Title: The Sacrifice (1/2)
Rating: T
Pairing: K, alludes to K/L
Summary: Life off kilter, Kara struggles with the knowledge that she must lead the fleet to Earth.
Spoilers: 3.9 Unfinished Business, then goes AU
Words: 7000+
A/N: In my disgruntlement over The Finale Which Shall Not be Named, I had to sit around and think about when I thought the show lost it's kit and went south for me. That would be UB. This will re-imagine season 3.5 up until a certain someone gets them to Earth, 1.0: The Real Deal, what have you. Many thanks to my awesome beta, Workerbee73, who had to put up with a lot to get this out.
.::..::..::..::.
The sacrifice which causes sorrow to the doer of the sacrifice is no sacrifice. Real sacrifice lightens the mind of the doer and gives him a sense of peace and joy.
- Gandhi
.::..::..::..::.
She's quieter now. More somber. More subdued. Her eyes aren't so swollen and the bridge of her nose is healed, but that only highlights the dullness that crept in while the light seeped out of her eyes.
He's not sure if Lee beat it out of her the night of the dance or if it was gone long before then. He couldn't see past his own pain and anguish to actually look at her. He didn't want to because he was afraid of what he might see.
The woman he called his daughter didn't exist anymore. The person in her place was a little better than when she'd first arrived, but he still couldn't stand her constant air of restless anger. Her gratitude for being rescued was to stir malcontent and grief. Maybe he should've left her behind.
There were rumblings of what happened on New Caprica, but she wasn't going to share unless she could follow it up with a sucker punch and a right hook and not once has she ever acted out towards him. He'll do her the courtesy of ignoring her if she'll keep to herself.
No. He doesn't care one bit.
.::..::..::..::.
They're in the mess, talking with smiles that don't reach their eyes. He wants to swallow the quick bite of jealousy and leave his pilot roster to just sit with them, have their conversation flow over him and let him know that someone, anyone is there for her.
When Anders rises, he grabs his tray and lays a tentative hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze, then walks away towards the gym. She remains at the table and picks up the fork, forgetting the rest of her food. He watches as she examines it closely, holding it in front of her as she would a spear.
The sharp peal of laughter behind her causes her to jump slightly, breaking her reverie. He watches her frown and place the fork down on her tray carefully. He looks down at his paperwork for a moment and glances back up to find the table empty.
Dee sits across from him with a warm cup of coffee and a small smile on her face. It doesn't reach her eyes either.
.::..::..::..::.
Sometimes, she wanders the halls just for the sake of wandering. Few people realize how wonderful it is to have the freedom to exit a room at will. Sometimes she wants to smack them for their ignorance. Before she does, she remembers that she too can just up and leave.
So she does.
It lands her in the brig because it was a meeting, and she somehow managed to disregard the order to return to her seat. While she stands in the brig, clinging to the bars, she feels an odd sense of calm and an even odder sense of foreboding wash over her. This feels familiar.
It's not 'til the Old Man shows up with another biting comment to release her that she realizes she can actually leave the brig. She tries not to skip past him in an insane rush of delight.
Because this time, she can leave.
She lands herself in the brig two more times that week, just so she can feel the heady rush of escape when she's released. The feeling fades after the third time. She walks the straight and narrow after that. Well, straight for her. Crooked for everyone else.
.::..::..::..::.
Falling in love with her was the easy part. Marrying her was like taking another breath. Living with her was like waking up in a tornado. Losing her was outrageously painful.
Getting her back was impossible.
He looks at her across the gym as she pummels the boxing bag that Helo is holding. Being a new marine affords him a front-row seat to Kara's violent bursts as he frequents the gym more often with his men. He imagines that Leoben's face is what she sees; but sometimes he wonders if that's the case, especially when she leans forward and hugs the bag to her as though it could wrap her in a tight embrace.
It's been three weeks since the dance. Two weeks since she'd looked him in the eyes and said she loved him, that she would always have a spot in her heart for him, but that she could not stay married to him in fairness to them both. He told her she was full of it, and she gave him a wicked smile then winked.
They had sex for the last time and despite how amazing and absolutely mind altering it was, she kissed him softly on the shoulder and sighed softly. When she rose from his bed, she whispered to him that he deserved better than a frak-up, deserved someone who could love him fully, someone who wasn't just there to beat him into submission and frak him senseless. After she left, he pulled on his clothes and silently followed her tired footsteps to the empty pilot bunkroom.
