Tidal Years, Chapter One
Rating: PG-13 (shouldn't go higher, maybe lower at times)
Word Count: 2,643
Disclaimer: One half of SSK Productions is owned by pygmies & debt collectors. The other half is owned by her dogs. Logically, then, they own nothing.
Summary: Following the events of the episode "Dominion," SG-1 embarks on a mission that will change their lives forever, in more than one time line.
Pairings: Eventually, Sam/Daniel & Mitchell/Vala. Maybe more later.
Author's Note: This started as an idea for a missing scene fic for Atlantis and really spiraled out of control. This is also an attempt to fix things that were missing from the last two episodes, rewrite history, etc...

Raw Grief

Her daughter was dead, and they considered it a victory.

Vala Mal Duran knew that she'd had very little to do with her daughter, how she was raised, how fast she'd grown, or how corrupted she'd been by the Ori. It wasn't like Vala had any choice in the child's existence. She wasn't maternal. She had no examples, no experience.

She shouldn't even care that Adria was dead. All Adria had ever been was a tool of the Ori. She'd spouted their doctrine, murdered in their name. She had tortured Vala's friends. She'd killed thousands of innocent people, entire planets.

Vala was sure someone considered her a bad mother.

Maybe she was that someone.

She started walking again, this time faster than she had when she first left the briefing room. Soon she was running blindly, down stairs, past marines, past anyone who would try to stop her. Life went on in the SGC as if nothing at all had happened today. Nothing life-shattering, nothing of importance.

Maybe it only mattered to Vala.

She made it into her room, slamming the door behind her. She leaned against it, breathing hard. She shouldn't have run so much, so fast. No one was chasing her. No one was coming for her.

She slid to the floor, her body shaking with sobs. Her daughter was dead.

She'd always hoped to turn Adria around, one of those delusions she suspected so many parents had. But it didn't happen.

She had failed.

Adria was dead.

Teal'c knew the taste of bittersweet victories. For the past ten years he had fought for and achieved freedoms that he had imagined all his life. But they had always come at a price. The price was always high, but it had never been too high, but as he watched Vala Mal Duran walk out of the briefing room, he knew that this time it was.

"Are you sure that she's going to be okay, Jackson?" Colonel Mitchell asked in the ensuing silence.

Daniel Jackson rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses. "I didn't say that she would be okay," he replied. "In fact, I think it would be irresponsible to think that she'll just magically get over her daughter's death."

"First of all," Mitchell began, "Adria is not dead. She ascended—"

"And possibly inherited all of the power of the Ori," Daniel added. "Yes, I know."

Mitchell put his hands on the table. "The point is, Adria was Vala's biological daughter, but that's where it ends."

Teal'c watched the reactions of both Daniel Jackson and Colonel Carter. Daniel's mouth was hanging open in disbelief. Sam looked more shocked than Teal'c had seen her in a while.

"How can you say that, Cam?" Sam asked after a few moments.

Mitchell shrugged. "Well, Vala doesn't seem to have a problem with it. Hell, she wanted to be in the room when Adria was killed."

"That's not the same thing as feeling nothing," Daniel interjected.

"I believe," Teal'c began before anyone else could say anything, "that it would be wise if Vala Mal Duran knew that being a part of SG-1 means that she is not alone in times such as this."

Both Sam and Daniel nodded. "I think we should make ourselves available to talk to her," Sam added.

General Landry, who had been silent since Vala's departure, cleared his throat. "That sounds like a very good idea, Colonel. I'm going to put SG-1 on stand down for a while, provided the Ori decide to behave themselves."

"With all due respect, General," Colonel Mitchell interrupted, "when have they ever done that?"

The General smiled, chuckling. "I suggest you take the rest while you can. Dismissed." He gathered the folder and papers sitting in front of him and retreated to his office.

Colonel Mitchell started organizing his own folder. "Sounds like a plan. Teal'c, are you up for some sparring?"

Teal'c arched an eyebrow, knowing that a humorous smile had spread across his face. "Indeed," he answered. "The question is, Colonel Mitchell, are you up for it?"

We drew straws. I lost.

Daniel's words to General O'Neill after his covert mission to stop the NID from stealing technology from Earth's allies rang in Sam's head as she walked towards Vala's quarters. She wanted to help Vala, but somehow she couldn't help feeling that she had drawn the short straw.

Maybe she had. She didn't know what to say to Vala. Vala's daughter was dead. She had ascended, but Sam knew from her experience with Daniel that ascension didn't make it any easier. The person she had cared about deeply, the friend she needed and loved, was still gone.

