Pride
A cold wind blew past, causing the young swordsman to shiver. It had been a gloomy day complete with dark clouds, an icy wind and a dark shadow that covered the land. The night had come and brought a darker and colder setting along with it. However, this wouldn't stop the chosen and her group from traveling forward on their journey for world regeneration. No one was about to stop, despite Lloyd's constant complaining. Today was not unlike any other though, as to say, Lloyd's enthusiasm had long since passed and he no longer wished to travel in the dreadful chill of the icy darkness.
"How much farther?" he asked his friend Genis, who in turn simply shrugged as a reply. He stared at Lloyd for a moment then crossed his arms, shivering a little. He cocked his head to the side and finally admitted that he himself wasn't sure, although Lloyd probably didn't hear this as the small half-elf spoke softly under his breath in agitation. Despite his previous glares at the red-clad warrior for his complaints, he would gladly admit now that he too was tired and cold. Stopping to set up camp would be for the best now. They both agreed to this.
Lloyd decided that the best thing he could do for the moment, would be to follow Genis' example. Therefore he crossed his arms to hold in what little warmth his body could provide, although the heat continued to escape and he picked up his pace so as to generate more body heat. He took note that the elder of the two half-elves was shaking her head in disapproval and managed something incoherent about Lloyd's inability to tolerate the cold. Colette on the other hand, nodded in silent agreement that Lloyd's ideal for warmth was one worth his effort. She called after him saying, "Great idea Lloyd." She followed his actions by crossing her own arms despite the fact that she could no longer feel the cold. A sad smile was his response only to his friend, whom he worried about now more than ever, after only recently discovering that her entire body was numb.
The dual swordsman was close to leading the party now. There was only his "mentor" before him at the moment who he noticed was fairing much better than his friend and he. Lloyd turned for a moment with a look of concern for the angelic fledgling. Raine smiled reassuringly as though she had read his thoughts and wished to comfort him. After acknowledging this, he turned his attention back to the mercenary just ahead of him and stepped a little closer. Lloyd had thought that perhaps a little conversation with Kratos could help him to take his focus off of the cold. As he approached the man though, he found himself stumbling a bit after a sudden wave of dizziness.
"Lloyd, are you alright?" Kratos asked in his usual calm demeanor after hearing the shaky steps of his apprentice behind him. Still he continued forward, refusing to turn despite his hidden concern.
"Y-Yeah." Lloyd shook his head in attempt to regain his composure and continued, "How much farther do we need to go?"
"It may be best to stop here. You seem unwell."
"No, I'm fine. Just tell me how much farther we need to go." Lloyd tried to sound enthusiastic in his attempts to hide the truth. He felt horrible. No amount of lies could change this, but he didn't want to slow the journey down. He had a tendency to complain, but in truth... he really didn't want to be held responsible for holding the others up. No, this was merely an excuse. He didn't want to disappoint his hero, Kratos.
Lloyd's only regret was that he wasn't as strong as the cold mercenary that had saved them before their journey had begun. He was furious at first, but eventually found himself admiring Kratos' strength. He was in truth somewhat envious of him. The purple-clad warrior was stronger than any other person they had met before and it seemed as though he was holding back... Lloyd silently wished that he was as strong the swordsman before him and was in truth thrilled to be learning new sword techniques under his guidance. A part of Lloyd wanted to make Kratos proud, although he could never understand why that was...
Lloyd fought in vain to suppress a coughing fit which finally earned Kratos' attention. Lloyd stared at the ground in hopes of avoiding his elder's disapproving eyes. He decided to look up, though when he heard his name he turned and met the emotionless gaze of his superior. He couldn't be certain, but he thought for a moment that he had saw some form of concern there. He dismissed the thought and figured that he was simply delirious. He inhaled deeply to clear his mind and immediately regretted doing so, as the air flowing into his lungs felt like blades slicing the inside of his throat. He tried once more to hide the discomfort but somehow knew that his composure would betray him.
"Perhaps Miss Sage can be of help. You should tell her of your condition, as you know that this will affect your performance in battle." Kratos had stopped now, which had caused the others to stop in concern.
"Is something wrong?" Raine had stepped forward with her brother close behind.
"Lloyd, are you okay?" he asked, staring at his pale friend with worry.
