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Disclaimers: Though I wish it was mine then I would be filthy rich … brainwashing kids to kansho(0) any living being. Sadly none of Naruto's body belongs to me what remains are my dirty thoughts of him. Mine all mine.
Warnings: Yaoi is in here read if ur perverted like me
Setting: Japan
Pairings: So many possibilities nothing is decided, feel free to ask.
Summary: Some people just know how to push all the wrong buttons.
(0) kansho – basically what Kakashi does to Naruto's love hole with his fingers .:laughs:.
(1)omeboshi – dried plum
(2)natto beans – fermented soy beans that smell weird and taste weird
(3)yakuza – Japanese black under society
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1. Initiation
Uzumaki Naruto hated a lot of things but most importantly was rush hour at the local grocery store which is also known as the Battle field when it came to late afternoon shopping. They were always a tedious marathon to compete and triumph towards the specials over insane bulldozers and tanks with whining kids.
However today was different for a special blonde he was late and missed his weekly routine. The hay topped teen headed to the green section to collect the last items on his mental list his arms full of flashy colored ramen packets. The blonde had learnt due to much trial and error that his stable diet of pure ramen needed some laxative foods else he would suffer later in the toilet.
Upon arrival to the section he found nearly all the goods were cleared out by other patrons. He inwardly cursed as he scavenged for the remaining bruised stock due to excess "squeeze testing". Settling on a semi punctured eggplant and a few mushrooms that he found in perfect condition under the display counters.
A partial unsatisfied look crossed his face he was later than usual for the super bargain sales today. Leaving the blonde feeling a little empty as he was looking forwards to the challenge of scoring bargains against middle aged women instead he had to miss out on clothes tugging and hair pulling all due to his dilemma this afternoon.
Oh yes…That dilemma.
A nice flashback of a previous event after school played into his mind. One that can explain why he occasionally also hated dog owners.
Naruto reminded himself never to question his childhood friend, Kidoumaru Kiba's sexuality. Naruto had always been an observant child much to this as misunderstandings arises that he doesn't pay attention in class. And recently in Konoha High form three B he couldn't help but notice Kiba's sharp eyes wandering to glimpse a weird guy called Shino who always wore sunglasses during class. Their confrontation did not go well this after school as Naruto had prompted his friend in confessing his eternal love to "lover boy." It didn't help when Naruto started to pucker his lips together to imitate luvu-luvu joy. And the bonus ass shaking side to side effects really hit the spot.
Biting his bottom lip he cursed Kiba for setting his brown mutt on him causing him to be delayed up a tree. Though there were other occasions where something similar occurred. Eventually he was allowed down after screaming he was sorry several times plenty attracting a small audience. Sighing heavily he gathered the items up in his arms and paced down the isle quickly towards the check outs. His scouted ahead for the shortest queue nodding to himself lightly he speed up his pace then paused as a trainee uniform caught the corner of his eyes.
"Attention customers line six is now available." A voice announced over the loud speakers.
'YATTA, just my luck she's going to open up no need to queue' thus his semi sour mood washed away with glee.
Running the last league merrily with his arms full and a grin painted on his face the blonde didn't notice a taller boy with dark eyes watching him in amusement. As he reached the checkpoint the girl smiled at him and greeted him Naruto started to unload the items in his hands but before he could place all thirty packets of instant miso ramen and bruised veggies down a large sound echoed in front of him on top of the black conveyor belt.
Glancing at what had impacted the blue eyes glazed at a packet of omeboshi(1) and a packet of natto beans (2) their origin was somewhere behind him. Great he thought to himself some old geezer outsmarted me by tossing their items in the queue. Turning around to identify the senile coot that had beaten him in such a cheep way he found himself face first in a warm toned chest.
"Go-men!" he stuttered as his face began to burn.
Looking up as he stepped back bumping the counter causing a forwards fall. Strong arms clasped over his shoulders to balance him unfortunately the ramen plummeted towards the laminated ground and his pre bruised eggplant bounced away rolling forgotten behind him. Reflexively the distress blonde squatted down to scoop up his precious haul of treasure. His eyes glued to the pile.
