IN SPACE, NOBODY CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING UR FACE OFF

One day on a planet called Cornelia the Starship academy was having a test, to see who could get to go on the Bob9000 Space cruiser. Ted, a goofy white-furred lupine, was chatting with his pal, Fox, about what happened over the weekend.

"…So I said to [insert name here] why don't you go make like a tree…. And get outta here!" They both giggle. While in the process of laughing, Fox steals a glance at the new students. Wolf and Skarlet. They were like twins, in some random way. They acted mostly the same, they stayed close to each other, and they both had the same colored eyes. They were a dark red color that seemed to pulsate with hatred. The only difference was that Wolf had gray fur and Skarlet had dark-red fur. Plus Skarlet seemingly was injured, walking with a limp. Fox found himself attracted to Skarlet, but he didn't know why. He supposedly dating Krystal, which made him even more befuddled. As he was staring, he say Wolf glance over. Upon seeing Fox staring at Skarlet, he growled.

In the classroom, the test was taking place. Even though ted was a total nincompoop, in the end he passed. With an 1110 score. This made everybody shocked. His only explanation was "I may not be the brightest knife in the water bottle, but I know my freakin' test stuff." So in the end, they all made it onto the ship, with Brock, a muscular brown fox, (who dies later) as the captain. The ship set off on its maiden voyage of weirdness.

Ted was strolling down the hall when the floor gave way and he fell out into space. He made it back in the ship and walked to the cockpit. He said, "Hey! What does this button do?" he pointed to a large red button labeled "MUFFIN". He poked it and a muffin shot out of the wall and hit him in the back of the head. He then flew forward and through the windshield, out into space. As he floated away, the ship's saving arms, which should have grabbed him, instead flipped him off and the ship called out "LOSER" and attempted to turn around. They eventually saved poor Ted. Later that day, a scream came from the women's restroom. Everybody rushed to see what happened, and saw Fox running out screaming while Skarlet, soaking wet and Furious, with a towel wrapped around her chest and midriff, attacking him with a hairbrush yelling "IM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU PERVERT!". It took Krystal, Brock, Ted, and another person named Daphne (who is unimportant to the plotline and will show up in the next chapter then die :p), to stop her from bonking Fox's brains out with the hairbrush. Her last attempt to hit him was successful, as she hurled the brush at him and it struck him in the crotch. Wolf dragged him to the infirmary.

In the medical station, Wolf, instead of putting Fox down on a stretcher, punched him in the face, sending him flying into a wall. They began throwing random punches, with Fox's face getting bloodier and bloodier. The crew rushed to the scene of the commotion, to find Fox sprawled out on the ground with Wolf pounding him mercilessly. Krystal hurled herself at Wolf and threw him off, while Ted fired his stun gun at Wolf rapid fire. He hit everybody but his target. "Woopsie daisy" Ted said, before running off down the corridor. After everybody woke up, they found Wolf in the corner dry heaving while Fox was dancing like a pole dancer with a broom. Everybody started laughing, which snapped him out of it, while Wolf was still dry heaving in the corner. Skarlet dragged him to their room while Ted and Fox did the tango.

After the dancing was over, and all the mess was cleared up, Fox went with Brock to Wolf's room to confront him. What they found was that the room was pitch black. Fox stalked in farther, his knife drawn, when the door shut and locked behind him. Brock started pounding on the door, which later became kicking, which later became ramming it. He took a peek inside the room, and called the robotic pilot to override the light switch in the room and activate the lights. When the lights were turned on, he saw Fox tied to a chair and being force fed a hamburger by a robot. Then Wolf, covered in alien blood, walked over and leaned on the wall. "What happened Wolf?" Brock asked. Wolf just grinned evilly and drew his pistol. He aimed it right at Brock's forehead and squeezed the trigger before Brock could react. He then shattered the window nearby, causing alarms to go off, and the suction from outer space causing Brock's body to float out into space. The window soon closed over with plasma, and the alarms went off. Wolf went over to where Skarlet had told him to meet her, and sure enough she was there. She walked over to him and before he could do anything planted a kiss firmly on his forehead. He stood there frozen and after about 2 seconds, blushing wildly, before he had a spontaneous nosebleed and fainted. Skarlet giggled and sat down next to his sleeping form, pulling out an adult-themed magazine and reading it, waiting for him to awake.