He watched as she pulled out her icons from her locker and kneeled on the floor. Her words were soft and thick with tears as she prayed for his soul and his heart and forgiveness for her selfish disregard for others.
He signed the divorce papers the next day without hesitation.
Letting her go was one part grief, one part relief, and one part sorrow.
.::..::..::..::.
He listens in the CIC to the comm. chatter. He's not sure whether he wants to delve into the fact that it's the second shift in a week that he's signed up for that happens to coincide with her CAP rotation. Though it isn't saying much. She flies max allotment for CAP. He can't turn her down; he needs the pilots.
She's been officially single for a month now. After her week of fascination with the brig, and the weekend she spent so drunk she couldn't stand and Helo carted her off to bed, she's been rather tame. It's like she's moving through the motions with her blinders on.
He wonders what it'll take for her to break.
His wife's voice over his shoulder urgently notes that there are 10 contacts on DRADIS. Before he can even order for two more vipers to be launched, Starbuck radios in that she's taken out five, Hot Dog has two others. Together they finish them off.
The energy in the CIC picks up noticeably after that. Especially when Starbuck and Hot Dog start trading dirty jokes.
His three bottles of water from earlier cause him to hit the head during break shortly after she's landed. As he comes around a corner, he nearly knocks her over. The smile, quip, and swift punch on the shoulder he receives in turn leave him against the bulkhead around the corner, trying to regulate his breathing.
.::..::..::..::.
He hears a steady thrum of footsteps and a thump around the corner down the corridor and his shoulders tense. They've been searching for a food source for three weeks. All he can think about is the fact that his ship is currently storing 8 more days worth of food, and then …
He hears a deep voice and a returning higher voice. Then he hears a familiar cackle and unbidden, a smile comes over his face. Rounding the corner, he sees her profile, how her hair has started to grow again, how she's leaning against the wall, clutching her stomach in laughter. He then notices his son and the smile on his face mirroring her own.
His heart clenches at the sight and he wants to take a picture to keep it in his brain forever and always. Instead, he sees the smile fall abruptly from her face when she catches him standing twenty feet away. As he approaches, he does the only thing he can think of as he passes his son and his…
"Starbuck, what do you hear?" he asks, his voice slightly broken and worn with fatigue.
The surprise on her face is enough to make him chuckle, but the smile that comes over her features is enough to make his heart clench again. It's shy, tentative, and forgiving. Completely un-Starbuck.
"Nothin' but the rain, sir," she says quietly, as though any louder would make him regret asking.
He doesn't finish, knowing that when she approaches him later, like she inevitably will, he'll need to wrap up that conversation somehow.
When he approaches the CIC, he feels a little lighter, a little less off kilter. Gaeta gives him an uncharacteristic smile upon arrival.
They've found a planet with vegetation.
.::..::..::..::.
"I chose you. Why is that so hard to get?"
"I see you with her all the time, like nothing's changed. Can't you understand how that makes me feel?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh come on. Before! Before the dance, you could barely stand to be in a room with her without exploding in anger. Before we rescued everyone, it was just us. You and me. It wasn't amazing, but we had each other and we made it work. Before New Caprica, I was the one you came to when she went to Sam."
"You need to get this straight—not once have you ever been a substitute. How can you even think that?"
"You've got to be fraking kidding me. Do you really not know?!"
"What?"
"The pool? Hell, Lee, half the ship was in on it. When will Starbuck and Apollo finally frak and save us from shoving them out an airlock? I know why you started dating me—it was because you couldn't have her."
"… I knew about the pool, all right? I'm not completely oblivious. And for the record, don't forget about the fact that you also happened to be fraking Billy when we started dating. I was in a dark place during that time. I thought you got that."
"Yeah, throw that in my face. Let us not forget who made it so dark. How's the shoulder Lee? Still can't raise it all the way, right? Apparently gun shot wounds will mess you up like that."
"Enough! I don't know where this came from, but nothing, nothing except friendship is going on. On New Caprica, I asked you to marry me because I love you, because I wanted you to be my wife. I want you, okay? All of you. We're good for each other, Ana."
"…I'm sorry. It's just so… I have to listen to you two, and then I see you walking around, and it's like you have to drudge up the energy to come back to me."
