Author's note: Hello everyone, it feels nice to be back. I have wanted to write something new for weeks –months, even–, but life has gotten in my way. Somehow, I decided to make up the time for this.
This one-shot was inspired by a song, written by Melendi. He's a Spanish singer and songwriter. His songs are truly amazing and when I heard this song it just yelled "EVERLARK" at me. I needed to write something about it.
Remember English is not my native language so don't be surprised if you notice some mistakes further in the story. All mistakes are mine.
As always, THG and all its characters belong to the lovely Suzanne Collins.
He's staring down at her adoringly as she sleeps, and he wonders how someone can look so peaceful in their slumber when they scowl all day long. The thought makes him chuckle.
He softly runs a finger down the side of her face; from her temple to her cheekbone and then to the curve of her mouth and down her neck until he gets to her exposed shoulder. He doesn't want to wake her, but he doesn't know if he can resist not putting his mouth on her skin for much longer. He feels like it's been an eternity since they last kissed, even though it hasn't been more than an hour.
Is this what true love feels like, Peeta wonders, feeling like you'll never have enough of that person?
His intentions of not waking her fail. She stretches her limbs like a cat and nearly purrs. She opens her eyes and as they lazily focus on him a pleased smile erupts in her lips, still swollen from their kisses. She grabs the nape of his neck and pulls him down, nuzzling his nose with hers. He's held off for too long, he finally decides, and presses their lips together.
She gives a satisfied moan while pulling him closer, and he settles between her legs, caressing her thigh and then her backside. His brain feels mushy, the way it always feels when she is kissing him, but he concentrates hard enough to reach into the nightstand in the left side of the king sized bed for the box of condoms they've been using the past few hours.
He tears his mouth from hers so he can see what he's doing, and she takes that to her advantage and starts sucking the lobe of his ear. He picks up one foil wrapper and realizes there are only two left. He makes a quick mental note to go pick up some more before nightfall.
Peeta rips open the silver package and wraps the prophylactic down his length, hissing as he does it. After he's covered himself completely he doesn't waste another minute and joins their bodies together. Katniss moans loudly beneath him and he groans in her ear, feeling the goosebumps rise in her skin. He thrusts slowly and then faster inside her, and she sings and sighs and whimpers.
He kisses her ear, her mouth, her neck, her collarbone and then her breasts, feeling her heartbeat pick up. As their sweaty bodies are slapping together and her walls are closing around him, he bites his lip hard to contain himself from ending this too soon. Her soft fingers stroke his cheekbone, and her words come out in pants as she talks.
"I'm close," she says, "Let go, Peeta."
She kisses him again and purposely squeezes her walls tighter around his shaft while also squeezing his butt; and the realization that he's here, doing this with her, is suddenly too much. He groans against her mouth and spurts inside the condom, and with a few more drives inside her Katniss cries out in ecstasy.
He stays inside her for a few more minutes, waiting until their breathing slows down. When he realizes he's putting too much weight on her he begrudgingly stands up and disposes of the condom. He grabs a towel from the bathroom counter and runs it down warm water, and then he walks back into the bedroom where Katniss is moving to stand up. He gently pushes her back on the bed.
"Again?" she smirks.
He snorts "Give a guy some time to recover," he runs the towel between her legs and cleans the proof of their lovemaking. He throws it into the dirty laundry hamper and sits back on the bed just as she stands.
"Where are you going?" he calls after her.
"To take a bath," she walks into the bathroom and almost instantly the shower comes on. Peeta goes to push himself up from the bed as her voice resonates from the other room, "And don't even think about joining me in here."
His mouth hangs open and he huffs, "Well why not?"
"Because, if you join me we'll probably have sex again and we've already spent all afternoon going at it and I've got tests to grade that need to be handed out on Monday,"
He stiffens a little, surprised that she decided to acknowledge the elephant that appears in the room when they are alone. She seems to notice it too, because she suddenly falls quiet.
He tries to disperse some of the tension in the room by joking, "Well, you sure weren't complaining earlier,"
"Ha!"
He can't stand the silence that follows, so he puts on some music just as she comes out of the shower, skin still glistening from the water, clad only in a small towel that leaves little to the imagination. Once she stands in front of her closet she drops the towel, baring herself to him.
As she searches in a cabinet for her underwear, she starts humming and swaying to the rhythm, and he admires hungrily her body. Her perky breasts, her full hips, her round butt, legs that seem to go on forever… he wants to memorize every single detail about the canvas that is her body. As if sensing he was having thoughts about her, she turns around and locks her eyes on his. She notices what he was doing and gives him a genuine smile. The sunlight streaming through the window reflects on her, and he swears she looks like and angel.
"Let's go somewhere," his mouth says the words before his brain can process.
She turns to look at him, "Go? We've both got things to do–"
He saunters over to her quickly and takes her face in his hands, looking deep into her eyes. "I know. I know we do. But just for this once, can't we be irresponsible and put ourselves first?"
The look she gives him cracks his heart, and he knows what she's going to say before she says it, "Peeta, you know if anyone sees–"
"I know, okay? Trust me, please; I know a place we can go where no one would see us," he puts his forehead against hers and closes his eyes, feeling her eyelashes flutter against his cheeks.
She knows how precious are these moments they get to be with each other, but she also values responsibility, and she hates being anything but responsible, especially with her job. But he can sense her giving in to his suggestion.
"Okay." He kisses her hard.
They're both ready to go half an hour later. They go out and walk towards where he parked his motorcycle, and when he hands her his extra helmet she gives a grimace. She's never liked his bike so much. He's been doing some saving to try and buy a car.
The whole ride she keeps her arms tight around his waist, and constantly presses kisses to his shoulder blades. Once they get to their destination he helps her get off, and her mouth hangs open at the view.
"Wow." She says in awe. "How do you know this place?"
"In Freshman year I was wandering around trying to get to know the city and somehow ended up here. It's been my safe place since," He wraps his arms around her.
They're standing at the hill that overlooks the whole city of Panem. To get there it takes nearly an hour from campus, so he supposes there is no risk of running into someone from Capitol U. There is a higher and more impressive view, but his bike can't get up there and he and Katniss didn't go exactly prepared to go hiking.
"Thank you for bringing me here," she says and leans back against him.
"I want to freeze this moment and live in it forever," he says after a while.
