Existe valentia em ser bondoso. Em ser suave.
Eu nunca havia entendido isso.
Mas agora eu consigo ver claramente.
É fácil ser bruto, estar o tempo todo na defensiva.
Usar garras e presas, armas.
Mas é difícil deixar tudo ir.
Se despir dos sentimentos ruins.
É por isso que, quando você o faz, você se torna forte.
Você está nu numa fronte de batalha.
Soft.
Everything was soft with Laurens.
It was like all his energy and enthusiamsm in the 'battlefield' would transform in delicate movements, in a low voice and in toughtful touches.
From the loud streets and the burning protests to the careful rocking on the nursery.
Alexander had stolen the rocking chair again.
He was sleeping, mouth agape and drool running down his chin. Such a gorgeous vision.
He failed in his job again, at least in one of them. The hand was still holding the bottle, that was probably could now.
He was tired, and she could not blame him. His lasts cases at work were exausthing him.
So, blessed be Laurens and his calm, his softness and his ability soothing a baby.
Eliza runned her hand down her messy hair after that short date with the pillow, and then let them go through her clear night gown, ajusting the thin fabric in her body, that was ajusting itself with the end of the recent pregnancy.
She tried to approach Laurens, slowly.
She did not want to interrupt that moment, that being so ordinarily commom was even magical.
She did not want to interrupt because she knew how to share. She likes sharing, she discovered over the years.
She never imagined that she could be satisfied sharing the Alexander's attention, but, thank god she did that.
Her husband was an endless source of hapiness, sadness and pleasure. And, endless as it was...
She liked having Laurens so close.
Because he was sweet when Alex could be so abrasive.
Because he could sit with her and talk about the day, when sometimes Alex was way too tired for this.
Maybe she was enough. Maybe he was.
But, only the two of then together... Could make it work.
In the end, she only touched his shoulder, a small tap.
It could mean 'good job'. Or 'thank you for doing this to me.' or 'thank you for the potatoes, they were delicious.' or even 'please don't forget to come back to bed.'
Maybe all of it at once.
He would understand.
She walked to her sleeping husband and pulled him by the arm, taking all of the baby itens from him.
One day he would learn how to take care of Philip. One day.
Eliza held the drowsy Hamilton close to her side.
And kissed Laurens cheek before leaving.
That also mean things he would understand.
It could mean 'don't forget putting Pip's gloves back.'
Or maybe...
'We are alike. We have fury and strenght. We can fight for what we want. We can face the adversities. But we are... Soft.'
Or even...
'I love you'.
A aceitação é a palavra chave daqueles que ainda não conseguem amar.