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could i have this dance
for the rest of my life
~anne murray
Her fingers curl against the back of his neck and she lifts up onto her toes, pressing her body into his and catching his quiet groan with her lips. She draws another one from him with the sweep of her tongue and a roll of her hips, Castle's hands fisting in the back of her jacket. Kate smiles into the kiss, a contented little hum vibrating at the base of her throat. The beat changed long ago - something driving that rattles the floor and echoes in her bones - but still they sway, caught up in the moment. In each other.
Kate feels the tension in her jacket release and then his hands sliding over her back. One arm snakes around her waist and she sighs, falling back down onto her heels. She sinks into Castle's chest when his other hand slips under her hair, fingers dipping into her collar and stroking along the side of her neck.
"Twelve inches, Mr. Rodgers."
Castle's watch catches in her hair as he jumps away from her with a yelp. Kate laughs, three fingers raising to press against her smile while she watches him squirm. As she listens to him get dressed down by his former principal, she can imagine it, what he would have been like at seventeen.
Dramatic and loud, full of the self-assurance bordering on arrogance that she used to hate but has, in spite of herself, come to find endearing. Attractive. Can see him as a ring leader, coercing his buddies into delinquency the same way he's goaded Ryan and Esposito dozens of times over the years. She can easily picture the look on his face when they got caught, wide eyed and slack jawed, melting under the harsh stare of authority. She knows that face well. Knows it as one she loves to the be cause of as he stares up at her from the bed, his cheeks pink and skin sweaty, arms straining against the custom leather cuffs she bought for their anniversary.
As silly as it makes her feel, she wishes she had known him back then.
Principal Dunnan stalks off and Castle's shoulders sag, his chin falling down to touch his chest. Still giggling, Kate steps closer to him and snakes her arms around his waist as she lifts up on her toes and rests her chin on his shoulder.
"Thanks for all the help," he says, turning his head toward her. "Really appreciate how you jumped right in there, Beckett."
"You're a big boy." He jumps when her fingers curl into the buttons of his shirt, the backs of her nails skimming over the soft skin just above his navel. "You were fine."
The edges of his mouth curl up as she bumps her hips against him, her body rolling suggestively. "Katherine Beckett, are you trying to seduce me?"
"Isn't that what prom is all about?" Her free hand slides down, the tips of her fingers running over the cool metal of his belt buckle. "Getting lucky after the dance?"
Castle grips her wrists, pulling her arms away from his body as he turns around to face her. His hands slide down hers until they're palm to palm and he curls his fingers, spreading hers apart and slipping into the empty spaces. Blinking slowly, he steps closer, his chest almost brushing hers with each deep inhalation.
"No," he murmurs, voice dangerously low. "It's about the experience. Spending weeks working up the courage to ask the prettiest girl in class to be your date and then another month agonizing over making it perfect for her." Castle pulls her arms around his waist, his own bent backwards as he still holds her hands. "Buying dresses and renting tuxedos. Having reservations for a fancy dinner that you're too nervous to eat. Being allowed to break your curfew so you can spend all night dancing and laughing with your friends. Making memories."
The music changes again, a slow pop song pouring out of the speakers, and he starts to rock them back and forth, his lips brushing over the curve of her cheek.
"It's about the butterflies in my stomach every time we dance and how I don't think I'll ever," he releases her hands, arms slipping around her middle as he pulls her closer, "get enough of holding you like this."
Kate sighs, her eyes fluttering closed. Cheek resting on his shoulder, she presses her hands tightly against the small of his back, the feel of him overwhelming her. Castle's heart thumps out a steady, familiar rhythm under her ear as they dance, slowly revolving on the spot. His lips brush her cheek again, light and dry and she smiles when he whispers softly into her ear.
"And, yeah, maybe it is a little bit about getting lucky after the dance. Which," he husks, "is why there is currently a limo waiting for us out front."
Pulling away, Kate looks up at him with a grin before lacing their fingers together and tugging him out of the gym and into the cool night air.
The hem of her dress brushes against the plush carpet as they sway, a gentle rustling that pulls up the hair along the back of her neck. Arms hooked under his, Kate clings to him, eyes closed and mouth parted against his open collar as she tries to soak it all in, memorize this moment. Tries to sear it into her mind, her skin, what it feels like to dance with her husband to nothing but the beat of their own hearts.
Castle's fingers trail up and down her back, gliding smoothly over the silk bodice of her dress. He starts to hum, the notes rumbling softly in his throat, and she shivers, the tips of her fingers pressing into his shoulder blades. She can feel him grinning against her temple and she smiles back, smudging her lips over the gentle vibration of his adam's apple. They've been married for four hours.
The four most perfect hours of her life.
They haven't stopped touching one another since she joined him at the altar, since her dad passed her hand over to Castle with a smile tilting at his mouth and tears shimmering in his eyes. She can barely recall the ceremony, her only clear memories the vows he spoke to her and the way his hand shook when he slid the ring onto her finger. And the kiss. Oh, the kiss. How he cradled her face so tenderly in his palms, his thumbs brushing the tears from her cheeks as he whispered his love across her lips. She knows it's only her imagination but in that moment - he tasted brand new to her, fresh and clear and wonderful.
