DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS, NOR AM I MAKING ANYTHING OUT OF THIS APART FROM MY OWN ENTERTIANMENT
Thorin managed to fit a brief smile of satisfaction into his busy day. The wedding preparations were coming on well: the date had been decided, invitations were being drawn up and dispatched to various guests, and his husband-to-be was settling very nicely into Erabor. Bilbo hadn't been too impressed to begin with. He had found the long stone halls lonely and oppressive, and he became morose from lack of sunlight. He also couldn't bear the sight of the gold – it stirred up awful memories that both he and Thorin wanted buried forever.
Bilbo's dislike of his homeland had caused Thorin much distress and worry. He wanted, no, needed the halfling by his side. He doubted he would have survived the stab wound from Azog without that warm spirit always by his side holding him together. Now he was cured from the dragon sickness, he knew that Bilbo was the most precious gold he could ever desire. But Thorin feared that his hobbit was missing the Shire. What if his love for Thorin turned sour for keeping him from it? He had told Bilbo he was free to leave, but Bilbo had completely misinterpreted his meaning and thought Thorin wanted rid of him. His anguish both broke and completed Thorin's heart because he realised Bilbo loved him as he loved Bilbo. Thorin had abruptly ceased Bilbo's tears by getting down on his knees to propose there and then. Bilbo's jaw had dropped and he looked so funny Thorin burst out laughing. Then Bilbo stared even more because he had never heard Thorin laugh and it was more beautiful than he had ever imagined. Needless to stay, the answer was yes and the whole kingdom celebrated. It was wonderful to witness joy after so much darkness and death.
But the problem was still there. Bilbo stayed and suffered, and Thorin suffered from Bilbo's suffering. He discussed the issue with Balin, who displayed astonishing perception by knowing exactly what do. He told Thorin to tell Bilbo stories about his time growing up in Erabor, which he did walking hand-in-hand with his fiancé down the magnificent halls. He shared his love for his home to such an extent that it began to grow inside Bilbo. Then Thorin selected a set of rooms near his own and closest to the mountain surface, furnishing them like Bag End with help from the rest of the company. They worked together to cut out huge wide windows that made it possible to see the whole surrounding country. These windows caught the sun for most of the day, making the rooms bright and airy. Bilbo loved it, and soon he came to love Erabor as much as any dwarf did.
So now everything was perfect and Thorin had never felt such contentment in all his life. He was King under the Mountain and was about to marry the love of his life. Such was his joy that he barely noticed Bard, who was standing before his throne and reading out a list of schemes to increase co-operation between the people of Laketown and the dwarves of Erabor. He just nodded and said "yes" absently to anything the Bowman suggested. Bard noticed and sighed exasperatedly. However, he was tolerant because this King was a welcome change to the usual stubborn stone-faced one.
Bilbo entered the Throne Room. He had been out walking. His skin was flushed from the slight morning breeze and his chestnut curls were gently ruffled. Bard looked up at the King, who was looking at him for the first time and giving him big blue puppy-eyes. Very dignified.
"Fine…" groaned Bard. "I'll just leave." He couldn't prevent a smile though when Thorin leapt from his seat and grabbed Bilbo in a passionate embrace.
Bilbo laughed and attempted to fend him off. "You're supposed to be going about your kingly duties, my liege!"
"I've done them all." Thorin said instantly.
Bilbo looked at him hard. "It's only 11 Thorin. You can't be finished already."
"I am." Thorin persisted.
"No, he's really not." Bard threw helpfully over his shoulder as he was leaving.
Bilbo sighed. "Thorin…I cannot be responsible for you neglecting your kingdom in this manner, especially in such precarious times as these."
Thorin pouted sulkily. "But I am forced to spend so little time with you."
Bilbo felt his heart melt a little. "I know, my love. But please, today is important for you. You must seal relations with Bard's people while you are still in their favour."
"How statesman-ly you have become, Bilbo Baggins the respectable hobbit of the Shire." Grumbled Thorin teasingly. Then he sighed. "BOWMAN!" he summoned Bard back with his usual air of command.
