Diane walked out of the hospital, and got into her car. Another day over.
As she started the engine and began backing out of the parking space the
radio came on.
"Of course, it's Christmas Eve, and here's something to help put you all in the festive mood." the voice on the radio said
'Christmas Eve!' thought Diane. She sighed. 'Christmas Eve'
# "Try to imagine a house that's not a home;
Try to imagine a Christmas all alone;
That's where I'll be since you left me;
My tears would melt the snow;
What can I do without you;
I've got no place, no place to go. It'll be lonely this Christmas without you to hold; It'll be lonely this Christmas;
Lonely and cold;
It'll be cold so cold without you to hold this Christmas. "#
Her mind stopped as the words of the song began to sink in, and she began to realise that she will be alone on Christmas day. Technically she'll be with people, she's working, but she'll have no one to wake up to on Christmas morning. No one to open presents with. It'll just be like any other day. Just her. In a rush getting ready for work
She had volunteered to work Christmas day. At least this way she wouldn't be completely on her own, she had thought. She would be keeping busy and forgetting what day it was. Besides, it was good money working over Christmas.
No one else had wanted to work Christmas day. They all had families and loved ones they would rather be with, but she had no better alternative. Her parents were dead; her brother was in South Africa; Ric would be spending the day with Jess and possibly some of his other children; and Alex, well, she hadn't heard from Alex since he had left back in August. She had no idea where he was or what he would be doing. She had decided it would just be better if she went to work and got on with it like any other day.
Then why did she feel so sad and lonely?
# "Each time I remember the day you went away;
And how I would listen to things you have to say;
I just break down, as I look around;
And the only things I see;
Are emptiness and loneliness;
And an unlit Christmas Tree. It'll be lonely this Christmas without you to hold;
It'll be lonely this Christmas;
Lonely and cold;
It'll be cold so cold without you to hold this Christmas." #
But at least she would be spared the fighting over who got the last mince pie, who got the most presents, who got the best gift in the crackers, she thought to herself. She wouldn't have to sit around with a silly paper hat on, watching 'Christmas Specials' on TV. She had the best deal, she thought.
So why did she feel like she was missing out on something?
She didn't really want to work over Christmas. She wanted to be at home. But just not on her own. She didn't want to be lonely this Christmas. She wanted someone to share it with. She wanted to share it with Alex.
# "You remember last year when you and I were together;
We never thought there'd be an end;
And I remember looking at you then;
And I remember thinking that Christmas;
must have been made for us;
'Cos darlin', this is the time that you really need love;
When it means so very, very much;
It'll be lonely this Christmas, without you to hold."#
She began to realise that it wasn't only now, at Christmas, that she felt lonely. Ever since that day when she found out that Alex had left, she had felt that something was missing. That she was lonely.
Although she hadn't actually been going out with Alex before he left, she knew how much she had cared for him. How much she loved him. But it was too late. He had gone, she didn't know where, and now it was too late to do anything about it. To tell him. She had been kidding herself for months now that there was still something between her and Ric. But deep down she knew where her heart really lied. She knew that she had just been pretending that there was something with Ric in order to block out the pain of Alex not being there. She knew that the one person that her heart really belonged to, really felt comfortable with, was Alex. With Ric there was just something missing. Something didn't feel right.
But it was now, because it was Christmas, because she wanted so much to have someone to share it with, someone to love and feel loved in return, that she missed him the most. She began imagining how Christmas might have been different if Alex was here. If he was with her. The present that she would have bought him. Wondering what he would have got her. She pictured them decorating the tree together. Looking forward to going home each night and switching on the sparkling fairy lights. Kissing under the mistletoe. But she knew it wasn't to be. It was just all a dream and she knew that it was too late. She knew that this was to be a lonely Christmas, and she lifted her hand to brush away a tear that had silently rolled down her face.
# "It'll be lonely this Christmas without you to hold
It'll be lonely this Christmas
Lonely and cold
It'll be cold so cold without you to hold this Christmas Merry Christmas darlin', wherever you are!!!" #
'Merry Christmas Alex' she whispered.