Castle dips his head, presses his nose into the curve of her neck. Goosebumps rise up out of her skin as his breath washes over her, warm and soft . His song fades away, the vibration under her cheek slowing until all she can feel is the steady pound of his heart.
Kate slides her hands down his back, over the curve of his ribs, slipping around until her palms rest flat against the broad plane of his chest. She thumbs open the buttons of his dress shirt, the fabric having long since gone limp from the heat of his body, and lifts her face to him, smiling. The look in his eyes shocks her for a moment, stealing her breath the same way it always does when he gazes at her with so much unbridled love and devotion.
Rising to her toes, Kate presses her lips to the corner of his mouth. Castle's fingers find the zipper of her dress when she sucks his bottom lip between her own with a soft whimper. He tastes like champagne and cake and she can't stop the smile when she thinks about why. The back of her dress parts and his hands slip inside, coasting over her skin as he helps her out of the bodice.
She watches him lay the dress across a chair, his touch reverent and lingering, before he turns back to her with heat in his eyes and a flush on his cheeks. His hands, wide and strong, circle her waist as he dips to kiss her again, guiding her backward until the edge of the bed brushes against the backs of her thighs. Stepping out of her heels, Kate climbs onto the mattress, her fingers fisted in the open side of his shirt as she pulls him down with her. Slowly, they move, bodies caught up in a rhythm, dancing to a song playing only for them.
The soles of her feet stick a little to the hardwood floor as she rocks from side to side, the loose belt of her robe brushing along her bare thighs. She hums while she moves, an aimless little tune that vibrates against her ribs, echoes inside her closed mouth. Lightly, she rests her cheek against the top of the baby's head, one hand snug under her daughter's bottom and the other rubbing circles over her tiny back. The baby fell asleep a good ten minutes of swaying ago and Kate knows she should put her back in the crib and try to get some rest of her own but she can't bring herself to do it.
Three months. Three months of being with her daughter almost constantly; watching her grow and change, seeing her personality develop, bonding with her during four am feedings and mid-afternoon naps. Three months of maternity leave and now it's over.
It's not enough.
Kate sighs, looking out through the window at the nearly empty street below. She loves this time of night, the wee small hours when it feels like she's the only person awake, like she alone is in on some wonderful secret. A tiny hand fists in the collar of Kate's robe and she smiles. Not alone.
"You havin' a dance party and didn't invite me?"
Definitely not alone.
Castle walks up behind her, his chest warm against her back, arms looping around her waist. She leans into him, lets his body cradle hers as he picks up her rhythm. He presses a kiss to her temple, another to the top of the baby's head, the smack of his lips muffled by her shock of dark brown hair. Kate continues to hum quietly, her eyes falling shut.
"You don't have to go back yet, you know."
Laughing under her breath, she turns her head to look at him, hair rustling against the soft blue cotton of his t-shirt. One finger stroking softly over the sole of her tiny foot, Castle stares down at the baby and Kate feels her heart melt for the hundredth time that day. She doesn't want to give this up, these moments with them. She wants to spend all her days watching her husband fall in love with their daughter over and over again.
"What, you gonna be my sugar daddy?"
Castle lets out a mock scandalized gasp. "Not in front of the baby, Beckett." Kate chuckles, turning around to face him. She tucks herself into his chest, the baby held snugly between them. "I'm serious," he says, his hand on her back mimicking the circles she was so recently making on their daughter's. "You don't have to go back yet if you're not ready, Kate. No one is going to think any less of you for wanting more time with Anjelica."
"I know that," she says, brushing her nose against Anjelica's forehead. The baby grunts, her legs shifting against Kate's ribs. "But if I don't go back now, I might not ever."
"Would that be such a bad thing?"
She sighs. "Rick."
Castle smiles at her, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I know," he says, fingers toying with one of the slack satin belt loops at her waist. "Besides, my job is kind of dependent on yours. I'd hate to have to try to break in a new muse this late in the game."
Kate rolls her eyes and he laughs, arms tightening around her back. Gently, he starts to turn, angling them toward the bedroom. She shakes her head, pushes against his chest with her palm.
"Not yet."
"You need to get some sleep," Castle says, his voice gentle. "It may only be a half day but you're going to need your energy."
"In a minute, okay?" She looks up at him, the hand on his chest sliding up to cup the back of his neck. "I just - need another minute."
Castle nods and Kate lets her head fall to his shoulder. Closing her eyes, she presses her nose to the top of Anjelica's head, breathing in the baby powder scent of her. Gently, Castle starts to shift his weight from foot to foot, falling once again into a familiar rhythm. As they sway back and forth together in the yellow glow of the street lamps, sleeping baby clutched tightly between their bodies, Kate sinks into him, finally starting to relax. She can do it. She can slip on her badge and strap on her gun and go to work. Can chase down killers and work to make her city safe. She can do it.
As long as she has this, her husband and her daughter, to come home to, she can do it.