They keep quiet for a few more minutes, looking the horizon and the sunset, and here, the wind blowing in her face with the crowed city below them, Katniss thinks she's never felt freer.
"I'll allow it," she says.
She's late, Peeta thinks.
It's been ten minutes since the class was supposed to start, but the teacher wasn't there yet. There's an excited buzz around the class, most of the students thinking they'll probably get the period off.
"You okay, Peeta? You look a little lost," Madge says.
"What? Oh yeah, I'm fine don't worry," he gives her what he hopes looks like a reassuring smile.
Not five minutes later, through the door waltzes a scowling dark blur with raven colored hair, a folder stacked with papers in her arms and her purse hanging from her shoulder. He feels his heart rate pick up just at the sight of her.
After she drops her belongings in her desk she straightens and looks around the classroom, "Good morning,"
"Good morning," the class echoes back.
"I'm really sorry I'm late, my morning so far has been hell," she starts and grabs the course book from her bag. "Let's get down to business shall we? Open your book in page 87…"
As their routine goes, she doesn't dare to look at him.
Peeta knew who Katniss Everdeen was even before he'd been assigned to her biology class. They'd both grown up in a small town in Virginia called District 12. Katniss is 5 years older than he is but in such a small town you know everyone.
Besides, he'd been in love with her since he was five years old.
Ever since he heard her sing in the school assembly he knew he was a goner. He'd only talked to her a couple times when she came by his family's bakery with her sister, but they never really talked. When he was a freshman, she was a senior. As soon as she graduated high school she left that goddamned town with a scholarship to attend to Capitol U, and now she only came back for Christmas.
He never got to know her better, at least not until he started in CU.
They saw each other for the first time in years in campus during his freshman year, the same year Katniss had gotten her degree in Biology and had been offered a job at the university. He asked her out to dinner but she said she was a teacher there, and he confessed he was a student. He still remembers the look of disappointment in her eyes when she had to say no.
After they knew she was his biology teacher she'd cut off their ties immediately and he agreed, it was the right thing to do after all. But staying away proved easier to be said than done. Coincidently they saw each other one Saturday morning in a small vintage coffee house away from campus, Peeta asked her to sit with him and she reluctantly said yes. Those were the moments he truly got to know Katniss Everdeen. Her passion for teaching and Biology and the love she felt for her sister made him feel like a little kid all over again. He was head over heels for her.
They kept seeing each other in the coffee house on Saturdays, always choosing a table in the back of the small business and one of them sitting with their back to the main door. And sometimes, they went jogging together on Sundays.
It took Katniss a long while to admit her true feelings for him, but eventually she did. And he didn't want to wait any longer. So here they were, four semesters later after seeing each other in campus; they'd been having a teacher-student affair for over six months. Funny thing is she's been his teacher for two of those four semesters.
In class, they act as nothing more than a regular student and a teacher. He rarely asks any questions and she rarely calls him out on anything. But when they're alone it is like time doesn't matter. The moon is their only witness, and the constant buzz and excitement of the city die down, until the only sound left is the sound of their breaths and hearts beating as one. Nothing else is important but them, right there on her bed, in her shower, couch, kitchen…
Only they exist, nothing else.
His friends know that he's seeing someone, they just don't know who. It's not like he'll ever tell them. The only reason they seemed to find out he was seeing someone was because his roommate and best friend, Finnick, accidently let out around their other friends that Peeta spends most his weekends out and comes home Sunday night looking thoroughly fucked.
He loves Finnick like a brother, but he should seriously consider keeping his mouth shut.
"Seriously, you guys should see him. Whoever this chick is she's fucking his brains out. And every weekend like clockwork," Finnick says one Thursday night when their friends are gathered around playing videogames in their apartment. He is right about something, Katniss is fucking his brains out and some weekends when their desire for one another doesn't let them think they are like animals.
"Good for you, Peet," Thresh says, not taking his eyes off the screen.
Thom ignores him, "Peeta really, who is this girl and why haven't you introduced her to us yet?" he suddenly widens his eyes exaggeratedly "Oh God. It's not a guy is it?"
"Not that there would be anything wrong with that–!" Finnick rushes out hastily.
"Exactly!" Thom goes on "We're not homophobic or any of that bullshit so if you prefer sausage you can tell us man it is alr–"
"Dude, I'm not gay!" Peeta shouts exasperated "Yes it's a girl. She's just very private about her life and we're not… official yet so we're waiting a while longer until she meets you guys,"
"I got it," Marvel snaps his fingers and even if Peeta know it's impossible for him to know about Katniss, his stomach still does nervous somersaults, "Madge Undersee!" he releases a breath.
"No, it's not Madge."
"Really? Well someone should tap that 'cause she's got great tits," Cato declares and Peeta rolls his eyes.
His friends nod in agreement.
Peeta loves biology; it's what made him want to become a doctor in the first place. It fascinates him, and the idea of helping people makes him go warm inside, and it's the reason why he's currently in medical school. But this semester the subject hasn't been going so great for him. And it's his own damn fault.
But how can he focus on cells and organs –other than his dick and heart, at least– when he's got in front of him the sexiest teacher this university has probably ever had.
And Katniss is a great teacher; she's patient and smart and always gives the best of her in every lecture. All his classmates adore her. Peeta can't really blame them. She's just too much of a distraction. He can feel the sexual tension between the two of them radiating in waves and he just hopes other people don't notice it too.
In class and around the halls they try to act as normal as possible, so people don't suspect.
One day in class she doesn't braid her hair as she regularly does; instead her curls are hanging in dark cascades down her back. She's writing on the board, her back to him, and she pushes her hair off one shoulder and pushes it to the other, exposing some of her soft olive skin. He remembers how many times he's kissed that bare shoulder, and how many times he'd bitten it, causing her to release the loveliest sounds.
He can't stand up from his seat so people don't notice his hard on. He has to think about many upsetting and disgusting things so he's calm enough by the time the class is over and he has to stand up. That doesn't stop him from jacking off as soon as he got home though.
They would not see each other during the week, only in class or when their eyes would meet in the hallways on campus. She would not even return the easy smiles he gave her when their stares found each other's; instead she blushed and ducked her head lower, as if trying to make herself shrink and disappear.
She's scared. By being in this relationship he knows she's risking everything; her career, her degree, her reputation… which is why she would never meet his eyes outside the safe heaven her apartment is. She's scared of what people might say or think if they are seen smiling shyly or giving longing stares at each other.
