally waiting to take control if something happens to her as well, though this is all I know.
My instructions tell me to order you all to hide in your homes, just in case Jack can be stopped and the moon deflected, but… again, does it even matter anymore? We already know we're going to lose this war, and the only ones who can save us are those weird aliens living in the towers the rulers tell us nothing about.
What if… what if they die too? What if Skaia's only 'true' saviors die in this attack? What will we do then? I sure hope… I hope… what is there even left to hope for?
…
Well…
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I don't really know what else I can say. We're all going to… die, and that's about it. I guess we all knew this day would come eventually. One day, we'd fall to Derse's forces… but I never expected to be all at one Dersite's hands…
…
I'm sorry for this interruption… please give me a moment...
...
Oh sweet heavens... why does this have to happen so soon?
...
Despite the instructions I'm given, what I recommend isn't to hide in your house. Prospit is going to die one way or another, and chances are we won't make it. What I recommend is to accept it, and enjoy what few hours we have left.
Go out and see Skaia one last time. Sing your favorite song. Paint your best picture yet! Skip ahead to the last page of that novel you've been trying not to spoil. Take off these stupid harlequin clothes and wear your favorite dress. I bet you look wonderful in it. Tell your friends and family how much… how much you'll miss them… Binge on your favorite food and drink up for all I care! It is finally your chance!
Scream to the world and make it count! Write something down... anything really, put it in a bottle, send it to space, or inscribe it in the walls as deep as you can. Make sure it will last. Maybe someone will find it out there, and remember us. Even if we all die, we can't let out legacy end. If we keep our story alive, we won't truly die.
...
Anyone out there hearing this broadcast, years later, out in space or time, Prospit was a great place to live. Even as it all ends and comes crumbling down, even if it was destined to fail it's one purpose, I'm proud to have come from this great golden city.
…
I'm going to sign off soon, so I can follow my own advice. Don't want to be remembered as a hypocrite, you know.
Do not worry, I've prepared a playlist to run in case Derse finally defeated us within my lifetime… yeah… I should have had better hobbies. Sure hope nobody heard that.
Anyway, thank you for everything, my fellow Prospitains. So long, and thanks for all the dreams.
This is RE, signing off.
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I'm a member of the Midnight Crew… I'm a night owl and a-
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SIGNAL LOST