"Thank you." Bilbo smiled, giving him a tight hug and turning to leave.
Before he could however, Thorin seized him from behind. "Don't think I am done with you yet, hobbit." His breath tickled the back of Bilbo's neck and made him shiver. "You may have escaped today but tomorrow I will have your company. Be here at ten next morning or face my wrath."
Bilbo bowed deeply. "I am yours to command, my King." The effect was ruined when he kissed Thorin on the nose.
Bard cleared his throat. "So I am staying?"
"I suppose so…" Thorin slouched back to his throne to resume his duties.
The next morning, Bilbo hopped happily to the throne room for 9:30, only to find Thorin was mysteriously absent. Instead, standing in the centre of the great hall and looking about her with a frown of distaste, was an elderly female dwarf. She was small and stout, with skin brown and crinkled as a walnut. A long, curly white beard hung from her broad chin but the hair on her head was almost non-existent. Her stubby fingers were clustered with jewelled rings. She wore a handsome midnight-blue dress shot with silver thread, but the fabric bulged most peculiarly at the hip as though there was something concealed beneath. A massive axe almost as tall as she was lay strapped diagonally across her back, and a tiny dagger was stashed behind one ear.
Bilbo stood staring at the extraordinary character before him for a moment before recovering his manners. "Can I help you?" he called, and the dwarf turned suddenly toward him.
She peered at him sharply through familiar ice blue eyes and opened her mouth to speak. Just as Bilbo became aware she had no teeth, Bofur sauntered into the room whistling a merry tune. He stopped dead when he spotted the visitor. Then his face cracked into a massive grin.
"By my beard, it's darling Una. how are you?" he bent graciously over her hand with a cheeky wink.
"Bofur, sweetheart, it's been so long!" Una's voice was incredibly deep and gravely. She took of Bofur's hat without asking for permission and inspected it for signs of wear. "Hmm…typical. 3 holes and 2 patches."
Bofur mock hung his head in shame. "Forgive me, dear lady. I have never been good at sewing and that hat has been with me for many a year. T'would be a shame to part with it!"
Una nodded. "I'll have it good as new in no time." she promised.
Bofur clapped his hands in delight. "And have you met your nephew's husband-to-be?" he gestured at Bilbo.
"Did I mishear you?" Una whipped round to stare at Bilbo. "My nephew is to be MARRIED? To that?" Her eyes bulged out and she was suddenly right in his face, hot breath caressing his skin.
Bilbo felt as though he'd been kicked in the stomach. Had she really just called him a that?! Bofur, on the other hand, was looking extremely awkward. "I..er…assumed you knew and were here for the, ahem, wedding in a few of weeks time."
Una's face had gone bright red and scrunched up. She was spitting furiously, and her large hands were clenched into fists. She was suddenly far more terrifying than a dragon. "HOW CAN THIS BE?! THAT MY THORRIE IS GOING TO BE MARRIED AND DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME? It is inconceivable!"
Bofur was wringing his hat between his hands and chewing on his moustache. "I'm sure it's not as bad as all that Una. Perhaps the invitation just got lost and never reached you."
"We shall see." Una took a moment to breath heavily for a few moments. "You!" she snapped at Bilbo. "Find Thorin Oakenshield this instant and bring him directly to me or I will hunt you down and make you scream."
Bilbo turned and fled the room with a "yes ma'am." Perfect, he thought bitterly to himself as he scurried through the halls asking every one he passed if they had seen the King. Just what he needed right now: Thorin's angry relatives turning up to inspect him. This one really was a piece of work. He should have known people would disapprove. It really was rather ridiculous, the mighty Dwarven King getting married to the simple little hobbit. He was going to kill Thorin for not warning him about Una. It didn't help the invitations had got mixed up, either.
He searched for what felt like hours. By this time he was feeling very irritable. He wiped his sweaty brow and stomped to Thorin's room. Perhaps he'd decided to ditch their planned meeting and go to sleep instead. Stupid dwarves. He yanked the door open. "Thorin-" he called crossly, but the room was empty.