When Wolf woke up, he was in a room that he was not aware the ship had. It smelled like incense and a faint whiff of perfume. Immediately he thought he may be in Skarlet's room, but no, she didn't have perfume, and he was pretty sure that she didn't have any incense when he had "examined" her luggage in the cargo hold.

*author appears and skips the story ahead to the better part*

Skarlet stood in her room, blankly staring at a wall when Wolf was thrown into the room through the wall by Fox, who was running around yelling and screaming. Then Fox ran into the room and grabbed Skarlet's shoulders and kissed her roughly before he comically zipped out of the room and got sucked out into space. He got back in and looked through the gaping hole in the wall and saw Skarlet standing in the room. But something had changed. He couldn't make out any of her features; they were all obscured by a thick dark red and black aura, with spontaneous red lightning bolts zipping around within it. Her eyes, which he could barely see, freaked him out the moment he saw them they were like Vego from Ghostbusters II, where you just see hallways of lava. They were like that only scarier. She began to walk towards him, though it was more like gliding. Fox looked and ran. The foolish retard ran for his life. But he didn't expect what happened next. In his effort to escape the furious She-Wolf's wrath, he had stepped into the forbidden corridors of the ship.

The haunted hallways of the Unholy Mist are what they were called at the academy. And he had plodded right into them. The first thing he noticed was that they were pitch black. Second of all, he saw a dim glow from two small white dots at the end of the corridor. They seemed to be growing, and as he began to step back, he bumped into someone behind him.

Skarlet had found him.

He jumped about three feet in the air and whipped around, expecting to die, when he was thrown down to the ground by her as something sailed overhead, making a deafening SKREEEEEEEAAAAAA noise and it hit the wall behind them. It also hit the door controls, closing the blast door behind them. It ALSO turned the lights on. But these were no ordinary lights. They cast a dim red glow on the walls, which made everything eerier. Fox said "we might as well keep going-" he was cut off by a solid left hook to the temple, rendering him dazed. Then she stomped off towards nowhere into the hallway. Suddenly she screamed and fell and one of the face ghost things attacked. Fox killed it and they continued.

MEANWHILE

In the mess hall, Wolf was heating up a burger when a computer screen popped up and Krystal's face popped up on it and said "DUDE WE NEED YOU DOWN AT THE BARRACKS" so loud the microwave exploded and the door pimp-slapped Wolf in the snout. He ran as fast as he could to the locker room in the barracks, because he tracked her life signal coming from there. The lights were off. He stepped cautiously into the room and was knocked out. He woke up in a random room with no doors. Then he got up and a computer screen popped up with Krystal's face on it and she said "Wolf I have trapped you in a room and the only way out is to do what I say." He said he would do whatever he had to in order to escape. "Good" she said with an evil grin. "Then why don't you do me a favor and get naked." Wolf fainted. When he woke up he was nude so he blushed and hid under something. The screen was now black, but her voice still came from the speaker. "OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO HOT!" she squealed and apparently fainted on the other side of the screen. Then Ted's muffled voice came from somewhere saying "You better not be watching Porn videos anymore Krystal or I'll tell Fox." There was a ruffling noise and suddenly Ted's face popped up on screen. He said "Hey. Wolf ol' buddy what's u-" he was cut off because he saw Wolf blushing madly. Then Ted looked farther down and blushed too. "This is like a train wreck. I'm trying to look away but I can't." Then he licked his chops. Then he stopped, his face turning a dark crimson color and yelled: "IM NOT GAY! IM SO NOT GAY I SWEAR I HAD THIS BONER BEFORE I SAW YOU!" and ran out screaming. Then Krystal woke up and looked back at the webcam. She grinned evilly again and giggled darkly. It would be fun torturing her prisoner.

DAY TWO OF CAPTURE

Wolf sat, butt naked, as far as he could away from the camera, thinking and jacking off because those were the only things he could think of doing. Then the camera popped out in front of him and the screen attached to the camera said "Need help with that?" Wolf yelled "I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP JACKING OFF THANK YOU!" and punched the camera. Then he noticed something. The voice on the screen wasn't Krystal's. It was a deeper, masculine voice. Not Ted's, not Fox's, not anybody he knew except- Wolf gasped in fear and surprise.