Bubbles tickle the back of her throat as she sips at a glass of champagne, her body vibrating lightly to the beat of the music. Kate sits at a table on the edge of the dance floor, her shoes kicked off and hair starting to fall out of the knot she'd twisted it into for the ceremony. Guests pack the parquet floor, a writhing mass of bodies dancing to some pop song she's about ten years too old to recognize.
She can see Castle at the corner of the stage, Anjelica propped on his hip as he talks to a short, round man with headphones hanging from his neck. The DJ nods and Anjelica claps her hands, squirming to be let down as the music changes, an old Elvis tune suddenly floating on the air. Some of the dancers fall away and Kate watches her daughter lead her husband out onto the floor, brown curls bouncing as she skips ahead of him.
Stopping right in the middle, Anjelica turns to face Castle, short little arms raised over her head. He offers his hands and she grips them, her small fists barely circling the first two fingers on each. Carefully, Anjelica climbs up onto Castle's feet and then beams up at him as he steps forward, dancing them around the floor.
"I think that's possibly the most adorable thing I've ever seen."
Kate looks up and sees Alexis easing into the chair next to hers, her smile wide. The newly placed rings on her left hand catch the light when she reaches for a flute of champagne, grinning even as she drinks. Kate watches her, a warm knot of affection in the middle of her chest.
"They practised," she says as Castle makes a turn and her daughter squeals in delight. "She thought father-daughter dance meant - she's not quite old enough to understand that everything isn't about her," she apologizes but Alexis waves her off.
"She's barely four, Kate. It's completely understandable. Plus, look how cute they are." Alexis goes quiet for a long moment, eyes trained on her father and sister. "I don't mind sharing," she says eventually, the him going unspoken.
The song ends, replaced smoothly by something with a driving beat. Anjelica hops off Castle's feet and starts to dance on her own, an energetic flailing that her father mimics, his hair flopping down over his forehead. Alexis laughs when she hears Anjelica shout her name, gesturing wildly. Gracefully, she slips out of the chair and meets them on the dance floor, the train of her dress fanning out behind her. Castle waves at her and Kate stands, sliding back into her heels and taking another gulp of champagne before striding out to dance with her family.
Blue and green streamers hang from the ceiling, fluttering gently when the air conditioning noisily kicks on. Kate leans back against the brick wall, arms crossed over her chest and eyes scanning the clumps of teenagers scattered around the gymnasium.
"Under the Sea is such a cliche theme," Castle says, staring up at the decorations. "You'd think they'd have come up with something a little more original by now."
"It's an eighth grade dance, Castle."
"So? Being in eighth grade isn't an excuse for uninspired party planning."
Kate ignores him, craning her neck to peer into the corner of the gym where Anjelica and her group of friends have congregated. She watches as a boy, tall and skinny with floppy blond hair and a shy smile, walks up to her daughter and holds out his hand. Giggling, Anjelica takes it and follows him out into the middle of the gym.
"Watch the hands, kid," Kate mutters under her breath as the boy grips her daughter's waist and stars to rock from side to side. Anjelica's hair, long brown curls so much like her own, falls forward as she dips her head, smiling shyly.
"Oh, I recognize that move," Castle whispers, bumping her shoulder with his and nodding at their daughter. "You've taught her well. That kid's a goner."
"I haven't taught her anything."
"Beckett, she's biting her lip. She totally learned that from you." Kate pushes off the wall, arms falling down to her sides as she steps forward. Castle's hand grips her wrist, pulling her to a stop. "Calm down," he says, tugging until she turns to face him. "They're just dancing."
"I don't like it," she huffs as Castle shifts his grip to her hand, moving it up to rest on his chest while wrapping his other arm around her waist. He starts to dance, spinning them around in a slow circle on the spot. She can feel his chest vibrating underneath her palm and looks up, sees the lines radiating out from the corners of his eyes as he silently laughs at her. "Shut up."
"I just think it's funny that you, the former Rebel Becks, are the one freaking out about this. It's refreshing."
Sliding her free hand from his shoulder to his neck, Kate grips his earlobe lightly between her thumb and index finger. "Like you don't want to run over there and scoop her up to dance on top of your feet like she used to do when she was four," she says, eyebrow raised.
Castle shrugs and she pinches his ear, the corners of his smile collapsing as he winces and then concedes. "Fine. I do. I want to take her home and put her in her pajamas and watch Mary Poppins until she passes out on the couch and I have to carry her up to bed." The hand around hers tightens. "But I can't. We can't. She's growing up, Kate. Dances and dating are all just part of the process."
Kate lets go of his ear, leans in to rest her head on his shoulder. She stares out at the makeshift dance floor, at her daughter in her dark green dress and kitten heels, can clearly make out the brightness in her eyes and the pink of her cheeks even from such a distance. She sighs, heart clenching.
"I don't like it," she repeats.
Castle chuckles. "Welcome to the club. And because I love you, I will refrain from bringing up all those times I came to you for advice about Alexis and was met with extreme amounts of smugness and sarcasm."
Heat burning in her cheeks, Kate squeezes the back of his neck in apology. His lips brush her forehead and she holds him close, focuses for just a moment on the feeling of his body pressed against hers. "Shut up and dance with me, Castle."
Thank you for reading. Your thoughts and comments are always greatly appreciated.