And he understands. Really, he does, how could he not? But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt him every time he tries to talk to her in the halls and she runs away like he's the plague.
"Why don't you and your girlfriend see each other during the week?" Finnick asks him one afternoon in their apartment.
"I told you it's complicated."
"Yeah but if you already spend all weekends together what does it matter if you spend some school nights at her place?"
Peeta doesn't know how to explain that he and Katniss can't drive down to the university together because they can't be seen.
"We just can't," he says finally.
Finnick shrugs, "Whatever man, I'm just saying if you really wanted to you'd do it."
"You think I don't want to spend more than just the weekends with her at her place? Of course I do, but it's not that easy," Peeta says sadly.
Finn puts a hand on his shoulder in a comfort manner and Peeta looks at him. "I know it's complicated, but have in mind that it'll be worth it. I mean, you've got nothing to lose right? Worst case scenario she kicks you out tonight and you go back there on Friday," He knows he has a lot more to lose than that, but he thinks it might be worth a shot.
When he gets to her apartment complex and hour later he doesn't even have the chance to call Katniss to tell her to buzz him in because some woman is exiting the building just as he gets there and he quickly lets himself in. Katniss lives in an old six story building with no elevators and two apartments per floor, so he climbs the three set of stairs up to her floor.
He arrives at her door with a cap hiding his blonde curls and his backpack slung over his shoulders. Inside is a change of clothes and the books for all his classes tomorrow. He knocks and suddenly feels anxious and a little worried that she might actually kick him out.
When she opens the door it's clear she wasn't expecting him to be on the other side. Her mouth hangs open and she even pales a little as she takes in the sight of him, but she recovers quick enough to grab him and push him inside before anyone sees him.
When she shuts the door she turns to him and starts talking a mile per minute. He's ashamed to say he's not listening to what she's saying; instead he's focused on her figure. She's wearing one of his shirts and some boy shorts, her hair is on a messy bun and her reading glasses are perched on her slender nose. She's stunning, he thinks.
"Peeta, are you even listening?" she throws her hands in exasperation.
Whoops, he's caught.
"Sorry I took you by surprise, but I wanted to see you,"
"Well couldn't you have FaceTimed me?" she rolls her eyes.
"You know it's not the same thing," he defends himself.
She softens a little, "Peeta, you know we can't be seen."
"But we already see each other every weekend here. Why does it matter if we meet during the week too?"
"Someone could see you!"
"They could see me on the weekends too!"
"Peeta!"
"I want to see you during the week, having to wait until the weekend is too much of a torture for me," he takes her hands on his and kisses her palms.
She closes her eyes for a second, as if asking God for patience to help her deal with him. When she opens them she looks at him with determination "Fine. But you have to leave earlier than me so we don't arrive to campus at the same time and no one sees us leaving together," She shrieks when he picks her up and spins her around.
He's been coming here during the week for almost two months now and so far their plan has been working perfectly. He leaves a good half hour before she does, and he's already at Panem U by the time she's leaving her place.
It's a Wednesday night and he's at her place again. They are being lazy together and watching a movie in the living room when there is knock on the door.
Katniss is suddenly very alert and her head flies from his chest where he was currently stroking her hair. Her eyes are wide and scared as she stands up and looks at him.
"Go in my room," she whispers and starts moving stuff around the living room to try and disguise the existence of a male presence.
He's busier thinking who is visiting his girlfriend –is she even his girlfriend?– on a school night at 8:30 pm.
He hides in her room but leaves the door a bit open so he can hear who knocked in the first place.
The main door opens and a male voice rings out, though he doesn't recognize who it belongs to. Katniss sounds confused too, and their voices sound louder so he figures they must have moved to the living room.
"Not to be rude, but what are you doing here?"
"Aw c'mon, can't I visit my best friend?"
He recognizes the voice now. Mr. Hawthorne. He too teaches at the university, but he teaches Chemistry.
He's also Katniss's best friend. Peeta is not exactly fond of him.
Katniss reassures him all the time they are just friends, but he has seen the way Mr. Hawthorne looks at her. He knows that look all too well. It's the same loving look he gives his girlfriend–?–.
He knows he wants her to be his girlfriend, but he's not sure if she wants the same. She still pales every time their stares meet in class.
"Don't bullshit me, Hawthorne,"
Gale laughs. "I'm not bullshitting you, Catnip, I came here because I needed to talk to you about something. Lavinia and I broke up,"
"Oh Gale I'm sorry,"
He hears them sitting down in the couch, right where he and Katniss had been sitting moments earlier.
"Yeah well, I sort of saw it coming, but that's not everything I wanted to tell you," he takes a breath and Peeta can only imagine what he'll say.
He hears Gale confess his true feelings for Katniss, how he's always seen her as more than a friend but was too scared to tell her the truth but now that he's single and she's single maybe they could try and finally be something more.
All he can think about is how much he wants to storm out there and claim Katniss as his, but he knows she'd kill him. He's looking forward to tell her I told you so, later when Mr. Hawthorne leaves.
Finally Gale finishes his speech and the room is quiet enough you could hear a pin drop. After a few moments Katniss takes a breath and talks,
"Gale… I don't know what to say. I feel honored, but I… I don't think I'd be able to try to be something more. You're like my brother, and I'm not sure I'll ever see you as anything else," she says apologetically.
"You'll never know if you don't give us a chance, Catnip. We could try and see where we go from there–"
"I'm seeing someone," she says quietly and from her bedroom he can feel the tension in the room intensify.
"You… What? Since when have you been dating anyone? Who is he? Why haven't you said any–" he stops talking "Is he in here right now?"
"No!" Katniss squeaks. "No one else is here, Gale, but that's not the point. We've been coworkers and friends for years, and you mean so much to me, I don't want to lose your friendship over this," she pleads
"I need to stay apart from you for a while, Katniss. I hope you understand that,"
"Gale–" the door opens and shuts as quickly.
Katniss sighs and locks the door, and he's waiting for her with his arms crossed in the doorway of her bedroom. He can't extinguish the smug look on his face.
"I told you so," she scowls and rolls her eyes.
She's riding him on her couch, their hips meeting harshly and their lips uttering out breathy moans and profanities. Her hair and eyes are wild, and her cheeks and chest are flushed. A thin coat of sweat is covering her skin.