Since Adria might also have obtained the power of the Ori, her ascension was even less of a comfort to Vala. Sam wasn't sure there was anything that could help Vala cope with the loss. Sam didn't think that she was the right person to help Vala, either. She and Vala were teammates, coworkers, friends, but not really close friends. Their bond as women would not be enough.

She knocked on Vala's door. No one answered. "Vala? It's me, Sam. I wanted to make sure that you were okay."

Silence was the only answer. She waited, growing increasingly worried as time went on. She overrode the lock. The room was completely dark. "Vala?"

"Go away," Vala called from somewhere in the gloom.

"Vala, I'm sorry. I was worried—We're all worried. We want—"

"You want? And what about what I want?" Vala demanded, coming out of the dark, silhouetted in the low light of the doorway. She had been crying; her face was red, her eyes puffy. Her clothes were disheveled, and her hair was coming loose from her pigtails. She looked terrible. "That doesn't matter, does it?"

Sam frowned. Why was Vala attacking her? "You know that's not true, Vala. We are your friends—"

"Friends? You're not my friend, Sam. I know that you're jealous of me; you have been from the beginning. You envy my knowledge, my skill with men. You're jealous of the time I spend with Daniel. And Mitchell. Even Muscles," Vala said smugly, crossing her arms over her chest.

Sam stared at her. She knew that Vala was grieving, that she was angry and hurt, but her words stung. Sam had been forced to adjust to having less time with her friends, had even been maybe a little jealous, but that was over. She didn't have a problem with Vala. They had become friends. Maybe not best friends, but still friends. "Vala, that's not true. Please, I'm here because I want to help you. I do. I know that it hurts to lose Adria and—"

"You know? And what exactly do you know? You don't have a daughter. You don't know how it feels. You don't know what it feels like to give birth, to create a life, to watch her grow. You don't know anything," Vala spat. She pointed an accusing finger at Sam. "You… You're just a dried up woman who waited too long for a man who didn't want you as much as he wanted his career. Or why would you still be here?"

"Excuse me?" Sam asked, feeling sick. How could Vala say that? Tears stung Sam's eyes. All her worst fears, her lingering doubts, dug out and thrown in her face all at once… Vala had known just how to hurt her, and she had done it. Sam knew that Vala was grieving, but this…

"You heard what I said," Vala told her coldly. "Now get out."

Daniel felt bad about leaving Sam to console Vala. He should have been the one to go. He was the first person from the SGC that Vala had interacted with, her first link to Earth. They had been bonded for a time. He, unfortunately, probably knew Vala better than anyone else. He knew that Sam would do her best for Vala, but it still should have been him.

He turned the corner, headed for Vala's quarters when a figure slammed into him. He stumbled backwards a little.

"Sam?" he asked in surprise. She'd barreled into him without any notice. She tried to move past him, but he caught her arm. She tried to keep her head averted, but he could tell that she'd been crying. "Sam, what happened?"

"Nothing, Daniel. I mean, not since—I—I'm fine," Sam stuttered a little.

He shook his head. "No, you're not. Come with me, Sam."

"I'm fine, Daniel. Just go to Vala, I know that's where you were headed. She needs you," Sam insisted.

"Mitchell and Teal'c are also worried about Vala. But I think you need someone, too. And I also think that Vala wants to be alone right now, or she wouldn't have run you out of her room," Daniel told her. She tried to shake her head, but he wouldn't let her. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her fiercely. "Talk to me, Sam. Please."

"Oh, Daniel," she whispered. "I wanted to help…"

Daniel released her from the hug, but he kept a hand on her arm, guiding her back towards a private place where they could talk. The quarters a few doors down were unoccupied, so he took her inside. She sat numbly on the bed, bravely trying to pull herself together. Sam was so strong. And yet he knew that she was hurt, badly.

"Sam, what happened?" he asked again, touching her shoulder as he sat down next to her.

She shook her head. "It's stupid, really. I—"

"If it bothers you, Sam. It's not stupid," he assured her. "I know Vala just lost her daughter. We're all worried, about Vala, about whether or not Adria gained the power of the Ori, but whatever she said to you—it was uncalled for."

Sam leaned against his shoulder. "She knew just how to hurt me, Daniel."

"The people you care about are often the people that hurt you the most," he reminded Sam gently. "But I could offer more than just general platitudes if I knew what she said."

Sam sighed. "Okay, first of all, I'm not a dried up hag, right?"

