"I've gotta go." Her last words had killed him. You told me once that I could tell you anything.
She watched him walk away for a moment as a tear rolled down her cheek. "No," she said quietly, but loud enough for him to hear.
"What?" Toby replied, stopping in his tracks and turning to face her. He took a few wary steps back towards her.
"You're always going. Stay."
"Spencer, I can't." He responded sternly.
"Why?" She absolutely hated that his way of dealing with conflict was to run, but as much as she disliked it, she would usually let him go and discuss the issue tomorrow. But this time was different. She was fed up with him always leaving her when she was so visibly and emotionally rattled. She loathed how vulnerable he made her feel, but she couldn't help it. "We need to talk."
"I…I need to think about all of this," he stuttered. He took in a deep breath as an attempt to maintain his composure, which was quickly disintegrating. "And I'd rather not break down in front of you."
Spencer scoffed. "As I'm standing here a mess and crying."
He looked away from her quickly, practically wincing at her words. After a moment he replied, "That's why I'd break down." He launched his head into the palms of his hands. He hated seeing her cry, especially when he was the reason behind it. He was such an asshole.
An overload of emotions temporarily paused any dialogue between the two of them for a long minute before Toby finally spoke up. "You know I don't run away to hurt you. I do it because…it's just what I've always done." He stumbled over the last part, unsure of exactly when this awful habit of his had started.
Spencer shook her head. "I know your intention isn't to hurt me but that doesn't mean you don't," she replied honestly.
He crossed his arms atop his head in frustration. Why was he always hurting her? "I'm sorry for that." I'm a total asshole, he thought.
She nodded. "I know you are." And she really did know that he was sorry for hurting her. She could see it in eyes. In the way he moved. She shivered as a gust of wind swept through the air, reminding her that they were still standing outside of the brew. "Can we continue this upstairs?" She silently begged him with her eyes to agree to this.
He nodded. He didn't want to upset her any more than he already had tonight and was bound to do when they continued this conversation upstairs.
They managed to dodge all of the people downstairs and make their way up the steps to his apartment.
Toby unlocked his door and they both stepped in. "Do you want something to drink or anything?" Toby asked, attempting to lessen the tension in the room at least a little bit.
"No, I'm okay." Spencer replied, stepping cautiously into the apartment and sitting down on the couch. She hated how they were walking around on eggshells with each other. She just had to let out what was on her mind. "So," she started, looking over at him.
"So," He replied, taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch.
"So what am I supposed to do from now on?" She questioned. "Filter what I tell you?"
Toby was taken by surprise with the sudden jump in conversation and cleared his throat. "Well, you wouldn't have to filter anything if you stopped doing illegal things, like corrupting evidence in a murder investigation, for example."
She took a deep breath. "Toby," she started. "I helped Caleb destroy the knife because I didn't want him or you to be framed for any of this, which really seems probable considering they already searched Mona's house like a hundred times and it's been almost four months since it happened."
"Yes, but someone was recently arrested for the murder, prompting another search."
Toby noticed that Spencer didn't quite know what to say and continued, "Remember how I told you that I talked to Alison yesterday?" His tone of voice and composure had significantly calmed down from minutes before.
"Yeah," Spencer nodded. "Unfortunately."
"Well, I'm not…I mean, she could still very well be guilty, but…I'm not…100% sure. The other day, she brought up how I know what it feels like to be chained and locked up for something I didn't do and so I thought that if that knife had any trace of Alison's DNA than we would know for sure and-"
"Toby, you seriously can't tell me that you actually believe a word that comes out of her mouth, right?" She interrupted, shifting her position on the couch to face her boyfriend. "Her lies were the reason you were put there in the first place! She's trying to manipulate you…not trying, succeeding, apparently."
He knew she would react like this. "Can you not talk down to me like that? I realize that she could be making it up, but a part of me doesn't think she is. Believe it or not, there's still no solid evidence that proves she's involved with the murder. We need more evidence than Jason's word and blonde hair seen on that video." He paused, looking straight into her chocolate brown eyes. "And you might have destroyed that evidence today."
"I'm sorry we don't agree, but I would still make the same decision right now if I had to do it over."
Toby looked down, unsure of what to say. This wasn't a typical 'agree to disagree' situation that most couples went through. No, this was a situation that involved matters of the law and legal and illegal actions.
"Don't act like you never did anything like this," Spencer continued, her voice beginning to waver. "We've done a lot of things that weren't right morally, but we had to do them because by some unfortunate turn of the universe we've been wronged over and over and over again."
Oh, no, Toby thought. He didn't know if he could handle seeing more tears stream down her face tonight.
She kept going, pausing momentarily to take a breath. "And we've made a few mistakes, too. I know that the universe doesn't deserve all of the blame, but I like to believe I'm still a good person. At least I wish I were. It's just…hard when there's people out there framing you…you have to always be on the lookout and keep your guard up all the time…you know what that's like."
"I know, Spence. It's not fair and this will end soon, I know it will. You're going to go off to college next fall and this will all be behind you." He shifted closer to her on the couch, his jeans barely grazing her white dress. "You are a good person," he nudged her with his leg. "You're the best one I know."
She took a shaky breath. "The theory is…that once this is all over, we will do the right thing in situations like these because we won't have to worry about A or somebody screwing us over. In my mind, that knife had your prints on it. I was just trying to protect you." She admits, leaning her head on his shoulder.
"I get it. That's why I became a cop, remember?" He smiled and chuckled slightly, despite the situation. "That doesn't mean I can break the rules, though. I have to honor the force I pledged into, or I'll get fired or worse."
He leaned down and pressed a light kiss to her forehead. "The only thing on my mind when I saw that knife, after I processed it and everything, was attempting to prove Alison guilty, so hopefully whatever Ali's threats may be to get you and the girls locked up with her is put to rest…I really didn't like what she said to me the other day about you guys joining her soon. Bluff or no bluff."
He slung his arm around her shoulder, allowing her to reposition her head on his chest as she sighed. Was there a word stronger than complicated? Because she couldn't even think of a word to accurately describe her and Toby's current debacle.
"So what happens the next time?" Spencer questioned quietly, fairly afraid of her boyfriend's response.
After a long moment, he responded, "I think…well…it depends on the situation, of course," Toby stuttered, unsure of what to say. "But we should be honest with each other next time. We're both at fault there."
"Yes…not our best display of communication skills," Spencer almost laughed. "But how are we supposed to be honest with each other if I can't tell you certain things?" She asked, shifting her body in order to sit up straight and look over at him.
Toby sighed. He felt like screaming. He didn't know what to say. They were going in circles. "I…don't know." He thought that this discouraging response might make her leave. Or make her start arguing again. But instead she did something he wasn't expecting. She simply laid her head back down on his chest and cuddled into his side.
How do you break a circle?
Still recovering from that episode on Tuesday. Ugh Toby just does not seem like the same Toby from season 1 or even season 3. I get that his way of dealing with things is to get space, but how can you leave Spencer fricken Hastings crying in the street? Anyway, I can't wait for the episode Tuesday although it looks like Spoby might be getting into another fight! :( But honestly, they have a really hard situation going on and it makes for a good story. I just hope they work it out! Thanks for reading if you did and it would be awesome if you reviewed!