Jailhouse Calls
A SasuSaku oneshot
Dedicated to all those people asking for SasuSaku on my poll and because this idea was too funny not to write!
'"'"
"Tch, I don't see why you're doing this, Sakura." Sasuke grumbled exasperatedly as he leaned against a door.
"Because Lady Tsunade assigned me to be your nurse until you get better." Sakura answered from the other side of the closed door. "One of my duties is to keep you in that room until your flu subsides."
"Hn, one fucking day out in the rain and all of this happens." Sasuke groaned. "I feel fine, though. Why can't you guys just let me—achoo!"
"That's why, oh stubborn one." Sakura replied. "We don't want you getting the village sick."
"I would not." Sasuke retorted vehemently. "I barely hang around with anyone, anyway, so I don't think there'd be much of a chance."
"Then I don't see why you'd be so adamant about wanting to get out if there's nothing you can really do."
"I can train, or I can walk around. I just won't take being held prisoner in my own room!"
"I still don't see why you're so wound up. I mean, weren't you pretty much kept in holes for about three years? A few days in your room should be nothing!"
"I had liberty to walk around down there. The underground hideouts were big. You won't even let me out of my room. Compare square miles of space to a few square feet of space and see why this isn't where I'd want to be. Besides, who are you to keep me captive anyway? I'm pretty sure I can beat you."
"You sure like to talk tough, Sasuke, but remember, you're sick, thusly weakened, and I'm a trained medical ninja with perfect chakra control to give me, as Naruto puts it, 'monster' strength. Who do you think would win?"
Sasuke fell quiet for a while. A smug smile tugged at Sakura's lips in her victory.
"Just explain this to me." Sasuke finally asked. "Why am I crammed into my room with you in my house and forced to stay here quarantined like some animal that has rabies?"
Sakura sighed before she answered. "Because, if I have to be your nurse, it wouldn't be very useful for me to get sick from you; by keeping you contained we have a better chance of you not infecting anyone."
"Everyone gets a cold, you know." Sasuke growled lowly. "Why am I suddenly so special that I have to be kept up like this while anyone else with a sickness can freely walk the village?"
"Because we know you too well, Sasuke," Sakura huffed. "If we let you run around freely with your flu, you'll probably just go somewhere to train, you'll probably drop early from exhaustion, and if you pass out in the middle of the woods we don't know if we'd be able to find you before you're already dead. That's why."
"Tch, that is so stupid."
"Yeah, well, it'll keep you alive. Now go lie down and rest." Sakura ordered. "The sooner you get better the sooner you can get out."
"Whatever, one more question, though. Are you ever going to feed me something? If I'm all cooped up in here it'll be pretty hard to go into the kitchen."
"That's why I'm here. If you're hungry just say so."
"Hn, I'm hungry."
"Then go lie down and I'll get you some food."
"Yes, mom," Sasuke grunted sarcastically and rolled his eyes before he walked over to his bed.
Sasuke heard Sakura going down the hallway and he smirked. He turned away from his bed and walked to the window.
"Does she really think she can keep me locked up?" Sasuke huffed as he began to open his window. "Yeah, right, I can beat her any day."
Sasuke pulled the window open and started to climb out.
"What the—" Sasuke stopped halfway on the windowsill. In front of him was a wall of some kind which completely blocked off the window.
"Nice try, Sasuke!" Sakura's voice rang out from the other side of the block.
"What the hell is this?" Sasuke asked.
"It's a block to keep you from escaping through the window!" Sakura answered.
"Why a wall, though?"
"Did I say that it was a wall?"
"…I don't think I want to know…. What are you doing out there anyway; I thought you were going to make me some food."
"I am. You're talking to a shadow doppelganger. Now go to your bed and wait there before I alert the real me!"
Sasuke grunted in annoyance but still got down from the windowsill and sat down on his bed. Sakura came through the door a couple minutes later with a bowl of tomato soup.
"Don't think I'm the same as I used to be, Sasuke." Sakura stated as she gave the food to Sasuke. "You may think you have amazing skills, but I've still got the brains."
Sakura leaned down closer to Sasuke and tamped her hand against a nightstand to emphasize her next words.
"I also have the raw force to drag your 'prodigy' ass back to this room and keep you in until you are back to perfect health. Got it?"
Sasuke kept a passive face all through Sakura's threat and grunted in confirmation. Sakura stood up straight, went to the door, walked out, and closed it. Sasuke knew she was on the other side. He looked down to his food and started to think.
"I'll prove to her that I can still best her." Sasuke thought. "I'll be out of here before she knows I'm gone."
'"'"'"'"
Sakura leaned against the door to Sasuke's room, completely absorbed into her own mind.
This is so great! We're playing nurse for Sasuke!
"We're not playing nurse, we are his nurse. And just because we're here doesn't mean anything special will happen. Besides, he's just being stubborn today."
Yeah, but he's hot all the same.
…Okay while I can't deny that…
Ha, ha!
Shut up! We're supposed to be nursing him back to full health, not taking opportunities in his weakened state to…ravage him like some crazy fangirl! I gave up on that years ago!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. You're not a fangirl…but you're still in love with him!