"Perhaps your healing arts could be of use." Kratos was standing with his arms crossed in annoyance as he watched Lloyd nod to his young friend with a forced smile. After a moment he continued, "It would be best to rest here tonight."
Raine nodded in response, unwilling to admit that her mana was at a minimum for the moment, rendering her healing abilities useless. Many Desians had challenged them, focusing on recapturing the "fugitive" who had dared to insult Forcystus. After many arduous battles, it was found that no one in the group was in a condition appropriate to continue fighting. However, her student's condition worried her the most. Lloyd was indeed pale, and he appeared to be completely exhausted. His was worse than the weariness of the others.
After setting up camp by a small wooded area, Lloyd departed from the others in hopes of relaxing a little in the scenery. He knew that he couldn't stay gone for long, as it was still immensely cold and he shivered slightly at the thought. He walked for a while, but stopped to lean against a tree when the dizziness became too much. It was time to turn back. He knew that but couldn't draw the energy required to do so. Instead, he slid to the ground and rested his head on his knees as he tried to think of the best way to get out of this mess. His thoughts were interrupted though at the sound of a voice, which caused him to jerk in alarm and stare blankly at the tall figure before him.
"You shouldn't let your guard down." Kratos knelt down before the sick teen and lightly placed a hand on his forehead.
"What are you doing here?" Lloyd asked as he pushed the hand away in defiance.
"I could ask you the same. You have a bad fever. Go back to camp, you should be resting now." Kratos stood and waited expectantly for the youth to obey.
"I just need some time to relax." Lloyd sighed tiredly and waved a hand in motion that showed he had no intentions of joining Kratos any time soon.
"Lloyd." Kratos' voice was stern and somehow cautious at the same time. He seemed uneasy and had looked away when he saw that Lloyd's face was paler than before. His worry was obvious, but the reason was not...
There was a long pause that felt awkward and strange. Lloyd shifted uncomfortably and Kratos finally gave in and sat next to the boy. The silence dragged on longer and Lloyd found himself subconsciously staring up at the few stars which had managed to shine in the small patches of unclouded sky. Soon his mentor had joined him. The younger of the two decided to break the silence by saying, "It seems that on the darkest nights... the stars shine their brightest..."
"That's fairly accurate." Kratos continued to stare up at the sky, lost in four-thousand years worth of memories.
"Today was rough," Lloyd stated.
"Indeed," was the only response.
"Why do the desians have to kill all those innocent people?" Lloyd asked unexpectedly.
"Lloyd."
"What?"
"It's best not to dwell on such thoughts."
"I know but..."
"..."
"Well... I can't just forget about it. I mean..."
"I understand, Lloyd."
"No you don't! They killed her!" The dual swordsman's hands balled into fists as he shouted in fury.
"Her?" Kratos looked to the boy whose pale face now glowed slightly with a slight flush of red from his sudden outburst of anger.
"My mom! They... They were the ones who killed her..."
"..."
"...Sometimes... I just wish..."
"...I ...I do understand..."
"Really...?"
"Yes. I once lost someone dear to me as well. It was because of a desian." The elder's eyes misted over as they were shifted to the ground in a depressing manner.
"I'm sorry."
"There is nothing that you can do, so there is no need for apology."
"I was told by my dad that my father might still be alive..." The younger swordsman wanted to change the subject from death now, after glancing over at Kratos who was showing true emotion for once and seemed miserable.
Kratos' heart skipped a beat and he shifted uncomfortably. He no longer desired to continue this conversation in fear of revealing his identity to his son. He would give anything to be a part of his son's life again, but deep down... he knew that he would only bring pain and misery into the boy's life. He loved his son, but did not wish to endanger him any more than he already had. Lloyd couldn't find out... Yggdrasill would surely...
"Hey, Kratos?"
"What is it?"
"Do you think... Never mind..."
"What is it, Lloyd?"
"Do you think my parents would be proud of me?"
Kratos felt a sharp pain penetrate his heart and he looked to his son. Lloyd stared up at the stars for a moment, but finally decided to return the mercenary's peculiar stare. The young swordsman smiled and shifted into a more comfortable position, awaiting the man's answer.
"Why... do you ask?"
"I just wanted to know..." He sighed after answering the mercenary and asked, "Do... Do I make you proud...?"
"Why?"