The tight coil in her abdomen finally snaps, and she screams out his name. She falls forward and her head rests on his chest, trying to catch her breath while he desperately tries to reach his own peak. Katniss suddenly realizes he has yet to come, so she slides down from his body and takes the condom off him and puts him inside her mouth. He moans and groans as she sucks him and it's only a few more minutes until he's coming inside her mouth.
Afterwards, they're both sated and still laying on the couch when Katniss says, "I want to go to the beach,"
Peeta grasps her chin and makes her look up at him "You do?"
She nods. "Yeah, it's been a while since I've been there and I'm just realizing how much I want to go,"
"Okay, if you want to go we'll go,"
She seems surprised when he says it, "Seriously?"
"Sure why not?"
"Let's go this weekend then!"
They leave early in the morning. The city is quiet, since it's barely 8 am on a Saturday. They have to drive for two hours until they reach their destination, but Peeta knows it was worth it the moment he sees the excitement reflected on Katniss's eyes. She lits up like a kid on Christmas morning.
It had been a while since he had been at the beach. As a kid his parents never took him much, his mother hated it because the wind messed up her hair and his father got frustrated because his brothers always had sand fights and usually one of them –sometimes Peeta– ended up crying and with sand in his eyes.
So it was fair to say he didn't have many nice memories of the beach, but that changes the moment he parks her car and sees Katniss fly out of the vehicle towards the ocean. She starts splashing water around and she looks so genuinely happy he wonders why they never did this before.
They decided to go to a more secluded beach so they wouldn't run into someone they knew, going North instead of East, where there were most of the popular beaches that harbored many college students.
They go diving, build sand castles, splash each other with water, and Peeta can't remember the last time he had this much fun.
They decide to go back around 4 pm. They are both exhausted and sticky with salt water; besides, it's a long drive back. Katniss insisted that she drive, since he drove in the morning, but Peeta can see the sleep clouding her eyes, so he refuses and tells her to get some sleep. She scowls, but doesn't fight him. She falls asleep the minute they hit the highway; her soft breaths music to his ears.
They get to her place a little after 6 pm and take a shower. Neither has the energy to make dinner, so they order some pizza and go to sleep shortly after.
Peeta returns to his own house the next morning, since he has some assignments to do. She doesn't want him to leave, but she know he would't go if he didn't have to, so with a long kiss she bids him goodbye.
His next class with her was a torture for the both of them. After the weekend they spent at the beach it was even harder than usual to pretend he was just another student and that she was just his teacher.
It was the next Friday after their beach trip, and he hadn't been able to go to her apartment during the week. The both of them had been busy. He had many assignments to do from other subjects and she too had papers to grade, so they decided to wait until they were both free of their responsibilities to see each other again.
Which is why that day he is unable to focus on anything she says, even more so than normal. He's more concentrated on not getting an erection in the middle of her class. He notices that she's having a hard time focusing on the lecture too, she keeps sending looks his way, but when their eyes meet she quickly turns hers away.
"Ms. Everdeen seems weird this morning don't you think?" Madge says from next to him. He hadn't even noticed she was there.
"Huh? Oh, I don't think so," he mumbles,
He sees Cato on the row next to his, and by the looks of it he's sleeping, his eyes are closed and his chin is perched on his hand. His head suddenly tilts to the side and he startles awake and quickly looks around to make sure no one noticed.
But besides Peeta, Madge had seen it too and they start giggling when they see Cato falling asleep again. They are still chuckling when Katniss's flat voice rings through the classroom,
"Ms. Undersee, Mr. Mellark, is there something funny about my class?"
Madge flushes, "N-no," she says quietly.
"We're sorry, professor. It won't happen again," Peeta responds. Katniss narrows her eyes but goes back to her lecture.
He means to talk to her after class is over, but she rapidly picks up her things and leaves the classroom in a rush.
A few minutes later he's walking through campus to get to his Anatomy class when his phone pings with a new message.
Katniss: Sorry that I called you out earlier in class, I'd been acting suspicious. Had to make sure everything looked normal.
Received [11:27 am]
You: It's okay, don't worry :) are we still on for tomorrow?
Sent [11:29 am]
Katniss: count on it ;)
Received [11:30 am]
He smiles and makes his way to class.
He arrives at her apartment on Saturday evening, and as soon as he knocks the door flies open and Katniss pulls him inside. She kisses him breathlessly and he walks her back in the direction of her bedroom. They only separate long enough for her to tug off their shirts, leaving a trail of clothing behind them. He lifts her up and her legs instinctively wrap tightly around his waist, locking him. He gets to her bedroom and drops her unceremoniously in her bed, stretching so he can find a condom but her hand on his bicep stops him and he glances down at her.
"We don't need that," she says raspy.
"Are you sure?"
"Do you trust me?"
"With my life," and he means it.
She gives him a nod and that's the only permission he needs to slip inside her heat. He thought being inside her was heaven, but being inside her without any sort of barrier is indescribable, and he's sure this must be the Fields of Elysium and Tartarus at the same time, because now he knows this is where he wants to stay forever, and knowing they can't spend every minute of the rest of their lives in this same position is hell.
She must feel the intensity as well because she keens loudly and curls her back as he starts moving and wraps his lips and then teeth around her nipple, tugging at the other with his thumb and forefinger. Pretty soon they are panting, their lips meeting sloppily and their hips losing their rhythm. He reaches down and rubs her clit and that is all she needs to come undone. Her orgasm milks his and they lay spent on the bed catching their breath.
She kisses the side of his face and runs her fingers down his silky back over and over. Their heartbeats return to normal and he can feel her fingers slowing down, her breaths coming longer and he knows she must be falling asleep. He figures he has to say something now before he loses his nerve. Bite the bullet for once and all, Peeta, he encourages himself.
But what if she freaks out and runs away from him, his mind says.
Before he can go on battling with his own head he decides to just go with it and say it, "I love you," he says nervously and her eyes fly open. Her mouth opens and closes as if looking for something to say and before she can say anything he hastily adds,
"You don't have to say it back, I've had enough time to think about how I felt but I just spurted this news on you, so I don't expect you to say anything right back,"
He smiles and she looks troubled for a while, perhaps wanting to say something but afraid that it won't be the right thing to say. After, she takes a breath and grasps his face in her hands, stroking it fondly. Her eyes are apprehensive, and for a moment he wishes she wouldn't say anything. Straightaway he's scared of what could happen. She probably senses his unease because she gives him a tranquil smile.
