Sorry about the delay folks! Here's the first chapter. STRONG LANGUAGE WARNING! If you're easily offended by harsh language, STOP READING NOW!

Chapter One

I didn't want Hermione to know about her. I didn't want to remember her. Now I had no way around telling her about her.

I wanted the kitchen floor to part beneath me and swallow me whole so I could avoid all confrontation with Hermione. I reckoned this was just unavoidable.

"If I may.." I began, pushing my chair out and standing up. "We must be going."

"Oh right.." Mr. Granger said, grasping my hand in a handshake one more time. "It was nice seeing you again. Give Riley my best. Tell her we asked about her."

I almost cringed. I took my hand back and stuffed it into my pocket. I nodded. "I'll bring Hermione back later on in the evening, if that is fine."

"Perfectly fine." Mrs. Granger said, a warm smile crossing her mouth that made me feel guilty. "Thank you so much for taking her as your apprentice.."

"Thank you for lunch." I replied as I watched Hermione stand, almost shaking. She then followed me out of the front door of her house without another word said.

We drove in silence back to my flat. I figured Hermione was just trying to figure out exactly what was going on. Why I hadn't told her? I should of told her. Now it probably seemed as if I was hiding things from her. I'd wanted to tell her, I honestly did...But the way she thought, it was as if she was the only woman that had ever been in my life. I liked that that thought made her happy, So I let her believe it. Not very smart on my part. I guess I deserved what was coming to me.

I parked and got out, walking around to the other side of the car and opened the door for Hermione. She got out and stood there, looking at me. Just looking. Then she slapped me across my face. I couldn't remember the last time I was slapped that hard. The corners of my eyes filled with tears from the force. I put a hand to my cheek. "Now what the fuck did you do that for?"

"You son of a bitch!" She slammed my car door shut and proceeded to verbally and physically abuse me in front of everyone that had stopped on the sidewalk to watch. "You're MARRIED!" She shoved me hard. "What makes you think you need to keep something from me! I wouldn't have started seeing you if I'd know you were married! And a liar to boot! A fucking married liar! You just made me look like such a fucking fool! I don't believe you! You told me you loved me, was that a lie too? How will I know if you're ever telling the truth? Does Riley know about your little escapades! You're a fuck ass cunt rag-"

This was my fault, but I couldn't handle the words that were coming from her mouth. I fired back "I didn't think it was important you little bitch!" Oh I had just dug my own grave..

"Not important! How could you not think it was important! AND HOW AM I THE BITCH! I should-"

"..didn't want you to get upset-"

We kept yelling over one another for the next five to ten minutes, and I imagined to the listeners, it sounded like nothing but nonsense. I let her continue to scream, though I turned to the people on the street. "Bugger off, you twats! This isn't a public spectacle!" Immediately, they all began on their ways. I turned to Hermione, my nerves frazzled and near gone. I buried my hands in my hair and turned back to her, a migraine forming just behind my eyes. "She's fucking DEAD, Hermione!"

She stopped yelling immediatley. She just looked at me, almost apologetically. "Severus..why didn't you just.."

"Because you were too busy calling me a fucking cunt rag!" I couldn't seem to get my tone down for some reason. Maybe the memories of Riley were getting the best of me. "You liked thinking you were the only one! I liked thinking I was the only one, though I'm not daft enough to think I'm the only man who's ever touched you! Don't deny it, Hermione, I know you better than that..You're right, I should have been more truthful about my romantic past, but I didn't think it was something you wanted to hear...I'm sorry.."

She hung her head and chewed on her bottom lip. It nearly broke my heart. She didn't know. I lowered my voice.

"I just didn't think you wanted to hear about her.." I said, my voice nearly breaking. Don't cry you twat..I cleared my throat and put a hand to her cheek, stroking it. "Maybe we could go inside and...talk..?"

"That's...fine.." She said in nearly a whisper.

We adjourned to my kitchen where Jake jumped to greet us, but for one of the first times, I pushed him down. "Not a good time, pal." He just sat, curious, tail-unwagging as I walked past him. I sat beside Hermione, forearms rested on the table as I looked at my ringing hands. "I suppose you want the story now?"

She got the courage to look up at me, and nodded. "If you want to tell it."

I sighed, first, straining my head to produce a reasonably short, truthful summary. "Riley and I met when I was 19...attending a college in Ireland..Dublin to be more specific. We were both majoring in.."

"What subject?" She interrupted before I could finish.

