Tsundere Cactusloid or Magnet

by RavenInTheNight

Neru has concocted an elaborate prank, and locks Len and Kaito in the studio back room. Now what? LxK yaoi FTW. XD

pI just realized I have a habit of giving my fics wierd titles that make no sense until you read the whole thing. I think it started with "Goodbye, Zolo-koi". Whenever it happened, I like it :D

This is what happens when I deprive myself of yaoi for the sake of my guy friends, then stumble on some by accident. I really should be doing something with Neru in the couple, but Len and Kaito side-tracked me SOOOO...

Basically, Neru is being a derp and lands her victims a little too deep.

Just some fluff... or is it? ;)

It's a really, really, really, really, really... really long one-shot XD I like those.

Made by: RavenInTheNight, with the help of the devil and the god in my head.

Couple/s: Len x Kaito, plus like three Kaito x Neru jokes/references xD

Disclaimer: I do not own VOCALOID or any of the characters. VOCALOID and all characters belong to uh... their respective owners... and stuff.

Warning: T for language and such. YAOI WARNING! If you don't like Boy x Boy, I'm not even completely sure why you're reading my stories :3

I may add wierd puns or japanese words you may not be familiar with, so just ask if you didn't catch something. This fanfic has a lot of references to Hatsune Mix, several YT/NND videos, and a few other things here and there. I'll answer questions about those, too, but you can basically just look them up.

R&R.

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ONE-SHOT: Tsundere Cactusloid, also called Magnet.

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Neru glanced around the corner. All clear. Moving quickly and silently, she stole into Kaito's room. Where is it? She opened the first drawer of his desk, blushed at the discoverance of his underwear drawer, and slammed it shut. The noise made something stir, and Neru froze before remembering that everyone else was downstairs watching Teto's concert on TV.

Neru opened the next drawer, and found a blue phone with an ice cream strap. Bingo! She quickly texted to Len's phone.

She'd planned this trick out months ago. Feeling a vibration from her skirt pocket, Neru took out Len's phone and texted the same message back to Kaito.

Would this work? Neru didn't care. She wanted her fun. She put the phones back, and ran back to the living room.

Rin looked up, "Hey, they just started the encore! Where were you?"

"Shhh..." Neru, dodgy-eyed, gesturing that she would tell Rin later.

Rin shrugged and turned back to the screen, which showed Teto singing I Like You, I Love You.

After the concert, Neru grabbed her phone and went to the studio back room, hiding a webcam there and sneaking out as quickly as possible.

Neru snuck some ice cream from Kaito's stash and sat in front of her computer, awaiting the boys. She hoped like hell that they would show up. What would happen in the back room? Would they fight or just argue? Whatever happened, Neru couldn't resist recording it.

Soon her plan would play out, and she would have the last laugh... right?

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Len opened his phone, and a cute and slightly gay nekomimi-envelope icon told him he had a new text message from Kaito. Bemused, he read it.

Len, meet me in the studio back room. Love, Kaito.

Len blinked. "Love"? He closed the phone, sweatdropping. The ice cream and cake had gone to Kaito's head. Still, he wondered...

The text didn't give a time. Len didn't bother with the timestamp. He shrugged and figured Kaito meant now. He slipped the phone into his pocket and left to the studio.

Len didn't pass anyone on the way to the back room. Once inside it, Len looked around. The room was abandoned, safe a pile of leeks and another pile of props and accesories that the Vocaloids barely ever used. Len sighed. He'd better get here soon!

After what seemed like an eternity, Kaito entered. He looked as if he didn't know why he was here. What an act. Len glared at the taller 'loid.

Kaito blinked at him, "...Why are you glaring at me?"

"You know damn well why." Len muttered.

Kaito quirked an eyebrow, "Actually, I'm clueless."

Len rolled his eyes, "The text."

"What- this text?" Kaito pulled out the blue phone and pulled up a text message on it.

