Memento Mori.
Disclaimer: Konami, but you knew that already.
Here I was again, starting from square zero. Each time I walk the dead streets of this town the more difficult it becomes to escape the empty echos that cloud my focus. Often at times I find my original objectives compromised either by my own fear or by some stupid monster, and also that damn, I fucking hate that thing!
I huffed wordlessly sticking my hands in my pockets strolling down the side walk past the old barbershop with boarded windows.
"Jolly fun this is," I grumbled.
"A real hootenanny humdinger."
It really does piss me off to think that the longer I remain here the more I realize it that the possibility of dying here either from being maimed and ripped apart, or from the constant flair of self loathing. Oh, how could I forget breathing in this purely toxic air! has probably caused my mind to rot away, more less the feeling of nails being driven into my chest.
Where's the damned Glade or Febreeze when you need it?
I loathed being alone... especially in this damned step was a direct reminder that I was venturing further into this hellish land of wonder, that my soul was sinking farther into the bitter abyss of the town. Day flat out did not exist here, but only darkness that lurks in my mind, spilling forth to shape these twisted surroundings. There is a light that I find solace in, the lunar mother of whom dwells above, trapped within the groaning black sky. Feeling comforted by the moon's gaze, as it is but a small relief from the bitterness, aching, and crumbling of my sanity.
With each journey across this place it's becoming less difficult to understand those spirits, weeping and angry. I'm still afraid because you're no longer here, Dad. Can I even still call you that, Harry? Clouds of toxicity high above my thoughts of you, but your words still burn. Please...never forgive me, but also never forget me. All the things you taught me, those lessons I tried hard to learn. Still I never got to tell you how much...I loved you.
I felt that familiar stinging sensation beginning in my eyes, I didn't try to fight the tears that followed this time. Though the tears did burn, it felt like at lease some part of me was being cleansed in this filthy place. Try as one might, there was just no escape from the acid filth born here, scattering ashes from the sky like Dad's unfulfilled promises. I can't help but be reminded that my hope is wearing thin in this terrible place, with its ashes and ghosts as brief reminders that there was only more suffering to come.
Walking close to a grey rotting building under the Swiss cheese of an overhang I wipe my tears with the back of my hand. My eyes trail over the dirt and grime staining my flesh from the previous adventure in the subway.
"Think Heather, right now you need to hide from the shadows that are watching you." I whisper to myself glancing around.
Wasting no more time than I already had, I broke into a run across the cracked sidewalk toward the old hospital down the lane. Ghosts in the shadows following close, I kept running with the last bits of my faith in my hands, the happy memories you gave me...Dad.
Brookhaven Hospital.
I was attempting to climb through a broken window when I had slipped and fell in. I landed on my back across a dirty bed, soot and ash covered my underside. I coughed waving my hands, sliding my dirty legs off the grimy sheets. Wiping my face with my forearm, I glance around in the dark, thankful to the flickering light that guided me to the hall.
Silently I made my way down the walkway from the Pediatric center. the simple song of the dead begins to play within the depths of my mind. I don't want to believe it but, that as deadly this journey I must continue.
If I could enjoy the tension around me, I would. My muscles were sore from running earlier, and I was trembling. Scared of what other monsters and regrets would show their faces in my path. My thoughts went quiet when I began climbing over a mass of fallen rusty racks and gurneys.
Coming to the end of the hall, I caught myself in mid exhale at the disordered sound of many heels clicking against the tile. I listened from behind a broken tiled wall, each moan at the start of a separate convulse. I scrunched my face finding it obvious this was out of "their" displeasure. At that moment I glanced over at a broken bulletin board, finding that I had some options on a stained map.
"Let's see," I mumbled to myself,"Blue circle "me" at intersecting halls...which is right here." I blinked slowly moving my finger over the open spaces. "If I move East I run into X's, probably Nurses or more enemies. Moving south seems clear, or at least safer. But if I move West, but I would run into a...large red triangle?"
Silently I contemplated what the symbol meant until I heard a very menacing sound. My eyes went as wide as doughnuts at the ear rupturing scream of metal scraping echoing down the hall. It made the ends of my hair curl up and I could vividly, feel each slow tormenting scrap echoing down the halls. I nearly back into the wall at what I thought was a feminine scream seconds later.
You'd think people would understand when things suddenly dawn on them, and they find they have a means of protection. I would not be one of those people getting their head chopped off like in the movies.
