Chapter I: Bad Start
Edward Elric was having one of those days. The ones where you think everyone is against you.
He sat in front of the desk of the East HQ Colonel. The problem was, the Colonel wasn't there.
"0800 hours and don't be late." Edward said, mimicking the Colonel's voice. "I guess pompous windbags who are full of themselves aren't counted late to their own meetings."
"I heard that, young Elric."
Edward tensed. Behind him, a wookie-sized man (though quite the opposite of a wookie's hair patterns) by the name of Major Alex Louis Armstrong stood with his arms folded across his chest.
"Uh-hey-there-major-what-are-you-doing-here?" Squeaked Edward, knowing all too well that one wrong word could have the over-expressive Major ripping off his shirt (the guy must have a wardrobe full of them) and crying his eyes out while hugging Edward and unconsciously, if not accidentally, crushing every bone in his body.
However, knowing how the Colonel loved to give Edward a hard time, and knowing that the Colonel knew full well Major Armstrong's emotional tendencies, he may well have sent Major Armstrong in to, oh say, put Edward in the hospital? And then, knowing Mustang, he would end up in the pediatrics ward with some tittering airhead of a nurse who would insist that he lay down and rest like "a good little boy".
While Edward turned this over in his head, thinking of every possible meaning for Major Armstrong being there, and the Colonel's plot that may ultimately lead to his demise, Colonel Mustang came into his office with a cup of coffee in one hand, and a granola bar in the other.
He leaned over to Major Armstrong, who stood with a puzzled look on his face.
"What happened?"
"I'm not quite sure, sir. I came in here to check on him and inform him that you would be late, and suddenly he lapsed into this state."
"Uh-huh." Replied Roy Mustang, smirking. "Thank you, Major Armstrong. You may return to your duties."
After the Major had left, Roy made his way around to his desk, setting his coffee cup down, and placing the granola bar into his desk for later. Then, drawing himself up to his full height, he barked,
"Major Elric! Assume the position of attention in the presence of a superior officer!"
Edward, who had been completely oblivious to anyone and anything for the past few minutes, snapped up, and almost saluted Colonel Mustang. But almost isn't the same as doing. Especially when, after gaining full comprehension of what was actually happening, Edward saw the smug grin playing on Mustang's face when he found he was about to get Edward to respond to an order. And almost to like a true military man, too. Elric: 237, Mustang: 153. He was getting there.
"Damn it Colonel!" grumbled Edward, sitting back down without completing his salute. "First you drag me out of bed at 'o-dark-thirty', then you take forever to get here, try to catch me off guard and get me to salute a morally-bankrupt Colonel like you, and for what? Why am I here?"
Mustang smiled, sitting down in his cushy swivel chair.
"Come now, Edward. Are you really so busy that you can't take some time to come see your superiors? Have you had any coffee this morning? I always stop to get some, or I can't get through my day without blowing something up." He chuckled.
"It's your job to blow things up, Colonel. You're the Flame Alchemist." Edward muttered through clenched teeth. "And of course I didn't have coffee this morning, I had no time, hauling myself up here."
"Maybe it's just as well." Replied Mustang. "They say that coffee stunts your growth, and you're already small enough as it is."
That was it. Edward hated anyone commenting on his height. It drove him up the wall.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL I COULD BE A SINGLE MIDI-CHLORIAN IN THE BODY OF THAT NO GOOD, MISLEAD, BACKWARDS, JEDI-GONE-WRONG ANAKIN SKYWALKER!?" Edward exploded, slamming his hands on the desk that stood between him and Mustang, and leaning over so that he was only a few inches from Mustang's face.
"Alright, alright, Ed." Mustang sighed in mock defeat. Who was this 'Anakin' anyway? Then he sobered. "Please sit down. I can assure you that the reason I have called you here is quite important, and will be of great meaning to you."
Edward sat down, clutching the arms of the chair so that he wouldn't fling himself at the Colonel.
"Well?"
Mustang took a deep breath.
"Myra is awake."