Len gasped as he read it.

Kaito, meet me in the studio back room. Love, Len.

"What the hell!" Len yelped.

Kaito blinked, "What?"

Len fished his phone out and pulled up his own text, "How the hell did you get that and why is it exactly like mine?"

Kaito looked from phone to phone as if comparing the word-by-word texts. "It seems someone set us-"

A sharp slam and click cut off Kaito's sentence. It came from the door.

Len slowly walked over to the door, tried it, and slammed into it. He growled, "It's locked..."

Kaito sighed in exasperation, "Someone's locked us in..."

Len sat among the cat ears, wigs and bows in a corner. He grumbled, "Just tell me when it unlocks."

"That could be ages from now." Kaito reasoned, sitting in the opposite corner among the leeks.

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In retrospect, Neru realized that she should have made different texts for each boy. She shrugged, twirling the resently used back-room key on her finger. She sped back to her room and watched the screen.

The sound wasn't on. She plugged her earbuds in and turned up the volume just as Len was in the middle of a sentence. "...then it's not like I really care."

Kaito sighed, "Len, you're impossible."

"Bite me, Shion."

"Fine, Kagamine."

Neru sighed. For ages they sat their, unaware that a certain blonde creep was watching them.

Finally, Len spoke, "Kaito, what do you think of... Neru?"

Neru blinked. She wasn't expecting to get a scoop on their feelings toward her.

Kaito looked thoughtful, "Why would you ask that?"

Len turned a little red, "N-no reason."

"Really now?" Kaito laughed, "I guess... she's a bit cactus-like."

"Cactus... huh?"

"You know, how they're all spiky on the outside, but there's milk on the inside?"

"That could be taken in so many ways."

Neru found herself giggling girlishly. She cleared her throat.

Kaito laughed, "No, I meant... well, she's hard-headed, rough and sharp on the outside, but she's really sweet on the inside."

Len blinked, "That's an interesting theory."

"Do you beg to differ?"

"Not sure."

"Why'd you bring this up, anyway?"

"Um... Because Rin's been all ansy about me getting a girlfriend... I need to survey my options."

Neru blushed, then tried hard to calm herself down.

Kaito grinned, "Well, be careful with Neru, she's prickly. Not to mention, I might try to steal her."

Len gasped, then laughed, "You like Neru!"

Neru didn't like the tone this was said in. She shrugged it off.

Kaito turned the slightest shade of pink, "She's tsundere. It's rather attractive."

Len rolled his eyes. Another long silence. Then Len twiddled his thumbs, "Kaito, why did you follow that stupid text?"

Kaito turned a slightly darker shade, "Um... no reason. Curiousity."

"Really?" Len gave him a doubting look.

"Really." Kaito said stubbornly.

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Kaito sighed. He wasn't about to tell Len why he'd come. It was stupid. Instead, he tried to change the subject, or at least turn it against Len, "Why did YOU follow the text?"

"To beat you up." Len laughed bitterly.

"Uh... huh." He didn't like where this was going. "And why would you beat me up over a text?"

Len held the yellow phone up, the banana strap jangling with the steamroller strap, "Because it said 'Love, Kaito', you idiot! Why in the hell would you write that?"

"I didn't."

Len sighed, buried his face is his knees and grumbled something about pressure.

Kaito raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"There's too much pressure..."

Kaito waved a hand as if testing the air. Len growled, "Not scientific pressure. I mean girls. I mean the scientists. I mean.. nevermind."

Kaito blinked, "Since when do you get pressure?"

"Since.. well, that's not important. But this is getting to me... Rin, Neru, Miku, Haku, Teto (almost), some random girl from Teto's company... God, even Meiko might start hitting on me. Not to mention the virus I almost got, and..."

Kaito wanted to hug Len, but something told him that would be awkward. Instead he blinked comfortingly, "So that's why you're so..."

