Peter Burke sat down on his sofa with his wife wrapped in his arms.
It was forty-seven minutes past eleven at night and the happily married couple were enjoying a quiet night to themselves.
"This is so nice, Peter. Just sitting here with nothing to worry about and knowing my husband is safe. Especially after everything that has happened in the last few days. I was so worried. " Elizabeth said softly, as she kissed her husband lightly on the lips. Peter nodded. "Yes, Honey this is very nice. And I'm fine. You never need to worry." They shared one more kiss before turning their attention back to the program on the television they were watching.
They were both exhausted. Peter from the physical strain and Elizabeth from emotional stress. Three days ago, Peter and Neal had been assigned a simple mortgage fraud case, but when was the last time a case turned out to be easy? When the agent and his consultant went to apprehend their suspect, the menacing man decided the best way to get out of his arrest was to take a shot at Peter. His plan failed miserably as did the bullet he fired from the barrel of his weapon. Unbeknownst to Neal, Peter wore a bullet proof vest due to Hughes' request, which stopped the bullet inches from his chest. Peter simply hadn't told his consultant because he saw no need. Later, he would wish he had.
Peter and Elizabeth were startled by the piercing ring of Peter's phone.
"Burke."
"Agent Burke. It's Jones. I thought you would like to know that Caffrey's anklet went off. But it was only off for a minute at most." Jones relayed over the phone. Peter sighed frustrated that the younger agent would call him over such a thing.
"It was probably just an accident, Jones. Nothing to worry about." Peter assured.
"Yes, but…. It went off over ten minutes ago and he is still there." Jones replied.
"So, he is probably in somewhere having a drink, Jones. Now, if you don't mind I'm going to continue the nice, quiet night with my wife. Bye, Jones." Peter said with a sigh.
"But Peter! Wait!" Jones yelled loudly so the agent wouldn't hang up.
"What is it Jones?" Peter was angry now. He saw no point in worrying about Neal's location.
"He is standing on the corner of Inman and 11th street. There is nothing out there except abandon buildings and drifters. That's the end of his radius." Peter felt all his anger and frustration dissipate and be replaced with anxiety.
"Okay. I'll check on him. Thanks Jones." Peter said and hung up the phone. He looked at Elizabeth and saw the puzzled yet worried expression on her face.
"Neal has been standing on the corner of Inman and 11th street for over ten minutes." Peter explained as he dialed Neal's number on his phone and held it to his ear waiting for the conman's charismatic voice to filter through the phone with some explanation that Peter would roll his eyes at. But it never came. Three more tries later, the only voice Peter heard was Neal's recorded message for voicemail. He sighed as concern and worry spread throughout his features. Elizabeth was already standing up from the couch. "Peter, go check on him. That area is really bad at night! I'll wait up. Call me and let me know that he is alright." She said as Peter stood up and put his casual jacket on.
"Alright." Peter kissed his wife and left.
The car ride wasn't long, but it felt like an eternity to Peter. His mind kept playing through horrible scenarios that might be the reason behind all of this. He would shoo them away and try to be angry at the consultant for ruining his nice night with his wife, but the anger just wouldn't stick leaving only worry remaining. Pulling onto Inman, he felt relief flood through him when he saw a skinny figure standing on the corner. He parked the car on the side or the road and made his way toward Neal. As he walked up behind the young man he called his name, so he wouldn't startle him, but the conman's reaction was not what Peter had expected. Neal's head turned quickly towards Peter, but just as quickly as it turned toward Peter it turned back to the front and Neal started to run.
Peter noticed the reaction all to well. The way Neal's head turned and the way his body rocked back as his right leg was lifted up. Neal was going to run. Neal's right foot touched the outside of his radius but before his left foot made it to the unfamiliar ground, strong arms wrapped around him and threw him backwards. Neal was startled. He stumbled back a few steps before becoming still and staring at the man who stopped his escape.
Peter was furious. His expression unnerved Neal which only broke the young man even more. He tried to find his voice but he came up empty. Silence fell over the duo as they stood about fifteen feet apart. Peter's glare cut into Neal like a sharp knife, his chest heaving up and down from his sudden movement and anger. Neal stood on shaky legs not visible to the agent with his head hung low so his eyes wouldn't meet Peter's. He jumped slightly when Peter's voice carried through the air.
"Why?"
Neal kept his head down. He put his hands in his pockets, partly to warm them and partly to hide the tremors that shook them. He never answered.
"Why?" Peter asked more sternly.
Neal swallowed and for a brief second lifted his eyes towards Peter but immediately dropped them never fully meeting Peter's gaze.
"Answer me, damn it!" Peter yelled from his stance fifteen feet away.
Neal flinched as the harshly spoke words were thrown at him. He still couldn't find his voice and stood still. This only angered Peter more, if that was possible. He took long strides towards Neal. His calloused hands grasped small but muscular biceps and pushed the conman against a brick wall of an abandon building.