"I love you too,"
He sighs "I know our situation isn't ideal but I'd been holding it in for too long and even if you don't feel the sam–" he stops abruptly.
"What did you say?" she giggles at the stricken look on his face and for some reason he has the urge to laugh too. He lets out an incredulous laugh.
"Y-you mean it?" he asks, but he can detect in her eyes a glimmer of pure adoration and a love struck impression on her face. He knows she's speaking with the truth.
"I love you," She shrugs.
"Somehow you sneaked up on me. When I realized the depth of my attachment it was too late to back out," she jokes.
He gives a joyous laugh "I love you too, more than you'll ever know." And he kisses her.
They let their feelings overwhelm them and soon enough they are consummating their love once again. Their bodies connect as one and their hearts beat rhythmically. Their lips are flush and bloated against each other's, and he swears to the moon and the stars and God that he'll make this woman happy. He'll help her fulfill her dreams and fabricate new ones. He'd drive her down to the beach everyday if that's what she wanted, and he'd find a way to give her the world if she ever asked for it, because a woman as amazing as her deserves nothing but the whole universe.
The next few weeks pass uneventfully; he still goes to her place at least once a week and spends the weekends there. Summer is fast approaching, so they're both neck deep in essays and papers and exams, him writing, her grading them. On Friday he finally shuts down his laptop and his books and decides he's done enough studying for the day. He picks up his phone and calls Katniss, and it only takes her a few moments to answer,
"Hello," her voice says form the other line.
"Hi baby, I'm done for the night. Can I come over now or you're not done yet?" he's not sure when he started using pet names, but now that he knows Katniss blushes like a teenage girl every time he calls her babe or baby or his girl, he doesn't plan on stop using them.
She groans, "I wish. The professors meeting ran late and I got home an hour ago. I've only graded three exams so far. Three! Out of a hundred," she sighs tiredly.
"Maybe I can come over and help you or something?"
He can almost see her rolling her eyes "If you come here we both know I won't be getting any work done," he doesn't want to admit she's most likely right.
"Why don't you stay in your apartment tonight and you come tomorrow when I've actually gotten something done," she suggests.
He frowns, "Are you sure? I don't mind being there."
"I don't mind you being here either; I'm just saying it'll be easier for me to finish this if I have no distractions."
"I'm a distraction?" he asks jokingly.
"Peeta," she says warningly. Okay, so she's not in the mood for jokes.
"Fine," he agrees even though he doesn't want to.
"Thank you," she sighs in relief and he tries not to feel offended. "I'll see you tomorrow okay, bye." She hangs up before he can say anything. He sighs and sits back in his desk chair and is just considering getting some essays done in advance when Finnick barges in his room.
"Yo, Peet,"
"Dude you should knock, I could've been naked in here,"
Finnick waves him off, "Eh, don't worry about that, I've seen your tiny dick in the locker room before, it'd be nothing new."
Peeta chuckles, "Right. So what did you want, besides getting another glimpse of my dick?"
Finnick looks around and tries to act nonchalant "You going to your girl's tonight?"
"Nah, she's busy gra–" he coughs, "doing some homework. I'll see her tomorrow,"
"Great!" Finnick exclaims and Peeta frowns. "Why is that great?" he asks.
"Because you, my friend, have been trapped in here for too long," Finnick slaps his back. "We're going to a party tonight at Alpha Delta Gamma," He wiggles his eyebrows "So make yourself presentable. You stink,"
"I'm not sure I'm in the mood for a frat party, Finn, besides, a party at a Sorority? You're taken, and so am I,"
He shrugs "Annie will be there. And it's not like you'll touch anything, you'll just dance and have fun and drink some beer and that's it. Furthermore, I can't remember the last time you went to a party with me, so we're going, I'll even be the DD!" even if he knows Finnick didn't mean to say it to make him feel guilty, he still does. He's been spending all his weekends at Katniss's and studying all week. He hadn't realized how much he had neglected his best friend, so he gives in.
"Fine," he says and Finn whoops.
"We're leaving in an hour you pussy, so get ready,"
By eleven pm they arrive at ADG, and there are girls wearing tiny skirts and tight crop tops everywhere. He texted Katniss earlier to let her know he was going to a party at a Sorority, kind of hoping she wouldn't like that there would be nearly naked girls all around him, and kind of wanting her to tell him she changed her mind and that he should go to her place. Instead she responded with a Have fun :)
They walk in and he sees Cato making out with some girl in the couch and Marvel grinding his hips against a blonde in the impromptu dance floor. Thresh claps him in the back and says he's happy he finally walked out of his cave.
A petite blur of red hair rushes past him and straight to Finnick. Annie crushes him in a hug and brings their lips together. After they kiss she notices Peeta's presence and gives him a hug.
"I'm so happy you came, Peeta! Is your girlfriend coming too?" She doesn't know it but her comment stings. He tries not to grimace and gives her an easy smile,
"She's busy tonight," By his flat response he can imagine Annie senses he doesn't want to talk about it because she gives him a small smile and doesn't make any further comments. This isn't the first time Peeta has had bitter thoughts about his relationship, they're not about Katniss herself, but about the unfairness of it all. He wants to introduce her to his friends and take her out to a nice restaurant in town or to the movies, hell he wants to go to the fucking supermarket with her without having to worry about being seen.
It's not her fault; he reminds himself, she hates all the sneaking around as much as he does. He knows teacher-student relationships are frowned upon and illegal, but it's different for them, they're not just fucking for the sake of it; they love each other. He wishes it were easier.
He decides he's too sober for this, so he goes to the kitchen and grabs and red solo cup and fills it with beer. Annie and Finnick disappeared long ago; they're probably making out or having sex in one of the bathrooms upstairs. He goes again to the living room and leans back against the wall, watching people making out or grinding against each other in ever surface possible, and he thinks that if Katniss were here they'd probably be one of those people.
Some girls try to catch his eyes as they walk past him, but he pays them no mind. His thoughts about his relationship turned his mood somber, and he has no interest in mingling around. After a few more beers, he's feeling the buzz but his mood hasn't exactly improved. A presence appears next to him, but he doesn't turn to look at her until she says "hey!" in a familiar voice.
"Madge?"