Glancing around for any type of melee/ long range weapon, to my displeasure I found some which had a case of "CDS". This made me fold my lips in. Damn, were just somethings I'd rather not face tonight.
"Fuck it!" I growled.
Turning on my heel past the counter, I shot a side glance toward a passing sign.
:: Pharmacy::
Going anyway but that Pyramid's way was really a bonus. I really wasn't one for intruding on The Executioner when he was operating on his "patients".
Alessa Gillespie.
She who is me.
A mother, sister, a half sworn to bitterness and undying sorrow. Curse her, even now the blood within me boils at the cursed memories from her pain, my pain raging within my mind. Halves must become wholes. She created these nightmares that I will she told me once, a phrase that painted her even blacker within the hurricane of memories inside my mind.
"Pain isn't always so bad when you inflict it upon yourself, it can be somewhat medicinal in the most abhorrent of situations."
"SHUT UP," I screamed.
I let my head fall onto the palms of my hands with a small cry, turning the opposite way from my original path. These tears of mine prove to be nothing more than self recollections of human weakness that she detests. Love, happiness, innocence. They were becoming nothing but lies.
Incidentally while turning down an open corridor I tripped over a pill bottle and smacked shoulder first into a metal door. I winced pushing away from the door thankful that I didn't connect with the growth of rust on it. The door did leave a white ashy layer on me. I used the door handle to climb to my feet. Without letting go I opened the door against the broken tiles as far as they would allow. My eyes widened at what was behind...
A dark, sinister stairwell, spiraling down into darkness lit by only glowing embers and a strange red haze. I wondered what would lie ahead in this dark, dirty stairwell. The walls were nothing but metal wires, curved steel, some parts had fleshy exposed from behind cracked tiles. The stairs seemed to match, covered in grimy maroon gauze and broken glass. I took cautious, slow steps down to the third level below, the soft patches of my footsteps echo within the dark, silent, creepy space. Getting closer to the red haze I realized that the haze was a glow from some signs.
Exit...
Exit ...
Exit ...
Hell..
Holding my stomach I became very sickly, even more so as I felt it growing inside me. This "it" is something I didn't create, but says "I want love" and...craves a fertile bond. This love is a love that I could never give, it simply doesn't deserve it from me. I can't allow it to be born, not like this. The only way is to use Kaufman's serum to kill the "God" within me - send it and possibly Claudia, to their bitter ends...but first I need to find it.
Maternal Ward.
I open the door, walking down the empty hallway listening to the empty heart monitors playing the song of a mother's memory of water and her stillborn. Crunching glass and small rocks under my feet, the stale scent of rubber and blood invades my sinuses. The sound of scraping soles and stifled cries came from across the hallway, and alarmed me. Bending down I reach my hand out to grasp a rusty crowbar from the floor.
"Kill first ask questions later." I breathe, poised for an attack.
I continue down the hall ignoring the flashing light from overhead, broken ceiling lamps swaying back and forth as I inhale heavily with the rusted crowbar in my hands. Focusing solely on the next sound with my right ear, my right foot sliding a metal tray quietly out of my path.
Moaning?
"Krssh"
Gnashing?
"AAaah!"
I silently peered over the counter to see a small gray child feeding on someones who was forgotten. I grip the rusted bar with both hands, stepping behind the desk, and with it raised high above my head, letting a slight scream fly out startling it. I strike the creature across the back of its grey lumpy skull. The deformed monster falls against the floor with a thud, turning its head to stare back at me with those deep black pits for eyes.
"Time to meat your maker, get it? Meat?! HA!"
[THUNK!]
"Hurk!"
[Splat!]
I bash the bar into the side of its skull, closing my eyes as blood splatters across my face. I kept bashing for a moment, until I opened my eyes feeling the cold blood drip down my nose. Dropping the bar down over the creature's neck, I used my full weight slamming it down hard, pushing and pushing, watching as it writhed horridly below until it snapped.
"Hurrrrk!"
At the end of its last croak the child stopped moving and was still, small ugly veined arms laying flopped onto the dusty floor. I glanced around at the black tissue and bits of cranial bone displayed out on the broken tile, cold, wet blood oozing out. It was damned. Kindness is too far beyond me now. I stood sluggishly, allowing the metal bar to slip from my fingers, stunned momentarily when hits the ground with a clang then a short rattle. The noise only lasts for a few seconds then, silence remained.
"Why am I meant to suffer like this, I hate it! And the only one to blame is The Order for their selfishness."