I gave a half smile at her. "Psychology." I looked back to my nervous hands. "I eventually got up the nerve to ask her out...The most beautiful girl in the school..She had these amazing..intense blue eyes...But anyway...I asked out for lunch...In a few days, I asked her for dinner back in my dorm..Which consisted of Cornflakes and flat pop..." I chuckled. "A college kid can only have so many choices in their menu...But, she invited me back to her dorm to meet her friends...They were out so we had to find a way to amuse ourselves...

"We watched a video...Got bored and found her bong...Made out..and the rest of the night...well you know how it goes, Hermione." I said, not wanting to say it. I mean its not like my girlfriend wanted to hear of my previous sex life. "We dropped out when we were both twenty to get married, which we did...9 years later to spare you all the insignificant details...We were out vacationing for her birthday...We went skiing...which was terrible to be honest, I hate the bitter cold.. It was alright though, he'd always wanted to...She went out one evening and well, she never came back."

Hermione paused. "You looked for her?"

"On end...Relentlessly for about 3 months..After 4 months and nothing turned up, she was pronounced dead." I blinked a few times to get myself together. "We had a funeral with all her things in the casket...Her favorite cd's..all of her favorite things.."

"I'm so sorry.."

"Don't be sorry. Its stupid to waste sorrow on something that was a done deal so long ago..." I answered, looking at her and forcing a smile. When I had to remember Riley it reduced me to what I was the day of her 'funeral'. Nothing. I sighed again, to try and clear my head.

"I am sorry though...I can't imagine what would happen if I lost you..." She didn't look at me. "I'd lose it. I'm so sorry. I did lose it..earlier, I mean.."

"I should have told you. Its my fault." Mushy, sappy apology time I reck.

"Partially, yes. But mostly, I'm apologize for calling you all those...names.." She almost laughed. "You're not a son of a bitch...and..you're not a fuck ass..or a cunt rag...or.."We both laughed.

"I never knew you had such a mouth on you, lass." I slid my hand over onto hers. "I deserved it. I'll take this one gracefully."

She only nodded. "I did have a boyfriend once."

"That Krum bloke." I replied, recalling, reaching in my pockets for my pack of cigarettes. "You're date to the Yule Ball in your 4th year?" I lit up and took a drag. I nodded my head onto my hand. "You didn't love him."

"Yeah...Most unfortuate of me to think I was in love...Cause when it ended, I was in complete agony..." She said.

"Complete agony.." I repeated. "I'd never put you through that." I looked at her, completely serious.

"Honest?"

"Honest."

"Then you forgive me?" She asked, almost timid. How endearing.

"I guess so.." I said breathy and nonchalant. I leaned back into my chair, a little less rigidly than before, and restrained a smile.

"Oh, Don't toy with me.." She nodded her head onto my shoulder. "I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"Enough with the apologizing.." I stroked her hair with the hand unoccupied by my cigarette. "I thought we were going to eat in the park. I was rather looking forward to it.."

"I was too.." She sat up. "I'm not feeling too hungry right now though..."

"Can we do something?" I asked, almost desperate. "I hate being confined in this house..I'm so bored.."

"I'm just...tired.." I could tell the whole conversation had taken a toll on her.

I wanted to argue against it, because I honestly hated staying inside for too long. I hated that about being at school. Always the same places, the same faces. It got so..boring, but I sighed and accepted defeat. "Why don't you go up and have a rest?"

"I think I will." She replied softly. "Goodnight kiss?"

I indulged her. "See you later."

She gave a smile and hurried up the stairs, and I waited for the click and lock of the bedroom door. When it happened, I beckoned Jake with a whistle, and grabbed his leash from its hanger on the wall. I clasped it around his collar and pulled him into the kitchen where I leaned over the counter and began to scribble a note on a napkin, my cigarette pursed between my lips.

Dear Mione,

If I'm still out when you wake up, I'm somewhere in Hyde Park walking Jake. Just thought I'd leave you a note to tell you I love you.

Severus.

It was simple, it worked. A walk, just to get out of the house, would probably be the best thing for me. I pulled open the door, giving one last glance up the stairs, and exited.

I knew the real reason as to why she suddenly needed a nap. She needed one because she was still furious at me for ever being married. She didn't like it that I had so much experience up on her. I guess she felt..inadequate. Like she'd never measure up. It wasn't true. I loved her. I just didn't know how to tell her that her and I really were on the same level, intellectually, mentally, and romantically. I didn't like that she doubted herself.

I didn't like that she was jealous.

Maybe our age difference was more of a problem than I'd first thought.