Disclaimer : Not J. K. Rowling, so...

A/N: This story is set in the Golden Trio's "eight year". It's post battle of Hogwarts, but it's just a silly one-shot, so I've resurrected Sirius, Snape, and Dumbledore. Harry POV.

Ron and I were sat on my bed, eating some sweets that Sirius had sent me. Ron was whining about his latest girlfriend, Leanne something-or-other. I just tuned out when he did this, and he did it a lot nowadays. Suddenly, I decided to interrupt him.

"Don't you think Mione's been acting weird lately?"

"What?"

"Well, she hardly ever hangs out with us anymore."

"N.E. are at the end of the year, mate. She's probably just busy studying."

"Ron, surely you remember that Mione's already done her exams."

"What do you mean?"

I sighed, Ron really got on my nerves sometimes. "She told us over the summer that she did them at the end of our sixth year, because she didn't want to die N.E.W.T-less."

"Oh. Probably still in the library."

"Ron, she's not. Last time I went to look for her, I went there, and Madam Pince said that she didn't spend much time in there anymore."

"But, Mione loves books!"

"She can still read, you know, without having to spend all her time in the library."

"Where could she be th..." He started to ask, before he gasped. "Oh. Oh shit."

"What?"

"It's just like sixth year."

"Not quite following?"

"She's jealous of my girlfriends! She's probably busy bawling her eyes out in her room."

"I'm not quite sure abo..."

"Harry!" Ron interrupted. "It all makes sense! No one wants to date her, Ginny has you, I have Leanne, even Neville has Hannah! Anyone would be depressed in her place!"

I snorted. Ron had had more than just Leanne since the start of the year. "Mate, you've snogged almost every girl in our year. You'll probably dump Leanne by the end of the week."

"Then she has even more reason to be sad! The love of her life is dating girl after girl!"

"That would make sense, but..."

"But?"

"She's not sad. She's the happiest I've ever seen her."

"Impossible, as I said before, the love of her life is dating tonnes of girls."

"Have you considered that you're not the love of her life anymore?" I said quietly.

He started laughing.

"I'm serious. You treated her pretty badly, mate."

Suddenly, he stopped laughing. "Do you think I've gone too far?"

"What?"

"Well, I've fooled around a lot, but we're supposed to end up together. We're meant to be."

"Did you seriously think Hermione would wait for you?"

"Uhh... yes."

"Well, you definitely went too far. You've almost ignored her the whole year."

"That's an exaggeration..."

I glared at him and he paled.

"Shit."

"You messed up."

"I know. I have to win her back now."

I shrugged. I wasn't sure he could, to be honest. "She seems happy at the moment; how will you persuade her to go back to her cheating ex-boyfriend?" Ron winced, he hated it when I remind him of that particular incident that had brought an end to their very short-lived relationship.

"I was drunk. Anyway, I have an idea."

I raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"She's probably too happy to get back with me, but I can fix that. I'll just get some guy to break her heart, and then I'll be there to pick up the pieces."

"WHAT?!" I was infuriated, who did he think he was!? "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Why? It's for her own good. We're perfect for each other."

I laughed."That's rich. Mione's smart, and she can very well make her own decisions."

Ron ignored me. "I think Malfoy would be perfect for my plan. He can turn on the charm, but definitely won't catch feelings or have trouble breaking her heart. You in?"

He was really pissing me off. I was about to continue yelling at him, but I decided it would be better if I could keep an eye on him, and perhaps control the damage a little. "Ok."

He smiled. "Wonderful! Now, you should leave, because Lisa is arriving in 4 minutes."

"I thought you were dating Leanne."

He grinned. "I am."

As the door closed behind me, I sunk to the ground. I couldn't believe what my best friend had become. Seeing the strange looks people shot me, I got up and walked towards the girls' dormitory. Just as I arrived at the bottom of the stairs, I remembered I couldn't get up them. I sighed, and was about to go wait for Ginny in the common room, when Hermione came out her room.

I looked at her. I couldn't believe what she had become either. She had grown up, and it suited her. Seeing my despair, she laughed and muttered an incantation.

"There you go! The stairs will let you go up now."

I thanked her, before starting towards the door. A few steps up, I fell over and slid to the bottom. I glared at 'Mione, who was laughing.

"Sorry, I just wanted to see your face. It. Was. Priceless."

Unable to stay mad at her, I chuckled as well. I liked this new Hermione, and I wouldn't let Ron break her.

"I'll get Ginny for you." She said, before disappearing into the dorms.

Once she had left, I realised she didn't even have to ask who I wanted to see. I felt bad. I really had abandoned her this year. I'd make it up to her though, and not through some elaborate scheme. It wasn't too late for me, was it? I hoped not.

A few moments later, Ginny appeared at my side.

"You wanted to see me?" She asked, sliding her hand into mine.

"Yeah, how about we take a walk?"

