A/N: A couple of other authors have written piece's on how Rushton felt when he thought that Elspeth had died. I think that they are both beautiful piece's of writing and if you haven't read them, you should go do that now. However, I also felt that neither of them dealt with a particular aspect of Rushton's character which, when I first read The Farseekers, I considered to be a critical factor in his grieving process. Because of this I decided to actually type up this tiny one shot which I'd kind of been turning over in my mind since before I knew fanfiction existed. Its not as long as the ones the others wrote nor, I think, as deep. This is just me attempting to be true to the Rushton I saw in the books.
Nothing To Be Done About It.
The end of another day. I lie awake, wishing for slumber, but peace alludes me. During the daylight hours I can push the memories away. I throw myself into my work like even I have never done before, but it brings me no joy. One task follows another and I complete them precisely, but they no longer engage me the way they once did. I feel empty. Yet this is still an improvement. At night there is no escape.
At night, there is nothing to be considered, nothing to plan. No thoughts to occupy my mind save memories of her. She's dead. There's nothing to be done about it. Nothing left but regret. I try to forget. To move on. To look to the future as I have always done. Yet she drags me back. She no longer exists anywhere but the past, and I can not leave her. I, who once could tolerate no talk of what might have been, find myself unable to think of anything else. It tortures me. I am used to taking action, but the future holds nothing for me now. I can only look back, and wish. I have never felt so powerless.
Eventually I can take no more. I drag myself from my bed and begin to sift through Alad's reports of the farms. I distract myself with analyses of how the farms have increased their yield since our rebellion, of improvements that could be made, of things that need to be fixed. Once again I am distracted and the pain fades, though it never truly leaves.
Sometime later my eyes close over a design for a new irrigation method conceived by the technoguilders.
A new day begins.
To be followed by another.
But all sense of progress is a shallow lie.
Time ended.
With her.
A/N: Anyway, I'd be very interested to see what you think.
Also, I'd like to take this moment to shamelessly promote the fact that I have recently uploaded the very first ever addition to the subcatagory of the Legendsong Saga. If you have read IC's incompleted trilogy, then I strongly suggest that you;
a) Read my fanfic
b) Review it.
But most importantly!
c) write you're own! Seriously, its feeling lonely all there by itself. It wants some friends.
If you haven't read the Legendsong, read it, and then refer to instructions stated above.
When night falls and the darksong calls, will you hear? Will you tread the moon paths? Will you sing the lost soul home?