Title: Red Handed
Chapter: One-Shot
Characters/Pairings: Abby, Tiva
Spoilers/Warning: PG-13
Summary: Abby catches Tony and Ziva red handed...
Disclaimer: NCIS and all it's characters belong to CBS and Donald Bellsario.
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at NCIS humor but I think it turned out pretty well even if it's not as crack as my usual humor goes. Please let me know what you think.

Abby sighed. It had been nearly twenty minutes since Gibbs had sent her to sniff out where Tony and Ziva had disappeared to and so far there wasn't any sign of the duo. She was just stepping past the coat closet to make another round of the office when she heard it – the feint sound of two people whispering furiously behind a mostly closed door.

Her eyebrows raised, Abby took a step backwards and stuck her ear against the heavy oak door. She listened intently for a few moments, trying desperately to catch what was being said. It was difficult but she was able to pick out a few choice words (ones that would make her mother blush) and then a low groan. She smirked wickedly and then pulled the doors open dramatically.

Her stoic expression nearly cracked when both Tony and Ziva's heads whipped around at break-neck speed, their eyes wide as saucers and jaws hanging loosely. Abby crossed her arms and began lightly tapping her right foot against the carpet.

"This isn't what it looks like," Tony said quickly.

"Now Tony," Abby said, her tone just a little too sugary, "why is it that every time someone says it isn't what it looks like, it's actually exactly what it looks like? Hm?"

"We were just…" Tony glanced at Ziva for support.

"Going over the case," Ziva supplied.

"Yeah," Tony chuckled uncertainly. "We're going over the case."

"Right," Abby nodded. She eyed them for a moment and then said, "Tell you what; I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. So you're working the case and thought you could find a different angle by sitting in a dark closet."

"Exactly," Ziva said and Tony nodded, "It's all very zen in here. Good for getting the juices flowing."

Abby's eyebrows nearly hit her hairline.

"Mental juices," Tony yelped as Ziva tapped her temple and nodded supportively. "Good for getting the mental juices flowing."

"Mental juices?" Abby asked, cocking her head to the side. "Ziva straddling you good for the mental juices too, Tony?"

Tony and Ziva quickly looked at each other. Ziva started, "You see Abby, there was this…"

"Spider!" Tony yelled desperately. "There was a spider and it scared Ziva." He pointed at the woman straddling his waist. "And she jumped on me."

"The trained assassin is afraid of spiders?" Abby asked suspiciously.

"Yes," Ziva answered and nodded. "They…" She frowned and finished lamely, "Crawl?"

"Let me get this straight," Abby said slowly, eyeing the two of them apprehensively. "You two wandered into a coat closet to get your mental juices flowing and then Ziva, who's afraid of spiders because they crawl, jumped on top of you? Am I missing anything?"

"Uh, no," Tony said as he and Ziva shook their heads vigorously. "I think you just about got it."

Abby smiled predatorily at the two. "Okay, let's say I pretend to believe your little story here; what's in it for me?"

"Caf-Pows," Ziva yelped and looked to Tony as he nodded encouragingly. "Every day you do not mention this to Gibbs we will bring you a Caf-Pow."

"Two Caf-Pows," Tony baited, trying to sweeten the deal. "Breakfast and lunch."

Abby thought about it for a moment, her gaze drifting to the ceiling, and then nodded. She smiled down at the pair, who were still wrapped securely around each other, and chirped, "Deal. Oh, and Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"You may want to button your shirt back up before Gibbs sees you."

With that, Abby turned on her heel and left the couple to worry about the predicament they'd just found themselves in. She grinned as she wandered into the bullpen and spotted the man she was looking for. She may have promised not to say anything to Gibbs, but they hadn't said a word about McGee.