"Peeta, hey," she giggles "Oh, I already said that." She's holding a red cup exactly like his, but by the glazed look in her eyes it's obvious she's been having something stronger than beer, that or she's been drinking longer than him. Or maybe she's just a lightweight, either way, she's tipsy and on her way to being drunk.
"Fancy meeting you here," she says excitedly in a British accent that definitely needs improvement, but either she doesn't notice or doesn't care. It sounds so silly that he can't help but laugh at her enthusiasm and the ridiculousness of it all.
"Ha, I made you laugh. Success! You've been all gloomy here for a while and I thought I could do something to cheer you up," she bumps his shoulder and gives him a bright smile. It's not hard for him to return it.
"Have I? Sorry, I didn't notice," he lies.
Madge narrows her eyes and it's clear she doesn't believe him. For being drunk, she certainly is intuitive, "Right," she says, "Anyhow, why are you over here all alone and being such a sourpuss in a room full of girls who have been checking you out for the past two hours?"
Peeta didn't know so long has passed since they got to the party. He raises an eyebrow at Madge's comment, "They've been checking me out?"
"Duh!"
He laughs, "I guess I'm not paying attention,"
"Duh!" she says again and goes to continue but a new song starts playing and she cheers, "I love this song, come dance with me."
She grabs his hand before he can say no and forces him to the dance floor that's growing more crowed by the minute. Madge instinctively starts swaying her back to his front and he stands awkwardly behind her. She notices he's not doing anything and grabs his hands, planting them on her waist.
"Just go with it, Peeta," she whispers in his ear and starts moving again, and he pretends. He pretends Katniss is the one he's dancing with, flush against him. He pulls her closer and gives in to the beat of the music. The few cups of beer he's had must have affected him more than he thought, because for a few minutes he actually thinks Katniss is there with him. Her backside is rubbing his crotch and he's trying really hard not to let his erection show, but she must still feel it, because she turns around and looks at him. He's about to apologize but she grabs his hand and leads him outside to the backyard.
"Madge, I–" he tries to apologize again but she stops him by crashing their lips together.
He feels frozen and doesn't know what to do, his brain is fuzzy and he can't think, he can't breather, can't do anything. She takes the initiative and once again puts his hands on her hips, her teeth softly pulling on his bottom lip, and then her tongue makes its way inside his mouth and tangles with his. He's definitely hard now and she grinds against him again and it's only when he hears a known voice say his name he reacts and pushes her away.
"Peet?" Finnick says slyly, a sardonic smile on his face "You dog, you told us it wasn't Madge!"
Peeta feels shame wash over him, "She isn't." he says roughly to Finn and quickly turns to talk to Madge, but he can't even look her in the eye "I'm sorry, I have to go," he says hastily and flees the scene, ignoring her calls. He makes his way out of the house like it's on fire and doesn't stop until he gets to where they parked Finnick's car. He notices Finnick hot on his heels.
"Man wait, I've got to call Annie, she's coming home with us,"
"Don't worry, I'll walk," he starts walking in the direction of their apartment.
"You don't have to, let me just tell Annie real quick we're leaving and I'll be back here in a flash."
Peeta relaxes. Finnick doesn't deserve his anger, he did nothing wrong. If it weren't for Finn calling his name he'd probably still be kissing Madge. The thought makes him sick to his stomach.
"Seriously Finn, you don't have to leave because of me, stay a while longer. I want to clear my head," he nearly pleads.
"Okay," Finnick agrees "Just… don't beat yourself up too hard over this. And call if you need anything,"
"Thanks."
Finnick goes back inside and Peeta walks away. He looks at his watch and sees that it's already past 2 am, the street is deserted and he decides to take his time walking home. He wonders for how long he was kissing Madge until Finnick interrupted them. He owns the guy a meal, at the very least.
He feels like shit. How could he do that to Katniss? To sweet, perfect Katniss. The woman he's in love with. He doesn't deserve her.
He was vulnerable and pissed, and Madge was there and… it's the most pathetic excuse ever. It's technically the truth, but it sounds stupid when he says it. He doesn't want to admit how easy it felt being there with Madge, being able to dance and be seen in public, not having to worry about anything. He's never cheated on any of his former girlfriends before, and even though he didn't sleep with Madge it still feels like he's a cheater.
He walks in a 24 hour Starbucks a couple of blocks away from his apartment and orders himself a hot chocolate. While he waits for his order he decides to text Katniss, she's most likely sleeping but he needs to text her, for his own sake.
You: I love you.
Sent [2:29 am]
He doesn't expect to hear from her until the morning, but his phone beeps a minute later with her response. Her message makes him laugh.
Katniss: are you drunk?
Received [2:30 am]
He presses the 'call' button and it rings for a few minutes until he hears her sleepy voice from the other line.
"So, are you?"
He smiles, "No, I'm not drunk, I just wanted that text to be the first thing you saw in the morning when you woke up. What are you doing up anyway?" the barista hands him his chocolate and he mouths a 'Thank you'.
"I wasn't, the beep of your message woke me up,"
"I'm sorry babe,"
"It's okay," She stops and then goes on, "It's really quiet on your end; did you not go to the party?"
He gulps, "Ah, no, I did go. It was boring so I decided to leave early,"
"That sucks. Nothing exciting happened?" she's killing him.
"Nope, nothing," The guilt is eating him alive, but telling her through the phone that he made out with another girl is not ideal, so he decides to wait until he sees her later to confess his idiotic actions.
She tells him she graded most of her papers, and that he's welcome to go to her place tomorrow at any time, she's looking forward to seeing him, she says,
"I'll let you go back to sleep, and I'll see you later in the morning okay?"
"Okay," she says sleepily "And Peeta?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you too." she tells him goodnight and hangs up, but he stays still, clutching his phone hard in his hand until his knuckles turn white. He takes a sip of his drink and throws it in the trash can and nearly runs all the way home. Katniss has always been a secluded person, but she opened herself and trusted him with her heart. He doesn't want to think what will happen when he confesses what he did. Tears spring to his eyes at the prospect of losing her, but he doesn't let them free.
He gets to his apartment and he's surprised to find Finnick in the kitchen drinking a glass of water. It's a quarter to 3 am.
When Finn sees him he puts his glass down and walks towards him,
"You came back early," Peeta says when Finnick opens his mouth to talk.
He nods, "Yeah, the party got boring and Annie wanted to come home." He swallows and Peeta sees the indecision in his eyes, whether he should ask him about what happened with Madge or not.
