Title: Better to have Loved and Lost
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I do not own Falling Skies, or any of these characters. No copyright infringement intended. This story is solely for entertainment.
Summary: A good soldier never allows his personal feelings to weigh him down, but he couldn't sit back and do nothing. Hal attempts to rescue Karen. AU
A/N: Can you believe we have to wait a year for more Falling Skies? I miss it so much already! So, in order to tide myself over until then, I came up with the idea for this story. Bear with me because it's the first time I've ever attempted adventure/sci-fi, so I'm a little nervous. Hope you like it!
He walked into his would be room and sat on the edge of his cot. The image of Karen with a harness on her back was bad enough, having to leave her with those things again for the second time in a row was more than he could stand. Why couldn't they have taken him instead? After his mother, she was the best woman he had ever known.
He brought his hands up to cover his face, hoping maybe that could erase the image from his mind. First his mother, then Ben, now Karen.
He was terrified the aliens had taken her after that one day but, he still hoped. It was naive thinking, but when you don't want to believe something you avoid it for as long as possible. This was partly his fault. He never should have let her go. He had completely let her down.
In reality, he needed to put this into perspective. None of this had been his fault. It wasn't like he had handed her over to one of the skitters himself.
He let out a deep breath that sounded a lot more like a sigh of frustration with a hint of anger.
He was 17. He was supposed to be going through his last year of high school being immature and irresponsible. Drinking beer, taking the car out all night, making out with his girlfriend; not fighting extraterrestrials for the existence of the planet. He was just a kid. Just a year ago he was constantly arguing with Ben, had barely gotten his driver's license, and was dreaming of one day becoming an engineer. Had it only been a year? Seemed like so much longer.
But he had never wanted to be a warrior. Not that he wasn't good at it. He had never even picked up a gun until about 6 months ago. Neither had she. But she wasn't like most girls. She wasn't into the things most girls were, even when they were younger. It was one of the things that he found the most attractive about her. She was willing to fight right along side with him. Most girls her age wouldn't be caught dead on a motorcycle. She was one of the bravest people he knew, but he knew deep down she was just as scared as everyone else.
He had known her since junior high. They started out as just friends. Although he did remember making the first move. He just went for it one day, kissing her with want but chasteness, testing the waters and not expecting the response he got. They had been together ever since.
A bittersweet look came across his face as he had the conflicting feeling of wanting to smile and go target practicing just to have something to shoot both at the same time.
Getting more situated, he laid all the way back on the bed, pulled the covers over himself and closed his eyes. Maybe he could escape from the disaster which he knew as his life for a while. Nothing made any sense anymore.
The images of Karen were still not going away. They kept coming back over and over to haunt him, startling him awake and keeping him from staying asleep. He rubbed his eyes, wanting to rip the images out that way if he could. He didn't care, just as long as they stopped.
Soldier's never let their personal feelings get in the way, it affects their performance in battle and if the enemy finds out it gives them an advantage. They have to keep their emotions hidden for the good of themselves and their outfit. That didn't mean there wasn't still so many things he was struggling with. A day didn't go by when he doesn't think about his mother. It was something he couldn't change. They had taken her, but he didn't have to let it happen again. He had saved Ben at least. They had been through enough as it was losing their mother, they weren't going to lose Ben for good, too.
Now it was happening all over again. As if taking his mom and his brother wasn't enough for them, they had to keep going until they had taken everyone he loved. It was when he was alone when these feelings would finally come bubbling to the surface. But this was something that he could do something about, or die trying.
And he realized that what he felt was all consuming guilt. He was every bit as angry at himself as he was at the skitters. He had let himself be defeated as a person and a man. He felt so helpless.
He couldn't just leave her there. She didn't deserve that. No one did. His dad told him that she knew the risks going in. That still didn't make it ok. After losing her mom and her dad during the invasion, the Mason's were all she had. She counted on them and she needed them. They were her family. He was her family.
Both Rick and Ben weren't quite the same after they had the harnesses taken off but having just half or at least part of her was better than not having her at all. There was also no way he was going to let them have her. Anything was better than them having her.
But why hadn't he looked for her before? Everything seemed to happen so suddenly. People were counting on him to help and he was doing the best he could. It wasn't like he had ever gone through anything like this before. It was one thing right after the other right now and his own life sort of got put on hold. It had been that way since the day they arrived. Trying to save the world does tend to get you sidetracked sometimes.
He also had no idea where they had taken her. Then when he saw her it was like nothing else mattered. It was one thing to take her, but they had drilled holes in her back so they could get the harness on her and then were pumping her body full of drugs, and turned her into a zombie. She was becoming one of them, and if he didn't stop it, it would be for good.
He felt sick.
This was better than never having loved at all? Whoever had come up with that saying obviously had never actually experienced it before.
Was he afraid? Is that why he hadn't gone looking for her already? They just seemed to cross paths, the same way he had with his brother. It wasn't like he could just go around looking for her. He wouldn't even know where to start. Not to mention there was a big possibility he would have put himself in grave danger by doing so.
He needed to save her before it was too late. The sooner he did this the better chance he would give her. She was already pretty deep into their clutches as it was that he wasn't even that certain he would be able to pull this off. How would he even attempt to do this?
He missed her more than he could bear. He had never met anyone quite like her before. She was definitely one of a kind. She was calm and always knew exactly what to say to him, but knew how to joke around to get him to lighten up when he was starting to get too overly serious. She had this confidence in herself that gave her this sort of glow about her he really loved.
Talking to her had always felt so natural, even when they were just friends. She just understood without him having to say anything. There was never an awkward moment or unbearable silence between them, it was always comfortable with her. She wasn't just his girlfriend, she was also his friend.
He slowly started to sit back up, turning his head around to reflexively look out the window.
It was almost dawn. The night had gone by so slowly. He had gotten practically no sleep, and he wasn't going to get any more. That much he knew. Not that he wanted to to begin with. It would be the same thing. Her. He wasn't going to be able to rest until this was over.
His eyes bloodshot from sleep deprivation stared down to where his boots were sitting on the floor next to his bed. He leaned over and grabbed for one.
He wasn't going to lose her. There was still something he could do. It wasn't too late.
A/N: So weird. This is the first time I've ever written a chapter that had no dialogue whatsoever. Well, I hope you liked it! Please review and let me know what you think! Would you like some more?