"Cactus-like?" Len laughed again, that bitter and hollow laugh.

The room was rectangular. Kaito moved to the corner that was the shortest distance from Len's, and sat among crossover items. He picked up a ball that resembled the markings on the sides of Meiko's headset, and tossed it in the air for the sole purpose of having something to catch and toss. "You're sort of worrying when you're bitter."

Len sighed, "You sound like Rin."

"Sorry."

"Nah, it's a.." he coughed awkwardly, "It's cool."

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Len was mainly hiding his face to disguise the red tint that was spreading over his skin. Despite their efforts, this conversation was getting more and more awkward. He swallowed the word he had almost said: attractive. He couldn't use that word to Kaito.

Another awkward, long silence. Len felt the hair on the back of his neck starting to stand on end, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't lead them back to this. "So..."

"So..." Kaito sighed.

Len wanted to stand up, and try the door. He was fine with bruising himself or breaking something, if only he could break the door down and get out of this atmosphere, away from Kaito. But something kept him there. He knew the door wouldn't break down anyway. It was designed to keep Miku and her chibi-form out of the leeks. No Vocaloid, with the exception maybe of Neru, could break it down. And Neru only because she could probably slice it apart with a katana or something first. He sighed.

Was it Len's depth perseption screwing up, or was Kaito just a bit closer? He didn't seem to be in the corner anymore. Kaito tossed the Meiko-ball aside, "So... anything I could do the cheer you up?"

Len appreciated the concern, but the thought that immediately came to mind was just too weird. "N-no..."

"Now that I think of it, I don't think I like Neru. Not like that. But the tsudere cactus-loid is an attractive thought."

A snippet from their conversation just seconds ago flashed into Len's mind. "So that's why you're so..." "Cactus-like?"

Len was now sure Kaito was scooching closer. He didn't care. He surprised even himself with his calmness. "Well... if not Neru, then who?"

"...I dunno." Was that disappointment flashing through Kaito's eyes?

Len sniffed, "It smells like Haku in here..."

Kaito laughed and picked up a bottle of sake. The laugh was sounding more half-heart each time Len heard it.

Kaito tossed the bottle aside, "Meh."

More awkward silence. Len sighed. How long until someone found them?

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Neru was wide-eyed. Who knew locking Len and Kaito in a store room could give her such a dramatic program to watch? From total enemies to cupid victims in a single episode. She made a mental note to do this more often.

Rin walked in, "Hey, Neru! You gonna tell me what you- what are you doing?"

"Watching your brother and an ice-cream pervert in a closet."

"WHAT!"

"You want an earbud?"

Rin snatched a bud out of Neru's ear and pressed it to her own, listening intently. Neru smirked.

"We could try the door again, I guess..." Len sighed.

Kaito shrugged, "It hasn't clicked yet, so it's still locked."

Len played with a pair of cat ears, "So now what?"

Kaito turned slightly red. Neru was amazed that her computer could pick up the shade change. "Len... there's something that's bothering you."

"I told you what it was."

"You didn't tell me all of it."

"That part isn't important."

Neru glanced at Rin. The mousy girl was staring at the screen as the boys' faces slowly turned deeper and deeper shades of red.

Kaito blinked, "Why is it so secret?"

"Because..." Len looked away and sighed, "You wouldn't understand. You'd laugh at me, or freak out, or get angry..."

"So it has to do with me?"

Len jumped the slightest bit. He turned back to Kaito, "Stop digging into this, Shion."

Kaito's compassion seemed to dwindle. "Back to using last names, huh, Kagamine?"

"I'm not in the mood for this conversation."

Kaito grumbled, "This will come out eventually. I'd prefer to hear it from you."

Len mumbled back something. Neru turned up the volume in an attempt to hear as Kaito asked, "Huh?"

With the volume at its highest, Neru and Rin barely made out, "It's about love."

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Kaito blinked. He hadn't expected that. "Wait... Len, you're in love?"