He rubs his hands together, "Do you want to talk about it?"
Peeta feels drained of all sudden. He sits on the couch and puts his head in his hands, racking sobs leaving his mouth. He can feel Finn sit down next to him as he pats his shoulder, in hope of calming him down. He finds the strength to compose himself. It isn't over with Katniss yet, she might even forgive him. He's not going to cry about being dumped when he hasn't even talked to her.
"What happened is that I am an idiot, I did something stupid that I shouldn't have done, but now all I have to do is beg for her forgiveness, and wish she'll give it to me," his eyes feel puffy and he rubs his palms against his jeans in a nervous manner.
"So you're going to tell her?"
Peeta looks at him. The thought of not telling Katniss hadn't even crossed his mind, Finnick surely isn't suggesting he keeps this from her?
"Well, yeah. I don't want to keep this from her, nor do I want her to find out from someone else. I'm just going to tell her the truth and hope she believes me,"
Finnick looks troubled again, "And what is the truth?"
"The truth is that I was upset by some aspects of our relationship, drank alcohol, my ego was bruised and I looked for comfort somewhere I shouldn't have," he says sincerely, "I made a mistake, but I feel nothing for Madge."
"She a bad kisser?"
He shrugs. "She's not bad, it just felt like kissing a cardboard box," Finnick snorts, "She didn't make me feel anything special. When Kat–" he stops, "When my girlfriend and I kiss it's like my whole skin is on fire, you get what I mean?"
Finnick glances longingly to his bedroom and soft smile plasters on his lips, "Yeah, I sure do," he mumbles. He clears his throat and looks at Peeta again before saying,
"Look, I know that you've already said its complicated and all that, but; if you don't mind me asking, why is it so complicated?" Peeta wants to tell him everything, and he almost does. Finn is his best friend after all, but then he remembers Katniss's fear, and everything that's at stake. He trusts Finnick wouldn't say a soul, not even Annie, if Peeta asked him not to, but he needs to talk about this with Katniss before spilling his guts out to his best friend.
He sighs, "Let's just say we're not supposed to be together. It's sort of… forbidden." 'Sort of', more like absolutely forbidden, he thinks.
"Her folks want to marry her off to a rich business man to save their fortune or some shit like that?" he laughs.
"Not exactly." He looks down, "All I can tell you is that I love her like I've never loved anyone else, and that I hope to spend the rest of my life with her." He knows he sounds like a bad movie cliché and he's only 21, has his whole life ahead of him, but he can't see that life without Katniss in it. "So when things are a bit less complicated you'll be the first she meets," he smiles and then sighs "If she doesn't dump me."
"Don't worry mate, I'm sure everything will work out for the best," Finn says reassuringly and heads to his room, done for the night. Peeta goes to his own, and never mind that its past 3 in the morning, he can't sleep. He's too worried thinking about what Katniss will say, hating himself once again for having to put her through this.
"It'll be okay," he whispers and chases sleep for a few more minutes until exhaustion gets the best of him and he falls in a deep slumber.
He arrives at her place around noon, Chinese takeout hanging from his hands. She buzzes him in and he climbs the stairs until he gets to her floor where she's waiting for him under the doorway of her apartment. When she sees him she smiles widely and moves to kiss him until he's breathless. They break apart and she leads him inside.
"Thank you for getting food, I'm so hungry." she stands in the kitchen on her tiptoes in front of the cupboard where she keeps the plates, trying to reach them. He's taller than her, so he puts the food containers on the table and goes and grabs two plates, handing them to her. "Thank you," she kisses his cheek and sets the table.
She starts taking the food out when she notices he's still standing in the kitchen. "Everything okay?" she stops her ministrations and walks to him, rubbing the tension off his shoulders. And then he kisses her. He kisses her like he's a man dying of thirst and she's a glass of water, he kisses her like it's the end of the world and these are their last moments together, he kisses her like he's a man in love who did something stupid enough to lose her. That's who he is.
Their tongues are battling for dominance when her hands run over the planes of his stomach, lifting his shirt up. He separates their lips long enough to free himself from his t-shirt and pull Katniss's tank top over her head, and he's pleased to find she isn't wearing a bra, giving him a full view of her bare breasts that fit perfectly in his hands. He crashes their lips together once again and takes the silky mounds in his hands, massaging them softly. Katniss arches her back and sneaks her arms around his neck. He releases her breasts and hoists her up to the kitchen counter.
He slides down her sweatpants and panties while she unbuckles and unbuttons his jeans and once they're around his ankles he kicks them off. She reaches inside his briefs and starts rubbing his cock, making it twitch and stiffen even more. He pushes his boxers down his hips and Katniss joins their hips together, he grabs himself and positions at her entrance, he goes to ask for her permission but she cuts him off by slipping him inside her.
He grips her hips and thrusts inside her hard. She shouts his name and starts nipping the skin of his neck while he grunts in her ear. After a few minutes he can feel her orgasm building, her walls squeezing him tightly. He moves his lips to her breast and starts kissing her nipple, his fingers playing with the other one. It doesn't take long until her orgasm rips through her, making her cry out, and after a few more thrusts he's coming inside her.
She sags forward, exhausted. He waits until his legs stop feeling like jelly and carries her to her bed, laying her down and settling next to her. He covers the both of them with a blanket and pulls her closer, kissing her hair when her head rests on his chest.
"Mmm," Katniss sighs contently, her eyes closed, "I don't even care that the food got cold."
He laughs and nuzzles sweetly the crown of her head. "I'll heat it up, don't worry,"
She looks at him, her eyes a bit too serious for being in a post orgasmic bliss. "That's not what worries me," she rubs his stomach, "Are you okay? You were acting weird when you got here and then all that," she nods her head in the direction of the kitchen and grins "Not that I'm complaining. But you seem a little… off."
"I'm okay." he smiles reassuringly and hopes she doesn't see right through him, "Let's go eat, I'm hungry," he moves to stand up but she scowls and holds him down.
"Peeta, I've known you long enough to recognize when you're hiding something, so I'm listening," she sits and crosses her arms.
He can't utter any words out. He's too afraid of what will happen, how she'll react. She sees him struggling and her face softens,
"Peeta?" she asks tenderly.
Instead of being a man and acknowledging and admitting his mistakes he decides to ignore it and asks the question in the back of his mind that has been a nagging pain in the ass,
"Where is this going?"
"What?"