"Are you serious? Coming back to you is the best part of my day."
.::.
A couple hugs in the Ready Room as they forgive each other for shared grievances. The man is desperately hoping that if he says it enough, he'll believe it. While the woman hates herself a little more for holding on to a man who was never really hers to begin with. She doesn't think he'll ever be hers. She holds tighter at the thought.
A raptor pilot, walking through the hallway calls out to a blonde viper pilot leaning against the hatch. Calls out again, breaking her out of her daze. After biting her lip and holding back tears, she walks towards the hangar deck with the other pilot, the sense of urgency building in her.
She needs to get away. Needs to not see them. Ever. Again.
Nodding in agreement and shaking on it, she walks back to her locker and throws a few days worth of clothing into a duffle and returns to the hangar deck. Helps organize and distribute equipment. Meets with Chief and Tigh about logistics. Numbs her mind.
An hour later and she's piloting a raptor to the planet. She's agreed to be Racetrack's wingman on this whole adventure. Lords of Kobol, Racetrack of all people. She knows she's hard up when she agrees to a sham of a mission like this, just to get away.
But that's what she wanted. Right? She loves 'em and leaves 'em, so she can't hurt them anymore and they can finally be happy.
Why is it that no one seems happy?
.::..::..::..::.
She's been planet-side for two weeks. During this time, he's decided to assess his marriage. His very careful, very tentative friendship with a particular hot-shot problem pilot has not caused this, though some might think that. It's the fact that when he wakes up in the morning and sees his wife next to him, there's an inherent conflict that settles over his mind.
His heart hasn't even begun to play into the picture
As with every morning, he reviews the previous day, their interactions. He brought her coffee, she gave him a genuinely warm smile. She made him laugh about an observation she made the evening before during a triad game. Few people knew how acerbic her sense of humor could be. It was one of the things he loved about her.
That was it. Love. Did he love her? Or things about her? Or how she made him feel?
After their shifts, they both went for a run before dinner. She was a steady runner, never pushing too hard, just in it to finish. Once he tried to play tag with her, but she wouldn't take the bait. He felt unsettled for the remainder of that run, resolving to keep it plain and simple with her forever more.
Plain and simple. That's how it felt. When he made love to her the prior evening, he tried to lavish care and praise, tried to receive as well as he gave, but it was distinctly lacking.
Throughout all of this, he has sternly decided not to compare her whatsoever to Kara. Because that would be unfair to Ana—she deserved to be considered on her own merits.
When her hand plays over his chest softly, but no rush of warmth or tingling sensation rushes over him, he's starting to think he knows what's wrong.
.::..::..::..::.
The only person who knows is Helo. Two months ago, the weekend she tried to drink her weight in alcohol, he carried her not to her bunk, but to a long-since forgotten room deep in the under-belly, close to the engine room. When she woke up with a killer headache and the stench of vomit in the air, she couldn't help but fist her eyes in despair. She saw three of Helo leaning against the door. Definitely still drunk.
"This stops here and now," his voice was deep and gravelly.
"What?"
"No more drinking, no more fights—no more, Starbuck. You're my best friend and I love you, but I am not going to sit around and watch you self-destruct again."
"Then leave," her voice was coarse and tired.
"Nope. It doesn't work that way. See, I know what the Old Man said to you, I know what Lee said to you, and I know what's happened with Sam. You forget that I am much better at observation than most people. I know you've been to hell and back. So has everyone else, for that matter. But I also know that despite your best intentions, you will not succeed in alienating yourself completely."
"Shut-up. Shut UP, you frakker. Get the hell out of here and worry about your own problems. Or better yet, find the nearest airlock. I don't need your moralistic, holier-than-thou crap."
He watched her pace like a caged animal and knew that every word out of her mouth was a defense mechanism. He'd already shut out whatever she was saying. Learned to do that a long time ago when she got like this.
He was leaning against the door, preventing her from escaping, which seemed to incense her even more. Finally, she launched herself at him, punching him hard in the stomach, taking his breath away. She kicked him behind the knee and punched him again. This time he took a swing and clipped her on the jaw then grabbed her shoulders and swept her feet from beneath her, pinning her to the ground.
They managed to wrestle around, he got bitten, she got scratched, he got an elbow in the pec, she finally got a knee in her back, arms twisted backwards unnaturally. She refused to give in, so he held her there until he saw the color drain from her hands and her breathing became nearly non-existent.