Len was bright scarlet. He glared at Kaito, "I'm not having this conversation."

Kaito rolled his eyes, "Too late. Tell me who it is."

"No."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"This isn't getting anywhere."

"That's true. So tell me."

"There's nothing to tell."

"...What if I told you that in five seconds I'm going to kiss you?"

"What... the... hell...?"

"It was worth a shot." Kaito laughed.

Len laughed too, but it was barely in the hearing range. A sort of "He...he..he..". It wasn't satisfying.

Kaito reacted to impulse. He rolled over, and now he was on his knees over Len, his face inches away from the blonde's. "What if I really did kiss you?"

If possible, Len turned redder. But he didn't squirm away, or get angry. What he did do surprised Kaito. He smirked, "Do you mean that?"

Hell if he knew. "Maybe." Kaito found himself smirking, as well.

The world hazed in the next moment. Kaito didn't think, he couldn't remember breathing or even living. All that mattered was the warm lips pressed fiercely against his own, the arms slinking around his neck. He had won his tsudere cactus-loid.

The moment had to end. Kaito knew it, but he didn't like it when he heard the click of the door. He broke off and looked up to see Len's twin in the doorway. Rin was obviously pissed off.

Len gasped, "Rin! I.."

Rin glared at him, "Len, get out from under Mr. Ice-Cream Pervert, and get your ass back to the house before I steamroll you."

Len gulped, "Yes, Rin."

Kaito sat up and helped Len up, which made Rin growl. Len left, Rin left, but Kaito couldn't jog his mind. Had he really made out with Len? Or was it a fancy, an illusion? Whatever had happened, Rin was blocking his tsundere cactus-loid. That wouldn't do.

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Len sighed as Rin dragged him back to the house. Rin gave him to Neru, "Here. I trust him with you. He's grounded."

Len growled at Rin and barked in a more hostile and loud voice than he'd intended, "You're not my mother, Rin!"

Neru frowned at this, then grinned and dragged Len inside her room, "Alright. Tell Mr. Ice-Cream Pervert I said hi."

Len blinked. How did Neru know about that? He went limp, and let Neru drag him onto her bed. She took a seat by her computer, "So, wazzup?"

Len sighed, "Nothing."

Neru laughed, "Sure."

"What's with the tone of voice?"

"You smell like vanilla." Neru laughed again, almost mockingly.

Len yelped, "WHAT THE HELL!"

"I'm kidding." Neru pushed her chair aside to reveal her computer screen.

The program on it showed a clear video stream of the studio back room. Len shot red.

"Anyway. I didn't know you had interests in Kaito."

Len noticed earbuds connected to Neru's speakers. "You... you were watching us the whole time... and listening to us... DID YOU LOCK US IN!"

Neru grinned, "And sent the texts. This took forever to plan, ya know, and I got my own personal sit-com."

Len growled, "My personal life is not to be exploited."

Neru shrugged, "Maybe not to be exploited by paparazzi, but I've got tapes and I can sell yaoi tapes to serious fanatics for five bucks a minute..."

"Shut up, Neru!" Len barked, "Today was a total mistake, okay! I was pissed at Rin, and some girl named Mako was staring at me all day, and Luka was being a bitch, and I tried to use Kaito to feel better! I don't need you taking that as a story!"

Neru was unimpressed, "Wow. You do a better tsundere act than a girl. You sure you're not Rin?"

"SHUT- why am I even bothering." Len made to open the door.

"A-a-ah." Neru said from behind him, mockingly. "You're grounded. Which means, Haku is outside, preparing to sing your ears off like a true FAILloid if you open that door. Not to mention several traps, katana-spikes, etcetera etcetera, if you survive Haku's singing. And it's all there until Rin says so."

Len cringed, knowing there was only a thirty-percent chance she was exagerating. He went back to the bed.

Neru grinned, "So. You wanna talk about anything?"