"Why the hell are you trying to run? After all this time! After everything we've been through! Why, Neal?" Peter yelled at the younger man as he shook him. Neal stood there with his head turned to the side, sinking back into the brick wall, trying to get as far away from Peter as possible.
Peter felt the younger man shuddering beneath his grasp. Whether it was from the cold or fear, Peter wasn't sure. But when Neal turned his head to the right into the glow of the street lamp, Peter saw a few tears welling in the younger man's eyes. Peter loosened his grip, afraid that the tears were a result of some pain he had caused his consultant.
Neal felt Peter's fingers loosen and took that time to quickly push Peter away from him and start towards where he was once going to run. But again, he felt strong arms wrap around him and hold him in place. Bracing himself for another hard impact against a brick wall he tensed, but when it never came he looked warily at the older man who was holding him back. Peter bit his lip as he glared at Neal. He turned Neal around to face him and tightened his fingers around the small but strong arms in his grasp.
"Look at me." Peter said in a dangerously low tone. Neal didn't comply. Peter shook him.
"Look. At. Me." Peter left no room for objection. Neal slowly let his eyes meet Peter's.
Peter still held onto the conman keeping his angered glare on him as well.
"Answer my question. Why are you trying to run?"
"I….I don't know." Neal's voice sounded distant and childlike.
"Don't lie to me." Peter said sternly.
"Let me go." Neal said as he wriggled against Peter's hold. He felt trapped and vulnerable. His breathing became more frantic.
"No. Not until you answer me." Peter said flatly, not caring about the sudden panic or desperation Neal was experiencing.
"I told you! I don't know. Now let me go!" Neal yelled at the agent. Peter shook his head.
"Bull. You know better than to run without a reason and to think I'd actually believe that. Tell me the truth." Peter said. Neal stopped moving but never answered.
"Look, I'm going to let you go. But don't you dare try to run again. I will take you in and do this by the book which will get you sent back to prison. Do you understand?" Neal nodded and Peter hesitantly let go of Neal. Neal jumped back a step but no farther.
"Now tell me what in the world is going on in that head of yours." Peter said with less anger than before.
"I-I just…..I don't know…two days ago….when that guy shot you…. I…. I thought that….." Neal stopped not wanting to continue this conversation.
"You thought what, Neal? Go on." Peter encouraged.
"I thought he killed you! I thought you were dead! You should've been! He shot you right in the chest! You fell to the ground and everything! All I could do was just stand there. I couldn't stop him from hurting you, from killing you! Everything stopped. I couldn't feel anything. It was just like watching Kate die all over again. Except this time….." Neal was in a rant. But stopped when his mind told him he'd said more than he wanted to.
"Except what?" Peter asked stunned at Neal's outburst but curious. "Except this time what?"
"Except this time…. Except this time it felt so much worse. I didn't think it was possible to feel anything worse than what I felt when I watched Kate die! But there is! It's watching YOU die, Peter! I was numb and frozen and in one sudden rush I was so angry, more angry than I have ever been! I felt so….so….. furious! I wanted to…. I wanted to kill him, Peter! I wanted to end his life for taking yours! I was so angry!" Neal was pacing and pulling at his hair as he yelled. "Then I looked back at you….and you were standing up, smiling at Jones, as you moved your shirt to show him the vest you were wearing! You weren't dead! But no matter that fact, I was still so angry, so furious, so…..so…scared." Neal whispered the last word but Peter still heard it.
"Scared of what?" Peter asked softly as he closed the gap between himself and his now trembling consultant.
"Scared of…losing you. Of losing myself. Of myself. There's no telling what I would have done if you actually died. Peter, I would have killed him! I would've been sent back to prison for life! But….. none of that would even matter. You would be dead and I…..I can't deal with that! I can't go through that again! I lost Kate! I've lost everyone I've ever cared about except Mozzie. I can't lose you Peter! I can't go through it again. I won't." Neal slid down the wall and sat on the sidewalk and buried his head in his hands.
Peter stood there shocked.
He sighed and sat down next to Neal, wrapping an arm around the younger man.
"Neal, first off. I'm very much alive. I'm not dead. I'm right here. And second, I'm glad you couldn't do anything to stop him or the bullet. I would never want you to put yourself in danger or die for me. You are my responsibility, not the other way around. It's my job to protect you. And I know there's no way you could've killed that man. No matter what he did. That's not you! You aren't going to lose me Neal. You are stuck with me for over two more years and hopefully some more years after that if you behave."
Neal was looking at Peter. Hoping Peter was telling him the truth.
"And I know why you were attempting to run."
Neal looked quizzically at the older man.
"Because you think that if you run, those feelings you had or have, all that anger, sadness or fear you feel will just go away. But Neal, you can't run from that! It will always be right there, if you never deal with it." Peter said as he tapped Neal's chest. "And deep down you and I both know that you don't want to run."
"H-how do you know that?" Neal asked as he stared at his feet.
"Well, because you're THE Neal Caffrey and this was a poor attempt at running." Peter laughed but only got a smirk from Neal.