An hour later and they'd exchanged blows at least twice more. When she hobbled down the hallway towards her bunk, all she could hear was his voice in her head, "You are not worthless, Kara. You are not a frak-up. People love you. There is nothing you can do to make me think any less of you. You are valuable. You are loved. You are needed. Not worthless."
She's guessed he figured he had to beat it into her. Clutching her jaw, she smirked at the thought.
Not worthless.
She'd see about that.
.::.
Two days later, Kara sits across from Athena and her husband at breakfast. Casting her eyes from Karl to Kara, Athena realizes where he got his lovely shiner. When Kara makes a crack about Helo's haircut resembling the business end of a primate, she laughs for the first time in what seems like weeks.
She watches Helo slide a slip of paper across the table when he thinks she isn't looking. She watches surreptitiously from her bowl of mush as Kara picks up the paper and reads the words. Kara sucks in a breath through her teeth and folds the paper, clutching it tightly in her hand.
"See you at the debriefing," she says as she rises on her way to the trash.
Watching her walk away, Athena ponders what PTSD means and wonder whose name it was scribbled beneath the letters.
.::..::..::..::.
He's acting strange. He won't look her in the eyes, keeps contact to a minimum, and is rarely ever alone with her. Her brain creaks under the strain as she tries to recall what she might have done or said before she left to make him this way.
She's been on that smelly, good-for-nothing planet for three weeks. The least she could get was a pat on the back from the bastard.
She left because of him. Lords knew why she came back. Masochism always has been her specialty.
They'd had a talk after the dance. They went running occasionally. She sometimes helped him with reports. Maintenance shifts were almost bearable with him around. She thought they were approaching common ground. Maybe not best friends, or friends even, but at least two people who could stay in the same room for longer than five minutes.
But it's been nearly three days since her return and not only have their interactions been minimal; they've been downright cold and uncomfortable. She and Racetrack are considered heroes for planning and executing this whole ordeal; and he managed to shake their hands when they came into the mess hall the first morning, but then he walked away quickly after. She even brought him a piece of bluish looking fruit from an insanely bizarre-looking tree she climbed.
The tree frakking had claws. He'd better like it, or she'd use him for target practice.
Pulling on her decrepit running shoes, she glanced at the fuzzy blue globe. She wasn't sure how much longer it was going to keep. Living off them for nearly four days straight did a number on her and she wasn't about to eat another if she could help it.
As she heads towards his quarters with Dee, she realizes that she never got one for Dee and that might seem inappropriate. In debating whether or not she should knock, the hatch opens to reveal a sleepy, freshly-woken Lee Adama.
Without his shirt on.
She silently thanks the Lords of Kobol as she hopes she doesn't let her gaze fall from his eyes. He has a blank look on his face and finally remembers that his shirt is in his hands. He pulls it on quickly.
"What's up?"
"I haven't seen you around lately, and I just wanted to drop this off," she holds it out to him as though it is forbidden. He eyes it warily and she wonders what he's thinking. Regardless, she starts to think this is a bad idea and decides to get away before he says something that will make her react badly.
He finally reaches out and plucks it from her hand, careful not to touch her in the process. She doesn't even want to know what that's about as he looks at it closely, examining it as though it were a viper part he could put back together.
"You just peel off the skin. Start at the triple stem, works easier that way," she's had enough of this and decides it's time to start jogging and stop talking.
"Thanks," he calls after her, and she just waves her hand over her shoulder, wondering if it should be goodbye.
.::..::..::..::.
It's all going downhill, fast.
The night started out light and jovial, a high-stakes triad tournament, thanks to the goods Racetrack, Starbuck and many others brought back from the planet. The most hallowed prize were three pieces of slightly over-ripe fruit that look similar to bananas, but are a little spicy. They're the last three in the whole fleet, at least until the new crop being grown has proven successful.
The final five, one might say, are gathered around the table - himself, Dee, Kara, a marine, and Lee.
Dee and Apollo have been pretty quiet all evening and it occurs to Helo that this is probably the first time all three of them have been near each other at the same time in months. Glancing at the wall, he catches Anders leaning against it with his arms crossed, watching Kara intently as Seelix stands beside him.