She nodded, and we made our way to the grounds.

"Ginny, I need to tell you something, and I need you to not get mad at me." I blurted out, unable to keep my secret in any longer.

Her eyes narrowed. "Okay, can't promise I won't get mad, but okay."

I gulped, but knew I had to get it out. "Ronwantstobreakhermione'sheart."

"What?"

I gulped again. "I said, Ron wants..."

"I heard what you said, but don't you think he's done that enough?"

I nodded fervently, before taking a deep breath and telling her the whole story.

By the end, she was smirking, and I couldn't figure out why. Before I could ask though, she changed the subject, and refused to talk about it for the rest of the afternoon.

That evening, Ron and I approached Malfoy just outside the Great Hall.

"Ferret. We need you to seduce Hermione." Ron had said, glancing around uneasily.

Malfoy raised an eyebrow, visibly amused. "Why?"

"I want you to break her heart so she comes crying back to me." Ron explained.

I shook my head. You never showed your opponent your hand, if you could help it. Malfoy seemed to be thinking exactly what I was, and he chuckled.

"You belong in Slytherin, what a clever plan." he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "However, what do I get from this deal?"

Ron looked puzzled, so I stepped in. "I'll put in a good word for you at the Ministry."

It was no secret that Malfoy wanted to become an Auror, and that the Ministry was reluctant to offer a position to an Ex-Death-Eater, despite his excellent marks. My offer seemed to interest him, and he thought about it for a moment, before accepting.

He extended his hand to me, and I shook it. He didn't go to shake Ron's hand though, in fact, he sneered at him. "I'm agreeing to Potter's suggestion, which is decent. I still hate your guts, Weasel."

"The feeling's mutual, Mal-Ferret. Come on, Harry." My best friend muttered, before turning on his heel to enter the Great Hall.

I couldn't help but feel suspicious. It was a good deal for Malfoy, but it benefited Ron and me, which made it unusual that he would accept it. I ignored my gut feeling, and followed my friend.

Hermione entered the Great Hall moments after I sat down. She was with a Ravenclaw I didn't recognise, and went to sit with him at his table.

"Since when does 'Mione not eat at the Gryffindor table?" I whispered to Ginny.

She looked surprised. "She almost never does, you know."

I frowned. I was beginning to hate myself. How could I not have noticed?

"Don't worry about it." She soothed, reading my mind.

I did worry about it though. Looking at the Ravenclaw table, I saw her laughing with her new friends and noticed how care-free she looked. It was wonderful. I also saw a tall, platinum blonde, Slytherin making his way towards her. I couldn't take it. I wouldn't let Ron ruin her, and I stood up, fully meaning to go put a stop to the scheme, but my girlfriend pulled me back down.

"Leave it." She snapped.

I started to protest, but she pointed to Malfoy, who had now reached Hermione. She looked surprised when he tapped her on the shoulder, but moved over so he could sit next to her. He started talking her, and she seemed angry, but quickly relaxed, before leaning over to whisper something in his ear. He smirked, looking directly at Ron, who was beet red.

Then, the Slytherin turned to face 'Mione, who proceeded to kiss him.

After that, all hell broke loose. It would seem the entire Great Hall was watching the pair. Professor McGonagall looked annoyed, but the Headmaster stopped her from intervening. People were varying degrees of shock and amusement. Ron, though, was neither, only livid.

The red-head got up and stormed over to the Ravenclaw Table.

"What the hell, Malfoy!" he yelled.

"Isn't this what you wanted me to do?" The boy replied, feigning surprise.

Ignoring him, Ron turned to Hermione. "And you, how could you kiss him after less than a minute of conversation?! You hate him! He's made our lives miserable!"

"Ronald Weasley, if you paid any attention to me and my life, you would have noticed that Draco and I don't hate each other anymore. Besides, you're not one to talk for kissing people that you barely know." She snarled.

"You slut." He muttered.

"What was that?" She enquired, her voice sickly sweet, dangerously so.

"I said you were a slut. You just kissed the Ferret, though you should know he's not actually interested in you."

"If you're talking about that deal you just made, I know all about it. Also, I would appreciate if you didn't call my boyfriend a ferret. Over the last five months we've been dating, I've grown rather fond of him, you see."

Most of the students looked surprised. Ron, on the other hand, looked downright shocked. He stood there, mouth open, for a good ten seconds, before letting out a strangled cry and running out of the Hall.

Everyone started to talk between themselves, discussing the bizarre events. I turned to Ginny, who looked pleased.

"You knew?" I asked, knowing the answer.

She nodded. "Serves Ron right, trying to do something like that."

I couldn't help but agree, and was about to say so when she started to laugh.

"What?" I asked.

"I've never seen Snape look so happy."

I looked at the Professor, who looked profoundly smug. I couldn't help but ask myself if he was thinking about my mother, and how different things could have been, but yet again, I was asking a question to which I already knew the answer.