With an exasperated sigh he slumped down on Thorin's bed in defeat. Well, actually, it wasn't just Thorin's. They tended to sleep in the same bed these days. Bilbo sometimes had nightmares after witnessing Thorin being stabbed through the chest, and he slept far better with Thorin's warm living body close to his. Thorin had no complaints. It would scandalise the kingdom if anyone ever found out, and naturally certain conclusions would be drawn. Bilbo was determined to wait till the wedding for anything of that sort however, despite Thorin's frequent attempts to seduce him whilst he lay there. It was becoming increasing difficult to resist, so he was glad their marriage was approaching fast. Bilbo smiled tenderly as he thought of the night before, when Thorin's warm hand had snaked deliciously slowly across his stomach and pushed up his nightshirt. Thorin had pouted sulkily and grumbled when Bilbo gently pulled it back down, despite the fire burning in his belly.
His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden thump and a muffled curse. Bilbo stood quickly. The sounds had seemed to come from the large wardrobe in the corner. Maybe the relatives had paid someone to assassinate him. It didn't seem to unlikely after his meeting with Una. Drawing sting from its scabbard, he levelled it at the doors. He took a deep breath and swung them open. He couldn't believe his eyes.
Thorin, Kili and Fili were all tightly wedged inside the wardrobe. They peered out at him sheepishly.
"What on middle-earth are you all doing?" Bilbo asked them in astonishment.
"Er…" Fili stuttered, pushed Kili's foot out of his face.
"Um…" Kili tried, spitting Thorin's hair out of his mouth.
"Well…" Thorin began, stretching and accidently elbowing both his nephews in the nose.
Bilbo crossed him arms and waited. When there was still no coherent answer he began tapping his foot.
"It's great-aunty Una!" Kili finally wailed in despair. "We spotted her arriving this morning so we hid. We can't bear her! "
"Yeah, she calls us Fifi, Kiwi and Thorrie!" supplied Fili miserably. "It's so embarrassing…"
"And makes us give her a kiss!" added Thorin.
Bilbo raised his eyebrows. "So. You're telling me that the heirs of Durin have hidden in a cupboard together because a certain undesirable relative as come to stay?"
The three nodded ashamedly.
"And the worst thing is," Thorin mumbled into his beard, "I didn't invite her to the wedding."
"What do you mean?" gasped Bilbo in surprise.
"I thought she'd never know and we wouldn't have to see her. But know here she is, and she is going to be so angry! What are we going to do?"
"You," Bilbo began crossly, "Are going to get out of there right now and greet your Aunt respectfully. You will spend the entire day with her and invite her to our wedding next week. Tonight, there will be a ball to celebrate her coming." He couldn't believe how uncourteous they were being. It went against the very grain of his hospitable nature.
Thorin, Fili and Kili just stared at him as though he had lost his mind.
"You can't be serious." Fili finally choked out.
"I'd rather die!" Kili gasped rather dramatically and clung to his brother.
Thorin just hunched down further and tried to hide from Bilbo's gaze.
"I mean it Thorin. You are being extremely immature and childish. This is not how a King behaves."
Thorin muttered something indistinguishable.
"Thorin Oakenshield, if you don't grow up right this instant I refuse to marry you." The three dwarves winced at Bilbo's tone, and Thorin grouchily stood and clambered out.
"Come on Fi and Ki." He muttered mutinously. "Your future Uncle Bilbo has spoken."
"Uncle please- "they gasped, but Bilbo grasped them and with surprising strength yanked them to their feet.
Bilbo marched them to the throne room, though at various intersections of the hallways at least one of his charges would try to make a dash for it. Finally, they reached the doors.
Bilbo cleared his throat and looked at Thorin meaningfully. Thorin plastered a fake smile on his face and they all entered.
HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THE FIRST CHAPTER! I LOVE ALL REVIEWS AND SUGGESTIONS :) :) :)