Disclaimer: The HP series belongs to JKR obviously. Not me!
A/N: I have to go somewhere soon. I'll be gone for a few days. I'm posting this right before I go. Yay for Disneyland!!!! (You are never too old for Disneyland) Anyway, I felt that I needed to post something before I go..So…here you go!
"You want me to change her diaper?" Draco's eyes widened comically as he stared at his wife in horror. A look of pure terror adorned his face. Hermione laughed at his expression and nudged him slightly with her elbow.
"Yes. I do. Now take her. I feel like my arms are going to fall off," Hermione replied, motioning to the squirming baby bundle in her arms. Draco pouted but outstretched his arms anyway.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Not like that. You have to fold your arms, like how I am so that you can cradle her to you. If you hold him like that, she'll fall." Draco cocked his head to the side in confusion.
Hermione laughed as he maneuvered his arms around to mimic her position. Slowly, she handed the wriggling bundle in her arms to its father. "There. How hard was that?"
Draco just scowled slightly before he began cooing at his daughter, rubbing his nose against hers. "Who's my little baby? You a- Oh Merlin! What is that smell!" He exclaimed, pulling back quickly.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Her diaper. And how, you will learn how to change it."
Draco looked at her in disbelief, "I thought you were just joking about that? Oh- the smell is getting worse!" Draco held his breath in an effort to not breathe the foul stinky air that his daughter created. It was a very fruitless effort that managed to turn his face an unnatural shade of blue for a few seconds.
Hermione shook her head sadly at her husband. "No. I wasn't joking. Now bring her over to the bed so I can show you what to do."
Draco pouted and walked over to the bed. Hermione proceeded in bringing out the things they needed. "Okay. This is a diaper, the wipes, and the diaper rash ointment." She pointed to each of the individual items as she said their names.
"Ointment? She needs ointment already?" Draco asked as he placed his daughter down.
"Not really. It's more of a preventive one. Since she's just a newborn, she's not used to diapers yet. This is so there won't be much irritation," Hermione explained. Draco just nodded. "Are you ready?"
"No. Why can't you do this?" Draco whined with a desperate, pleading look on his face.
"There will be times where you will be alone with her. You need to know how, just in case. And it's not even that hard," Hermione replied using her authoritive 'what I say is final' tone.
"Then why can't we use a house e-" The glare he got from his wife immediately stopped him midsentence. "Fine…" He crossed his arms over his chest and gave a huff or annoyance.
"Okay. Now first, take off her pants," Hermione instructed. Draco did as Hermione said, revealing his daughter's diaper. "Now get a new diaper and open it up. Place it under her." Draco followed her instructions slowly, avoiding contact with the full diaper as he did so.
"Good. Now take off the diaper she is wearing and apply the ointment." Draco stopped and looked at Hermione in horror.
"No!" he cried, making a show of fake sobbing into his hands. Hermione laughed at his behavior.
"Dray. Calm down and do it." Hermione scolded.
"But what if she pees on me?!" Draco's reply sent Hermione into fits of laughter. He stared on as his wife laughed at him. A pout formed on Draco's face. His daughter fidgeted on the bed, a cry reaching from her throat.
"Dray! You're impossible! Just change her diaper. She isn't going to pee on you."
"But it always happens on those movies and cartoons!" Draco yelled out, his eyes once again wide as the horror of the idea ran through him.
"Since when do you even watch cartoons?" Hermione quirked an eyebrow at her husband.
"None of your business," Draco scoffed slightly in return, "And I know she will! She's going to pee on me!"
"Draco, in movies and cartoons, they do whatever they want just to make it funnier. Obviously a baby peeing on someone would be funny in their twisted crude minds. And thus, you see movies and cartoons with babies doing such a deed. Are we in a movie or cartoon? No. So calm down." Hermione ran through her explanation calmly, her hand stroking the barely-there wisps of hair on her daughter's head.
"But…" Draco's face fell.
"Fine then…I'll change her diaper now, but you have to learn later," Hermione said, noticing her daughter's impatient squirming. Actually, she was surprised her daughter had stayed so quiet so far. Draco stepped back slightly, as if preparing for the worst.
Hermione rolled her eyes and unfastened the diaper, taking it off quickly. She grabbed the ointment bottle and proceeded with putting it on. Hermione turned to Draco with a smirk her own, "See. Is she peeing on me? No."
Draco just bit his lip and sighed in resignation, "I guess n-" He was stopped midsentence by a girly shriek that emitted form his wife's throat.
She had a wet spot on her shirt and was holding the diaper to her daughter's crotch. Draco looked at her in confusion. "What just happened?"
"She peed on me…" Hermione replied, sending Draco into his own fits of laughter.
"I TOLD YOU SO!" Draco screamed, pointing his finger at Hermione. Hermione just glared back and finished diapering up her daughter.
"Yes. You did. Now go get me a new shirt and warm up her milk," Hermione said, picking up her daughter and cradling the sleepy baby in her arms.
"Okay!" Draco carried out his wife's orders, happy that he wasn't the one that got peed on. Yay for him!
A/N: First, I was going to make Hermione make Dray change the diaper, but I changed my mind last minute…And we get this…hehe. I thought it'd be ironic.
What do you think? I hope you all had a good laugh.
Review please!
XOXO
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PS: No one has officially won my contest yet. So check it out! It's on my profile page. You could win a oneshot! –nudges people-