"Frickin' paparazzi bitch." Len spat at her.

"And you must love me for it." Neru winked.

Len growled, "You don't believe me at all. I'm serious! Kaito and I- it was impulse! Compared to everyone else at that point, he looked damn sexy!"

Neru laughed. She took out a tape recorder and played it back. "I'm serious! Kaito and I- it was impulse! He looked damn sexy!"

Len felt his eye twitch, "You have issues, Neru."

"I enjoy my issues. You take your issues out on ice-cream perverts." Neru laughed.

Len would've head-desked if he had a desk. Instead, he face-palmed, "So, what, am I a steamroller-pervert now?"

"More of a banana-pervert." Neru laughed.

"...YOU AND YOUR PERVERTED FRICKIN' JOKES!" Len curled up in a ball.

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Neru grinned. A job well done. She could make money off someone's pain, and had an endless stock of jests. She tossed and caught her tape recorder. She poked Len, "Alright, I guess I'm sorry. I won't sell the tape...for less than ten bucks."

Len glared at her.

"Fine, I won't sell it at all."

"Delete it."

"I can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because I have nothing else to watch if the internet cuts out!"

Len glared poisonously. Neru flinched. "O-okay... I..."

Len sighed, "You can keep the frickin' tape. Just don't let me see it again."

"Okay."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Whatever."

"Whatev."

A long silence. Neru knew she couldn't ask Rin to just get Haku to take the water balloons and fangirls away, because Rin was still pissed. "So... what're you gonna tell Kaito?"

"Huh?"

"Well, you've gotta tell him something, after that kiss." Neru laughed.

Len turned red, "I'll tell him the truth."

"Really now?"

"Yup. End of story."

Neru leaned uncomfortably close to Len and opened her eyes wide, "That's a lot harder that it seems, ya know."

Len leaned back to avoid his creepy friend, "You really worry me sometimes, Neru."

Neru giggled, "Eh, it's fun."

Rin opened the door, and all three looked relieved. Rin smiled shyly, "Alright, Len, you're off the hook. Neru, stop being creepy."

"Wha-" Neru blinked at Rin's phone, which showed a live stream of the room, and laughed.

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He'd won the tsundere cactusloid over... right?

Kaito sat on the couch, shoveling ice cream at an unusual speed. He wondered what had caused he and Len to kiss. His thoughts were interupted by Len plopping down next to him with a half-eaten banana.

Kaito looked over, and put his ice cream aside, "Hi, Len."

Len was a little pinkish. Kaito snuck an arm over the back of the couch, trying to look casual. Len leaned a little closer, and looked up at him. The height difference made Len sort of girlish, which was cute. "Kaito..."

Kaito blinked. A memory flashed through his mind, reminding him how much he wanted Len. "Len..."

Len turned a deeper shade of pink, not yet red. He cursed under his breathe, "Shit, why is this so hard to tell you?"

Curious, Kaito laid a comforting arm around Len's shoulders. Len sighed and pushed him away, looked away. "Look... I'm sorry about earlier... I shouldn't have..."

"It's fine." Kaito smirked.

"It's not fine. I... I didn't mean to go that far. I was just gonna... well, I dunno. I had a bad day, I needed something. I just..."

Kaito leaned toward him, "Len, you don't have to apologize."

"But I do." Len blushed, "Because I didn't mean to kiss you. I'm sorry..."

Kaito frowned, "So... why did you?"

Len rubbed the back of his neck, "I, uh... I'm not sure."

Kaito heard a tape recorder. "Shut up, Neru! Today was a total mistake, okay! I was pissed at Rin, and some girl named Mako was staring at me all day, and Luka was being a bitch, and I tried to use Kaito to feel better!"

Len looked back, and Kaito followed his gaze to Neru, how grinning a truly evil grin and holding the recorder up. Len growled, "Bitch..."

Kaito leaned back, "So that's it, huh...?"

