Hey there. If you haven't already figured it out from the title and summary, this is a story about crack pairings in the world of Warriors. I'm not entirely sure if I'm going to continue this or not. It depends on the feedback, I suppose.

There are explicit mating scenes in this story, as well as yaoi, so if you're uncomfortable with that, or if it bothers you, then please don't read.

Anywho, enjoy. :)

Thornclaw was having a bad day.

For one thing, all potential food seemed to have completely vanished from the territory. His whiskers twitched in irritation as he plodded through the strange new territory, trying to keep his senses alert for any sign of prey or danger. Ugh, I hate this new territory. I wish we had never come here! Unfortunately, they hadn't exactly had much choice in the matter. And he doubted anyone would actually want to make the journey back home, not after they'd come this for. No, it seemed like they were going to be staying in this place for good. Fox dung.

Another thing that was really bugging him was how quickly everyone seemed to be finding mates. Brackenfur and Sorreltail were obviously madly in love, and Squirrelflight seemed to have both Ashfur and Brambleclaw falling all over her. With all the romance blossoming around him, Thornclaw couldn't understand why no one seemed to be interested in him. He was handsome and interesting! Right?

Of course... he'd never actually really cared much for any of the she-cats in ThunderClan. Or any she-cats in general. He wasn't sure what that meant, exactly, but it didn't seem too good. Especially since he'd always wanted to start a family.

Sighing, Thornclaw finally gave up scenting the air for mice and plopped down onto the ground, beginning to wash himself. Thinking about all this was making him feel needlessly upset.

It was as he was drawing a paw across his ear that he heard a rustle in the bushes. He immediately leapt to his paws, his golden tabby fur bristling slightly as he looked around. "Who's there?" he growled, his gaze darting around the area. It was then that he noticed the strong, musky odor surrounding him, and he internally groaned as realization hit him. ShadowClan scent! I've crossed over into their territory! Craaap.

Just as he began to fully understand the situation he was in, he felt something heavy land on top of him, knocking him to the ground. Hissing in surprise, Thornclaw twisted around onto his back and stared up at the cat on top of him. It was definitely a ShadowClan cat. He looked familiar, but Thornclaw had seen quite a lot of ShadowClanners in his day. He couldn't remember the name of this particular one. Not that it mattered. Thornclaw narrowed his eyes and raked an unsheathed paw upward, towards the other cat's face, hoping that maybe it would hit its mark and then he could make his escape. Unfortunately, the ShadowClanner quickly ducked, missing the sharp claws by inches. Snarling, the tom pressed one large paw against Thornclaw's throat, growling, "Well, look what we have here. A ThunderClan intruder. Not so high and mighty now, are you, scum?"

"Look who's talking," Thornclaw managed to say, glaring at the tom above him.

This earned him a hard cuff to the forehead. "Shut up!" the ShadowClanner snapped.

Thornclaw didn't want to shut up. Especially not now that he had finally managed to place a name for this cat. He was pretty positive that he was the one called Rowanclaw. But before he could say anything more, a strange look appeared on the ShadowClan tom's face. Rowanclaw peered down at him for a moment, then smiled nastily. "I think you know as well as I do that intruders must be punished." He leaned down close to Thornclaw, whispering in his ear, "And since I just conveniently happen to have been the one to catch you, I think I'll start your punishment right now."

It was pretty safe to say that Thornclaw didn't understand what this cat was talking about.

The tom, keeping one paw on Thornclaw's throat, let his gaze casually travel down Thornclaw's body. With his other free paw, he traced a line down Thornclaw's belly fur and stopped at the furry sheath between the hind legs.

Before Thornclaw knew what was happening, Rowanclaw had taken his sheath in his large paw and had begun to rub it. Thornclaw gasped at the unfamiliar sensation. His sheath had never been touched before, not like this. It was horrifying. And... strangely pleasurable. The tip of his penis began to poke out, hardening quickly in the cool air.

Rowanclaw could feel his own cock stiffening quickly as he listened to Thornclaw's gasps. Smirking, he bent his head down and licked the pink tip, drawing his tongue carefully along the spines. Thornclaw hissed in surprise as he felt the rough tongue scrape across his meat, then let out an involuntary moan. "Oh..." He widened his legs further as Rowanclaw lapped at his growing cock. When the penis was fully out of its sheath, Rowanclaw engulfed it in his mouth, slurping as he sucked on Thornclaw's thick, pulsing rod. He moved his head up and down, completely taking the length into his mouth. While he sucked, he removed his paw from Thornclaw's throat and moved it down to his own erect cock, which he proceeded to rub.