"I bring refreshments!" says Chief as he crosses the hatch, setting down a large bottle of rotgut, it's bluish tint suggests that it's been infused with that fruit Kara calls Lip Fuzz.
He watches Kara as she eyes the jar and he knows she would do anything at that moment for a hearty chug and some liquid courage. He doesn't think she's had a drink in nearly three months. She hasn't said as much to him, but he figures she's still trying to sort out what it is she feels towards Lee and sitting at a table with him and his wife has caused her to get a little… Starbuck-ish.
"Do the honors, Major?"
Lee takes the shot from Chief and gives him a rogue smile before knocking it back. The grimace and low whistle that follow tell everyone it's safe for human consumption, but just barely.
Shots glasses are filled to the brim as several people throw back their first round. Helo notices Kara subtly declines an offer. He grins in pride.
"Any news for us Chief?"
"You better believe it," he says as he throws his arm around Cally. "Just got word that they've come to agreements about what to do with the civvies down in Dogsville. Shipping out the first half of them tomorrow to be scattered around the fleet."
Helo watches as Kara throws Sam a look, one that he can't decipher. Sam nods and heads out the door leaving Kara to turn back to the table, Triad Face still on. He catches Lee also watching the interaction and absently wonders if something might explode soon.
The game picks up noticeably after that, Kara starts becoming aggressive with her bets, throwing around comments and provoking Lee into upping his wager after Dee folds. Helo can't help but get sucked in along the way and mentions something about the tournament senior year at the academy. People always love their academy stories, regardless of how stupid they are.
"Remember that 'Buck? There were nearly 5,000 cubits at stake."
"Of course, remember how McCafferty offered himself when he ran out of money?"
"Did you take him up on that? He wasn't the only one trying to get in your pants that night, what about that guy… the one who was after you all term?"
Helo watches Lee's hands clutch his cards a little tighter.
"Foster?"
"Yeah, did you ever give him a shot?"
She shrugs her shoulders enigmatically when her eyes catch on Sam as he re-enters the rec-room. Helo gets dizzy from swiveling his eyes back and forth between Lee, Kara, and Sam, who is now whispering in her ear. She looks up at Sam and whispers a question as Lee ups the ante just a bit.
"All right boys, let's bring it home, I've got places to go, people to see," she says as she pushes the contents of her pot towards the center of the table.
Helo whistles at the thought. He was hopping to sit out this hand and re-up next round. He looks at Kara to see if he can squeeze an ounce out of her Triad Face. No dice.
"Frak, Kara," he mutters. "All I've got are two ladies, and they aren't even the pretty ones."
"I think you've got plenty of ladies to keep you occupied elsewhere, Helo," she replies with a smirk to Athena then turns to face down Lee. She gives him a piercing look that's made others quiver in fear.
As the pot becomes staggeringly impressive in their current times of strain, the room has gotten increasingly tense. Helo looks from Lee to Kara, both of whom have been staring each other down for a solid thirty seconds. Helo is pretty sure it stopped being about the game about five seconds in.
Finally someone coughs and Lee breaks his gaze, causing him to swallow hard. He glances up at Kara once again and shrugs his shoulders. He calls and their cards are laid out. He's got a hard hand to beat, but like most times, she's outplayed them both and has full colors. She throws him a suggestive wink and her trademark grin then stands up quickly.
"Thanks boys, been a pleasure," she glances at the pot and grabs the fruit, leaving the IOU maintenance shift, get-out-of-brig-free card, and two well-worn detective novels on the table. Helo figured she'd at least want the books, since she's developed a thing for them in the past few weeks.
Starbuck reading for pleasure, he never thought he'd live to see the day.
She walks over to Sam quickly, gives him a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the shoulder, says something about, "good man, Sammy," then starts maneuvering around the remaining crowd still clamoring for some more of the Chief's brew.
"Starbuck, what about the rest?" Helo calls over his shoulder, but he only gets a shrug and hand wave as she exits the hatch. He catches Lee watching her departure then the flicker of his eyes as Lee watches Sam simply remain at the table, leaning close to Seelix as they talk quietly.
"Go another round for the leftovers?" Helo asks the Major. Lee casts a glance at Dee who shrugs her indifference as she chats with Gaeta at a nearby table.
"Why not? It's not like I have to be anywhere," says Lee, who seems to have deflated a bit since Kara exited the rec-room. Helo thinks that this could have turned out much worse if Kara had left with Sam. Or that stupid Marine. Lords what a show that would have been.