Len buried his face in his knees, "It's... this is so wrong..."

"No shit." Kaito picked his ice cream back up. "I'm amazed, though, that of all people I was your airbag."

"Eh..." Len was obviously blushing, Kaito could tell from his voice, "My problem was with girls, so..."

Kaito sighed, "I don't believe you."

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Len looked up, "What is there to not believe?"

"I don't believe... that I was your only option."

"Explain."

"Well, I know who you talked to today. There was Miku, Meiko, Haku, Neru, Sai, Iku, Akaito, Nero, Mikuo, Ted..."

"Miku is creepy. Meiko is an alchoholic. So is Haku, plus she's an emo. Neru's a bitch. Sai's too girlish. Iku... I won't mention how many issues that whore-maid has. Akaito's got no brain. Nero doesn't either. Mikuo is Miku an octave lower. Ted gets on my nerves. Like hell I would cuddle any of them, forget kisses."

Kaito rolled his eyes, "Given. Miku is sensitive. Meiko... um... I'll get to her later. Haku's a sweetheart. Neru's a cactusloid, as we discussed. Sai's also a sweetheart. Can't think of anything for Iku, either.. Akaito's good with girl problems. Nero is a little nicer than Neru... Mikuo is surprisingly insightful at times. And Ted... uh... I dunno. The point is, even if you were pissed at Rin and Luka and Mako, I wasn't your only option."

Len sighed, "What's your point?"

"My point is that there must've been something that made you kiss me of all people."

"And what would that be?"

"I think you actually like me." Kaito smirked.

Len hid his face again. He felt himself tremble, saw the hot water dripping from his eyes onto his knees. But this seemed too unreal. Everything that happened today was a lie. He wanted to believe that, but he couldn't. Nothing worked that way.

Kaito laid a hand on Len's shoulder, making the blonde flinch. Len gasped between the silent sobs, "Why... why is this so... so hard...? I can't even... tell... what I want... anymore..."

Kaito hugged Len. Len didn't think, but sobbed into the taller Vocaloid's jacket, "I don't want this... but I... I want you... anyway..."

Len felt Kaito's lips briefly brush the top of his head, "Love isn't for the faint-hearted..."

Was that a tear in his hair? Len looked up to see Kaito's eyes watering, yet that shadow of a smile was still there. Len leaned back and pressed close to Kaito. "So... I'm your tsundere cactusloid, huh?"

"If you'll be mine." Kaito replied softly.

"Of course, dumbass." Len laughed weakly.

The cursing seemed to help.

As usual, Neru appeared at the wrong and right time at once. She held her phone up, "Yo, Len! Guess what!"

Len glared at her.

"...Well, I just talked to the manager, and he says a ton of fans are requesting you and Kaito singing Magnet. You up for it?"

Len ran through the lyrics in his head.

Letting go of our partner's hand

We embrace in a passionate kiss

Yet if our love is unforgivable, then all the more

We become fired up

Len grinned weakly, "That'd be cool..."

Kaito cleared his throat, "Neru, Len's just had a nervous breakdown of sorts. I think it'd be best if you let him rest for a while before this concert."

Neru grinned chipperly, "Alright! Concert's at 8, don't be late!" she skipped away.

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I just want you to hold me, I want you to confirm for me

That the love we have is not some kind of a mistake

Kiss me on the lips, I want the world to change for me

Intoxicated by the love we share, let me drown in this moment!

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Finished :D I had no idea this fic was gonna be so epic XD And so long o_O As usual, no planning, so yeah.

Random fact: This was made while procrastinating on It. XD Yes, I even procrastinate on social suicides.

I dunno what I'll do next. My top three ideas are:

1. A retelling of something that happened to my homeschooling group, converted into Vocaloid stuff.

2. A random one-shot with about seven yaoi couples or so in it, maybe to follow up Love Roulette.

3. A Halloween fic :D