"Because you stood here for over twenty minutes at the end of your leash, debating on running. You put your left foot over the line and brought it right back and stood there. You didn't want to run." Peter said as he looked at Neal who was still looking at the ground.
"The only reason you came here was because conmen, people who go on the run, those people never forget how to run. It is always their first instinct when fear takes over. It's the first thought that goes through their head. They plan an escape." Peter stated. Neal slowly nodded in agreement.
"You never forget how to run, Neal. But you do start forgetting the reasons why you do." Peter paused a few seconds. "And that's why you are still here. You know there's no reason to run. It won't change anything. The only thing you need to escape from is this." Peter tapped the side of Neal's head causing Neal to give a small laugh.
"But Peter, I…. " Neal started to say but the agent cut him off.
"You're scared, Neal. I get it. Your afraid of committing to this partnership, this …..family, because you think that it will just be taken away from you like Kate was. But I'm telling you it isn't! Elizabeth and I and even Mozzie would never walk out on you, we will never leave you, Neal. You can't push everyone away, especially not the people who really care about you. Okay?" Peter said as his voice took on a parental tone.
Neal stared at him before nodding and taking a deep breath. "Okay."
"Good. Now, I really think we need to get out of here because there has been a homeless man peeking around the corner watching us and not in a way I'm comfortable with." Peter whispered in Neal's ear as he tightened his arm around the younger man.
Peter stood up and held out a hand to help Neal. Once standing, Neal looked at Peter with a mischievous grin.
"Which way would you prefer for him to look at you, Peter?"
"Oh shut up and get in the car!" Peter grumbled as he shoved Neal towards his vehicle.
Once Neal was in the passenger seat he leaned his on the window and closed his eyes as everything, all the emotions and sleepless nights, from the past three days caught up with him. He felt a dull ache starting to form in his temples. He heard Peter get in and start the car. He was relieved that the older man didn't start a conversation. He just wasn't up to it but when he saw that Peter didn't turn down the road to June's he asked, "Where are we going, Peter?"
"My house. Your second home." Peter teased. He looked over at Neal and saw that the younger man's eyes were closed. Figuring he was asleep, he was startled when Neal spoke urgently.
"Stop the car!"
"Neal-"
"Peter, stop the car now!" Neal yelled. Peter looked at him in utter shock to find a greenish tint to the conman's skin. He understood. He stopped the car abruptly. Neal immediately opened the door and fell to his knees and retched. He never heard Peter come up to him, but felt a hand on his back and knew it belonged to Peter. After a few more minutes of vomiting and dry heaving, Neal sat up and wiped his mouth with his handkerchief.
"Are you good?" Peter asked, an edge of concern in his voice.
"Yes. Sorry, but my head is killing me." Neal replied out of breath. He pulled his legs into the car and Peter shut the door, before getting in on the driver's side once more.
"It's okay. We will be there in a few minutes and you can take some medicine and get some rest. But not before Elizabeth mother hens you. Which reminds me I should have called her. Oops!" Peter said.
They pulled in front of the house five minutes later. Peter got out and walked around to the passenger's side, opening the door. Neal had fallen asleep so the agent gently shook him.
"Hey, Neal. Neal. Wake up. We're home." Peter coaxed.
"Neal groaned and reluctantly opened his eyes.
"Head still hurt?" Peter asked as Neal got out of the car. When Neal swayed on unsteady feet, Peter grabbed him and guided him into the house.
"I'll take that as a yes."
Once they were in the front door Elizabeth rushed to them.
"Oh thank goodness you boys are home! I was so worried! Peter you were supposed to call me." Elizabeth said in a loud voice making Neal wince. Both of the Burkes noticed.
"He has a migraine." Peter said and let Elizabeth walk him over to the couch. Peter went and retrieved some pain medicine for Neal to take.
Elizabeth sat down on the couch with Neal.
"Lay down, Neal." He did as he was told and Elizabeth made sure his head rested comfortably in her lap. She ran her fingers through his hair soothingly.
"Here you go, Buddy." Peter said handing two tiny capsules and a cup of water to his consultant. Neal took them and laid back down. Elizabeth continued to run her hand through Neal's hair. Once he was asleep, which took mere seconds, she looked up at Peter who stood over them watching Neal sleep.
"So what was wrong with him? Surely a headache wouldn't cause all this." Elizabeth said in a hushed tone. Peter chuckled.
"No. The headache occurred on the way home. No…. He was running." Peter said with a sigh, his eyes still on Neal taking in how childish the boy looked in his sleep.
"Running? Neal wouldn't run. Where was he running to?" She asked.
Peter smiled.
"He was running to his family." He looked up at Elizabeth and knew that she finally understood.
He sat down beside his wife and watched as she played with Neal's hair and watched the younger man who now looked to be about seven years old, sleep. He took in a deep breath and finally relaxed knowing all his family was safe.
AN: My mind is plauged by random White Collar ideas... haha By the way I'm geeked out right now about next week's new episode! :)