"That would be 550 yen altogether mister." Blinking like a stunned rabbit the blonde turned around plastic packets crunching in his hold.
"HEY! I WAS FIRST" spat the wide eyed blonde as veins started to pop on his forehead.
Death daggers aimed at the man who had overtaken him Naruto found his own eyes lost and overwhelmed by toxic dark eyes which raise an eyebrow.
"That's not fair I was first…" squeaked the shorter teen once again in a tiny voice.
The older teen imposingly leant down, his facial expression not shifting an inch as those dark mystic eyes continued to embed themselves into the bright blue ones.
Naruto held his breathe.
Sinking in the heavy authoritative aura the taller boy emitted.
Taking a mere second to realize the man was clad in a black designer suits black shirt with wet sleek raven hair.
It was hard not to miss the evil smirk that stretched those thin lips those dark eyes narrowed concentrating on the blonde.
Naruto's eyebrow started to twitch.
'Crap, he looks like a yakuza (3)…he is going to strangle me when I walk out then sell my kidneys'
The smirk wasn't starting to ease instead a hand reached towards the crouching down figure who was desperately attempting to use his artificially flavored food as protection. Sweat started to ooze from every pore on the tanned skin.
'Kami my precious kidneys…' And other ludicrous thoughts circulated the simple mind.
Opening one eye whilst still murmuring some last prayers the blonde cautioned himself backing away as the hand came towards him.
'Dear kami I know I don't pray to you much but I can't die yet, I'm still a virgin…'
"Dobe" A deep rich voice named. (Said in English)
"Ara?"
'What did he just call me?'
Naruto repeated the word with a Japanese feel.
"Do-b-e?"
The older boy shifted clearing his throat as if it was unused for a while.
"You were so slow there's no difference if I went ahead of you, dead last." He taunted (Said in Japanese)
"Nani?" this yakuza guy was starting to irritate him.
Ignoring the steadily fuming blonde the dark haired boy returned his attention to the trainee to pay his dues.
'Yakuza or no yakuza I'm not dead last he is just a cheater!"
Carrying his stock he moved quickly towards the other teen planning to bump him over.
Poor Naruto is so unfortunate in many ways however his carelessness was to blame today. If he had only picked up this uniquely bruised and re-bruised eggplant that had rolled out to interfere with the path he choose the blonde could have saved some dignity and pride in his local supermarket.
With his mouth stretched out horrifically as he realized he stepped on something round and squishy his arms flung back for balance which was all in vain as the precious ramen and mushrooms flew in the air. Scattering him like a bridal shower as he landed face first near the foot of the other teen.
Surely by now every one else around them had their attention pulled towards a ridiculously looking position Naruto had fallen into. His chin rested on the ground knees in a sea of shiny plastic butt raised high. And eggplant somehow ended painting his face and legs.
There was laughter from the other shoppers.
Naruto felt his whole body burn up like he was left baking naked in the Sahara.
"Baka."
Looking up from his awkward position he clinched his teeth. He could feel the stinging in his chin that would surely develop into a bruise.
"Teme…"
The yakuza took the bag from the giggling cashier grinning like a leprechaun that had just tricked a fool. He glanced down from the corner of his eye and chuckled turning swiftly as he made his exit.
'I'll remember you…just you wait' the younger boy bickered to himself as he pushed himself off the floor. His eyes narrowing as they attacked the strangers diminishing back.
He rubbed his chin then glared at each and every person who was still laughing at him to shut up.
After paying what was left of the mushrooms, ramen and the innocent eggplant he had mush up Naruto stomped crab-like out of the grocery store.
Another category was added to his hate list.
Jerk faced yakuza bastards.
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Hello there ) Here is my second story that is meant to be humor… I don't know how this goes but if it's worth continuing please tell me so. I should of updated some of my other fics XD but I'm too lazy.
Give me some feed back ja ne Sooky 2006