So what? You think just because he's killed Orochimaru and stuff and came back to us means anything's changed? I'm still just an annoyance to him.
Then just annoy him until he finally falls head-over-heels in love with you!
What form of logic are you following? You really suck at being a conscious. I'm pretty sure I'm smarter than you.
I am your inside emotions! The part of you that's true! The part of you that keeps sending you those dreams about Sasuke and—
Don't go there! Don't go there! Don't there! If you bring that up I won't even be able to look at Sasuke right for the rest of my time here, let alone take care of him!
Oh you know you—
"Sakura," Sasuke voice broke through Sakura's mental conversation.
"What?" Sakura called back.
"You can take the dishes now."
Sakura sighed. "Okay." She then opened the door, walked over to Sasuke, took the dishes, and stopped for a moment to look at him skeptically.
Sasuke caught her look and raised an eyebrow at her. "What?" He asked.
Sakura shook her head. "Oh, nothing much. I think you're starting to get better."
"Does that mean you can—?"
"No, you're still stuck here, whether you like it or not." Sakura concluded and walked out of the room with the dishes.
As soon as she closed the door Sasuke called out again, "Hey, Sakura."
"What?" Sakura asked through the door.
"I have to use the bathroom."
"You can walk, and there's a bathroom in your room, so nice try."
Sakura smirked in triumph when she caught Sasuke mutter a quiet "damn it" and she continued down the hall to the kitchen.
When Sakura returned to her post in front of the door she froze.
"His chakra just disappeared." Sakura realized. "How could he have?"
Sakura opened the door and peeked inside. Sasuke was nowhere to be seen. She walked inside and went to his bathroom door. She opened it only to find it was empty.
"Where did he go?" Sakura mumbled warily.
Sasuke, the Houdini, had masked his chakra and proceeded to exit his room as swiftly as he could. The door was cracked open and Sakura was still in his bathroom. He leaped forward for his freedom.
"No you don't!"
Sasuke was halfway down the hall when he was yanked backwards by his shirt. He hit the ground and looked up to see Sakura as she glared down at him.
"Think you're so smart, eh, Uchiha?" Sakura spat. "You may have done a good job of masking your chakra, but not your footsteps. Now go back to your room and lie down like a good boy or I will personally tie you to your bed!"
"Is that a threat?" Sasuke snorted. "I thought a nurse was supposed to be gentle."
"Not when you have my Sensei." Sakura stated as she let Sasuke up.
"Oh, right, you take after someone with a more fiery temper than even you have."
"You got that right, but if you keep this up you're going to wish it was Lady Tsunade who was taking care of you."
'"'"'"'"
Sakura leaned against the door to Sasuke's room, once again. Sasuke had been quiet for the last half hour, and Sakura started to get slightly wary.
"Sakura," Sasuke's voice called, which eliminated Sakura's worry that Sasuke had escaped.
"Yeah," Sakura replied.
"I'm bored." Sasuke grunted.
Sakura rolled her eyes. "Read a book."
"I did."
"Read another book."
"I did."
"Read it again!"
"Fine…done."
"What are you reading, a children's book?"
"No. It's my book of grudges."
"Oh, there is no way in hell it's that short!"
"With you in my life, you're right."
"So it is long!"
Sasuke fell silent and Sakura mentally slapped herself for her antics, and the fact that Sasuke just insulted her, with her slight help, and she hadn't realized it.
"Well, I bet my section isn't as big as Naruto's." Sakura commented in a hope that she could save her mistake of practically insulting herself.
Sasuke didn't reply to her, but she thought she just heard him mutter, "The Dobe, that's it!" Sakura became suspicious, and pressed her ear to the door.
On the other side she thought she heard beeps like the noise a phone makes.
"Is he calling…oh, crap, he's calling Naruto!"
With Sasuke, he waited impatiently for Naruto to pick up the phone.
"Hello?" Naruto's voice rang from the other line.
"Dobe, will you help get me out of here?" Sasuke asked in what should have been a polite tone.
"Oh, yeah, I heard about your flu. Sorry, but I can't, Teme." Naruto answered.
"Why the hell not? All you have to do is sneak in and get me."
"Because one, Sakura would kill me, because I know she's your nurse, and two, this is perfect bonding time for you both!"
"Jackass," Sasuke growled. "If you do not help me, I'll—bzzzzzzzz…"
"…Teme…?" Naruto called from his side before he hung up.
"Dobe, hey, loser, did you hear me?"
"Talking on the phone, Sasuke? I thought typically girls did that to amuse themselves." Sakura stated as she leaned against a wall in his room and twirled his detached phone cable.
"You evil little…" Sasuke trailed off in his grumbling. "Hey, if you can walk into my room all this time and not get sick, why is it I can't go outside where there's less chance of its concentrated form reaching someone?"
"Because I got a flu shot, that's why." Sakura answered.
Sasuke muttered something incoherent and sat down on his bed. Sakura headed towards the door, but stopped for a second and looked at Sasuke.