.::..::.
The next morning, Helo is nursing a hang-over on the hangar deck as he and Lee supervise the masses from Dogsville that are getting distributed to other ships. It's chaotic and trying on his nerves, but Lee appears to be doing slightly better than him, so he lets the man take charge.
An hour in and he sees his wife walking over to him with a knowing grin on her face. He suddenly wonders if she's thinking what he's thinking, but when she speaks, he knows that his thoughts need to get out of the gutter.
"You'll never guess what I just saw," she says as she grabs his clip-board, scanning through ship manifests.
"If I do, will that get me some points?"
"Gods, Helo, is that all you ever think about?" says Lee with an eye-roll.
"Not always, why—what else is there to think about? I thought it was our duty to repopulate the fleet."
"Gentlemen, before you get into a mind-numbing discussion over what you ought to be thinking other than sex, I'd like to draw your attention to item A," she gestures across the deck near the corner to where a woman with dirty blond hair is talking to another woman who is obscured by a small toddler with light blond hair. She's clutching a doll and one of those banana-like fruits like it's her life-line.
"So, she's got a banana, I'm not following," says Helo. His mind is addled by pain and lust. There's no room for anything else.
"In case you've forgotten, the last three bananas on this ship were used in your Triad game last night. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?" says Athena with a grin.
"You're saying Starbuck just happened upon a little girl in Dogsville and dropped off her fruit when that's all she even claimed from her winnings last night? Nope, not buying it," Lee says as he resumes his perusal of his clip-board. "Kara doesn't have a selfless gene in her body. No way did she just hand 'em over to some kid."
"Uh, you sure about that, Major?" asks Helo as he muffles a chuckle with his fist. Athena doesn't bother as she sees the look on Lee's face.
Incredulity at it's finest.
The woman previously obscured from view is none other than Kara Thrace, tough as nails and mean as they come, currently playing hide-and-seek with the little girl. He watches in amazement as she then scoops up the little girl and twirls her around, leaning down to give the girl a raspberry on her stomach. A girlish squeal and laughter echoes in the hangar among the din of the crowds.
"Looks like we know where she's been disappearing to all those afternoons," says Athena off-handedly. She bumps Lee in the shoulder good-naturedly as she heads towards Kara and the little girl, clipboard in hand.
.::..::..
Lee's pretty sure he's got a broken rib. Maybe two. But it's worth it, if only to have her in his arms, hugging him tightly in that familiar way that makes his heart skip a beat. He can feel her shaking still and isn't sure if she is breathing all that well, but he figures she'll step away when necessary.
He knew she wouldn't admit it, because she was Starbuck and Starbuck was invincible, but she needed a hug just as much as that little girl out there in the raptor who was raising hell.
He'd watched from his spot next to Helo's raptor as Kara had given the girl a tight hug and set her on the ground where her mother took hold of her hand. He'd scanned the deck to see only a few others watching the private scene as well. Lee saw how she gave the girl a tight smile, one that didn't quite cut it when she was about to break. Kara waved goodbye to the girl and her mother as they approached the raptor, the little girl clutching her doll and banana tightly as she tried to wave with her elbow.
Kara started to take steps backwards, then turned abruptly as though putting space between them would help. He watched as the little girl finally put two-and-two together and broke away from her mom quickly, dodging through the others standing in line as she ran all out for Kara. Then amazement took over.
Kara turned in time to see the little girl launch herself into her arms, Kara's quick reflexes prevented the girl from tumbling. The girl held tightly to Kara, burying her head in the crook of her neck. Lee stood in silence with Helo as they watched Kara whisper to the little girl, eyes closed tight to the world around them. The little girl pulled away, wiping her nose as she hiccupped in the grief only a toddler can summon.
The little girl leaned forward and wiped away a rogue tear from Kara's cheek and said something only her mother and Kara would understand in her perfect garbled speaking. Then Kara bestowed a gift from the gods upon the girl, a smile that nearly took Lee's breath away. He knew then where Kara's heart and mind had been all this time - with a little girl who lived down in Dogsville.
The little girl put both her hands on Kara's cheeks and gave her a kiss then pulled back with a smile. Kara said something and the little girl laughed while Lee's heart plummeted at the sound. She started walking back to the raptor and placed the little girl carefully on board as though she were more precious than the finest of diamonds. The little girl climbed into her mother's lap and waved to Kara one more time, once again clutching the doll and banana she'd dropped in her haste to get to her friend.