"I don't know... Maybe, if I make you proud... then... my dad, that is... my real dad, would be proud as well."
"I am certain that your parents are proud of you. And... yes. I am proud of you, Lloyd..."
"It's getting a little cold out. Maybe we should go back now," Lloyd said after a long pause, shivering slightly.
It was indeed cold, as both the mercenary and his young apprentice noticed. However, Lloyd was feeling worse than before and had silently decided that staying so far from the camp wasn't going to make things any better. Perhaps some rest and some time spent by the fire would help him. With a sigh he turned to Kratos and smiled, a sign that he was sincere in his word and was actually willing to go back now.
Lloyd attempted to stand and nearly fell back to the ground, but managed to catch himself on the tree he had been leaning against only moments before. He waved a hand when Kratos gave him a worried look and started to walk with his mentor close behind. He sighed slightly and turned to smile reassuringly at his elder, which seemed to worry Kratos further as he had somehow seen through Lloyd's false smile.
Giving up, he reached a hand to his head. It was pounding in a tormenting pain and the cold night air wasn't helping. The coughing fit he went into worsened matters, but he only quickened his pace when Kratos came to his side after seeing the poor boy in such a state. Lloyd wasn't able to escape the worried eyes of his father however, and he soon paid the price for trying. The world spun before him as he fell and soon found himself embraced by darkness.
Lloyd held his arms up to his mother with a wide grin. She responded with a soft smile of her own and held the small boy high in the air while he laughed. This was how things always were, and how they would always be.
Another figure stood before the boy and his mother. Lloyd recognized the man as his father and cried out gleefully. Kratos ruffled the boy's hair with a slight grin while the toddler shouted out for "daddy". Anna smiled and found herself giggling when Kratos took the young child into his arms, only to find the boy tugging at his hair and trying to figure out why it was the color of fire.
Kratos sighed and hoisted the giggling boy onto his shoulders, nodding to Anna as a sign that he was taking the boy to go gaze at the stars. This was something of a tradition. Kratos' father had taken him stargazing when he was young and now he was taking his son. The pair did this every night and Lloyd was always thrilled. No one could tell if Lloyd simply enjoyed the stars, or if he found joy in being with his father. Either way, both were happy and looked forward to stargazing every night.
"Lloyd, just look at you. You're growing up so fast. I'm proud of you, Lloyd."
Lloyd awoke by the light of a warm fire. His head was still throbbing in a pulsating pain that seemed to recede for a moment and then make itself known once more. He sat up slightly and looked at the sleeping forms of his friends. He continued to glance around and soon discovered that Kraos was missing from the scene. He shifted a little and found a small and damp piece of cloth by his hand. It felt somewhat warm to the touch and he realized that the cloth must have been used to keep the throbbing in his head somewhat calm and perhaps was an attempt to lower his temperature.
He heard footsteps and turned to see Kratos carrying a small wooden bucket. Kratos placed the bucket by Lloyd, and the boy soon realized that it contained water. He watched the older swordsman dip the cloth inside and wring it so that there was no excess. Handing the cloth to Lloyd he muttered for the boy to lie back down and sat next to him.
Lloyd couldn't dismiss the familiarity of Kratos though he thought that the dream was simply the result of illness and fatigue. He thought for a moment and realized that the dream made sense. He looked up to Kratos as though he was a father-figure and stargazing with his father was one of the only memories that he recalled clearly. At this point he also realized that his throat was throbbing in an unfamiliar pain. He wanted to talk to Kratos about the dream and ask a few questions, however the pain wouldn't allow that. Instead, he smiled up at his elder and followed his orders to go back to sleep in order to escape the sudden pains in his throat and head.
As Lloyd drifted into slumber he could have sworn he heard the words, "I'm proud of you, Lloyd."
Kratos watched the boy until he was certain he was asleep and continued the thoughts that had pained him throughout the entire journey thus far. He would have to betray his own son soon... However, he was sure that Lloyd would survive and someday reach his dreams. The boy was indeed strong and his strength seemed to increase with every day that passed. With a smile he thought back to the words of his son, after realizing that the gentle idealist was like a star shining bright in the darkest of times, trying it's hardest to bring light back into the darkness.
"The stars shine their brightest during the darkest nights... And I'm certain that you will do the same, Lloyd..."