"I already pulled the cable once, if I hear you trying to call someone for an escape route again, you probably won't have a phone line for the next few weeks. Though I guess then you'll get a lot of outside time seeing as you'll be running around town all day to relay messages while everyone else sits at home." With that said, Sakura closed the door.
'"'"'"'"
Sasuke lay in bed as he stared at the ceiling and contemplated escape plans. The door opened and Sakura stepped in with a plate of food.
"I thought you may be hungry. It's been quite a few hours since you ate." Sakura explained.
Sasuke looked at the food and suddenly realized that, beneath all his thoughts of escape, he had grown very hungry. He ate gratefully for a while, and when he finished Sakura entered to take his food.
An idea suddenly sparked in Sasuke's head, and he had to try hard not to smirk.
"Hey, Sakura," Sasuke spoke.
Sakura looked at him with a slightly annoyed expression. "Is this something serious, or an attempt to escape?"
"Hn, I gave up on escaping a while ago."
Sakura raised an inquisitive brow at Sasuke's statement. "Really…well, that's a shocker." Her tone sounded slightly sarcastic.
"What, you don't believe me?" Sasuke questioned.
"Yes." Sakura answered blatantly.
"Well, I just had a question." Sasuke stated.
"Okay, what is it?"
Sasuke turned to Sakura and smirked. "Do you…still love me?"
The shock on Sakura's face didn't even compare to how she felt inside. "W-Why would you ask me something like that?"
"I'm just wondering…I mean, in the past you would go nuts just being in my presence. Ever since I came back you haven't had one of those crazy fangirl attacks. I just want to know if you've moved on or not."
Sakura blushed and turned away from Sasuke. "What's wrong with stopping? It just means one less annoyance for you."
"Well, maybe I miss your old fangirl-like attitude."
"Well…I…wouldn't say I've…moved on…I've just…become calmer."
"Would you ever revert back to your old self?"
"Why are you asking these sorts of questions?"
"It's just a bit of curiosity."
Sakura took a moment before she answered. "Well…I don't know. What I used to openly display kind of just…happens on the inside and stays there. Does that answer your—?"
Sakura was cut off when Sasuke suddenly slipped out of his bed, took about three steps to reach Sakura, and pressed his lips forcibly to hers. Sakura went rigid at first, but slowly decompressed. Sasuke smirked when Sakura suddenly went limp in his arms and fell in to him.
Sasuke looked down triumphantly at the unconscious Sakura, and he laid her on his bed.
"Looks like I still make you crazy, huh, Sakura?" Sasuke muttered as he walked out the door and silently closed it behind him.
'"'"'"'"
"Bastard, jackass, stupid Uchiha," Sakura grumbled as she wrapped some blankets tighter around herself.
"Call me names all you want, it'll just remind me that I beat through your little quarantine shield." Sasuke boasted.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, but your little stunt for freedom gave me your fucking flu." Sakura growled. Both of them sat in Sasuke's house, which, on the outside, had a couple of medical ninjas.
"Yeah, how great does that flu shot work now?" Sasuke chuckled.
"Well I guess it doesn't work against flu injections."
"All I did was kiss you; I don't see how that passed it on."
"That's why you'd fail as a medical ninja."
"Well I don't plan on being one. You're the medic of our team so I'll leave that to you."
Sakura rolled her eyes. "And you call Naruto stupid."
"Whatever, why are you in my house anyway? Can't you have a flu in your own house?"
"Because you're the cause and it's easier to watch us if we're in one place." Sakura explained.
"…"
"Oh, Sasuke," Sakura called.
"Hn, what," Sasuke responded.
"Why did you kiss me to escape?" Sakura asked. "I mean, the whole point was to knock me out; you couldn't have done that with any other method?"
"Because that was a good way to catch you off guard…besides…I know you liked it."
Sakura blushed. "Oh, so you do that to every nurse that keeps you locked up? Then again, I have seen some nurses leave your hospital room in a pretty dazed state before…."
"What are you insinuating?"
"Oh, I'm just wondering how many nurses you've kissed."
Sasuke gave Sakura an annoyed look, crawled onto the couch she sat on, and stared at her levelly.
"W-What…?" Sakura stammered.
"You really want to know?"
Sakura's eyes widened for a second. "So you did kiss nurses to escape?"
Sasuke smirked, leaned in, and kissed Sakura. She was still caught in shock by the time he pulled away.
"Yeah, I've kissed a nurse…one…and I think I'll keep it that way. I like this one."
Sakura opened her mouth to respond, but Sasuke quickly covered it, and didn't allow her to say anything else for quite some time.
THE END
I have no idea how long I've been working on this…waaaay too long by my perspective! I had a bit of a different ending, but then I realized that I never tied up the romances in my original idea, so I wouldn't even be able to call this a SasuSaku romance because…there'd be nothing but that first kiss. Well, just glad I finished it! For any of you reading this that read my other stories, it's still the 24th as I write this, so there's still quite a bit of time until that poll is down…so please vote! Okay, that's it…hope you enjoyed!