As the raptor door closed, Athena walked by and squeezed on Kara on the shoulder, giving her a warm smile. Kara nodded and turned around, walking to the nearest corridor. Without a doubt so she could vent her fear and anger by herself.
But Lee Adama, CAG, Major of the Battlestar Galactica, Patron Saint of Frak-Ups, had to go and follow her, even though he knew he would not emerge unscathed. He found her two minutes later in an alcove on the port side of the ship, clutching the bulkhead tightly.
"Go away," her voice was raw and full of anguish.
"No."
"I'm serious, I will kick your ass all the way to the Lifestation if you don't get away from me."
"We've tried that. Didn't work."
"Dammit, Lee," she turned around and swung, but it was entirely telegraphed and he dodged it easily. The immediate follow-up didn't fare any better. She continued to rain punches down on him, her eyes full of glistening tears and her anger thrust into every punch. He took a few just to make her feel better, but tried to avoid the brunt of them, not wishing to see Cottle any time soon.
Her punches began to lose their force, her anger slowly melting into sorrow and despair. She started using her fists against his chest, her chin lowered in defeat. He grabbed her wrists carefully and drew her into him, clutching her tightly to his chest.
Her warm tears quickly moistened his neck, her breathing hot and shallow. He couldn't do much else than rub small circles along her back as she continued to release what seemed to be months of pent-up emotion.
And that's why Lee's pretty sure he has broken ribs. As she pulls away, her hair falling in her face and her eyes red and puffy, he knows he's never seen a more beautiful sight than Kara Thrace in love with a two-year old.
"Oh Gods, I'm a mess. Look at me," she says disparagingly as she uses the sleeve of her sweatshirt to wipe away her remaining tears, taking two steps back to put some space between them both.
"Don't beat yourself up, Starbuck. It was worth it, right?"
"What do you mean?"
"Twenty minutes of beat-up on Lee then drench his shoulder in sorrow is going to do wonders for your mental state for at least a week," he cracks, hoping to lighten the mood.
It works, barely. She gives him a hint of a grin before palming her eyes as though she could will the pain away. He hears her mumble something but he can't understand it.
"I said, she was the one who was with me…" her voice is so quiet, so tight. "On New Caprica. Leoben brought her in one day and dropped her off, said she was mine. Used her as blackmail."
She doesn't elaborate but Lee's mind has already started to put dots together and is beginning to think the worst. Before he can say something incredibly asinine, she glances up at him and cuts him off with a look.
"Stop thinking Lee. I can feel your worry over here."
"I'm sorry if my concern bothers you," he bites out and she rolls her eyes, trying to move past him. He stops her again, hand on her upper arm and pulls her to face him. It's the closest they've been in a month and he can hardly breathe. She worries her lip with her teeth, looking down at the ground. His hand drags softly along her jaw as tilts her head up to look her in the eyes.
"I don't think I ever said it, but I'm glad you're back home, where you belong," he whispers quietly. She blinks in understanding, tears filling her eyes again. He leans forward and kisses her softly on her forehead. Before he can do anything else that will get him in trouble, she thankfully tugs him closer and wraps her arms around him again, fitting her chin comfortably in the crook of his neck that was designed for her. He breathes her in deeply, battle-worn and weary, and exhales sadly. She'll be the death of him if she keeps this up.
But it's worth it, if only to have her in his arms, hugging him tightly in that familiar way that makes his heart skip a beat.
.::..::..::..::.
Things have been calm the past week. Too calm. That's exactly why a Base Ship suddenly appeared earlier that day. Through some shady communication, it's been expressed that this ship is friendly, or at least non-combative.
Sam was sent with two fellow marines to retrieve a Cylon spokesman. He swallows hard as his index finger grazes the trigger. He's nervous. Outrageously nervous. Eyeing the cylon sitting across from him, he can only think of one thing: Kara is going to kill him with her bare hands. Then she'll turn around and kill that frakking Cylon with his smug smile.
Of all the Cylons to send, they chose Leoben Conoy.
.::..::..::..::.
A/N: This short fic is the basis for a much larger fic of K/L once they get to earth. It'll be a bit… different, I assure you. Thanks for reading!