Marauder Mayhem, Mishaps and Mischief
Cling film and Public toilets
A/N: For all you Americans cling film is the same as cellophane, I think. And don't try this at home. Although it is really quite amusing…NO. Just don't do it kiddies, okay, promise?
"What's this for Moony?" Sirius exclaimed, picking an object off the shelf and brandished it in the air.
"That, Padfoot, is for cleaning lavatories." Remus sighed. This was the 64th object he'd had to explain the use for in the last hour.
"You mean toilets. Eww." Sirius dropped the brush onto the floor. "How?"
"Well, you sort of stick it in and brush it around the sides of the toilet." Remus struggled to come out with an explanation. "Sirius do not waggle your eyebrows like that at me. And do not pout either." Sirius stuck his tongue out immaturely.
"OOOOOO!" he squealed as an object caught his eye the other end of the aisle, he sprinted down there, skidding to a stop, crashing into an abandoned trolley in his attempt to grab the object. He ripped open the packaging.
"Padfoot what are you –" Remus cried.
"It's soooo shiny! Look at it Moony. Can't you see the shininess?" He pressed it up to Moony's face to let him have a good view of the kitchen foil. Moony shoved it away.
"Sirius, we'll have to pay for that now." He hissed, seriously regretting taking Sirius to a muggle supermarket. "Besides we've attracted attention." He looked around at the muggle customers that were starting to gather and give them stern looks.
There was a gasp from Sirius beside him. Remus turned to look at what he had found now. Sirius reached out his hand slowly and picked a long narrow box off of the shelves. "It's see- through Moony!" he said in awe.
"Yes Padfoot, now put it back." He muttered sternly, as you would to a young child.
But it was too late; Sirius had torn open the box and was starting to unravel the cling film.
There was a scream, "MOONY! It's attacking me! Argh, it's eating my arm! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!" he shouted.
Remus looked at the piece of cling film which had stuck itself to Sirius' arm and almost laughed. He deftly pulled off the offending piece.
"Careful Moony it might attack you too!" Sirius warned.
"Padfoot, it's supposed to stick to you. That's why it's called Cling film. It sticks to all shiny surfaces, and you." Remus told him.
"Oh." Sirius looked in wonder at the miracle material. "We so have to get some of this stuff." He pulled an arm load into his arms and dumped them on Remus. He then picked up another lot for himself, clearing the shelf of all cling film.
"How on earth are we going to pay for all this? Do you have any money on you?" Remus protested.
"Of course I do. What do you take me for?" Sirius started down the aisle, "Come on Moony, we don't have all day." Moony shook his head and then decided that the best course of action was to follow him.
They arrived at the checkout and dumped the cling film on the conveyor belt. The checkout lady looked at them as if they were mad. But started putting the boxes through the scanner anyway.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Bee…
Exactly 43 beeps later the lady, 'Carol' as her name badge indicated, told them that the total price was £72.25.
"Pounds, Moony. Pounds? What are pounds?" Sirius whispered to Remus.
"Muggle money, you told me you had some." Remus replied.
"No. I said I had money. As in Wizarding money."
"How are we supposed to pay for all these then?"
"Erm." The two grinned sheepishly at Carol.
"Do you two have any money?" she said, a slight tone of annoyance in her voice.
"Well technically…" Remus began.
Then, from out of nowhere, a security guard appeared, he looked at the two school boys and then at the mound of cling film. He took a step towards them.
"RUN MOONY! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" Sirius screamed and vaulted over the check out and made for the exit. Remus was not so quick and was grabbed at the scruff of his neck by the security guard, 'Neil' and dragged off as Neil ran after Sirius. They dodged customers and trolleys and over turned a bucket of flowers. Sirius was almost at the exit now and made a rather spectacular dive roll out of the door. The security guard dived after him but missed and somehow let go of Remus.
Remus took the opportunity and bolted after Sirius who was still running as if his life depended on it. When they finally came to a stop in a side alley somewhere Sirius was laughing his head off. "That was HILARIOUS Moony! We have to do that again! I never knew Muggle supermarkets would be so much fun!"
Remus groaned inwardly, "Are you mad? Wait, don't answer that. We could have been arrested!" he shouted, "What are you grinning at?" he asked, Sirius's manic expression was starting to creep him out.
Sirius promptly reached inside his jumper and pulled out a rather crumpled, but still intact, box of cling film. "I stole it." He said proudly.
Remus' jaw hit the floor, "You are insane! Take it back. I don't want to be associated with a criminal!" he attempted to grab the box from Sirius' hands but failed as Sirius merely waved it high above his head.
"Not so fast my friend. I have a cunning plan." Sirius looked past Remus.
"Who are you, Baldrick? Remus retorted.
"They have public toilets." Remus stopped jumping for the box and turned to where Sirius was looking. Across the road there were indeed public toilets. A scheming look passed across Sirius' face.
Precisely twenty three minutes later Remus found himself locked in a toilet cubical with Sirius. They were both standing on the toilet seat lid, which was obviously not designed for this purpose as it was way too small.
"Are you sure this is entirely necessary?" Remus asked.
"Yes. Now shush, someone's coming." He put his finger to his lips as footsteps were heard entering the men's toilets. The man walked to the cubicle next to them and they heard the door lock. A few seconds later the toilet seat lid was lifted and they assumed the man sat down.
There was a large farting sound and a horrendous smell wafted over to the two boys. Remus gagged and threatened to be sick all over Sirius. Sirius remained still but pinched his nose tightly shut.
The man stood up and turned around to flush the toilet.
"Ergh, whatever sons of bs put Clingfilm over the toilet seat" he exploded, "That is disgusting…" much cursing followed.
Sirius sniggered and even Remus couldn't help but stifle a laugh.
Operation Clingfilm toilet seat: Success.