Thornclaw, meanwhile, was experiencing sensations he had never felt before. As he was given his first blowjob, he released a series of groans and exclamations, gasping, "Oh, yes... YES... that feels so good..." His tongue hung out of his mouth slightly, and excitement was coursing through his veins. This felt wonderful. He couldn't even remember what he had been doing here, or what had been going on. The pleasure had driven all those thoughts away. All he could think about now was the feel of Rowanclaw's mouth around his genitals. "Uh..." He bucked his hips unconsciously, thrusting lightly into Rowanclaw's mouth. Rowanclaw responded by nibbling slightly on the meat, which only excited Thornclaw more.

Soon Thornclaw could feel something building in his lower regions. His panting increased. "I'm about to - !"

Before he could finish, Rowanclaw quickly removed his mouth from Thornclaw's penis, wiping his mouth of precum and panting a little bit. Thornclaw's dick was still erect, and practically quivering from need. He felt like he'd just been cheated. Not only that, but he was practically dizzy with desire. "Why did you stop?" he hissed. "Keep going!"

Rowanclaw grinned at him. "Oh, so you're liking it? What a dirty ThunderClanner you are." He sat back and shrugged. "Well, if you're liking it, then I suppose I'll have to stop. That'll be your punishment."

"No. I need more," Thornclaw responded. He intended to sound tough and firm, but his voice came out sounding pleading. If he hadn't been so desperate, he would've probably killed himself from the shame of revealing such weakness to an enemy warrior.

Rowanclaw smirked again, and then suddenly, without warning, he had clambered on top of Thornclaw again. Thornclaw tensed eagerly, expecting to feel wetness around his cock. He was surprised when he instead felt something poking his backside. Craning his head, he saw Rowanclaw jabbing his erection at Thornclaw's rear. "What're you doing?" he yelped.

Rowanclaw didn't answer. He seemed to find what he was looking for, and pressed the tip of his dick against Thornclaw's asshole. "You asked for it," he mumbled. Then, with a loud grunt, he pushed his dick into Thornclaw's hole in one fluid movement.

Pain erupted inside Thornclaw. What was this? This wasn't what he had wanted! "Ah! Take that out!"

"Shut up," Rowanclaw muttered. He pulled out slightly, then pushed roughly back in. The spines on his penis dug into Thornclaw's walls, making him cringe with pain. He began to protest again, but Rowanclaw put a stop to that as he began to thrust in a steady rhythm.

After a while, the pain surprisingly began to ebb away. It was replaced by... pleasure. Unexpected pleasure. Thornclaw began to moan again. "Uh... mm... faster... go faster..."

Rowanclaw obeyed without question. The two toms groaned in unison as Rowanclaw's large rod hit a sweet spot. "You're... ah... tighter than a she-cat's pussy," Rowanclaw grunted, jerking his hips back and forth. His chest heaved, and his eyes were glazed over with lust as he began to thrust even harder. Thornclaw arched his back, his eyes half closed as he let out mewls of pleasure. Eager to get more of Rowanclaw's big dick inside his ass, he pushed back against Rowanclaw's thrusts, forcing the pulsing cock to delve deeper into him. "More! More!" he screeched.

It seemed as though ages passed, even though it was probably only a few minutes. All Thornclaw could hear was the ShadowClanner's pants and the occasional slapping noise as Rowanclaw shoved himself roughly inside him. His own stiff erection was throbbing with need, as well as something else. He could feel it building up again, that thing from before, and he knew that he was about to release. "Ah!" he yowled. Semen exploded from the tip of his dick, spraying onto the ground below him. Exhausted, Thornclaw dropped his head onto the soaked grass, panting. A few seconds later, Rowanclaw let out a yowl of his own and cummed inside Thornclaw's ass. He remained inside there for a moment, then slowly pulled himself out.

He stood there for a moment, swaying slightly. Then he grinned unsteadily at Thornclaw. "Not bad, freak. Maybe you ThunderClanners aren't horrible at everything."

Thornclaw looked up at Rowanclaw, not moving from his position on the ground. "That was amazing," he panted.

The ShadowClan tom casually licked his paw and drew it over his ear. He glanced off to his right, then back at Thornclaw. "Of course it was. Well, I have to go, then." He turned and began to walk off. Alarmed, Thornclaw shakily got to his paws, calling, "Wait!" He hesitated before saying slowly, "I want to do this again. With you. Tomorrow."

Rowanclaw shot him a dubious look. "This was nice and all, but I really have to get going..."

Thornclaw didn't like begging. He hated it, in fact. It was a sign of weakness. But he was desperate. "Please! I need it!"

There was silence. Then Rowanclaw smiled. "Fine. I'll be here tomorrow." With that, he turned and left, but not before saying over his shoulder, "And maybe next time I'll let you be on top, freak."

I think these two are sort of my OTP now. c:

Tell me what you think! And if you'd like to request any pairings, feel free to do so. I won't be doing yuri situations, though, if I decide to continue this. I don't write yuri. Anything else is fine, though.

Peace out!