"Where. Is. This. Going." He says the words slowly and harshly, "This, us. Our relationship,"
"First of all," Katniss says calmly but her nostrils flare, "You don't have to talk to me like that, I'm not stupid," and then she shrugs "We love each other, what else do you want?"
He chuckles humorlessly, "What else do I want? I want to take you out to a fancy dinner, I want you to meet my friends, I want to go to parties with you, I want to take you to the movies, I want us to move in together, I want to take you to the fucking mall, that's what I want. But we can't do that," he says darkly "Because you're my teacher."
Now she definitely looks mad. "You think this is easy for me? I don't like the sneaking around any more than you do, but what else can we do? Nothing," she says when he opens his mouth.
She throws her hands in the air, "Where is this coming from, anyways? I know we've been doing this for a long while now and that it can be stressing, but I think it's worth it. Don't you?"
"It's coming from that I went to a party last night with my friends and it felt nice being with a girl without having to sneak around all the time!" he doesn't realize what he said until after the words are out of his mouth.
The silence that follows is deathly.
"You… you were with someone last night? Did you sleep with her?" she asks brokenly. Her eyes behold raging fire, but he can see the tears she's trying to conceal. He doesn't say anything and she assumes his silence is a yes. She stands from the bed and quickly moves to her dresser, hastily looking for something to cover herself with.
"No, no!" He runs to her side and grabs her forearms, "I didn't sleep with her," she's still not looking at him so he holds her tighter with one hand and with the other forces her chin to face in his direction. Her eyes are filled with tears and his heart breaks.
"I didn't sleep with her, I swear, I swear." he whispers. When she doesn't turn away he lets her go and runs his hands through his hair in a nervous manner. She's giving him a chance to explain.
"We just danced, and then she kissed me and I sort of kissed her back, but that's it. That was it, you have to believe me," he says desperately. "I know it sounds stupid, but I was mad and I'd been drinking and I missed you and…" he stops, "I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry I am,"
"You're right, it does sound stupid." Her words are razor sharp but then she gulps and asks, "Who was it?"
He sighs, "Madge Undersee,"
"Of course she'd make a move you." she frowns, "She's very pretty,"
"Not as much as you. Besides, I love you, and I don't know what to do. I want to be with you and I want everyone to know you're mine; I want to shout it from the rooftops. I don't want to keep the secret." he holds her hands and kisses each of her knuckles, "I can't contain how I feel about you any longer, my love,"
"You're being selfish," but she doesn't sound like she means it.
"Maybe," he looks deep in her eyes, "But I want to spend my life with you. Maybe I could transfer somewhere else or maybe you'll get offered a better position at another university," he says hopefully. "We can still be together,"
She keeps quiet, scared, and he doesn't know how to interpret her silence. He kisses her over and over, but she doesn't reciprocate nor does she answer.
And then she says, "No."
They can both feel something break inside of them.
"What?" he asks dumbfounded.
She says it again, "No," he lets go of her hands in astonishment and she moves to the living room, while he stands still shocked in her room. He decides to follow her and finds her pushing her formerly discarded tank over her head. She sees him and picks up his clothes from the floor, handing them to him once she's close enough. She goes back to her room and starts emptying her drawers of his belongings she had previously placed there. He follows her again,
"What do you mean 'no'?" he asks stupidly.
She can't look at him, "Exactly that. No." she hands him more of his clothes and swallows, "You're only 21, Peeta, you shouldn't spend you weekends coped up in my apartment watching Doctor Who marathons with me. You should be partying and clubbing with your friends and kissing girls like Madge Undersee and Delly Cartwright," she whispers, defeated.
"I don't want any of that stuff, or those girls," he says quickly and grasps her face in his hands, wiping her tears. "I only said it because I was mad. I do want to take you out and have you to meet my friends, but we don't have to break up, I'll graduate someday won't I?" he smiles but she's still crying. "We'll wait until then," he puts their foreheads together.
"No, Peeta," she cries and pulls away from him. "You don't deserve this and neither do I." she goes back to extracting all that represents him from her bedroom and then her bathroom.
"Katniss, please," he pleads.
"Please don't make this any harder than it already is," she says weakly.
"Then don't do this to us."
She shakes her head, "I'm sorry, please leave," she sniffs.
He dresses and picks his stuff and leaves her apartment. When he turns around to say something else, she's already shut the door. He can hear her broken sobs through the wood, and he cries too.
He didn't feel like going to her classes. He was scared that if he saw her he'd burst into tears in the middle of the classroom. But he still goes, because it's Katniss. Madge talks to him in their next class and says she likes him, she's always liked him, she says, and she asks him out. Before he can answer, Katniss walks in. Her eyes are bloodshot and puffy and her voice trembles a bit when she speaks. She never once acknowledges his presence.
He swore they would fix it.
They don't.
He's banged on her door so many times he's lost count, but she never opens. He knows she's home, he can see her shadow under the door, and he pleads and cries and begs and yells, but she never says anything. He can still hear her cry though.
One time one of her neighbors heard him, and the only reason they got him to leave was under the threat of calling the cops. He said he'd leave, and when he was standing up from the floor something slid from under the door of Katniss's apartment; a note.
It's for your own good, trust me, it said.
He still went back after that, but she never opened the door. He doesn't know when he stopped trying.
Where fire once burned ashes remain.
She doesn't know how he does it without anyone noticing, but in every single one of her classes; even the ones he's not in, there's a drawing of a heart in red marker in the board. She always erases it before anyone sees it.
Summer arrives, and he goes back home to work in his parents' bakery to make some extra money. He's not surprised to find Madge walking inside one morning. Her father is the Mayor of District 12, after all.
She asks him out again, and this time he does answer.
His heart is still broken.
He doesn't know why he says yes.
Before he realizes, it's September again, and destiny fucks him over once again when he notices he's been assigned to Katniss Everdeen's Biology 404 class.
And Madge too.
They cross each other on the halls, but they never look at one another.
Her because nowadays she always seems to be in a hurry, and him because he has another girl's arms wrapped around his neck.
Phew. That was long. Sorry if it was too long. I admit I debated a long time whether or not to finish their story like this, but in the end I decided to, since that's the way the song ends. Depressing, I know.
I hope you liked it, if you did, please review and tell me what you think, and if there's anything you'd like me to write, let me know.
I apologize for any mistake that I might have forgotten to correct.