"Not by any means," he told her. He cupped her face. "You are an incredibly brilliant, incredibly beautiful woman, Sam. You know that. If not, I can always get McKay through the stargate. You know he's still hung up on you."

She giggled. "Please, don't. Really, Daniel."

"Are you sure you're convinced?" he asked, "Because you're still crying. And it wasn't funny enough to make you laugh enough to cry."

She sighed deeply. "Daniel, why doesn't Jack love me?"

Daniel blinked, choking a little. "Uh, Sam—"

"He doesn't, Daniel. I thought he did. I think we all did. But not enough, or he would have retired, right?" she asked, renewed tears in her eyes.

"Sam," Daniel began gently, but he didn't really know what to say. He put his arms around her. She wrapped an arm around his neck, burying her face in his chest as she wept.

Daniel didn't know who he was angrier with—Jack or Vala.

Cameron Mitchell had gotten his butt kicked sparring with Teal'c, but it wasn't like he hadn't kind of expected it. Even after his time with the Sudan, his skills weren't much of anything compared to Teal'c—especially since Cam's mind wasn't fully on sparring. Although his position during the briefing hadn't been very supportive of Vala and what she was going through, he was worried. He just didn't think they should baby her. She had shown herself to be capable of handling herself—for the most part, anyway, he thought, reminded of her former less than savory habits. She had changed, though, since their first encounter almost two years ago. If she hadn't, he wouldn't have let her become a permanent part of SG-1.

The point being, of course, that he was worried about her, and couldn't fully concentrate on sparring with Teal'c. And he knew he was going to be paying for it the rest of the week. He could already feel the aching in his ribs, arms, shoulders, and legs, but it wasn't anything he hadn't felt before.

With a sigh, Cam studied the door in front of him. It was Vala's. He knew she was inside. He wanted to make her feel better, but he had no idea what to say to make that happen.

He knocked quietly, figuring maybe if Vala just had someone to talk to, it would help.

After a minute or two, just when he was about to knock on the door again, it opened.

Vala was standing just inside. Her hair—no longer in the ponytails she'd fancied for a while—looked a little mussed, as if she'd been lying on it. Her eyes were red-lined, but it didn't look like she'd been crying for a little while. But the thing missing the most was that spark he'd come to know in her, and it worried him.

"Can I come in?" he asked when she didn't say anything.

Vala moved back a couple of feet, motioning him in. "If you want, but don't feel obligated to come in and try to comfort me, too."

Cam sat in the chair near a lamp, noticing how Vala's room looked about the same as every other guest room on the base—nothing of Vala's was present. "I don't feel obligated, Vala. You're a part of my team, and I'm worried about you."

He could tell that she was forcing the smile on her face. "I'm fine, Colonel Mitchell."

"Really, because I think that's the first time you've called me 'Colonel Mitchell' before?"

"No, I'm pretty sure that I've called you that before," she countered, but Cam saw that she was trying to change the subject. The look on her face said she realized it, too. "But I'm pretty sure you're not here to discuss what I call you, did you?"

Cam shook his head. "No, I didn't."

"You're here to tell me that I shouldn't feel badly about Adria," she began, flopping onto her bed. "You don't have to worry about it. Colonel Carter and Teal'c have already been here."

"Really? Teal'c was here?" he asked. It surprised him that Teal'c had been there, but not that Sam had. He'd figured that the two women would be able to talk to each other pretty well.

"Yeah, just a few minutes before you."

"Oh. What did he have to say?

"That he beat you at sparring."

Cam rubbed his face. "We're not talking about me, either."

"But it's so much more fun than talking about me." She looked at him, straight in the eyes. "I don't want to talk about Adria anymore. She's gone, and I just don't want to think about her anymore."

Cam stared at her for a minute, then nodded. "If that's what you want."

"It is," she answered finally, nodding as if she was trying to convince herself. "Adria's gone."

"It's like my grandma used to say—" he began.

"Oh, Cameron, not another one," she moaned.

"—you never know what you have until it's gone," he finished.

"Well, that's rather over done."

"And," he added, putting up a hand, "it's okay not to feel anything for a while, as long as someday, you do feel it."

Vala opened her mouth to reply, but before she could, the base's klaxons went off.

"Unscheduled off-world activation."

"Well, I guess duty calls," Cam said, standing, hoping he'd helped Vala in some small way.

She caught his arm as he turned to leave. She looked at him for a second, then hugged him. "Thank you, Cameron."

He smiled, hugging her back—not because he felt obligated to, but because it felt right. "Thank my grandma."