Brock's voice.

Then suddenly the ceiling opened and Krystal, her cat suit all torn up and herself all bruised, tumble and fall into the room, cussing a blue streak. She fell on top of Wolf, and the ceiling closed. They both got up, and Wolf threw her across the room into a wall. He screamed "YOU STARTED THIS!" she got up coughing, and threw a hard punch into his jaw, only to be deflected and kicked in the shin. He was still nude, though his clothes were in a crate with his signature weapons and other stuff. The room was big enough to be a gym, like a football field. He wondered why it had to be so large. Then he realized. It was the cargo hold. Suddenly the large room tipped and there was a groaning sound coming from outside the room. He looked outside through a porthole and saw that the holding arms that kept the hold in place were breaking. Then the entire structure of the hold dropped out into space. He saw the Bob9000 space cruiser get farther and farther away. Then he turned and looked at Krystal. She looked at him. They were alone together, drifting into space.

Krystal looked at his wolfhood and blushed. He ran over to the crate that had his clothes and grabbed his pants, as well as his belt and gun, also a set of clothes for Krystal. He put the pants, belt, and gun holster on and walked back over to her. He threw her the clothes and said "Put this stuff on." She looked confusedly at him. "Hey, as long as we're trapped in here we might as well cooperate." She said "we should set up a little room or two to sleep in." Wolf nodded and went over to the crates. They had a lifetime supply of assorted foods, water, and some alcoholic beverages (though they didn't know why they were there) and ammo for weapons. There was also an assortment of weapons, ranging from swords and blasters to flintlock pistols and alien artifact weapons, like a Gravity Hammer and a few hundred Energy swords (both from Halo). Wolf, with the help of Krystal and a few robots he built (which immediately after the task was finished, exploded into smoke and disintegrated) a house, complete with windows and machine gun turrets at each opening, such as the windows and the doors. Krystal went in and took a shower (which was strange enough that Wolf had found a portable shower in a crate) while Wolf went to HIS room and lay down on the bed. He resumed what he had started before, jerking off. He was about to climax when there was a knock on the door. He came, and went over to the door, opening it. There Krystal, soaking wet and wrapped in a towel, walked into the room and plopped down on the bed. Wolf said "Why are you in MY room?" Krystal sighed and replied "Because you only built one room you dillweed! So I guess were gonna have to share!" she paused and licked her lips. "Not that there anything wrong with that." Then she walked over to Wolf and pressed herself against him. "Now listen good big boy, you're gonna have to behave OK?" she smiled while Wolf started blushing. "Good, I'm glad we understand each other." She said in a strange voice. Then she left the room to put on some clothes. Wolf watched her leave, all the while thinking. His thought pattern went sort of like this. (NOTE voice one is Wolf voice two is his conscience.)

VOICE 1: Man she is ONE GOOD LOOKING girl, I'll give her that.

VOICE 2: dude you can't get too attached you might end up having sex and we can't have that can we? Remember you have to save your virginity for Skarlet, that girl you were betrothed to as a kid right?

VOICE 1: Aw…. They both hot I wanna threesome… :3

VOICE 2: :(

VOICE 1: HOW CAN YOU MAKE A FACE YOU'RE A VOICE!

VOICE 2: because I can you'll never find out :P

VOICE 1: YOU DID IT AGAIN! IM GOING TO WAKE UP NOW!

VOICE 3: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (yes. :3)

VOICE 1: SHUT UP GRANDMA! DRINK YO PRUNE JUICE!

VOICE 3:WHASSAT I CANT HEAR YA BOI! TO BUSY WATCHIN' MAH CHANNELS!

Wolf woke up after that. (Voice three was his actual grandma lol :D) he walked outside and heard moaning coming from behind a crate. He remembered the teachings of his Kung Fu master, AKA if you disturb a woman masturbating that prepare to get your ass kicked! (He had come from accidentally disturbing his wife fingering herself and had a missing arm to show for it) Wolf leapt from behind the crates and spied Krystal sleeping and mumbling in her sleep about her love life. (Here's a bit of the stuff she said)

GODDAMMIT FOX STOP TRYING TO RAPE ME!

ZIP UP YOUR PANTS YOUNG MAN!