I whispered to the dead creature below, turning away before I am overwhelmed by tears. Leaned against the nearest wall leaving black hand prints in my wake, I began to tremble at the horror that has become too real once more...I've resorted to destruction, Alessa.
"Dad help me! I'm loosing my mind in this goddamned place! I miss the sun and its innocent warmth, I need someone to be my light and only momentarily wash away my sins."
God's gift.
I break into a run, tripping over pans and wooden chairs. I slipped and fell into the door way of a room. I lifted my head, spotting a little teddy bear on the bed in the center of this oddly clean white room. Everything seemed brand new, especially the teddy bear presented with a lovely green bow. I crawled over reaching out, grabbing it off the bed. From behind it a pink note fell in front of my knees.
I picked it up, opening it to pull out a small slip of paper. The slip of paper read:
"To Sharon.
Dear mommy,
if you're reading this I can't wait to come home with you. You can feel me can't you?
Growing within your belly, you know what I need.
Your love, your body, and your warmth.
I need to know that when I'm with you I am safe, to tell me nothing can harm me.
Enjoy our time and live peacefully.
- Deos
The world painfully pulled at my shoulders driving my body to the floor. I knew it was deceiving, but I didn't care. It was the happiest thing to come along in awhile of this endless suffering. It made me question if what I was doing, was the right thing.
I sobbed into the hospital bed hugging the teddy bear against my chest.
"Why, why me?"
I sobbed harder, ignoring the sound of a vent opening overhead. A knife fell before my knees catching my attention.
Never Alone.
I grabbed the knife and slid the end up my neck, pressing it against my throat.
"I can't do this, anymore. No more suffering, no more of this sick shit! I want to sleep in solitude."
I felt the cold steal against my skin, looking up to see a creature looking down at flesh disfigured face and absence of humanity only made me feel more alone at first. I looked at him only for a little while before my emotions gripped me like a riptide, I began to cry again.
The creature crawled lower down the farthest wall and watched me. Strangely he looked like a slender malnourished thing, the dirty blood stained smock laced up his back. It saw it was laced down to his tail bone. Stitches, fleshed ridges, and rumpled winds made up his face. His fingers fused together covered by maroon gloves. I blushed slightly when he turned his head twitching slightly like he was waiting for me to do it.
"This is what you want me to do, huh?" I said rhetorically.
I could only help but smile in at this creature within this terrible place. Call it strange but he gave me a rumble of forgotten warmth.I let it filter through my torso, limbs, and my arms. I glanced at the gruesome angel then close my eyes only for a moment allowing the feeling to settle, then I pulled the blade across.
I felt no pain, only raw movement. I fell onto my back gagging, warm blood dripping everywhere. From the corner of my eye I caught the creature leaning over me, his gloved hands rested over my eyes. I felt them slide down my cheeks to my neck, only able to lay there defenseless against the cool caress of his gloves. I coughed up some blood in surprise at hands molding to my chest. Here I was dying and this thing wanted to cop a feel..magfuckingnificent.
I had so many questions unanswered, only conscious until this awful world went black.
Darkness.
I heard a voice so familiar, then my name in the form of a soft whisper.
"Neveeer alone, Heather."
That is the end of this maternal heart's void. I prayed that my senses would not fail. Anything to keep that small sensation going. I focused and began to count to the beat of a near by heart monitor...
One..
Two...
Three...
Beep!
One
Two
Three...
Beep!
one
two
three...
Beep...
The background noises fade out and my mind goes silent. The aching feeling of bitterness had returned.
The Beginning.
I drifted in darkness for awhile before I feel the chill from the outside air. It hits my body as I shiver sitting up on the wet road. I hold my shoulders, scanning with my eyes to find I'm back where I started. I look up over at the familiar sign.
::Welcome to Silent Hill::
And at that moment ..I knew that the innocent moon wasn't the only thing keeping an eye on me.
I smiled to myself, looking down at the teddy bear with the green tie lying next to me. I began from where I started, like always feeling the same emptiness. But it's only the emptiness that I can remember...the only thing that makes this journey worth a damn.
Just maybe, for a time I'll feel like I'm not alone. It's kind of strange but, know he's watching, waiting to bring me right back to the beginning of this torment. Would I be wrong to call him a disfigured angel? I don't care. I'll use this as an incentive. Only I can break this curse, and destroy Claudia's God. Thank you for giving me some kind of a feeling, in this wonderland of madness.
End.
Note: In case you didn't already know, CDS stands for "Can't do shit".