Now, before anyone reads this who has read Katharine the Great and flips, this story plot is derived from the works of Katharine in her fics "Good King Thranduil Kicks Butt" and "Genuine Prince Legolas Kicks Butt". We do have permission from her to use her idea as a bases for our fic, so if anyone has read her, don't worry we're not ripping off her idea without her knowledge. For those of you who have not read Kate's work, you should, it's extremely terrific. (Unless, of course, you don't like Lord of the Rings, then you probably won't like her writing very much.)

Now, after all of that we get to the reason for this little posting.

Title: The Good Old Colonel Kicks Butt

Author: The Minions of Sokar

Rating: G

Summery: Jacks Kicks Butt

Disclaimer: We do not own any of Stargate, we just write with it. The idea behind this fic is from the works of Katharine the Great, to whom we give our most gracious thanks for the use of her wonderful plot. Kudos to Kate the Great!!!

*****

Sirens blared at Stargate Command, drawing the members of SG-1 away from their tasks and into the control room. Blue light played on the walls of the Embarkation room, slightly muted by the iris that barred entry from off-world enemies.

"Unscheduled off-world activation," the tech stated. A few moments later a confused expression crossed his countenance. "Sir," he said, addressing General Hammond, "we're receiving an IDC… it's SG-1's code."

Jack turned to his team, looking each one over for a brief moment before turning back to the General. "We're all here," he said, shrugging.

Hammond paused for a moment, as if contemplating what to do. "Open the iris," he commanded at last.

The technician complied with the order. The brightness of the blue light increased as the trinium barrier slid apart, revealing the event horizon of the wormhole. A single traveler stepped through.

The traveler was a girl who looked to be about in her early twenties. She wore green BDUs with the SGC insignia on the right arm. She came down the ramp as the 'Gate disengaged behind her, not seeming to notice the SFs who all had their weapons trained on her. As she came down, she removed her hat and sunglasses, revealing blond hair and brown eyes. She looked around her, utter shock was written into her features.

The girl turned to the doors at the left side of the room as they slid open. A look of confusion slid across her face when she saw who it was. "Mom, Dad? What are you doing here?" Her eyes slid to the general. "General Hammond? I don't understand… how can you all be here? I just left, how did I get back here..." her voice trailed off.

Hammond raised his eyebrows. "I was just going to ask you how you came to be here young lady. And while we're on the subject, would you mind telling us just who the hell you are?"

The look of bafflement in the young woman's eyes deepened. "I'm Lieutenant Angelina O'Neill," she replied. "But, sir… I… you've been dead for three years. Mom, you resigned your commission and became a scientist at area fifty-one. Dad, you retired last year so that I would have a shot at making it into the Stargate program."

"I what?" Jack asked, not willing to believe that he would retire for anything.

"Retired… What's going on here?" Angelina shifted her gaze from person to person, attempting to read their expressions. "Don't you recognize me?" No one answered her. Suddenly she caught sight of Jonas Quinn, who as was his norm, was standing off to the side as if he was trying to hide. "Jonas," she whispered his name softly, tenderly. "It's been so long since I've seen you."

Jonas shifted, seemingly nervous, under her gaze. There was something about the look that she was giving him. It was almost as though she was staring into the eyes of a ghost.

Angelina inhaled deeply and brushed a tear from her cheek. "I…I never expected to see you again. I…I'm so confused. Is this some sort of dream? Or, maybe I'm dead."

"Well, I don't think you are, but if you want, we can arrange it," Jack said, the thing he really wanted to do at the moment was keel over and die himself….. retired!!?

Sam, always the logical one, quickly came to the realization of the visitor's origin. "She may be from an alternate universe, or possibly the future."

"If so, it's a future I pray will never happen." Jack mumbled under his breath. A look from General Hammond silenced the colonel before he could continue.

Angelina looked over at Sam, understanding flooding her countenance. "That's it!" she exclaimed. "I was on my way to P4X-79J to help with peace negotiations with a Jaffa tribe who had been attacking our outpost there…"

"Quite the little diplomat, aren't we?" Jack cut in, causing Teal'c to raise his eyebrows.

Angelina glared at him for a moment before continuing. "I stepped through the gate and the next thing I knew, I was back in the 'Gate room, and all of you were here." She glanced again at Jonas, and a longing filled her eyes. It was as though she were a child, looking at something that she knew could never be hers. But, of course that didn't stop her from wanting it, wanting him, and almost subconsciously she took a step toward him. Jonas noticed this, and was rather glad that her way was blocked by both Teal'c and Colonel O'Neill.

"Well, we've been 'here' for some time, you seem to be the one dropping into other people's pasts." Jack noticed her movement toward Jonas. An idea of who this girl was started to formulate in his mind.

The girl stopped in her tracks, suddenly overwhelmed with grief. "How can you say that, Dad? How can you be so cruel?"

"Well obviously this girl is not my daughter. No kin of mine would be so daft as to not realize that it is in my very nature to be cruel."

Angelina's lip quivered. As she spoke, her voice cracked with emotion. "Daddy, I'm your little girl, I'm your little Angel."

"Sir," for the first time, Jonas spoke, "what if she's telling the truth? I mean, time travel through the 'gate is possible. SG-1 traveled back to 1969. I think we should give her a chance to tell her story."

Jack cleared his throat. "Well, if we have to, can we at least discuss it in the mess over a nice piece of pie or something? All this talk of time travel has made me very hungry all of a sudden."

"I too, would enjoy some pie, O'Neill." Teal'c interjected.

This only caused Angelina to once again break down into tears. The hat and sunglasses that she had been clutching up to that point fell to the floor. "Pie! How can you think about pie at a time like this?!"

Jonas naively took a step toward her, speaking softly. "Calm down. You of all people should know that your father…"

"Excuse me, I thought that we had established that she is NOT my daughter."

Jonas continued, ignoring Jack's indignant outburst, "your father has trouble dealing with issues such as these. Just give him some time and I'm sure he'll come around."

Angelina sniffed away her tears, and sighed tranquilly. "You're right, Jonas. You always could keep your head in a tough situation. That's one of the things I've always loved about you…"

Jonas took a step back. "Loved?"

Angelina took a deep breath. "We were engaged. Our wedding was only two weeks away. We were on a mission, when a battalion of Jaffa over ran our base camp. You… you got me to the Stargate, but you were hit by a staff weapon blast as we were going through."

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Jack walked back to one of the SFs who had been watching the scene unfold and grabbed his P-90. "I want to know who you really are!"

"Colonel O'Neill, just what do you think you're doing?" General Hammond demanded.

"Sir, this is NOT my daughter, or anyone's daughter for that matter. She's a threat to the civilized world, and I wouldn't even wish her on Kinsey!" With that' Jack opened fire. The girl crumpled to the floor of the 'Gate room. But as soon as she hit the concrete, she disappeared, leaving only the hat and sunglasses that she had dropped earlier.

"Sir, what was that?" Sam questioned, stooping to pick up the dropped articles.

"Remember that communiqué we received last week from the Asgard?"

"Yes. Sir."

"They called to warn us about a new threat. 'They' can destroy entire civilizations single handedly, and often try to infest themselves as a friend or family member. They're called Mary-Sues."