Then she got to a part where she was having a dream about her and Wolf, or so he believed…(lol she was dreaming 'bout Wolf)

"Oh my god Wolf that feels so good…" (Voice 2: that's crazy weird man)

Wolf blushed so much that it somehow made Krystal wake up.

"DUDE I COULD HEAR YOU BLUSHING! WHAT DID I SAY ANYWAYS?"

Wolf whispered it to her. She suddenly froze and giggled nervously. Then she ran as fast as she could to the house. But Wolf was behind her and tackled her. Then he carried her bridal style, while she was still blushing madly and squirming around, and dumped her on the bed. Then he sat down next to her and started to tickle her. This went on for about five minutes when suddenly and accidentally Wolf's hand brushed one of Krystal's breasts. The entire scene froze and Wolf sheepishly withdrew his hand and whispered "SORRY." Then suddenly Krystal grabbed his arms and pulled him into a long, passionate kiss.

(ONE CRAZY MAKE OUT SCENE LATER)

Krystal snuggled up under Wolf's muscular arm and drifted off to sleep.

MEANWHILE, HURTLING THROUGH SPACE IN A GROUP OF PODS

Three elite Hunters sat in three separate pods. Two of the Hunters knew each other, Sylux and Weavel, but the third was shrouded in mystery. He had turned off his comm system and they couldn't have a conversation with him, so they played Battleship over Comm units. Weavel started out.

"2B, or not 2B, that is my question."

"Not 2B."

"Drat."

The third person decided to pipe in and say something, but his voice was being garbled by some sort of simulator, so he was as mysterious as ever.

"Weavel's ship positions are 2a,3b,4a, and 1a. Likewise Sylux's ship positions are exactly alike, but oriented in different directions."

Weavel and Sylux both yelled "HOW DID YOU KNOW?"

There was no response but a deft click as the third person turned off the comm unit again.

Then everybody noticed that their target, a large box-like structure floating about in space, most likely a cargo hold let loose, and flew straight into the wall, creating puncture holes and plugging them simultaneously with the pods.

Wolf heard the bang first, Krystal soon heard it after. They looked at each other, then back to the window where they saw three pods enter the space, and two out of three people came out. One was a humanoid figure with blue armor with glowing green striped originating from the back and travelling down the arms, legs, and around the chest and torso, the other person having armor that was light grey in color, and a red ponytail sticking out of the back of the helm, which was technically an Exoflex space helmet, a dome-like structure with a reinforced back with a small hole to fit the red ponytail. The third pod finally opened and a mysterious figure dropped out. This person had a hooded robe on, which he threw off of himself. He also had a facemask, like Snake-Eye's, and body armour similar to a catsuit with plated shoulders, elbows, and vital areas. He drew two Darksabers and held them so that the blades pointed backwards and the bottoms of the handles were facing the front. The two other Hunters paused to look at him. He didn't seem at all a professional killer. Until he shifted into a position with his dual sabers that only excellent blade warriors could master. Then they believed. And then they fired.

The house was bombarded with gunfire. Unknown to the Hunters, except maybe the mysterious third one, Wolf and Krystal had escaped out the back and snuck up close to a crate near the Hunters. Within moments the house collapsed and exploded. Surprisingly the room kept stable. Then the third' mysterious person looked over to where the two were hiding. He threw the Darksabers, one which hit Wolf's arm, the other sliced the crates in two. Wolf forced himself not to cry out in pain, but the two other Hunters saw him clasping his arm in pain and grabbed him, throwing him across the room. Then the blue hunter, named Sylux, fired his Arm Cannon at Wolf, each beam striking him in a different, painful, location. He screamed in agony as Sylux used a Shock Coil beam, like a Taser blast only worse, and electrocuted him. Then Weavel sprinted forward and grabbed Krystal and, under his helmet, grinned. "This one is a nice catch, boys!" he yelled back to Sylux. Then the third Hunter threw Weavel into Sylux, who both fell over and yelled. Then he said, his voice cold and void of emotion, "Are sex and violence the only things you amateur slobs think about? Get back to the mission and kill the wolf. I'LL take care of this-accessory." He picked her up by the back of her bodysuit and heaved her into his pod, which expanded to accompany the extra mass. Weavel and Sylux enjoyed killing off one of the main characters, who ends up alive later in the story. (But you don't know that yet, OK? :P)