"Of course, it's Christmas Eve, and here's something to help put you all in the festive mood." the voice on the radio said
'Christmas Eve!' thought Diane. She sighed. 'Christmas Eve'
# "Try to imagine a house that's not a home;
Try to imagine a Christmas all alone;
That's where I'll be since you left me;
My tears would melt the snow;
What can I do without you;
I've got no place, no place to go. It'll be lonely this Christmas without you to hold; It'll be lonely this Christmas;
Lonely and cold;
It'll be cold so cold without you to hold this Christmas. "#
Her mind stopped as the words of the song began to sink in, and she began to realise that she will be alone on Christmas day. Technically she'll be with people, she's working, but she'll have no one to wake up to on Christmas morning. No one to open presents with. It'll just be like any other day. Just her. In a rush getting ready for work
She had volunteered to work Christmas day. At least this way she wouldn't be completely on her own, she had thought. She would be keeping busy and forgetting what day it was. Besides, it was good money working over Christmas.
No one else had wanted to work Christmas day. They all had families and loved ones they would rather be with, but she had no better alternative. Her parents were dead; her brother was in South Africa; Ric would be spending the day with Jess and possibly some of his other children; and Alex, well, she hadn't heard from Alex since he had left back in August. She had no idea where he was or what he would be doing. She had decided it would just be better if she went to work and got on with it like any other day.
Then why did she feel so sad and lonely?
# "Each time I remember the day you went away;
And how I would listen to things you have to say;
I just break down, as I look around;
And the only things I see;
Are emptiness and loneliness;
And an unlit Christmas Tree. It'll be lonely this Christmas without you to hold;
It'll be lonely this Christmas;
Lonely and cold;
It'll be cold so cold without you to hold this Christmas." #
But at least she would be spared the fighting over who got the last mince pie, who got the most presents, who got the best gift in the crackers, she thought to herself. She wouldn't have to sit around with a silly paper hat on, watching 'Christmas Specials' on TV. She had the best deal, she thought.
So why did she feel like she was missing out on something?
She didn't really want to work over Christmas. She wanted to be at home. But just not on her own. She didn't want to be lonely this Christmas. She wanted someone to share it with. She wanted to share it with Alex.
# "You remember last year when you and I were together;
We never thought there'd be an end;
And I remember looking at you then;
And I remember thinking that Christmas;
must have been made for us;
'Cos darlin', this is the time that you really need love;
When it means so very, very much;
It'll be lonely this Christmas, without you to hold."#
She began to realise that it wasn't only now, at Christmas, that she felt lonely. Ever since that day when she found out that Alex had left, she had felt that something was missing. That she was lonely.
Although she hadn't actually been going out with Alex before he left, she knew how much she had cared for him. How much she loved him. But it was too late. He had gone, she didn't know where, and now it was too late to do anything about it. To tell him. She had been kidding herself for months now that there was still something between her and Ric. But deep down she knew where her heart really lied. She knew that she had just been pretending that there was something with Ric in order to block out the pain of Alex not being there. She knew that the one person that her heart really belonged to, really felt comfortable with, was Alex. With Ric there was just something missing. Something didn't feel right.
But it was now, because it was Christmas, because she wanted so much to have someone to share it with, someone to love and feel loved in return, that she missed him the most. She began imagining how Christmas might have been different if Alex was here. If he was with her. The present that she would have bought him. Wondering what he would have got her. She pictured them decorating the tree together. Looking forward to going home each night and switching on the sparkling fairy lights. Kissing under the mistletoe. But she knew it wasn't to be. It was just all a dream and she knew that it was too late. She knew that this was to be a lonely Christmas, and she lifted her hand to brush away a tear that had silently rolled down her face.
# "It'll be lonely this Christmas without you to hold
It'll be lonely this Christmas
Lonely and cold
It'll be cold so cold without you to hold this Christmas Merry Christmas darlin', wherever you are!!!" #
'Merry Christmas Alex' she whispered.