Please Say It
Hermione just needed to hear those three words from Draco. Inspired by Victoria Justice's Tell Me That You Love Me.
. . .
"I love you," she told him with the biggest smile on her face. She'd been wanting to tell him that for a while now, but the moment never seemed right until now. She wanted him to know that she loved him, all of him. She wanted him to say those words back to her. She wanted to hear him say that he needed and loved her. But he said nothing. He just stared at her, shocked and confused, with his mouth gaping. She didn't let her smile falter though, even though she wanted to cry from embarassment. He was probably just surprised, she said it out of the blue after all. He was going to compose himself and say it back to her with a grin.
And he did, he did compose himself and reconstructed his expression into a stoic one. But he never told her he loved her.
"Let's go back home." Draco said instead, refusing to look anywhere near her.
And then, he pulled his hand away from hers. He walked away from her, leaving her alone with a broken heart in the middle of winter.
Hermione only let go of her smile when he disappeared from her sight.
She didn't understand why he didn't say the words back. Did he not hear her? Did he misunderstand her? Maybe, he just didn't love her. Maybe, he just didn't care for her enough to say the words that meant love. Maybe, he hated her. That would explain a lot; he left immediately after having sex with her, almost as if he was disgusted at her. He never complimented her whenever she tried to look pretty for him, but he always made sure to tell her whenever he thought Pansy or Astoria looked beautiful. Was that the problem? Was she... ugly?
Hermione was never a fan of that particular word. She believed that nothing was truly ugly and that everyone and everything had a unique beauty within. Maybe, she was the one exception to that though. Maybe, she was wrong - maybe, not everything was beautiful.
She frowned. Was she thinking about this too much? Draco was probably just feeling uncomfortable with sharing feelings while in public. Maybe, he wanted to be home to tell her that he loved her. Yeah, that was probably the case.
She needed to go home now, then. She quickly followed Draco's footsteps with another grin on her cold, red face.
When she reached their flat, Hermione found Draco inside, impatiently waiting for her arrival.
The grin stayed on her face even as she shut the door and Draco refused to look at her.
"Hey, Draco."
She went closer to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. That finally attracted his attention and he finally looked at her. Before she could speak anything else, he grabbed both of her cheeks and kissed her.
Even as they made love later on their bed, Hermione did not forget that he never said he loved her. He didn't even acknowledge that she herself said it.
Despite the amazing sex, Hermione could not get rid of the feeling of disappointment in her chest.
. . .
She promised herself to never repeat those words to him again, as it obviously only caused her pain. But as he danced in a silly way while raining just to make her laugh because she'd been having a crappy day, she could not help but chuckle at his antics.
"I love you." And without meaning to, she told him how she felt about him again.
He froze and stared at her with wide gray eyes.
She didn't understand the reaction. They've been together for over a year now, was he still expecting them to be no strings attached? If yes, then it would hurt her terribly. Or maybe, she was the one expecting too much from this 'relationship.' She thought that she was sure that he loved her. He started staying after sex, and even making her breakfast. He gave her expensive gifts and called her beautiful even at her worst. He did the most embarassing things just to make her smile. Was that not love? Apparently so. She loved him but she still could not understand him completely. He was an enigma, and sometimes, he refused to share with her. Did he feel like she did not deserve him? Because that would hurt. Did he not trust her enough with his feelings? After a year, he still could not trust her? Really? Was he hurting her intentionally or something? Was this normal?
"What?" she asked him. "You're going to run away again?"
Draco chose to glance at the pouring clouds above them.
"We'll get sick if we stay here any longer," he pointed out, avoiding the heavier topic. "Come on, let me carry you."
He walked towards her but she shook her head, and Disapparated by herself instead.
Was he ever going to learn to love her?
. . .
She said it more often now, hoping to catch him respond. He never did. He just started being awkward and he always managed to change the topic.
'Why?' was her most asked question, and the most unanswered one as well. Why did he not love her? Why was he still with her when he did not even love her? Why didn't she know him enough?
If he lied and told her he loved her, would she be happy about it? Yes, maybe if she thought it was the truth. If he suddenly chose to leave her, would she be alright? No, yes if it meant she would be free from these stupid questions. She tried to imagine living without Draco. She could find a person that can and will love her. She would finally know what it was like to be treated right by her boyfriend. Would she be happy without him, though? Yes, no because she loved him. Was a one-sided love enough to save a fucked up relationship? Yes, if both people actually tried.
Truth be told, this relationship was no better than her crush on Ron. It was one-sided, impossible, and painful. Those were not signs of a healthy relationship. This was not a relationship made of love at all.
Maybe he did love her. Only maybe though, she could never confirm or deny that. If one person truly loved another, why would they make them suffer like this? Why couldn't he tell her? Love could be so simple, and yet he was making it so difficult. He made everything difficult. He made hating him impossible. He made loving him impossible. So what the hell was she supposed to do?
. . .
"I love you." There it was. The only thing she'd been asking from him. The words were said out of desperation, panic, and if she were not leaving, Hermione was sure Draco never would've mentioned it.
Before he said those words, she broke up with him - told him that she didn't want to be with someone who couldn't learn to love her. Hermione's eyes filled up with tears when she had seen the hurt look on his face. He'd grabbed her arm, begged her to stay - went on his actual knees and grabbed his hand to prevent her from walking out the front door. But she got herself out of his grasp and she was now steps away from the street.
Now that he told her what she wanted to hear for so long, she stopped in her tracks, wondering if he actually meant it or was he just saying it to make her stay?
"You won't manipulate me with your words, Draco - "
He cut her off. "It's true. I've loved you ever since you told me you loved me."
She snorted. Well, shit.
"That makes me a lot better, thanks," she dryly replied, preparing to start walking again.
"Please," he softly begged. "Stay for me. Give me another chance."
She thought about it. Hermione did still love him, more than anything, but why was he only saying this now?
"If you really loved me, you would've told me that a long time ago."
She heard him groan. "Come on, Hermione. I'm shit at being in love. I didn't know you wanted to hear it from me."
Hermione rolled her eyes. This relationship was definitely not getting another chance if he was still shit at being in love.
"I'm going," she declared. "We can give this another shot if you actually want to try."
Then, she walked away from him, acting like she didn't hear his cries and pleas.
She saw him cry before she Disapparated, and she cried as well.
Tomorrow, they would figure things out, because Hermione would not live without him.